Avoiding mom's negative response to pregnancy

[free2be]

I'm pregnant with #2 and my first baby is 9 months old. I already know that my mom is going to respond with some type of negative comment when I tell her. That's just how she is. She'll eventually be excited, but her first response is always harsh. So to avoid that so far I haven't told her yet. But now my clothes are getting tighter and it's getting harder to hide this pregnancy so I thinking about telling her on Easter at dinner. So here is what I plan on doing.

I think I might volunteer to do the prayer and end the prayer with "and Lord please watch over us and guide us as we welcome our new addition to the family." or maybe "Lord please let my mother be accepting of the news that I'm pregnant " Anyway, I want it to kind of be humorous and I figure she won't got completely nuts in front of everyone. What do you guys think? Any other suggestions?

Thanks.

[Ackray]

I don't have any suggestions. But I'm in the same boat as you. My first was 6 months old when I got PG with my DD1, and DD1 was 8 months old when I got PG with DD2. This was all completely intentional! I hate the negative comments. People suck. I'm not even going to tell my parents about this baby until they ask. It amazes me how people (even perfect strangers) feel like they will be personally and negatively affected by my decision to have children.

I hate the "you sure have your hands full" and "another already!" comments.

It's kind of like finding out what the gender is. If you find out people are dissapointed that you (they) won't be surprised and if you don't they act like it's a huge burden on them that they won't know until the baby is born.

You can't win!

I love the close ages of my first three! You will too! And so will your mother.

[GinaRae]

Originally Posted by free2be

"Lord please let my mother be accepting of the news that I'm pregnant"

I love this one! My dad and grandma are also instantly negative about EVERYTHING. So I let my mother tell them. But I totally understand.

In fact, when my mom told my dad this time, my dad started in with the, "What? They can't even take care of the ones they have..." and mom stopped him immediately.

She asked him when the last time he shelled money out for my kids was and reminded him we live 3,000 miles away from them successfully. He backed down and said she was right and that we're good parents and take care of our kids.

But it's that initial reaction that's so ingrained in my family!! I have spent the last few years trying to change the same behavior in myself. I desperately do not want to be that way with my kids.

Anyway, good luck!! Humor should do the trick.

[free2be]

Yeah, I plan on updating this thread on how the whole thing goes. It's good to know that I'm not alone in the whole negativity thing. It is something that I am working on in myself too...growing up around someone like that sure does make it contagious. Sometimes the negativity and sarcasm just roll of the tongue so easily...well a lot of the time...but I'm working on it. Anyway, will let you guys know how it went.

[cheeseRjedi]

I got kind of a negative reaction from both my parents when I told them. My DD is 21 months so they will be just under 2 1/2 years apart. We mainly got the 'you are going to have your hands full' type stuff. I then reminded them that they had 4 kids, 3 of which were within 5 years (which explains why my oldest sister does not want to have kids ) and it all worked out. And after the rough early years, they (and we kids) LOVED that we were so close. After the initial shock, they were both excited but that first reaction did kind of rub me the wrong way.

[Momma Aimee]

my younger sis is due the same week i am -- she has two older boys one with a gentic disorder that was not disnosed till she was preggo with #2...gentic falut and DH side.......welllllllllll she KNEW his mom would be POed they are ahving another.......soooooooooooooo she got come really cute cards (little fighters, little toes, we are adding 10 mroe of each in Nov) and mailed it to her MIL and GMIL and a few others -- some cuz she didn't want to deal with their reactions face to face and some -- like me -- for the sake of haivnig it to save. she said "this wasy everyone can own their own first reaction, without me having to deal with it." and it worked -- she has gotten nothing negitivie -- to her -- though we have heard MIL and GMIL went off for 2 days before getting a game face to call her.

just an idea.............

course she is lieing and claiming SURPRISE -- easy to do with me having all her baby stuff and maturnity stuff and her next younger starting kindgergent in the fall -- this baby was a planned as any but..... MIL and fam are Catholic so once you got it, you got it and you get happy -- so we let MIL think it was all God's Desing.

as for my announcement -- we were met more with "i expected as much" and "we were waitting for you to tell us"........

It amazes me how people (even perfect strangers) feel like they will be personally and negatively affected by my decision to have children.

I hate the "you sure have your hands full" and "another already!" comments.

I guess i am just odd -- i talked for a long time in BN in the birth section with a mom wiht a girl not yet 3, a baby in a stoller and a big ol tummy due this month -- and i thought it was awsome...and told her so....

I am -------- not sure what word, not worried, maybe concerned, but it is too negitive, but some word ------ about having 2 in 2 years, but extricted too.

Aimee

[sorteep]

AHH yess, My husband is the worst offender for negativitity,, but his mom said "gee, I thought I was old when I had Greg (my DH)" wehn we told her about this PG.she was 33!!! OMG. ummmm, like Thanks! maybe congratulations?? she has warmed up to it but remains worried and convinced the "baby will be retarded since i ma so old and that is what happens, don't you know" and "in MY day we didn't have kids that late" OHHH let me tell you, it's fun, esp with DH right there with her,, NOOO support.. grrrrrrrrr

I LOVE people!

[myjulybabes]

Looking forward to the update!!!

My parents took it much better than I thought they would, but the ILs still don't know. Long story short, dh and I had been fighting about a year and a half ago over having more kids, and dh kind of has an over-sharing problem when it comes to his parents. So they, never having liked me a bit, totally took his side and think it would be insane for us to have more kids. Dh changed his mind several months ago, and we were planning to ttc this fall (this babe is an oops, but a happy one!), but of course THAT news never got back to them, so.... This should be ugly. If it wasn't for the fact that NOONE else will watch ds for extended periods...say, overnight while I'm in the hospital...I'd be tempted to call them when the babe is a week old or so and go "hey, guess what?"

As it stands, I'm thinking we'll email them, with an u/s pic if we get one on the first OB visit, then turn off the phone.

[Undercover Hippie]

You are not alone! And you have my sympathy. My mom's first reaction is often negative too. She totally ruined my day when I called to tell her about #2. So I was dreading it this time and wanted to put it off, especially since we'd had such a hard time deciding to have #3 and it kind of ended up a surprise and I knew she thought 2 kids was enough. DH said I just needed to get it over with, but I was chicken, so we let the kids call her to break the news... didn't really work because they were both trying to talk at once and she was confused and it probably made her reaction even worse. Then we had to send e-mails for a week where I was like "I can't believe you aren't happy for us" and she was like "I didn't say that, I was just surprised" and finally we ironed it out. And now she is showing up with things for the baby every time she visits.

So... I hope your news went well! Big family gathering is a good place to tell, everyone has to be on their best behavior. Good luck!

[free2be]

Well here's the update

I arrived late to dinner so I missed the prayer!! I was so disappointed. Soo...my sister waited until after dinner was over and went up to my mom and said, You know they're having another baby right? My mom immediately rolled her eyes several times. My aunt was pretty excited and kept saying really? really? no really? Then my mom fixed herself a tall glass of beer and went into the her room to think I guess. Whatever she did she came back in a better mood and I was like, I knew something was up because you guys sure were lovey-dovey around New Years so I figured you were either pregnant or about to be pregnant.

Anyway, so glad that that part is over. I feel so much better now that my mom knows.

[De-lovely]

Originally Posted by Ackray

I don't have any suggestions. But I'm in the same boat as you. My first was 6 months old when I got PG with my DD1, and DD1 was 8 months old when I got PG with DD2. This was all completely intentional! I hate the negative comments. People suck. I'm not even going to tell my parents about this baby until they ask. It amazes me how people (even perfect strangers) feel like they will be personally and negatively affected by my decision to have children.

I hate the "you sure have your hands full" and "another already!" comments.

It's kind of like finding out what the gender is. If you find out people are dissapointed that you (they) won't be surprised and if you don't they act like it's a huge burden on them that they won't know until the baby is born.

You can't win!

I love the close ages of my first three! You will too! And so will your mother.

I HEAR YA! My babes are super close in age. DD#1 and DD#2 share the same birthday in 2003 and 2004...then Quinn just 15 monthes later in '06...NO ONE had anything good to say except my own mom and dh....ours was NOT intentional but we were still just as happy and what if it was?! I love the "you know how that happens right?" "So is dh getting fixed?" This is even on my second child!!! "Yes dh is getting fixed after #2 because we certainly cant afford our 7 passenger luxury SUV or our 5 bedroom 3 bath home ifd we have more than 2 kids...."


This time around especially with dh's family (MIL ONCE PUT HER HANDS OVER HER ENTIRE FACE AND SIGHED REALLY HEAVY WHEN WE TOLD HER ABOUT DD#2) and my father that I will not tolerate negative comments. This is #4 for us and we are done and really I am sad about it...this is #5 for dh so its just time for us and my body cant take many more anyway-but sheesh who's decision is this? Are YOU paying my bills? Nursing? Diapering? Waking in the night?

Sorry vent over.....