How *unassisted* is a UC?

[bellee]

For those of you planning or who have already had a UC, how *unassisted* was it? Was you DH, kids, family there? Or were you totally alone the whole time?

[JesseMomme]

Well, I do think that there is no solid definition of what is "UC" though there seem to be several major "catagories" I myself had what is coined a "solo unassisted" - it was just me laboring by myself the whole night, and while in transistion, and while I pushed baby out and caught him. In the morning when dh had woken up he came in now and then to check on me and would quietly leave. He came in again about two minutes after I had birthed Liam (he had figured I stopped howling so I must have been done LOL) got me some water and blankets and we both admired baby boy for a while.
I had pictured having a couples birth but feel that my birth unfolded the way it needed to, and Dh really needed to be with our two young sons once they had gotten out of bed, and I can't imagine birthing any other way.

[cottonwood]

Generally I think UC is defined as not having medical professionals involved. For myself, though, when I say that my birth was unassisted I mean not only were there no medical professionals, but also that it was not managed or "helped" by anyone.

I labored alone for most of it, then my husband hung out with me for the last couple of hours, because we both wanted him to witness the birth. Aside from his presence, however, he wasn't involved, aside from holding the baby while I birthed the placenta. If I were to do it again I think I might want the company of friends and family in early labor, maybe just me and my husband for a while, and then just myself for the birth.

[indigolilybear]

I too think it means no paid professionals....the rest of the definitiion gets fuzzy, IYKWIM? I mean, I've heard of people having un-paid MW friends, doulas, etc.,...you get my point. I guess I think of it as being a family affair (or solo) w/little or no medicalization of the process....that's how it was for me. I labored around my family (it was really short) and then they left to do something (blow up the birth pool) though I would've prefered they been there w/me if I had known it was coming so fast....but at the time, I *Really* wanted the pool.

anyway, dh caught ds as I was on all fours in the bathtub. He carried him to the room for me and that was it. Oh yes, and dh insisted on suctioning him cuz dd was born full of mec. but I kept telling him that ds was fine, that he was crying!!

next time, I would like more of a couple's birth, though dd will undoubtedly want to be there. More likely, it will be a big family affair as it was w/ds. I don't really have any desire to do it solo, though if I felt like it in labor, or if it happened that way, that'd be fine too. I wanted my sister to come to take pix next time too but dh said no way. I missed having ds's birth on film. but I guess that's how it was meant to be.

[MaWhit]

For me, it will mean having an entire unmedicalized birth with no professionals (lay or not, paid or not) there. I will do only what feels right to me. DH may or may not be there, depending on the time of day and the needs of our other children.

Many people planning a UC also do their own prenatal care and decline all prenatal testing.

[Arduinna]

if by freak chance (not planning it) that I ever gave birth again it would be UC and by that I mean no one there. Dh in another room probably.

[crayon]

I cant imagine not having DP there, but when we tired I knew I was in transistion but this was my first baby and DP wouldn't check me until I was nearly 40 hours along and he couldnt tell if I was ready or all the way closed. Sigh! I think next time I will know the signs better and have an UC with just DP and I. I have debated having a MW on call if needed- last time I just went to the hospital because I didnt know what was happening even though I was very educated on it and new I was in trasistion I was just so scared to push and not be ready and I was not having that urge to push and it had been such a long time. Things your realize after the fact. I think UC is no paid medical persons. I have no idea why women think it is so shocking to have an UC- I find it unreal that women beg to go to the hospital I was fighting every step of the way when we decided to go- and when I did decided to go after 40 hours of labor my labor got way way way way worse, fear kicked in and shut me down.

GO UC GO UC!!!!!

[hippiemom]

i can't imagine not having my husband be a part of the birth. it is just as much his baby as it is mine, just as much his experience... for us anyway. i would have felt incomplete without him!

[laurashanley]

I had several friends at my first UC, and my husband caught the baby. I loved having people there for that birth.

With my next one, only my son and husband were there, but as it turned out they were in the next room when he actually emerged.

#3 was a solo UC, #4 my almost 2 year old was there, and #5 my husband was down the hall and I gave birth in the bathroom.

I basically just went with the flow. If people were there, great. If not, I knew I could do it myself. To me, UC just means giving birth without medical professionals.
Laura
http://unassistedchildbirth.com

[Cathi]

I will have a professional there but not in the room, a documented midwife. The only reason for doing so is that I am planning a VBAC and would like someone who's experienced VBAC before to be my sounding board. If I feel concerned at any time I can just tell dh my concerns and he can run them by her. If not, we won't really know she's even there! We plan to do everything ourselves though so to us it is unassisted.

I too can't imagine birthing our baby without its father there to witness it. We'll also hopefully have our son with us if he's not asleep.

[Arduinna]

Thought I would explain my reasoning for not having dh in the room. I had a natural loss at home a few years ago. Labor pains very much like my birth, dh was distracting and I'm sorry to say useless. I was able to go within and actually acheive pain free contractions while alone. But as soon as he came to ask how I was it all rushed back and I was in alot of pain again.

So given my experience I would choose to be alone. He can show up at the end maybe during pushing? I tend to go with what feels right at the time. And what works for me.

Not saying all hubby are useless or cause pain. Just wnnat to say that before I get a flurry of replies saying how wonderful and supportive and pain free it is for you with your dhs there.

[bellee]

Duely noted

[cottonwood]

Oh!, I didn't mean it to sound like I'm heartless and my husband doesn't matter. Of course the baby is just as much his as it is mine. But for us, it's definitely *not* just as much his experience. He does not experience gestating the baby, he doesn't experience the labor sensations, and he doesn't experience the bonding hormones. He was pretty much superfluous to the process, aside, of course from contributing the sperm -- and there was really nothing he could do during the labor itself to make it easier for me. His presence was actually somewhat distracting -- just like it is when I'm trying to do anything that involves going within, like creative writing or art or deep thought/daydreaming. His presence isn't distracting during sex because he's fully in it with me. But in birth, he's not. He's observing from outside the act, and it feels a bit voyeuristic to both of us. And when I feel observed, I can't go within as deeply. So that's the rationale.

If he really, really felt like it was important for him to witness the exact moment of the emergence of the baby, I would probably honor that. But... it's just not. It's enough for me to present the baby afterwards, and for him to receive it.

[MaWhit]

Well put, blueviolet.

[indigolilybear]

Wow! Interesting, blue violet.

I can see your point....I am trying to decide if I feel that way or not. I feel like my ideal picture of birth is really different than others here.

In *our* case, we chose to see it as part of the lovemaking/creation process. I really *did* want him w/me...in every way--spiritually, emotionally, physically. Now, this didn't happen, w/either birth. And it is something I hope will be more of a focus/goal w/next baby. To me, this is very much a part of the "pro's" of freebirth.....that no one usurps dh's role in the birth as happened w/our MW assisted HB. For me, that's really what freebirth was mostly about. Making it momentous couple's process/event if you will. (BTW, I am not saying that birthing primarily by yourself would *not* be any of these things....just trying to get out what my focus is/was w/our birthing stuff.....) When I picture it, in my "ideal" mind, I think of it being this lover's union, the "holy trinity" to borrow JP Baker's term. I see dh with me at every step. I guess no matter what, dh is present in that his cells are there....as part of the baby.

Now, that you post that, I think it is so interesting. I guess I am wondering if dh's inability to be there how I wanted him to is difficult due to the way you described birthing...that he *isn't* part of the proces and in some ways, can't be. Hmm...maybe my expectations this way are too high? I should talk about this specifically to him.

In either case, it is very interesting to me that my ideal for birth is so different than others here. AND that is all under this tiny percentage of us that actually birth unassisted!!! LOL. Food for thought, that's for sure.

Any ideas mamas? Where did you get your ideal "picture" for freebirth? From your other experiences? From a book? (I am wondering if I read "spiritual midwifery" too many times! ) From certain goals you specifically have for yourself or your marriage? Just being nosey but this really interests me. Sorry for the highjack!!

[cottonwood]

Well, before this last birth I did have in my mind this romantic notion of it being a culmination of our lovemaking. I do still really like the idea. I don't know if it's an unrealistic fantasy, or if we just aren't spiritually evolved enough (or whatever) for it to be possible. I did end up wanting a connection with him during early labor, but the closer it got to the birth itself the more I retreated into this very primal, very private place, somewhere he couldn't go.

[applejuice]

Of the nine deliveries, my mom had seven uc, although my Father was a DC.

She did have prenatal care with the last three.

I was the oldest and got to weigh the younger two. It was great.