People make me crazy!

[kkeake]

I just had to share this, because I know you all could understand and relate to it. My husband's cousin works in the same building I do. We are not close but run into each other occasionally. She has three children, all "accidents." Apparently she missed out on the birth control lesson during high school. Her last pregnancy, she didn't even know she was pregnant until she went for her annual exam and found out she was four months along. She came home from the doctor and told her husband, well, we're having another one, and it's a girl. Anyway, I ran into her yesterday, and she said she'd noticed I've been driving a new minivan and asked why we got it. I didn't tell her that we bought it when I was pregnant before I miscarried, but I did say we're planning ahead and that we've been trying to get pregnant for a year. I would think that any sane remotely compassionate human would hear that information and say something kind, or even nothing at all, but instead she says, "Thank God I got my tubes tied when I had the last one. Seriously, you can have one of my kids. Please, take one."

Are you kidding me? She doesn't even want these kids and they just keep popping out! In fact, it seems like all the women in my family and my husband's family just accidentally get pregnant all the time. I'm thinking about saying to people, "I'm going to try something new for my generation. I'm going to have a PLANNED child."

Thanks for letting me vent.

[cristeen]

I totally agree. I had a really hard time dealing with my father when he kept telling me about my step-brother's daughter (who's 15) who just had a kid, while we'd been TTC for a year.

If they haven't been there, they have no idea what kind of heartache is involved.

[skillet04]

I have a long distance friend. She had 3 kids when I met her and at that time DH and I had been ttc for over a year for #2. Since then she has had 3 more. Last year in May when she found out she was expecting #6, she says on the phone to me, "isn't it funny, I am trying to quit having babies and you want more." and "I'd trade you bodies so I can have a break."

I also hate the
"you just need to relax"
"let it go and move on"
"why don't you just adopt." (sounds like they think it is an easy fix when adopting is an arduous process and not always the best option for everyone) us for example, we live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and homeschool and DH doesn't want a social worker who is trained to tell lies to get us investigated snooping around and talking to our 5 year old, alone. I know many have gone through this but I don't want to feel like we are on trial when other "boobs" of people out there are popping out kids left and right and not being investigated.

ok my .02

[Mom4tot]

[Dena]

Yeah, people can be real idiots when it comes to IF. They don't say stupid, insensitive things to people with cancer or AIDs, but if you have the disease of infertility, they seem to feel comfortable being idiots. I just don't get it.

My favorite was when a "friend" of mine (now a former friend) told me she just couldn't understand why any woman would want to have a child in general, and in particular why I would want to have my husband's baby, and why didn't I just go get some donor sperm and make it easy on myself. WTF?!?!

I will say, though, for every one of those, there were at least two sweet and supportive people on our journey, and I tried to focus on those - even the odd sort of sweet and well meaning comments, like when my MIL said that if my FIL hadn't had a vasectomy, he would offer to be a sperm donor for us. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or go take a shower...

[lunarmagic]

Ugh, I'm sorry!! What a horribly insensitive reply. It seems like peoples' internal filters turn right off whenever babies are involved. Some people just made me : whenever they open their mouths about the topic. You'd think they could dig up some compassion somewhere??

[J's Mombee]

s... I am so sorry that you are running into ppl with such mean things to say. s

-L

PS: When we were ttc it seemed that everyone was abusing their kids on the news: discarding them, hurting them, and things like that... it also seemed like the local 12 yo in every major city was just happening to get pregnant. It took us about 3 yrs and we have already discussed what it might look like to have another (meaning how long it will probably take to conceive)... but I just wanna say: hang in there... Also, I think that it is awesome that you are planning for your babes

[ChristaP516]

(((hugs))) : ( People can be so stupid.

[Miajean]

I miscarried and because I was in the army the entire unit was alerted that I was in the hospital.

When I returned I had the lousiest reactions I'd ever encountered, people were not just oblivious, they were cruel.

People asked me what happened? why did I have a hospital stay? was it hard? was I going to attempt to try again? well maybe I'm just not built for it, thats what I get for not planning, well darwins theory works and maybe you shouldn't try again.

Unsolicted, cruel, horrible, vicious remarks. My high risk pregnancy they had cruel rude horrible comments about my obvious disregard for the oven that wasn't made to cook right.

I still feel like I should be careful and kick people who are not compassionate. One woman told me that her fourth child was her third "accident" and she wanted clothing, or nick nacks from her husbands deployments but ended up with her brood of brats. She said this in my home after she knew I will never have a large family and our one is 100% treasured and is considered the biggest gift God ever gave us. She said this in front of her "accidents" and complained she needed to consider getting her tubes tied 'cause they pop out ever other year. My DD is four other families "second" child they can never have. Three families have sons and she is thier "adopted daughter" they call and keep pictures of her and want weekly updates. That womans indiscret careless downright stupid manner echos in my mind...Why do people feel the need to speak about such delicate matters? no kind words DO NOT SPEAK. I always wish I had a chance to bop such people in the back of the head and say, hey, you were raised with manners surely, so use them.

I met good people though, some who had suffered greatly, long, and were powerful motivations. My best friend has one son, she adores dd and always says, "others are just a reflection of thier own bad perspective when they are mean...thier pain is not ours and will not enter the door if we simply do not open it"

I am sending some huge hugs.

[kristenok18]

Miajean,

I am sorry you had to endure such hateful comments during your pregnancies.