Question How Far To Go Vs. Adoption

[Starr]

I hope this is the right place. SH and I already have 1 daughter via adoption. We are at the point where we are looking for #2 and decided to get some fertility testing done to see if anything came up that would be an aexplanation of why we can't conceive. We are still not sure how far or to what lengths we want to try and get pregnant. Cost wise when I look at what it is for IVF I can't fathom spending that in hopes of getting pregnant when for a little more we could adopt. I know this is our own moral and personal dilemma where there is no right and wrong answer but how did you know when you went far enough or when to stop? Was it like we will try this twice and after that we are done or more like we are stopping at nothing until we get PG? I guess I just want to know that we are not alone in situation, any insight would be great.

[girlie1125]

I'm not sure how far on your ttc journey you've gone, but there are many steps between just trying on your own and IVF.

While depending on your insurance coverage of infertility, even the in between steps can be a bit costly, its nothing like the cost of IVF. I think lots of us are willing to try quite a while on medications, ultrasounds, bloodwork, maybe IUI's, and if after exhausting all of those, it comes down to IVF, some people decide to go for it, others decide to adopt or end their ttc journey.

Like I said, not sure where you're at, but typically an RE can sit you down and go over what their typical process is. They would likely start with clomid, and monitor you either with u/s or bloodwork to see if its helping ovulation. You mentioned testing, they are prolly testing DH's sperm as well. Your RE should be able to go over their process with you, and even have someone in the office to go over what your insurance should cover and what it wont, and what your out of pocket expenses for these would be.

Having that conversation, and getting (at least fairly good estimates of) the numbers should help you and DH figure out how far you're willing to go. We sat down and figured that we would go through it all until we got to the point of IVF. At that point, we re-evaluate. We are not considering adoption, however, so I'm sure you're thought process will be different.

Hope some of this has helped.

[cro]

We pretty much did as many IUIs as our insurance would cover. Then a few more. Then I got so tired of feeling like a guinea pig and being overcome by the hormonal roller coasters that I didn't want to do any more tx. That's when we decided to adopt.
Now we're ttc again, but we won't do any IF tx. Well, i won't rule out alt. tx, but def no clomid, injx, IUIs, etc.

[MaddieMay]

At this point, I am willing to try alternative treatments, but I don't want to do fertility drugs. DH think we should try Clomid/IUI/IVF (not necessarily all three-whatever is recommended) once just to say we tried everything. I don't agree, but neither of us is willing to explore that anytime soon. For us, we know God will give us guidance and let us know when the time is right. That gives me peace of mind about it.

[Dena]

Well, I think the answer is different for everyone. We were diagnosed with severe male factor IF right out of the starting gate, so IVF was pretty much our only option from the start. Dh tried things to improve his situation, but without success, so we went for the IVFs. Nonetheless, had the third cycle not worked, we were both feeling like we were done. We were looking into adoption options, and talking about that as our next step.

That was what our path was, though I know a lot of people who have very different paths, some who chose not to pursue any treatments, and others who went much further than we did. I don't think you can start out saying you will stop at nothing to get pg, as you may decide long before that point that the emotional and financial strain is just too much. On the other hand, I don't think you can predict when you will be "done" with IF treatments, as the time of being ready to let go and quit is different for everyone. What we did was have a general plan for what we thought we would want to do, and we re-evaluated at the close of each cycle or treatment, discussing whether our planned next step was still right for us.

Good luck. It is a tough road but, as you already know, at the end of the path lies joy, no matter where the path ends up leading.

[EFmom]

I agree that it's a very personal decision.

I had suspected that I was having very early miscarriages before we set foot in the doctor's office. We had an IF workup, but the IF was unexplained. I did a couple of cycles of Clomid and had another early miscarriage. The RE wanted to get me on some of the heavy-duty injectables. I did some research, and there was no way I was doing that.

I hated every minute of the IF stuff. I had a total creep for an RE, but he was the only one on my insurance plan. The whole thing just made my skin crawl. I was never particularly interested in being pregnant or giving birth. We just wanted to parent. So, for us, the move to adoption was very easy and felt so natural compared to the medical stuff. I remember walking out of the RE's office for the last time, and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was singing to myself, I was so happy to be done with it.

OTOH, I have a SIL who did the IF stuff for seven years. She quit her job so that she could focus on it non-stop on treatment. She and my brother did tons and tons of AI and IVF. They racked up huge medical bills. She finally conceived via donor egg, back when it was still fairly experimental. They had no interest in adopting.

So, I think that you will know when it feels right for YOU.

[Havin' Fun]

I had great insurance, which made a big difference. My husband's vasectomy reversal didn't go well. Then some other stuff happened and we were under tremendous stress. We put the infertility stuff on hold for a couple years as I got older and older. When we restarted, we were still stressed by family stuff and the fertility stuff made it worse. We tried and tried until we couldn't try any more. 9 IUI's, 2 IVF retrievals with 4 transfers. The grief of not having a baby was horrible. My insurance would pay for 3 more IUI's. We did them knowing they would fail, but each month it got easier when they did. When the third one was negative, I was okay with not having a baby. I'd worked through most of my grief. I asked the nurse if there was anything else we could do. She said they'd had some success with IVIG. My insurance would pay for another IVF cycle, but not the IVIG. We decided to try once more only so in 20 years we couldn't say, "If only we'd tried the IVIG..." So, with no expectations of anything, we did another retrieval. And I got pregnant. At first I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be pregnant. I'd come to see how good things could be without a baby. (We didn't want to adopt or do donor eggs.) Then I decided to just enjoy the baby. He's great and we're incredibly happy.

So, you just go by your gut and your pocketbook. We paid $30,000 to get our baby. Like I said, that was with great insurance. (My insurance changed a couple times during the process, so I got different things covered at different times.) On this side of a successful pregnancy $30,000 isn't that much. However, if that final cycle hadn't worked, I'd probably regret the money.

I'm not certain that the IVIG did anything. I think in my case it may have been the stress level. I was so stressed for so long I don't see how anything could have grown inside me.

I don't know if this helps. Maybe this gives you false hope. Maybe it gives you hope to go ahead and you'll get pregnant. I will tell you that, now that he's here I forget what it's like to be pregnant. All that matters is him. We're considering adoption because, from my perspective, it's not much different after they're here. I'm glad I got to be pregnant, but it's the baby that's important.

[fenwickmama]

you know my story but i just wanted to pop in for a