Disappointed in the reactions...

[GinaRae]

I am pregnant with number four and while I haven't told everyone yet, besides two good friends and (sort of) my mother NO one has been excited or congratulatory.

Everyone seems to be waiting for me to say how upset I am. Or they say something about this being a surprise like we would never try for another. Or they're just outright negative (like my MIL).

We're excited about this, planned it and I am excited that this is a chance for me to get the pregnancy and delivery I have always wanted. I am choosing this and I just wish people could be more supportive and excited.

Things are going well and we decided to have one more before closing up the baby shop. But even if they think it's a surprise, why not be excited and gushy over a baby instead of incredulous?

Am I expecting too much of people?

[Ackray]

We haven't even told anyone because we know what kind of reactions we are going to get. People suck. We haven't even told our parents.

We are totally excited even though this was a total surprise. People can be so negative. It's like they just can't be happy with how things are.

I'm sure that people will be more excited as time goes by.

[ComfyCozy]

I'm sorry about that Gina Rae. I don't think it's too much at all to expect a hearty congratulations. It's not like you're putting them out any, and hell, this world could use a few more smiles in it--i.e., your new baby's smiles. I think sometimes it makes people feel uncomfortable or self conscious...those who maybe wanted more but chose not to for some reason or another. I've found that people take news like that very personally and it can end up being about them instead of about you...i.e.

"We're pregnant again!"
"Oh! Wow... Well one was enough for me!!!"

Yeah.. And it might have been...but that's not the point.

[scheelimama]

I'm sorry Gina. People can be really disappointing. We had some not so positive reactions with our first and second. This time around, we've actually had really good reactions. I think people tend to make things more about them than they should. Just try to be happy for yourselves and try not to take their reactions personally. You know what's best for your family.

[GinaRae]

There are so many people who cannot understand WHY you would want more than 1-2 kids. They don't believe me when I say it's not because I am trying for a girl. Sure, one would be nice, but I may end up with a boy and will be just as happy.

I am all about the kids and a big, close family and look at anything that MIGHT be an inconvenience as being temporary. I am totally selfish too, but when it comes to kids, I would have even more if hubby were on board.

One of those friends who had a positive reaction to the pregnancy news was actually very negative about this when we told them we were trying. We were out to dinner with my three boys and them with their one daughter whom is a handful and my friend was telling me what a pain it will be when they all come home with their own families some day. No way! I cannot wait!!

And one mom at school with girls ages 6 and 8 looks at it like a burden that they want to be in sports and other activities. Why would I want yet another to take up my precious time? P'shaw! Of course, I just realized when this baby is 7, my oldest will be 19! :

Originally Posted by ComfyCozy

I think sometimes it makes people feel uncomfortable or self conscious...those who maybe wanted more but chose not to for some reason or another. I've found that people take news like that very personally and it can end up being about them instead of about you

I know what you mean. I don't even want to deal with the wife of one of my husband's friends. She had a hysterectomy after #2 and she's really jealous and vindictive about anyone who has what she doesn't. Even if she may never have had another child by choice, she's going to be an all out witch about this pregnancy. I didn't clear it with her first

I don't know, I guess it just breaks my heart that people have their heads up their rears. I am always SO excited about other people's pregnancies!

[Apryl Srissa]

We're having the same issues. So far, my best friend is happy and totally gets it, my grandma is great. My mom, well, she just doesn't get it and is not happy about it. My dad still hasn't acknowledged it yet. We haven't told many others yet for the same reason. I hate the 'trying for a girl' comments especially. Like we only love our kids if they are the sex we want. Or it's ok to try for a girl, but if we have one, then we must be done now.

People are just plain rude! Enjoy the good ones and ignore the rest

[sorteep]

no, you are not expecting too much.. people generally are idiots!, I find!

[sorteep]

OHHHHH yes the girl" comment,, If one more person says "OHH maybe you'll get your girl this time" I swear I'll barf on them.. like I would not be THRILLED with another healthy boy!! sheesh

[MissMaryMack]

When I was pregnant with my third, people kept saying I must be "trying for a boy". As if my girls weren't good enough, and we couldn't possibly want ANOTHER girl. It got so that I hated the idea of having a boy and thought I might hate it if the baby turned out to be a son.

Of course, that baby was my son. Whom I adore, adore, adore. But not more than my daughters! We wanted another child, not any particular kind.

Congratulations! I sort of wish we'd been able to have a 4th, but I'm happy with the 3 we do have.

I have a friend who just announced she's pregnant with her 4th, and they know it's a girl. She got pregnant right before her husband had a vasectomy (I know a few people like that -- who were very conscientious about avoiding sex near ovulation, but conceived anyway) and they and their 3 sons are very excited.

[ljeffers]

Nope

Expecting basic human decency is not too much to ask. I would be thrilled if this were my fourth. And I'm thrilled for you. I am the youngest of six so I am obviously very happy that my parents chose a larger than usual family-or I would not be here.

Hugs to you....Laura

[StacieM]

I'm sorry people don't seem excited. I would be disappointed too. I'm not expecting much of people though - since we already have 4 it's not like a "new" thing you know? But for us it's special and for our kids too - they really want this, so right now that's all that counts. But I was very surprised that my MIL seemed quite happy about it, so that was cool. We haven't told too many people about it, but will probably do so after my u/s this Friday if all goes well. Then we'll get to see reactions, but I'm not going to worry about what they will be - at least, I'll try not too. I'm sure someone will be negative, but DH's family is BIG, so I think everyone gets a little excited about a new baby.

I just found out my SIL is sort of trying, but her cycles are extremely irregular so she doesn't think it'll happen. And my other SIL just had a loss, but will be trying again too after a little break. So it would be cool if we were all pg at the same time. I hope we all are.

[chubbycheeks]

You are not expecting too much, but like the PPs said, most people are just downright nasty and unhappy in life, and I think it gets to them to see anyone else happy (as you obviously are with the pregnancy!!). I too, have gotten these types of replies (or lack of replies). Just try and not let it get to you, all that really matters is that you are *your* family are happy. To heck with the rest of them.

[Rockies5]

I don't think it's too much to ask for. We stopped getting congratulations after #1. I think my MW was more excited then my mom about our #5

[Kontessa]

Another One?

Yes, I understand this! After my son was born my mother asked me if I was going to get my tubes tide as now I have one of each, a girl and a boy. Um mom... NO! How many times have I told her that my life is my kids and that makes me very happy. Hubby and I want a big family. This she can not understand as she says someday I will want a life of my own. I have that! But alas, it does not bring in a pay check so it does not count for some people.

So this is child number 3 for us and in a UU church you can be sure some people are not happy about it. Reminders of over population and such things. People like to look down at others for one reason or another I guess. I agree with others here, it is more about them then you!

I hope we all get the excitement and support that we should durring this time!

((((Hugs))))

Blessings,
Kimmy

[WeasleyMum]

As my username implies, I'd LOVE to have a big family. As it is, I always assume that babies or pregnancies are wanted/ planned except for once that I knew it wasn't, but that's a different story anyways. Why anyone would not react with joy and excitement is beyond me, honestly. I mean, babies! Yay! Who cares what (your) preferences are-- aren't they kind of irrelevent in the case of someone else's pregnancies?

You deserve lots and lots of Yays!

[LittleBrownDog]

WeasleyMum!!! NOW I get your username! I thought maybe you had red hair Duh! I love it!

Hope you are feeling well.

[De-lovely]

WOW do I know what you mean? People are always making remarks though this babe is a surprise we are THRILLED and always planne don another just not right this moment. MIL and FIL dont know yet and will hit the roof when they find out, my father too probably....They did they same thing with baby #3 and it wrecked me for a minute....now at this point I think I shall be much more assertive and let them know I will not be accepting ANY negative reaction about this precious one. What's negative about a baby?:

[Mama2Setia]

Don't let stupid people rain on your parade. Every child, planned or unplanned, is a blessing and should be celebrated.

It's hard not to take people's negative reactions personally. It's not a reflection on you. It is a reflection on them. They are so miserable that they want you to be as well. You know the saying, misery loves company? Well, this it. How sad for them that they choose not to share in your happiness.

I know first hand the negative reactions of family. My poor DS hardly knows his grandmothers! They're not really involved in our lives.

Keep the love and joy for your babe alive in your own nuclear family! That's where it really counts!

[pixiesmommy]

Sucks doesn't it? I'm just on #2 and with my first I was a single mom (she's 6.5 yrs) and I married my soulmate a year ago and now I'm pregnant and due in Nov. So far, my mom said, "Are you sure? Oh my god." and not in a good way. My grandma, who has met my hubby ONE time said, "I can't see him as a daddy" Uhhhhh.... he's the only daddy my dd has EVER known and she ADORES him and has called him Daddy for 2 years now. They are thick like theives!!
My dad said, "I thought you knew better by now" ????? and then proceded to not speak to me for a month.

I can't understand it- I'm a good mom and my whole family will tell you so. They act like I have mistreated my daughter or picked a bad mate or something. Honestly, I think it just irks them that I am so far away now (moved from NC to IL) and they feel like they won't get to know this child, so therefore they are pushing it away already. It's really, really sad and I personally find it to be sick!

Sorry you are dealing with it too.

'Manda