Dear Adah,
Well, you are snuggled up in a sling carrier right now, asleep next to my heart! You came into the world at exactly 1:00 a.m on April 15th, 2006, four days before your due date. The birth was amazing, difficult, painful, empowering and perfect. You were born in the water. You came out all rosy cheeked and wide eyed. I held you close to my body and your dad and I just stared in awe at your wide, open eyes taking in the world. After a few minutes, we handed you straight to your daddy, who held you while they helped me out of the tub. Here’s the story of your birth:
My bag of waters started to leak at around 10 a.m on April13th. I knew the birth was imminent and started to get excited. Your Pepere and I went for a walk while we waited for your dad to get home from work. Your dad got home around 12:00 noon and we all just sat around, timing contractions, packing our bags, etc. Your daddy and I went for a walk in the park up the street and had an absolutely magical time. We saw a small falcon and followed it as it flew to an oak tree and landed on a lower branch. The red-winged blackbirds were having a symphony in the grass. Our spirits soard. Our little baby would be born soon!
Your Grandma and Grandpa got so excited, they jumped in the car and drove to Sonoma to find a room to rent so they could be close by.
I was having mild contractions all day and night and hardly slept at all that night for the excitement was too great. The next day the contractions started to pick up a bit, but I still wasn’t “in labor”. They would come on strong for a while, and we’d be there with our stopwatches, timing them so see how far apart they were, getting really excited. Then they would stop! That’s what they call “pre-labor”. This was a very frustrating time for me. I was already so exhausted and the labor had not even begun yet! I got so tired of that damn stopwatch!
We timed the actual labor (from when the contractions didn’t stop any more) starting at 12 noon, though it may have been sooner. (after that we were done with the stopwatch and I was relieved). Your daddy and I kicked the grandparents out of the house, and went about doing the “early labor” thing. We tried to watch a movie to keep my mind off things, but failed because we kept getting interupted by contractions. I was using the “birth ball” to lean on and breathe. At this point, I was excited and starting to really feel the work of labor and some of the pain. I spent lots of early labor in the bath or shower or laying on the birth ball. Your daddy was right there with me the whole time. We got out some massage oil and your daddy rubbed my back. The contractions were intense and painful, I was starting to groan and couldn’t talk or walk through them, so we thought we should go to the birth center. It was 3:00.
At the birth center, the midwife, Rosanne Gephart, checked me and I was only 3 cm dialated so she told us to go walk in the park for two hours! I was nervous about having contractions in public, so we drove around for a while, looking for a good spot. Your daddy found a sweet little place, with a view of the golden California hills. We decided to head to one of the picnic tables nestled under the Oaks and try to eat some food. I had three contractions on the way to the table! I was leaning on your daddy and feeling prettty miserable by this time. I was worried that people were watching me, even though there were very few people there, and the contractions were very painful at this point and coming on every few minutes. I could’nt even walk from one picnic table to another without having 2 or 3 contractions! I thought “this has got to be it”
Well, when we got back to the birth center at 5:30 pm, the contractions stopped! I was so embarrased and upset. Rosanne said she wasn’t even going to check me and that I should call her up around 8:00 to re-assess the situation.
Dissapointment flooded me. I barely made it to the car before the tears overwhelmed me. I sobbed and sobbed on that ride back to Sonoma. I was feeling so dissapointed and exhausted, wondering if I could do it or not. I cried and cried and cried the whole way home. When we got back, all the grandparents were there and I walked straight past them and into my room, where I laid on the bed. Steve had them all leave again we spent the next few hours riding the contractions together.
At 8:00 we called Roseann and she said we’d have to go to the hospital for a “non-stress test”-to make sure you were o.k. They get nervous when the amniotic fluid leaks for more than 24 hours. She told us to expect to come back home after the test.
So, off to the hospital it was. I was having contractions in the waiting room, in the registration area and ALL the way to the ultrasound office. It took awhile to get there. Once in the room, three nurses came in and were SO sweet to me. The contractions were getting really painful and I had to use all my concentration just to breathe. The nurses kept saying “good job!”, “you’re handling those contractions very well!” in a surprised tone of voice, like they really meant it. Those women made me feel so much better! They all filed in (along with some of their co-workers) in between contractions to listen to my heart.
“I never know when I’ll get another chance to hear an artificial valve.”
I thought it was pretty funny, me in labor, and all these people lined up to listen to my heart!
The contractions were so strong that I kept moving too much and the machine recording your heart beat would get shifted so the test took a little while.
My feelings at this point were “if she sends me home after this, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it”. My labor was SO intense and I thought, if this isn’t even close, if she’s going to send me home, I might just really lose it. Well, Roseanne came and and said she might as well check my cervix. I’ll never forget the next words she spoke....
“You’re 5 cm! Let’s go to the Birth Center, we’re having a baby!”
“woo hoo!” I can’t even tell you my relief and excitement upon hearing those words! We found a sweet nurse who stuck me in a wheelchair and took me to the door (I never could have made it that far!). We discovered (in between contractions) that we had heart surgery in common. Her little boy had just had open heart surgery. She was so sweet, I wish I knew her name.
The moon was full and orange and hung low in the sky. Our car was headed straight towards it. This was a crucial moment. Right before you were born, driving into the big orange moon. Your daddy and I were silent with awe. At the birth center, Roseanne hugged me and said “welcome to the birth center!, make yourselves at home”.
Rosanne filled up the tub and told me I could get in whenever I wanted, so in I went ( I wasn’t wasting any time!) . The contractions were easier in the tub, though still getting harder and harder and more and more intense. This enormous power inside of me was taking over, doing its thing, and I was an innocent bystander just trying to let it happen.
Your daddy was with me, by the side of the tub, helping me through it. By the time the doula got there, the labor was beginning to overcome me. She was like an angel. A young woman named Mellissa. She rubbed my back and neck and coached me through the waves.
“take a deep breath, get on top of it, get on top of it,” she’d say, as I scrambled up the side of the tub trying to “get on top of it” (or maybe get away from it!) The contractions would hit and I would do my low moan (ooooooooooo) to try and cope with the pain. The midwife wouyld say “think ooooopen” and I’d say “ooo pen”. It helped a lot.
In between contractions, I remember saying things like “this is so weird, I feel totally normal in between contractions,” and just chatting away. The doula said I was the most upbeat woman at 5 cm. she’d ever seen.
The labor got more and more intense, more and more painful, it got harder and harder to breathe through the contractions. It’s difficult to describe how amazingly intense it was, Adah! Of course, you were there too! There were times when I wanted to crawl out of my skin, anything to avoid the crushing, squeezing pain that felt as if it would crack me in two (and in fact, it did!).
The end of the labor was so strong that I almost fell asleep in between contractions. I could hear the voices in the room, and I knew where I was, but my body was completely limp, my eyes were closed, and I was lost in intense relaxation. The doula would say “relax your whole body... relax your arms, relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, “... etc and she would touch each part of my body as she said it. When another contraction approached, I would scramble up the side of the tub, crouch in my half squat position and moan like hell.
“Let me know when you’re feeling pushy” Rosanne said in a sing songy voice.
My body started pushing on it’s own. The contraction would hit and my body would just squeeze. It’s difficult to describe, it overtook me completely, I felt as if I would crack open. Even if I tried to resist it, the pushing would happen. I figured I might as well just surrender to it. Its seemed like my bones couldn’t hold me together. It hurt like hell! I ended up pushing for about a half an hour.
“A few more pushes”
Again, I sort of didn’t believe her! I thought “No way, a few more pushes”.
At this point, I had been pushing for about 25 minutes. Each push was so exhausting, and each push stretched my perineumm further. They call it “the ring of fire” and that’s exactly what it felt like. I wondered if someone was holding a bic lighter to my perineum! I knew that when I pushed, it was going to intensify my pain but that in order for the pain to end, I had to push. The midwife was saying, “push push! A little more!” and that helped me to push through the pain.
A few pushes later, I was resting in my -in between contractions delirium -and I heard Rosanne say “that nurse better hurry up or she’s going to miss it!” .
Another contraction. “There’s the head!”” Roseanne said in an easy voice. Want to feel it? I reached down and felt the spongy, soft skin that was your scalp. In a way I didn’t believe it!
With my next push, your head came out all the way and then I slouched into a deep deep state of relaxation. I could hear Roseanne saying “this baby’s going to be born at 1 am on the dot” through the thick, foggy cloud of exhaustion. The next contraction was huge, and everyone was yelling push push! and I almost stopped but they kept saying push! push! and out you came! Finally! (At 1 a.m on the dot!) Later we found out that your Grandma, Grandpa and Pepere were all guessing what time you would be born, and your Grandpa guessed 1 am!
They handed your wet little body right to me and I held you to my chest. The umbilical cord was kind of short and I could feel it tugging inside of me when I pulled you too far up. I was in a state of almost disbelief, trying to keep your little head above the water. Your daddy cut the umbilical chord and we handed you to him so I could get out of the tub. We just held you and looked at you and you looked at us. You stared at us and did not sleep for four hours! We were suspended, the three of us, in our first family moment. Soon enough, grandma, grandpa and pepere all came in. Your pepere had tears running down his cheeks and a huge smile on his face. He later told me that we were all glowing. Your grandma held you that night and has been hopelessly in love with you ever since.
You latched on three times before we even left the Birth Center and have been nursing happily ever since. We were planning on waiting to name you, but as soon as we saw you, we knew you were Adah.
The amazing thing about labor and birth is this: There is nothing you can do to stop it! It is going to happen, whether you like it or not. You have to surrender, it’s your only option!
Well, you are snuggled up in a sling carrier right now, asleep next to my heart! You came into the world at exactly 1:00 a.m on April 15th, 2006, four days before your due date. The birth was amazing, difficult, painful, empowering and perfect. You were born in the water. You came out all rosy cheeked and wide eyed. I held you close to my body and your dad and I just stared in awe at your wide, open eyes taking in the world. After a few minutes, we handed you straight to your daddy, who held you while they helped me out of the tub. Here’s the story of your birth:
My bag of waters started to leak at around 10 a.m on April13th. I knew the birth was imminent and started to get excited. Your Pepere and I went for a walk while we waited for your dad to get home from work. Your dad got home around 12:00 noon and we all just sat around, timing contractions, packing our bags, etc. Your daddy and I went for a walk in the park up the street and had an absolutely magical time. We saw a small falcon and followed it as it flew to an oak tree and landed on a lower branch. The red-winged blackbirds were having a symphony in the grass. Our spirits soard. Our little baby would be born soon!
Your Grandma and Grandpa got so excited, they jumped in the car and drove to Sonoma to find a room to rent so they could be close by.
I was having mild contractions all day and night and hardly slept at all that night for the excitement was too great. The next day the contractions started to pick up a bit, but I still wasn’t “in labor”. They would come on strong for a while, and we’d be there with our stopwatches, timing them so see how far apart they were, getting really excited. Then they would stop! That’s what they call “pre-labor”. This was a very frustrating time for me. I was already so exhausted and the labor had not even begun yet! I got so tired of that damn stopwatch!
We timed the actual labor (from when the contractions didn’t stop any more) starting at 12 noon, though it may have been sooner. (after that we were done with the stopwatch and I was relieved). Your daddy and I kicked the grandparents out of the house, and went about doing the “early labor” thing. We tried to watch a movie to keep my mind off things, but failed because we kept getting interupted by contractions. I was using the “birth ball” to lean on and breathe. At this point, I was excited and starting to really feel the work of labor and some of the pain. I spent lots of early labor in the bath or shower or laying on the birth ball. Your daddy was right there with me the whole time. We got out some massage oil and your daddy rubbed my back. The contractions were intense and painful, I was starting to groan and couldn’t talk or walk through them, so we thought we should go to the birth center. It was 3:00.
At the birth center, the midwife, Rosanne Gephart, checked me and I was only 3 cm dialated so she told us to go walk in the park for two hours! I was nervous about having contractions in public, so we drove around for a while, looking for a good spot. Your daddy found a sweet little place, with a view of the golden California hills. We decided to head to one of the picnic tables nestled under the Oaks and try to eat some food. I had three contractions on the way to the table! I was leaning on your daddy and feeling prettty miserable by this time. I was worried that people were watching me, even though there were very few people there, and the contractions were very painful at this point and coming on every few minutes. I could’nt even walk from one picnic table to another without having 2 or 3 contractions! I thought “this has got to be it”
Well, when we got back to the birth center at 5:30 pm, the contractions stopped! I was so embarrased and upset. Rosanne said she wasn’t even going to check me and that I should call her up around 8:00 to re-assess the situation.
Dissapointment flooded me. I barely made it to the car before the tears overwhelmed me. I sobbed and sobbed on that ride back to Sonoma. I was feeling so dissapointed and exhausted, wondering if I could do it or not. I cried and cried and cried the whole way home. When we got back, all the grandparents were there and I walked straight past them and into my room, where I laid on the bed. Steve had them all leave again we spent the next few hours riding the contractions together.
At 8:00 we called Roseann and she said we’d have to go to the hospital for a “non-stress test”-to make sure you were o.k. They get nervous when the amniotic fluid leaks for more than 24 hours. She told us to expect to come back home after the test.
So, off to the hospital it was. I was having contractions in the waiting room, in the registration area and ALL the way to the ultrasound office. It took awhile to get there. Once in the room, three nurses came in and were SO sweet to me. The contractions were getting really painful and I had to use all my concentration just to breathe. The nurses kept saying “good job!”, “you’re handling those contractions very well!” in a surprised tone of voice, like they really meant it. Those women made me feel so much better! They all filed in (along with some of their co-workers) in between contractions to listen to my heart.
“I never know when I’ll get another chance to hear an artificial valve.”
I thought it was pretty funny, me in labor, and all these people lined up to listen to my heart!
The contractions were so strong that I kept moving too much and the machine recording your heart beat would get shifted so the test took a little while.
My feelings at this point were “if she sends me home after this, I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it”. My labor was SO intense and I thought, if this isn’t even close, if she’s going to send me home, I might just really lose it. Well, Roseanne came and and said she might as well check my cervix. I’ll never forget the next words she spoke....
“You’re 5 cm! Let’s go to the Birth Center, we’re having a baby!”
“woo hoo!” I can’t even tell you my relief and excitement upon hearing those words! We found a sweet nurse who stuck me in a wheelchair and took me to the door (I never could have made it that far!). We discovered (in between contractions) that we had heart surgery in common. Her little boy had just had open heart surgery. She was so sweet, I wish I knew her name.
The moon was full and orange and hung low in the sky. Our car was headed straight towards it. This was a crucial moment. Right before you were born, driving into the big orange moon. Your daddy and I were silent with awe. At the birth center, Roseanne hugged me and said “welcome to the birth center!, make yourselves at home”.
Rosanne filled up the tub and told me I could get in whenever I wanted, so in I went ( I wasn’t wasting any time!) . The contractions were easier in the tub, though still getting harder and harder and more and more intense. This enormous power inside of me was taking over, doing its thing, and I was an innocent bystander just trying to let it happen.
Your daddy was with me, by the side of the tub, helping me through it. By the time the doula got there, the labor was beginning to overcome me. She was like an angel. A young woman named Mellissa. She rubbed my back and neck and coached me through the waves.
“take a deep breath, get on top of it, get on top of it,” she’d say, as I scrambled up the side of the tub trying to “get on top of it” (or maybe get away from it!) The contractions would hit and I would do my low moan (ooooooooooo) to try and cope with the pain. The midwife wouyld say “think ooooopen” and I’d say “ooo pen”. It helped a lot.
In between contractions, I remember saying things like “this is so weird, I feel totally normal in between contractions,” and just chatting away. The doula said I was the most upbeat woman at 5 cm. she’d ever seen.
The labor got more and more intense, more and more painful, it got harder and harder to breathe through the contractions. It’s difficult to describe how amazingly intense it was, Adah! Of course, you were there too! There were times when I wanted to crawl out of my skin, anything to avoid the crushing, squeezing pain that felt as if it would crack me in two (and in fact, it did!).
The end of the labor was so strong that I almost fell asleep in between contractions. I could hear the voices in the room, and I knew where I was, but my body was completely limp, my eyes were closed, and I was lost in intense relaxation. The doula would say “relax your whole body... relax your arms, relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, “... etc and she would touch each part of my body as she said it. When another contraction approached, I would scramble up the side of the tub, crouch in my half squat position and moan like hell.
“Let me know when you’re feeling pushy” Rosanne said in a sing songy voice.
My body started pushing on it’s own. The contraction would hit and my body would just squeeze. It’s difficult to describe, it overtook me completely, I felt as if I would crack open. Even if I tried to resist it, the pushing would happen. I figured I might as well just surrender to it. Its seemed like my bones couldn’t hold me together. It hurt like hell! I ended up pushing for about a half an hour.
“A few more pushes”
Again, I sort of didn’t believe her! I thought “No way, a few more pushes”.
At this point, I had been pushing for about 25 minutes. Each push was so exhausting, and each push stretched my perineumm further. They call it “the ring of fire” and that’s exactly what it felt like. I wondered if someone was holding a bic lighter to my perineum! I knew that when I pushed, it was going to intensify my pain but that in order for the pain to end, I had to push. The midwife was saying, “push push! A little more!” and that helped me to push through the pain.
A few pushes later, I was resting in my -in between contractions delirium -and I heard Rosanne say “that nurse better hurry up or she’s going to miss it!” .
Another contraction. “There’s the head!”” Roseanne said in an easy voice. Want to feel it? I reached down and felt the spongy, soft skin that was your scalp. In a way I didn’t believe it!
With my next push, your head came out all the way and then I slouched into a deep deep state of relaxation. I could hear Roseanne saying “this baby’s going to be born at 1 am on the dot” through the thick, foggy cloud of exhaustion. The next contraction was huge, and everyone was yelling push push! and I almost stopped but they kept saying push! push! and out you came! Finally! (At 1 a.m on the dot!) Later we found out that your Grandma, Grandpa and Pepere were all guessing what time you would be born, and your Grandpa guessed 1 am!
They handed your wet little body right to me and I held you to my chest. The umbilical cord was kind of short and I could feel it tugging inside of me when I pulled you too far up. I was in a state of almost disbelief, trying to keep your little head above the water. Your daddy cut the umbilical chord and we handed you to him so I could get out of the tub. We just held you and looked at you and you looked at us. You stared at us and did not sleep for four hours! We were suspended, the three of us, in our first family moment. Soon enough, grandma, grandpa and pepere all came in. Your pepere had tears running down his cheeks and a huge smile on his face. He later told me that we were all glowing. Your grandma held you that night and has been hopelessly in love with you ever since.
You latched on three times before we even left the Birth Center and have been nursing happily ever since. We were planning on waiting to name you, but as soon as we saw you, we knew you were Adah.
The amazing thing about labor and birth is this: There is nothing you can do to stop it! It is going to happen, whether you like it or not. You have to surrender, it’s your only option!
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