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ohh boy - nicushock continues - Page 2

post #21 of 25
It has gotten better for me. Ds is 3 (was a 30 weeker) now and we rarely think about it. I am actually proud that we struggled through this and got through it. I do still feel sad thinking about him as a baby living in the nicu, spending nights alone without me. Especially now that I have just had a full term baby at home, the difference. I think this 2nd birth was both healing and awakened me to what we missed with ds1.
I do like coming to this board once and awhile for the companionship feeling I get.
One thing, dh and I HATE hospitals and they definately arouse some post tramatic stress in us. I don't even like going to the doctors with ds because it reminds me of being told what to do regarding ds when he was in the nicu. Such a feeling of powerlessness!
post #22 of 25
We have had a bunch of things come up in the last week or so to remind us of our nicu past.

Yesterday while driving on the highway, we passed the exit to the hospital and both of us mentioned it at the same time.

Today walking thru the Lilac Garden Park we were talking about the Lilac Festival coming up and the Lilac Princesses and the crowning of the Queen w dd1. Its in a few weeks and on that day last year, right before Maggie was due to come home, she started having apnea again and then needed a blood transfusion. As we walked thru the park, that was the first thing Bob remembered and mentioned it.

This morning at church, our deacon came over to us to talk about a couple who needed the baptism class. (we are the couple who teaches it). This is a special situation and he baptised the baby on Friday. The baby boy was 1lb 12 oz and barely 25 weeks (this is exactly Maggie's stats). I thought Bob was going to go into cardiac arrest standing there. Well he wanted us to at least reach out to the couple and assist them in the way only one of us would know how.

Sarah- that also happened to us a few times seeing other babies go thru things like that.
post #23 of 25
I still have my twins' blood pressure cuffs and they are almost seven. It scares the crap outta me every time. Be gentle with yourself. It's hard when you feel so helpless watching your babes fight.
post #24 of 25
I'm not sure it goes away, but it does get better. We're just shy of 10 years out of the NICU experience. She was a 27 weeker in for 3.5 months. The biggest triggers for me are pictures of other preemies, especially the tiny ones. I can go through the belongings from the hospital just fine, but seeing babies with the tubes and wires...that kills me.

I did have an interesting trigger the other day. I was going to attend a birth at a hospital where we took her to PT/OT/ST for about two years, twice a week and it was extremely odd to drive into that parking lot...I felt instantly transported back several years.

I agree with the pp who said that having had a full-term pg/birth has been incredibly healing. Is that why I keep having them? j/k
post #25 of 25
I agree that it's like grieving. It never goes away, but it does get easier over time. It's been 10 years since my first NICU baby, and 5 years since my last. The smell of that soap will take me back every. single. time. It used to make me almost physically ill. These days, it depends. Sometimes it brings back the bad memories, sometimes the good ones, like the first day I held them, the day Aidan came off the vent, the days I got to bring them home. Pictures definitely don't bother me if I know the outcome. If they're brand new pictures and the babe is still in NICU, it doesn't send me into a freak out anymore, but I do feel a little sad/worried/anxious. Of course, being pregnant again has got me crying over everything, but prior to that, I was pretty much ok, if a little sad, about my previous experiences.
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