Hi,
I'm a first-time mom; my daughter is 7 mo. We have been cosleeping and practicing attachment parenting since she was born, but I have been hiding it from everybody including my family. I just know my friends and family won't support my husband and I. When they ask, I tell them she's sleeping in the basinet in our room.
When dd was about a month old, my inlaws babysat her for the first time. They noticed from their time with her, and also from watching my husband and I with her, that she resists being put down with a passion. The next day, my MIL told my husband that we were "codling" (is that how you spell it?) her and spoiling her. She said dd needed to get used to being put down. My DH then responded meekly that we were practicing AP, and explained that if you don't fullfill a baby's needs now, they will have problems later on. MIL scoffed and asked where we learned such a thing. Dr. Sear's Baby Book of course. "Well, you need to get a new book then." When DH told me what she said, I was outraged and flooded her email box with articles from askdrsears.com. She never mentioned reading the articles or even acknowledged receipt of them. In conversation, she asked me if I had the "What to Expect" book. I told her I did. I didn't tell her that every time I tried to read it, I got so angry I put it down.
So this first experience trying to come clean about our parenting practices was a disaster, so I have hidden, pretended, and lied ever since.
When MIL comes over (or if I'm over at my inlaws' house), and dd is tired, I walk around with the baby in the sling or in my arms until she sleeps. Then I put her down - of course, dd doesn't sleep for very long (I usually DON'T put her down and she sleeps for 20-60 min.). I do this to avoid the lecture, "You're spoiling her by carrying her all the time! She has to learn to soothe her self to sleep!"
I wanted to delay starting solids, but introduced them at 5 months anyway, just to get the Pediatrician, my MIL, my mom, and my grandmother off my back. When family is around I pretentd to stuff her silly with solid food (more food on the face and hands than in the mouth). I lie to them all, saying she eats 3 tablespoons every day twice a day. In reality, I only give her at most a tablespoon spread out over several tasting sessions per day, maybe 4 times a week at most, just to give dd the pleasure of something different to eat. She is still primarily breastfed on cue. I made the mistake of telling MIL I thought it was too soon to start meats despite the Ped's recommendation of doing so. She reluctantly said, "OK, I guess she's getting her protein from milk anyway". A week later, she told her friend in front of me that I was waiting to start meats - for no particular reason, but to rally somebody onto her side. At the last Ped visit, the Dr. said to give dd 12 tablespoons of food per day - I'm going to have to lie to her next month when she asks me how much dd eats.
The CRAZY thing is, MIL is very much into holistic medicine and herbal remedies. She's against immunization, and BF'ed my DH until he was 4 yrs old! You would think she would support our parenting style or at least be open minded to it, but NO!
I'm tired of the charade. I'm afraid it is hurting my dd - she might sense that when the family is around, mommy acts differently. I want to come clean, but I'm affraid of a family feud. I have read too many stories about people who don't speak to their parents anymore because they don't agree with co sleeping or refusing to cio or babywearing.
Not only that, I hate having to lie to the pediatrician. I even lied and told her dd sleeps through the night. I justify the lies by telling myself, "DD is thriving on how we parent her and how we feed her, so what does it matter what we tell the Ped?"
I feel like a phony. A fake. I'm so ashamed that I can't be proud of my parenting style and choices. But I am just so afraid of confrontation.
Somebody please help me grow a spine!
Stacy
I'm a first-time mom; my daughter is 7 mo. We have been cosleeping and practicing attachment parenting since she was born, but I have been hiding it from everybody including my family. I just know my friends and family won't support my husband and I. When they ask, I tell them she's sleeping in the basinet in our room.
When dd was about a month old, my inlaws babysat her for the first time. They noticed from their time with her, and also from watching my husband and I with her, that she resists being put down with a passion. The next day, my MIL told my husband that we were "codling" (is that how you spell it?) her and spoiling her. She said dd needed to get used to being put down. My DH then responded meekly that we were practicing AP, and explained that if you don't fullfill a baby's needs now, they will have problems later on. MIL scoffed and asked where we learned such a thing. Dr. Sear's Baby Book of course. "Well, you need to get a new book then." When DH told me what she said, I was outraged and flooded her email box with articles from askdrsears.com. She never mentioned reading the articles or even acknowledged receipt of them. In conversation, she asked me if I had the "What to Expect" book. I told her I did. I didn't tell her that every time I tried to read it, I got so angry I put it down.
So this first experience trying to come clean about our parenting practices was a disaster, so I have hidden, pretended, and lied ever since.
When MIL comes over (or if I'm over at my inlaws' house), and dd is tired, I walk around with the baby in the sling or in my arms until she sleeps. Then I put her down - of course, dd doesn't sleep for very long (I usually DON'T put her down and she sleeps for 20-60 min.). I do this to avoid the lecture, "You're spoiling her by carrying her all the time! She has to learn to soothe her self to sleep!"
I wanted to delay starting solids, but introduced them at 5 months anyway, just to get the Pediatrician, my MIL, my mom, and my grandmother off my back. When family is around I pretentd to stuff her silly with solid food (more food on the face and hands than in the mouth). I lie to them all, saying she eats 3 tablespoons every day twice a day. In reality, I only give her at most a tablespoon spread out over several tasting sessions per day, maybe 4 times a week at most, just to give dd the pleasure of something different to eat. She is still primarily breastfed on cue. I made the mistake of telling MIL I thought it was too soon to start meats despite the Ped's recommendation of doing so. She reluctantly said, "OK, I guess she's getting her protein from milk anyway". A week later, she told her friend in front of me that I was waiting to start meats - for no particular reason, but to rally somebody onto her side. At the last Ped visit, the Dr. said to give dd 12 tablespoons of food per day - I'm going to have to lie to her next month when she asks me how much dd eats.
The CRAZY thing is, MIL is very much into holistic medicine and herbal remedies. She's against immunization, and BF'ed my DH until he was 4 yrs old! You would think she would support our parenting style or at least be open minded to it, but NO!
I'm tired of the charade. I'm afraid it is hurting my dd - she might sense that when the family is around, mommy acts differently. I want to come clean, but I'm affraid of a family feud. I have read too many stories about people who don't speak to their parents anymore because they don't agree with co sleeping or refusing to cio or babywearing.
Not only that, I hate having to lie to the pediatrician. I even lied and told her dd sleeps through the night. I justify the lies by telling myself, "DD is thriving on how we parent her and how we feed her, so what does it matter what we tell the Ped?"
I feel like a phony. A fake. I'm so ashamed that I can't be proud of my parenting style and choices. But I am just so afraid of confrontation.
Somebody please help me grow a spine!
Stacy
:
hang in there! PP said it already: YOU are the mama, not them. I just wanted to add in that what helped me was finding a good way to "shut them up" (I had a lot of trouble with my MIL, too)... for me I used my struggle with infertility. So when I got the spoiling/coddling remarks I always say something like: "She may be the only baby I ever have, and I will always regret not spending every moment I can holding her and treasuring her being a baby". Feel free to steal it! And I agree with pp, try to find a ped that will respect your parenting style if you can. Good luck!
