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Originally Posted by kiwiva  I do think if you sound unsure or coy about your position, it invites more attack. Don't be afraid to defend your practices. You are the mom.
You are doing a great job, keep it up. Just keep saying "This is not up for discussion, I am the mother!"
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ITA... I encountered this on the CLW Board, and it has helped a lot... knowing that if I'm not weird about my choices, if I am on solid ground about the choices we make, and let my confidence show, others will see
that instead of an opportunity to criticize. Maybe MIL senses your fear (you know In-Laws can smell fear, right?) and unconsciously reacts to it... Stay strong. It is importanat to and healthy to set boundaries and standards in relationships... In-Laws aren't above reproach, and likely, in the end, she will respect you for it.
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Originally Posted by LolaK be strong for your daughter - it is important for her to see a strong woman as a role model. if you let in laws push you around it isn't going to stop when she sleeps in her own room and doesn't nurse- it will just shift focus.
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ITA w/ this too! You are the Mom, and the Wife, the back-bone and center of your little family... you set the bar, mama, and your family will follow suit. Women in our culture need to remember that it's crucial to the emotional strength and development of our children to see their parents (
especially mothers) assert their beliefs and moral compass, in life, even if with other family memebers (sometimes more so!)...
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Originally Posted by angrypixiemama He then proceeded to attack the breast feeding when she was 2 months old. "Poor baby. Your mom won't let you have REAL food." Again, I went after him. "Breastmilk is real food and the best thing for her. She won't be starting solids until well past 6 months and when SHE is ready." He mentioned something about sneaking her food, if I was going to be that way. I quietly told him that if he did that, she wouldn't be visiting with him. That pretty much ended that little discussion.
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^ I think that's great verbage! Sometimes, that's what a mother in your position might need. Would it help if you had more examples of things to say when you're in that position? Humor does wonders in these situations too, to answer questions lightly, and stave off more inquiries/comments. In the above scenario, I might have joked (and I think I
did to my own Dad at one point...) "You're just jealous, Gramps!"
When it comes to co-sleeping and other aspects of APing, and quelling the tide of "Input" about how kooky you are, try a couple of different approaches. When you find what you feel comfortable with, it'll be easier. Things that have worked for me:
Them: "You're gonna spoil that baby/little girl!"
Me: "Yep, I'm gonna spoil the crap out of her!"
Them: It seems like you let her (dd) run things/your life."
Me: "She's the boss!"
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Them: "She doesn't eat enough... you've really got to feed her solids/more quantities... she's too little...how long are you going to nurse?"
Me: (any variety of or selection from the following...) "Well, you know, we've gotta keep her slim to stay on track with society's perception of beauty!" "She has her whole life to develop food-neurosis, I'm going to keep it easy as long as I can." "We'd like to keep her from growing up." "Did you know a toddler's stomach is only about the size of her fist?" "She'll eat when she's hungry..." "We're planning on nursing until she turns 21." "Nursing is cheaper, and more convenient." "We'll nurse til she's done... remember? She's the boss!"
Like I said, (I think) humor can help in these situations... at least to diffuse your discomfort on some level... but it doesn't nec. trump the power of numbers and education on the topic of AP, even in small doses. You don't have to flood her in-box with emails she won't read once she sees what they're about. Try starting by asking where
her feelings on AP come from. Maybe the idea is relatively new to her? (I have been re-educating my own mom for 3 years...) Maybe ask her what she thinks is going to happen to your child if you parent her gently. Maybe she feels guilty that she
didn't AP. My mom did, at first. And then maybe tell her that when she questions your protocol as to how you're rearing your babe, it bums you out that it
seems like she's saying she doesn't trust your judgement as a parent, at this point reassure her that you haven't the trademark on any of this ideaology, these methods have been used and documneted successfully for a
LONG time now, and you'd (probably) be glad to show her some of the research and documentation that led you to make these choices for your child. Then thank her for her understanding your request that this not continue to be an issue between you, as it makes you feel, and it makes
things... pretty uncomfortable.
