Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 71

[mother_sunshine]

mckennasmomma, thanks for sharing. I really needed that today especially.

[SweetPotato]

Hi folks! I haven't posted in ages, but wanted to check in. How great to have someone speak honestly about the challenges of having 2-- I feel like my friends usually frame things as saying tha thaving a second "isn't too bad" "is worth it", etc. I guess when I hear those phrases it kind of feels like a very subtle, perhaps unconcious admission that it IS hard. Call me selfish, but I don't really want harder right now My dd turned 4 a couple months ago, and I have to say- we rock! I'm not exactly a poster child for balance, and it's only recently that I feel like I'm able to really start getting involved in my own things again- which is happier for the whole family. Dh and I finally went away on our own overnight-- dd had a GREAT slumber party with grandma, and dh and I were able to reconnect in a way that we really haven't in years now. Life is good! Dd still occasionally asks about getting a baby (since so many friends have littles), but then she still runs out of patience with them fairly quickly when we visit- which makes me sooo happy that we don't have that near-constant conflict in our home. I guess I'm just a bit suprised that I haven't been hit with baby fever as she's getting older-- but I really feel like things are SO great with the three of us that I just have no desire to mess with it. And my relationship with dd is so fulfilling that I don't have any empty holes, if that makes sense-- she fills me up! Anyway-- that's my mini-update for the day. I'd love to hear how everyone else is doing!

[iris777888]

SweetPotato - I concur with you on so many things and am looking forward achieving more of that me time again sometime soon. We're also considering our first overnight away in about six months or so.

Our DS will turn three in a little under a month, and I also remained convinced one child is the right decision for us. We're starting to make plans for the future, considering preschool and DH taking a job again, which seems really so odd to imagine. I can't believe how fast the time goes!

I've been around some babies lately and have not felt the desire to have another. Occasionally I feel sad I won't ever get to be pregnant again (I really enjoyed being pregnant, it was one of the few times my body felt truly in balance and happy- no issues with skin, mood, etc.) but that does not translate into desire to have a baby.

We're getting a few comments from some family members that they wish we'd have more, but no pressure. I think it helps that DH's sister is going to a child now, so ours won't be the only grandchild anymore.

[earthgirl]

Originally Posted by iris777888

I've been around some babies lately and have not felt the desire to have another. Occasionally I feel sad I won't ever get to be pregnant again (I really enjoyed being pregnant, it was one of the few times my body felt truly in balance and happy- no issues with skin, mood, etc.) but that does not translate into desire to have a baby.

I totally understand. I have a lot of friends who have recently had number two and it is nice to hold their babies for a bit, but so much nicer to hand them back over. But I do sometimes find myself wishing I could be pregnant and give birth again. It was such a magical and empowering time in my life and I do sometimes feel sad that it's over.

[jboo7506]

update

hello all! russ is almost three months old yay! he's thriving with his daddy and i. as i type this i am nursing him. i still can't picture being able to do all the things i do with russ (carrying most of the day, elimination communication, and so on) with another child while having russ to take care of as well. i think another child would take away from the bond russ shares with me and my husband. when i am overtired i get crabby with russ (unfortunately) if i had another child i would probably over tired all the time, i don't think i'd be a good mom anymore.
i am glad i am thinking about these things now, hopefully that will keep me from idealizing how great it is to have a baby.

gotta go make dinner.

jen

[angelisagemini]

Hey Ladies!
So I was having a bit of baby fever recently, just mourning a bit how fast DS is growing. But then a friend of mine had an emergency and I took her son for her and I'm supposed to have him for the next week or so for 12 hours a day......no more baby fever here!
Because babies grow up...into three year olds who test every limit you have! I have been playing referee all day. I've had to protect my one year old from him and it's just no fun!
I love parenting DS, we have a great time, but after today I was thinking that it would be my DS I would be admonishing, having to put in time outs and constantly refereeing and I just don't want to.

God knew I needed this reminder.
But I really hope his mom comes home soon. Lesson learned, don't offer to babysit for more than a few hours at a time!

[Maluhia]

Aloha all,

Please keep the Parenting Forum Guidelines in mind as this thread continues;

Please avoid negative characterizations, insults, blanket statements, condemnations of others, etc. Members are welcome to post seeking advice, opinions or suggestions on how best to handle conflict, and we welcome posts about changing attitudes as a whole and how to deal with differing views. Venting is understandable, however, we will discourage bashing. Threads/posts that are inflammatory, hurtful or disrespectful will be removed. We are here to discuss our personal parenting paths, not to bash others who may chose differently. We advocate compassionate and respectful approaches to parenting challenges. We hope that a parent who posts looking for information and support will be empathetically received and helped so that the child behind the posts will benefit in a very real way.

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[NYCVeg]

We just did our first overnight, too! (Dd is a little over 3.5.) We probably would have done it sooner, honestly, because she LURVES her grandparents, but we haven't felt comfortable b/c of her severe food allergies (as it is, we'll only leave her with one set of grandparents: mine mean very well, and try hard, but they just don't quite "get" the food allergies and we don't think it's worth risking dd's life).

Anyway, dh and I went out to a fancy dinner, watched a movie, and, like the PP said, connected in a way that we haven't for awhile.

I am looking forward to more sleepovers in the future--fun for the whole family!

[majikfaerie]

Yeah, every time I get to thinking I'd maybe like another kid, I hang out with someone who has a few kids and think, 'whoa! that's not for me!"

[jboo7506]

Traumatic childbirth

Hello all,
Well I am in a different place mentally than I was last time I posted. I am trying to work through the traumatic childbirth of my son. Is anyone else doing the same or has done it? I find myself feeling guilty about how he must have experienced the birth and how scary it i think it was for him. I know I did all I could for us to have the birth I wanted but thats not enough to quell my sadness at the loss of the birth I felt was best for both of us, physically and emotionally.

Also, I find myself thinking "If I had another baby I could have the birth I wanted or at least a better one." I know it's illogical because that birth will be what it'll be and I have no control over it.

I don't want to project my sadness and guilt onto my son. How do I work through this? How do I get to a place where I accept his birth as it was and not all the things it wasn't?!

Any advice, support, or suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading this.
Jen

[raingyrl]

hi jen,

i could have written your post a year or so ago.

there are so many things i could say, but i have to get out the door with this little guy..

the loss of the birth you wanted is real. find someone with whom you can talk the whole experience through. take the time to heal yourself. others who had great experiences probably won't understand. (i had several homebirthing goddesses blame me for what i "let" happen. i also had a hard time with ICAN in my area because there was an emphasis on taking my birth experience back with a second child. that wasn't going to help me; i only want to have one child.)

a close friend of mine said something that has finally made sense to me. (at the time i wanted to throw knives at him.) he said it's possible that the birth experience i had was more about how my child needed to enter the world. it was his karma, or whatever you want to call it. that he is stronger for it.

whatever your situation, your sadness and guilt will lessen over time. you did everything you could given what you had and knew at the time.

[majikfaerie]

thanks for bumping this thread. and

[babeak]

Jen...

I am so sorry....I just spent about 1 hour writing a response and it got deleted as I was trying to post it. Ergh! I've got to go to bed. I will try again tomorrow night.


Any advice, support, or suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading this.
Jen[/QUOTE]

[labdogs42]

I just thought I'd pop back on here and say hi to the moms of onlies again! My DS turned 5 in February and we're still thrilled to have one kiddo!

[majikfaerie]

yay. my dd is turning 7 next month, and I'm totally happy with not having more. DP would like another though, which is a bit of an issue. I just wish he could explain why, in a way that I could understand it. sigh.

[Molck]

You revived this thread at a perfect time! I'm really loving our little family today .

DS will be two in a couple of months, and it seems like everyone in our parenting-friends circle is having a second (or just did, or are talking about it...). I'm starting to wonder how the dynamics are going to change with some of our friends.

Since DS was born, we've spent a lot of time with other mom/toddler pairs where we're all very much going through the same developmental issues, etc. at the same time. I'm starting to feel a bit of an outsider now that that is changing-- talk turning to pregnancy, to sibling issues, etc. Have any of you been through this?

Any tips? I'm guessing it'll get easier as he gets older/more independent. And we've added a second all-ages play group during the week (already had one), so that helps. I'm not too worried, but I thought I'd bring it up anyway.

[bosch]

Funny, I only just found my way back to MDC after a long hiatus, and look, I've found my tribe already.

My daughter just turned 4 at the end of February, and I have never been more sure that I only want one. Most of our friends have a second one already, and my best friend from college just had her second one (two under two!) over the weekend. I teach natural childbirth classes and am a doula, so I do get to be around babies a fair bit, so I think that helps squash some of the baby lust.

However, I am finding myself really wishing I could experience pregnancy and birth again. It was such a powerful experience, and it does make me feel a bit heartbroken to know that I will never get to do it again.

That being said, we finally got to go on an adults-only trip last month, and it was wonderful to not be 24/7 parents. I'm starting to plan the next few months/years as far as my career is concerned, and it's very exciting. As much as the idea of being pregnant again thrills me, I don't want to postpone my life for another four years, especially when I feel like I'm just starting to be "me" again.

[bartleby]

Hi, mamas. I can't recall if I've actually posted to this thread before, but I wanted to chime in and ask a question.

I have a 5-year-old daughter, who we adopted at birth. From the get-go, I devoted myself to attachment parenting my wee one with, I see now, an intensity and utter lack of balance that eventually led to a major emotional crash. (I'll spare details there, but I am getting help now.) Anyway, after 5 years of this intensive parenting, this fall my girl will start kindergarten. Probably full-day, since that's pretty much the only option at the schools we're looking at.

Pre-kid, I had a decent job, but not a career per se. I feel utterly blank about what I am going to do when kiddo goes to K. Financially, I probably won't have to get a job right away, but I do want to explore some source of income. Anyone else find themselves in this situation? After what will be closer to 6 years this fall, having 6 hours a day to myself will feel both liberating and strange. I see it as a potentially positive transition in my life, but still kind of daunting.

I don't really know anyone else in this situation, as most of my friends/acquaintances still will have a little one at home when their older kid goes to K. Or, if that's not the case, they've been working part-time throughout.

[sarahdavida]

subbing to read and post when I have more time

[insahmniak]

bartleby -

In case you have some time, you might try volunteering with some cause that you feel strongly about. Getting involved in the community and looking around to see where the needs are can be a great experience, and by word of mouth you may be able to find opportunities for paid work that is gratifying. Just a thought.

My daughter is 6.5 and I was really set on homeschooling her but I'm looking into other options because of her high social needs. So I may be in your shoes in the near future. I had a profession that I abandoned and have no chance of getting back into. Step out of IT for 7 years and you're going to pay quite a price.

Best luck finding something that feeds you!