Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 6

[Sonnenwende]

This is a support thread for parents of onlies. If you didn't like being an only fine, but go somewhere else.

[devster4fun]

Originally Posted by N8'sMom

Hey! I am an only child and was the only grandchild for 14 years. I was SPOILED!!
I have one child at the moment, but I am going to have more.
It sucked for me being an only. It was cool for a little while, when I was a kid, and getting all the attention and tons of gifts, etc...but now that I am an adult I wish I had a brother or sister to hang out with. I wish my son had an aunt or uncle on my side. He never will and he won't have any first cousins on my side either....that sucks....and then when my parents get older and pass away, it'll be ONLY me that will deal with that. That will be hard. I wish my mom had another kid. That's why I will definitely have another.

Yes, welcome to MDC. But, Finding Your Tribe area is a support only place. No debating, just support. There are tribes of large families etc...please check those out.

I was an only child and loved it. Attention and gifts is but a tiny part of what it means to be an only. Our family is beyond small and that is fine. My father passed away, without warning, last year and as and ONLY...I figured it out. It WAS hard. I miss him everyday. Having a sibling wouldn't have made his passing any easier.

For me, being an only child is part of what made me who I am. I'm independent, a leader, confident and secure. I'm extremely loyal and enjoy being alone to explore the world. Those are all positive things in my life, due (in part) to my upbringing as an only child.

[N8'sMom]

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

This is a support thread for parents of onlies. If you didn't like being an only fine, but go somewhere else.

just giving my experience and opinion on it....geez! a little rude!

[Sonnenwende]

Here is the wrong place for it. Read the rules before you post. I don't agree with a lot of the things I read in the support threads here but I don't run in them and tell them why they suck like you did.

[AntMom]

I was an only child and loved it. Attention and gifts is but a tiny part of what it means to be an only. Our family is beyond small and that is fine. My father passed away, without warning, last year and as and ONLY...I figured it out. It WAS hard. I miss him everyday. Having a sibling wouldn't have made his passing any easier.

For me, being an only child is part of what made me who I am. I'm independent, a leader, confident and secure. I'm extremely loyal and enjoy being alone to explore the world. Those are all positive things in my life, due (in part) to my upbringing as an only child.

I agree with Devster. Attention is a tiny part of it. Although I worry about my parents passing away, I know that having a brother or sister wouldn't make it any easier. And I think by being an only child, I was forced to learn to make my own way in the world, making friends beyond the family and learning to interact with a wide range of people. I am self-reliant and that is a good thing. I see the same things happening with my son. Sure, he loves attention, but a lot of non-onlies do too!

I don't think sibs are built-in companions, either. I have many friends that never talk to their sibs, or they don't live nearby, or whatever. People in general are more spread out these days. It's a good skill to be able to make new friends and adapt to new situations.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend with their onlies!

[swissmiss]

Originally Posted by AntMom

I agree with Devster. Attention is a tiny part of it. Although I worry about my parents passing away, I know that having a brother or sister wouldn't make it any easier. And I think by being an only child, I was forced to learn to make my own way in the world, making friends beyond the family and learning to interact with a wide range of people. I am self-reliant and that is a good thing. I see the same things happening with my son. Sure, he loves attention, but a lot of non-onlies do too!

I don't think sibs are built-in companions, either. I have many friends that never talk to their sibs, or they don't live nearby, or whatever. People in general are more spread out these days. It's a good skill to be able to make new friends and adapt to new situations.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend with their onlies!

Couldn't have said it better myself!
I'm not an only, and my dh and I both consider our brothers (we each have one, 3 years younger than us) our best buds, but until reading what you have written here (and I've only checked these last few posts) I had some regrets in that area about having an only. Thanks for putting my mind at ease! I'm really glad to see this thread.
And P.S. I know a family of three siblings, all in their 50s, who do not talk to one another. And I know several Onlies, including my stepbrother, who are wonderful, wonderful people. Perhaps less selfish and more giving than many others. And yes, I just had a fabulous weekend, alone with my only!

[N8'sMom]

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

Here is the wrong place for it. Read the rules before you post. I don't agree with a lot of the things I read in the support threads here but I don't run in them and tell them why they suck like you did.

Excuse me? When did I say anyone sucked? I was talking about my own experience as an only. You need to re-read my post because I was not directing that at anyone.
You need to chill out and quit being so hateful and rude. You have no business telling someone to go post somewhere else. If you're in a bad mood, take it out on someone else.

[rambunctiouscurls]

Subbing! :

First of all, let me say right off the bat how happy am I to find this place! A lot of your words have resonated with me and I found myself nodding along as I read almost everyone's posts, except the one on top of this page.

I have been contemplating for months now to stick with only one. Our dd is beautiful, delightful, and very high needs. Before we had her, we wanted to have two or three kids but that was before we knew what it was like. I think it's VERY smart not to spread ourselves too thin and to focus on the one child we brought into this world and of course our marriage. It has gone through a lot this year and suffered a lot. We are JUST picking up the pieces now and getting along better.

We deal with sleepless nights, teething, separation anxiety etc. We have successfully dealt with colic. yay!
We can barely handle the one we have and really, I CANNOt wait till I can get at least 4 hours of sleep. haha. I don't want to have to do this ever again.
Don't get me wrong. This year has been wonderful in many more ways than it has been challenging. However, I have realized that I'm just not cut out to be the person who puts in years into breeding and raising children. I want to move on, start being able to fulfill our dreams. Now that we have become parents, we have realized one of those dreams. I have heard so many ppl say they still got to do a lot with one but as soon as they had another one, even getting out of the house became a huge ordeal. Call me selfish, but that's not what I want for our family.

Another reason why I don't want a large family is based on our own history.

I come from a large family and my parents were too busy and stressed out to be involved in my life. We couldn't even afford for all of us to be in extra curricular activities. It would be nearly impossible for them to get to even parent-teacher conferences. That's not the kind of life I want for our child.
My dh is from a large (blended) family and suffered from parents having favorites and him constantly getting the short end of the stick as the middle child and being a step son.

So it just makes Sense for us to nurture and love the one we have right now and be able to provide for her and for ourselves. The future looks optimistic having an only whereas just adding another one into the mix just throws everything off balance.

The pressure, from family and friends, of course to have more is Huge. It is ironic though that we don't have any support from family members at all. They have yet to even come over and hang out with the dd we have. She is 10.5 months old.

Honestly though, At the end of the day, I want to come to a quiet house and escape from the chaos. I have always lived for that. I think dd will have a huge advantage in that sense. She will have a quiet place to rest at the end of the day and meditate/relax. It will become part of her lifestyle. There are soo many pros to having an only child and everyday, I become more certain of our decision.

A family of three is JUSt right for us!

[Sonnenwende]

Originally Posted by N8'sMom

Excuse me? When did I say anyone sucked? I was talking about my own experience as an only. You need to re-read my post because I was not directing that at anyone.
You need to chill out and quit being so hateful and rude. You have no business telling someone to go post somewhere else. If you're in a bad mood, take it out on someone else.

I get in a bad mood when people like you don't pay attention to what this thread is actually for: People who have onlies and are not having any more children, whether by choice or circumstance.

It is not for people to come in here and whine about how they hated being an only and talk about how they are having many more. Get. A. Clue.

[msjd123]

Originally Posted by Mommy2Amira

Subbing! :

First of all, let me say right off the bat how happy am I to find this place! A lot of your words have resonated with me and I found myself nodding along as I read almost everyone's posts, except the one on top of this page.

I have been contemplating for months now to stick with only one. Our dd is beautiful, delightful, and very high needs. Before we had her, we wanted to have two or three kids but that was before we knew what it was like. I think it's VERY smart not to spread ourselves too thin and to focus on the one child we brought into this world and of course our marriage. It has gone through a lot this year and suffered a lot. We are JUST picking up the pieces now and getting along better.

We deal with sleepless nights, teething, separation anxiety etc. We have successfully dealt with colic. yay!
We can barely handle the one we have and really, I CANNOt wait till I can get at least 4 hours of sleep. haha. I don't want to have to do this ever again.
Don't get me wrong. This year has been wonderful in many more ways than it has been challenging. However, I have realized that I'm just not cut out to be the person who puts in years into breeding and raising children. I want to move on, start being able to fulfill our dreams. Now that we have become parents, we have realized one of those dreams. I have heard so many ppl say they still got to do a lot with one but as soon as they had another one, even getting out of the house became a huge ordeal. Call me selfish, but that's not what I want for our family.

Another reason why I don't want a large family is based on our own history.

I come from a large family and my parents were too busy and stressed out to be involved in my life. We couldn't even afford for all of us to be in extra curricular activities. It would be nearly impossible for them to get to even parent-teacher conferences. That's not the kind of life I want for our child.
My dh is from a large (blended) family and suffered from parents having favorites and him constantly getting the short end of the stick as the middle child and being a step son.

So it just makes Sense for us to nurture and love the one we have right now and be able to provide for her and for ourselves. The future looks optimistic having an only whereas just adding another one into the mix just throws everything off balance.

The pressure, from family and friends, of course to have more is Huge. It is ironic though that we don't have any support from family members at all. They have yet to even come over and hang out with the dd we have. She is 10.5 months old.

Honestly though, At the end of the day, I want to come to a quiet house and escape from the chaos. I have always lived for that. I think dd will have a huge advantage in that sense. She will have a quiet place to rest at the end of the day and meditate/relax. It will become part of her lifestyle. There are soo many pros to having an only child and everyday, I become more certain of our decision.

A family of three is JUSt right for us!

Aside from the parts about you and your DH being from huge families, everything you said rings true for us as well! Especially the part about wanting to come home to a quiet house.

This may sound terrible, but I often pity the moms of 2 or more who are constantly frazzled, constantly dealing with siblings fighting, haven't gotten a full night's sleep in more than 5 years, and constantly have to sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. Don't get me wrong -- our DD is very high-needs and high-energy as well, and I usually don't mind sacrificing our needs for hers, but that's also because I know there is an end in sight. As I keep reminding DH, she won't always be like this. We're hoping to take our first family vacation in a couple of years when she's 4, and after that, the world! As an infant/toddler, she's been a terrible little traveler, but I figure that's just a matter of time, and one fine day, she WILL sleep away from home, and like I said, I can't wait until we can travel!

[N8'sMom]

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

I get in a bad mood when people like you don't pay attention to what this thread is actually for: People who have onlies and are not having any more children, whether by choice or circumstance.

It is not for people to come in here and whine about how they hated being an only and talk about how they are having many more. Get. A. Clue.

get some manners, better yet find something else to do....i will...reading your hateful crap is a waste of time

[Sonnenwende]

Originally Posted by N8'sMom

get some manners, better yet find something else to do....i will...reading your hateful crap is a waste of time

Well, if you had read in the first place, you would have known this wasn't the group for you and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Anyway...

This may sound terrible, but I often pity the moms of 2 or more who are constantly frazzled, constantly dealing with siblings fighting, haven't gotten a full night's sleep in more than 5 years, and constantly have to sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. Don't get me wrong -- our DD is very high-needs and high-energy as well, and I usually don't mind sacrificing our needs for hers, but that's also because I know there is an end in sight.

Ah yes. I am frazzled enough with one. I would be a complete wreck with more than one.

[devster4fun]

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

Well, if you had read in the first place, you would have known this wasn't the group for you and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Umm yeah to that!!

What is with some of these mamas? There's like 50 different forums and a zillion threads. They pick this one: :

It was funny the other day, I was having a discussion with some friends about being an only and having an only. We were talking about this...Do onlies prefer or enjoy "the spotlight" more than others. (It's a generalization I know)

I'm on a serious tennis team and we were talking about if we mind when a crowd watches us play. I could care less...and yes I do like the attention and spotlight I actually play better when I have an audience. Compare this to another player who is the youngest of 7!! She HATES an audience and we know not to gather to watch her matches.

For me...the bottem line about being an only child is you never know any other way. I applaude my parents for a making a choice they knew would be best for their marriage and our family.

And, HI Mommy2Amira...I enjoyed your post. Glad you're here.

[WillyMom]

I am glad this thread is here and active, for SUPPORT!
DH and I have talked about it A LOT this weekend, that is our decision to have only DS. We have realized that we believe that it is parents not siblings that can make or break a childhood, and that the ultimate responsibility for Ben's happiness rides on our shulders not a siblings. I have two siblings and did not have a happy childhood. DH has one brother and while they get along now my BIL was very cruel to my DH while growing up. This is not to say that people with siblings dont love their siblings and havent had great childhoods, its just to point out that it can work both ways.
So for now we are one and done. If we change our minds, great. If we dont great. either way we will focus on Ben and his happiness.
I honestly want to be done. I love Ben so much and really don't want to spread the love any further. There are other reasons too that I will get into in a later post but now DS is crying upstairs with DH and refusing to go to sleep. (is it the weather?). Gotta go put a boob in his mouth

Real quickly, Devster, thanks for ALL your posts. They help a lot. You being an only and then deciding to have an only is such a great example. Thanks!

[devster4fun]

Originally Posted by WillyMom

I am glad this thread is here and active, for SUPPORT!
DH and I have talked about it A LOT this weekend, that is our decision to have only DS. We have realized that we believe that it is parents not siblings that can make or break a childhood, and that the ultimate responsibility for Ben's happiness rides on our shulders not a siblings. I have two siblings and did not have a happy childhood. DH has one brother and while they get along now my BIL was very cruel to my DH while growing up. This is not to say that people with siblings dont love their siblings and havent had great childhoods, its just to point out that it can work both ways.
So for now we are one and done. If we change our minds, great. If we dont great. either way we will focus on Ben and his happiness.
I honestly want to be done. I love Ben so much and really don't want to spread the love any further. There are other reasons too that I will get into in a later post but now DS is crying upstairs with DH and refusing to go to sleep. (is it the weather?). Gotta go put a boob in his mouth

Real quickly, Devster, thanks for ALL your posts. They help a lot. You being an only and then deciding to have an only is such a great example. Thanks!

I love the name Ben. SO cute!

So true with the sibling issue. Having a brother or sister is not a guarantee that you'll have a lifelong friend.

Welcome...I look forward to chatting with everyone as our kiddos grow.

I want to hear about the challenges you face.

[rupiezum]

Originally Posted by devster4fun

So true with the sibling issue. Having a brother or sister is not a guarantee that you'll have a lifelong friend.

Welcome...I look forward to chatting with everyone as our kiddos grow.

I want to hear about the challenges you face.

You know, I feel like it doesn't matter what choices you make - onlies or multiples, far spaced kiddos or kiddos who are only a year apart - there's going to be ups and downs no matter what. So all you can do is make the choices that are right for you and your family, and then deal with it. KWIM?

For us, the right choice is to have an only. I can be a damn good mother to my DD - but I know I couldn't be as good mother to more than one. I just know it in my bones, the same way I knew that DH was the one for me.

BTW... DD is 4 1/2. How old are your kiddos, everyone?

[rambunctiouscurls]

Originally Posted by msjd123

This may sound terrible, but I often pity the moms of 2 or more who are constantly frazzled, constantly dealing with siblings fighting, haven't gotten a full night's sleep in more than 5 years, and constantly have to sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.

Exactly! I'm already frazzled enough as it is. But there is an end in sight. Another perk is that dh and I don't have to divide and conquer, so to speak. We can be awesome parents to only one.

Originally Posted by devster4fun

Umm yeah to that!!

And, HI Mommy2Amira...I enjoyed your post. Glad you're here.

Hi! Thank you. :

Originally Posted by WillyMom

I am glad this thread is here and active, for SUPPORT!
DH and I have talked about it A LOT this weekend, that is our decision to have only DS. We have realized that we believe that it is parents not siblings that can make or break a childhood, and that the ultimate responsibility for Ben's happiness rides on our shulders not a siblings. I have two siblings and did not have a happy childhood. DH has one brother and while they get along now my BIL was very cruel to my DH while growing up. This is not to say that people with siblings dont love their siblings and havent had great childhoods, its just to point out that it can work both ways.

Dh's brother was really cruel to him too. And as for me, I'm the oldest of five children. My mom pit us against one another a lot. She encouraged "spying on one another and tattling". This strained our relationship a lot. This sounds terrible but I remember resenting my siblings for that and wishing I was an only child like one of my friends. Sadly, I still don't have much of a relationship with any of them. So yeah, it definately depends on the Parents and the way they raise their children that determines how happy and well-balanced they turn out.

[msjd123]

Originally Posted by N8'sMom

get some manners, better yet find something else to do....i will...reading your hateful crap is a waste of time

N8's mom, seriously, do read the rules and guidelines; they're in a sticky at the top of the FYT forum. Sonnewende is not picking on you, only pointing out how these threads are structured. I think you'll be much happier in a debate forum or in a thread with likeminded folks.

[Sonnenwende]

BTW... DD is 4 1/2. How old are your kiddos, everyone?

My daughter is 15.5 months old.

We just finally have broken a 7 week cycle of illness and teething, teething and illness. She has actually been very, very good this entire weekend. I want to have a party and knock on a lot of wood.

Oh and my husband is going in for his vasectomy next week. No, not looking forward to the carefree sex at all....

[WillyMom]

DS is 11mo.
So, some of the other reasons we are considering (95%sure) only one:
I was never one of those girls who always dreamt of the husband and house and tons of kids. I never dreamt of the wedding. I just kind of did my thing. When DH and I were togerther for 6 years we were having some wine and thought "should we get married?". At the wedding thoughts of kids didnt even enter our mind. We bought a house and I was 30 and it felt like maybe something was missing, so we got a dog. A few years later, we thought, maybe we should have a baby. One week of unprotected sex and the decision was made
Neither of us come from big families with lots of babies around. We have been basically flying by the seat of our pants. I think I am a good Mom and DH is great but its not completely natural to us. We dont know if we really could handle another. DS seems a bit sensitive and we worry that a sibling could bully him or take away that extra attention that he needs and craves. DS loves to be held and always wants our attention. The second night in the hospital he needed to be held all night. I was so exhausted that I sent him to the nursery for a few hours in between feedings (which I regre , and the nurse told me that he had to be held the whole time. His first night home I sat up holding him all night (this is before I figured out cosleeping ). I finally figured he was only happy being held and began to baby wear and co-sleep. Still at 11 months there are times in the day where he plays for a minute then just literally crawls all over me asking to be held and how could I say no? Now, I dont know if this means he is sensitive and will continue to be but for me it means he needs me, a lot of me.
Also, and I don't want to offend anyone with this so please don't take this the wrong way. I suffer from basic anxiety and while pregnant I was very, very anxious about the health of the baby. I stressed so much about whether or not the baby would be healthy because I honestly dont feel that I could handle it other wise. The anxiety, while unwarranted was real and put a real strain on DH and took away from the joy of a very normal and healthy pregnancy. The anxiety didnt go away for about 2 months after DS was born. I dont know if I could go through that again. It was really bad.
Most of all, this just feels right! Yesterday DH and heard a song we loved and were dancing and Ben looked up and smiled. We picked him up and danced with him. He was so happy. It just felt so great and there was NOTHING missing. It felt so complete