Birth trauma?

[sweetieberlin]

I dont know where to post this..

My ds was born 6 months ago. It was pretty much an elective c-section... but let me give you the background..

5 years ago I had my first baby.. The birth was very traumatic for me in many ways, but the biggest thing was it waas really out of my control. The baby showed signs of distress so they had to break my water, then labor stalled, so they had to use pitocin, I had back labor and the pain was really intense, I was very afraid of pain, but they wouldn't give me any pain med. I was nearly all the way dialated, but still with a lip.. they had me push for 3 hours with that little lip (which I now know is wrong) finally ending with a c-section..

This time, I was traumatized. Scared to death that it would happen again. decided I would just opt for the c-section. but very late decided I wanted natural. Then I went into labor, the contractions were 2 minutes apart, and extremely painful.. I didnt know what to do.. went to the hospital and was only 2 centimeters.. I am tiny, 5', dr told me I might go all the way through, to be to small to deliver, I believed them.. put that together with a dh who didnt want to see me in pain, the pain and all of my fears.. and I opted for the c-section again...

Here we are today... I think we are both suffering from birth trauma. I have developed a phobia of hospitals, am extremely overprotective of ds, and after reading about c-sections have EXTREME guilt.

Ds is extremely needy. He has to be carried all the time (I dont mind at all) He has alays been scared of anyone but dh and I. He cries often, esp. if he is anywhere but my arms.

How can I get us over this? I am quickly drowning in my guilt. I was unformed, and unsupported.. now I know better.. the next birth will be a hba2c..

but how to move past this??

please help!
thanks..
nikki

[ckhagen]

Nikki, I'm sorry, very sorry about everything you went through. I definitely know what it's like to have a traumatic birth ending in a traumatic c-section where you've felt like you've lost all control.

I have a hospital phobia too. I get physically ill when I walk in one and avoid it at all costs. I even get anxiety attacks just driving by one.

As for how to move past it... everyone is different. I moved past it by reminding myself that I did the best I could at the time with the education I had. Now that I'm more educated, I'll take steps to prevent it from happening again. But, I can't condemn myself repeatedly for dealing with it the way I did at the time because I honestly did my best with the information I had at the time.

Oh and regarding your son... I don't mean to disregard your concerns about him, but my VBAC baby is the same way! And, he had the most gentle birth possible. Actually, both of my kids have been extremely attached to DH and I (me especially). I can't put him down for even a second or he cries hysterically. Honestly, for the most part, I'm pretty sure that's just a kid thing

[jennica]

I had a traumatic birth with my son and suffer from PTSD from his birth. It is probably something that occured with your first birth, that was retriggered by this recent pregnancy and birth. It sounds like you are describing some of the symptoms of PTSD. PTSD is serious, and can be even more severe than Post Partum Depression. I suggest that you find someone to help you with it as soon as possible. Unlike PPD, it wont just go away, trauma has to be worked through (as you have seen how it has shown up again for this birth). If you can find a good therapist, that would be great, but make sure that she has some knowledge of PTSD after childbirth. My Ds is 22 months old, and I've been in therapy since he was 4 months old. It has helped a great deal, and lots of issues have come up that I have needed to work on. I am also taking Ds to a craniosacral therapist to deal with some of his anxiety issues that may be from the birth. I think I would suggest that as a way to help your baby deal with the birth if you think that is necassary for him.

I'm going to give you a few links. First this web site is one of my favorites and it talks all about PTSD after childbirth.

This website has birth art from a woman who had a C-section. However, make sure you are strong enough before you go there as it is disturbing. I would also suggest doing some art therapy if you are interested in art at all. It helped me to express my feelings in a way that I could not communicate.

Also, here is a website for ICAN. Perhaps they could help you with resources on where to find a therapist, or perhaps you could find a support group near you that you can join.

[onlyboys]

There's a good book: Rebounding From Childbirth that might be helpful for you.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Well, my first was a high needs baby and my birth wasn't traumatic - I got about an hour of Pit, but no major interventions, and she was born in the water. I do believe babies and mothers can be affected negatively by birth trauma, of course. But I hope you can find a way to deal with the guilt, because you might just have a needy baby. And you were lied to. A baby experienced distress needs his cushion removed (AROM) and to be given synthetic hormones to make labor harder? Makes no sense. It is NOT YOUR FAULT that OBs seem to have no issue at all with lying to women and forcing procedures on them that they don't really need. I'm sorry you experienced all that.

[sweetieberlin]

Hi! Sorry to take so long to reply..
First I am happy to know that my ds' high needs might not be from the birth trauma.. I am also happy to know that I am not alone... I tried searching on the internet, but could never find anything.. I really was beginning to wonder if it was only me.. or if I was crazy..

Thank you all for the support and information.. especially the links.. I really appreciate it. I am going to go to therapy.. I dont know if I can find someone who deals with birth trauma.. that might be hard..
I also like the idea of art therapy.. I will have to look into it.

And also thank you for putting it in ways for me to understand and see better..
It helps..

Nikki

[SublimeBirthGirl]

Call some midwives locally; they may be able to refer you to someone who specializes in birth trauma.

[jennica]

Originally Posted by sweetieberlin

Thank you all for the support and information.. especially the links.. I really appreciate it. I am going to go to therapy.. I dont know if I can find someone who deals with birth trauma.. that might be hard..
I also like the idea of art therapy.. I will have to look into it.

Here is a link for you. It is the web site for Post Partum Support International and I linked you to the area search page. It will hook you up with a coordinater in your area who can hopefully help you find a therapist or support near you. If that doesn't work out, maybe look for a therapist who is familiar with Post Partum Depression, and is aware that childbirth can be traumatic for certain people and knows how, and is willing to help you deal with the trauma.

The art therapy you can do on your own. I used to draw whenever I was feeling really overwhelmed and wanted to keep myself from doing other more self destructive things to deal with it. You can bring your art to therapy sessions once you really trust and know that you've found the right therapist, or you can keep them to yourself. Either way, I think it is very helpful.

[CrunchyParent]

I don't know if you're familiar with the book Birthing from Within, but there ate "mentors" who are trained to help wpmen work through birth trauma. I was scheduled to meet with a mentor to address trauma from my first birth (which was a MW-assisted water birth) before birthing my second (who was transverse and was not turning for ANYTHING) but my water broke the night before my appointment (requiring an emergency CS because baby was still transverse breech). Anyway, you can search for a mentor in your state here.

[sweetieberlin]

Wow! Thank you so much for the links and support.

I tried the Birthing from Within, but it is not available in the country I live in. It does sound helpful though. I went to the Post Partum Support International page, and I was able to locate some help here. I left a message and I really hope they call back. Thank you so much for finding it for me! I really had no idea where to look.

I will also try some drawings.. I have to tell you, I am comletetly uncreative.. I can only imgine what it wil look like.. but thats not the point.

Thanks again for all of your help. I appreciate it...

the strange thing is I didnt realise I had this trauma until recently..