Glad to find this thread!!
DH & I are pretty sure DS is our one & only. He's more sure than I am (which I posted about a long time ago & got great support from some of the other moms of singles -- thanks!). But from an emotional & financial stand point it really makes sense for us to only have one child.
I've been not only getting pressure, though, but like direct "don't do it"s from people I know!! DH's step dad told me (as nicely as one can... he's a sweet guy) that it's the reason his own relationship with his daughter has been troubled. And then basically said we had to give DS a sibling!! My jaw just about dropped to the floor. I felt bad for his experience, but, man, not cool! And then a friend of mine (who's an only child) told me to not do it (though she couldn't say exactly why). It's just amazing how people have such strong opinions & feel so free to share them!! IRL I can think of only one friend (and really, this is more of an acquaintance) who is actually planning on only one. It's crazy to me.
I haven't checked this thread in ages, but just read your post today and couldn't not respond. Even though I'm the ambivalent one in our family (dh is still 100% confident about only wanting one), I totally get the selfish sad feeling when friends with onlies get pg-- it's like they're opting out of our own special club or something. Not that we can't still be friends, etc., but just that feeling of having thought that you all shared some special understanding that set you apart a little bit from the rest of the world, and then.. oomph... nevermind- you're all on your own afterall. Just kind of disappointing and kind of like being left behind. At least that's how I've felt.
I also can say now that I was extremely jealous when two of my good friends got pg again, but now that their babies have been born, a lot of that feeling has disappeared. I think that my history of mcs and the rough pg before having our dd (now 5.5yo) kind of makes me susceptible to focusing on pregnancy-- the happy, carefree, pg that I spent 2 years longing for and never really had-- more so than the realities of actually having another person needing me all the time. We're now looking ahead to kindy in the fall, and I'm pretty darned excited about all the possibilities. While I still worry about regretting not having another, I also feel fairly certain that I, my marriage, and our whole family, will likely be healthier if we let ourselves continue to grow as we are, without adding to the mix. In having dd, whom we both adore, we've also discovered that neither dh nor I is very good at balance. He's very career-focused and I'm very child focused (and with our very spirited dd, that has been largely to the exclusion of everything else in my life- not healthy, I know). I think we're finally approaching a good sort of equilibrium now, and I'm frankly afraid of putting more pressure on dh and of losing myself completely. Still wishing we could all be a bit more easy-going about it all, but that's just not who we are. I'm finding that I really enjoy spending time with other families whose kids are older (or whose youngest is dd's age), just so long as we're all "done". Maybe that makes me shallow or bad or something, but I just find it easier sometimes.
I can totally relate to these feelings! I'm almost a little (inwardly) disappointed when I hear my friends are getting pg with #2. A friend who had the same due date as mine recently had her 2nd, and I was most "sad" about that one. But at the same time I totally find myself getting baby fever. I loved being pregnant & birthing, and having been through it once I'd like to do it again for purely selfish reasons (like trying a home birth or changing the way we did things with DS in the early months... it's totally an urge to be able to "fix" what didn't work the first time around... which I know is totally irrational!!). But the thought of caring for & raising two children is not something I'm after.
Though I will say: One of the reasons we tried to get pg was because we both agreed that we'd likely regret not having a family later. I am SO happy we made that decision. So I feel I can't quite ignore that nagging voice that's telling me I might regret only having one... Ugh! I can seriously say this decision will be the hardest we've ever made!
Thanks for reading my rambles!