Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 81

[Dacks]

Oh wow I just started reading this thread and realized it has been going for 4 years and 80 pages!! Some novels are shorter, haha! I would like to have an only child one day. My best friend is an only and she turned out pretty awesome and would also only want to have one herself, so that is a big vote in favor for me. I was the oldest of 4, and I know exactly how impossible it was for my Mom to give us all we needed. 

[cat13]

Hello! I just came across this tribe and decided that I'd love to participate. I'm due with my first in August and DH & I are about 90% sure we only want the one. Who knows, I could totally change my mind later, but for now it just feels right.

It's great to hear from all you mamas with onlies, whether it was by choice or circumstance. Thanks for sharing.
 

[goldenwillow]

Bump!

[Brandybutter]

Hi Friends, I would love to join this tribe too!  

My husband keeps saying we're "one and done", which was our original compromise (he's 11 years older than me.)   However, now that my adorable DS is 17 mo and most things (except all night nursing) are still manageable, I'm beginning to wonder what it would be like for us to have more.

I look forward to reading these 80 pages (!) of posts to help us along with this very difficult decision.

Hope you all are well...

[rookiemtnmama]

I'd love to join too for anyone else who is newly interested. I am due in Sept with our first child and we already have people asking us if we'll have another!?! How about if we just have this one first! My response is always, "we'll start with this one and see how it goes". We've been together for 14 years and I was never sure that we would have any kids. I'm the oldest of 4 and have always thought I wanted children but my DH said he didn't want any. Things changed after our beloved (almost 15 yo) fur-baby passed away at the end of last year and just the 2 of us were left. We decided to not be so "careful" and now here we are. We are both happy about expecting our first, but not sure about having another. Since we both come from larger families, I know the pressure will be on after this one arrives. Anyway, looking forward to talking with you all and getting this thread going again :)

[vydalea]

Welcome, ladies.  I'm 15 months in and am stupendously happy with my only.  we'll see if it sticks but I can't imagine it won't.  

[t2009]

Welcome!

I am happy to say that we are moving & I have managed to let go of a lot of baby stuff. It was just sort of hanging around in the basement because of this unspoken assumption that we were not done having kids, even though we had both expressed a desire to only have one. It's funny how the assumption of more than one is hard to shake!

Also, I confronted one of my friends who told me once that she would never have just one child. I asked her why she had said that & you know what -- she said that she wanted to recant (she's an only so I took her statement to heart). She had really thought about it since our first conversation & thought there was no sure thing -- that having a sibling wouldn't necessarily "fix" the things that were hard about being an only child & that actually it could have easily made growing up more complicated. 

So, all in all, I'm feeling good these days about our choice to have just one!

[PiperLime]

My DS is only 7 months but I'm done! One is great and I love that he'll always have all my attention : ) I get pressure too, "Oh, you'll want another one." I just bite my tongue or say, "Maybe, maybe not."

Glad to meet other "only-child mamas" :)

[ryry]

I understand about the want for a small baby in arms but then have to relize that your family is just right at least some how. I have a 5yr DH my husband and I always wanted a few but not with my health it turns out  :(   so after so many years of yrs teaching school and high risk infants(heath effected) I have no mor little ones in my arms either but one kid who is heading off to all day school in a few weeks. I keep thinking do I risk my and infants heath to try for another child as she would be a wonderful big sibling or just give up on it and stick with what we know for the last 6yrs- its too much of risk. Its hard to be of two minds two hearts but I muddle thru. so far. not alone. I have many ?s about only one/ Iam scared what the hard parts for are going to be,what have I not thought about or will she resent us for, not having a bigger family like a friend I knew was like toward her parents(they could have had more), or what else would I miss ---I Love the plan of being able to give more to her -hopfuly not too much.

I think a singilton takes more finess than lots of kids in the group-remember I have run classrooms and other in home experiance. 

sorry if I went off on another way said too much or somthing but just found this thread ,ment alot . the post hit a spot that Iam not alone in feelings.thanks

[mayaandx]

Hi, Is this the only forum for parents of only children? I wish they would have a separate thing for it so you could post with different topics. 

It sounds like everyone here on this thread is very happy to be the parent of an only, which is great, and I've loved reading the different perspectives.

I, however, feel a huge amount of guilt and sorrow about the situation. We have only 4 relatives in this country almost 200 miles away, we go to school about half an hour from where we live (excellent school)  and so don't know many people around where we live. We just moved to this area when my son was two and started right away at his school, so my husband and I don't have close friendships around here, either. I feel my son (almost 7) needs more connections and attachments close by. We've tried extracurricular activities in the area where we live, but find that other kids are really overscheduled, parents work and can't have playdates, kids in classes have already bonded with playmates from school and don't include my son, etc.

Moving closer to the school, where we do know some people, is out of the question. I am 43 and for various reasons it seems another child is not in the cards. Also, his father and I might be separating in the future, and I just really worry about my son being isolated and lost.

I guess I wanted to connect with others who are in the same situation and feeling guilt and sadness about having an only child; who are worrying that their child won't have enough attachment and contact, especially after separation. If I had an extended family with lots of relatives, or lived on a street where kids play outside, or we (the parents) have been in the community a long time and knew people, I might feel differently, but that is not our situation. 

It is good to think about the benefits of being an only, too, which I will promptly do! But there is so much about our situation that frustrates and saddens and worries me.

Thanks for any responses.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by mayaandx 

I guess I wanted to connect with others who are in the same situation and feeling guilt and sadness about having an only child; who are worrying that their child won't have enough attachment and contact, especially after separation. If I had an extended family with lots of relatives, or lived on a street where kids play outside, or we (the parents) have been in the community a long time and knew people, I might feel differently, but that is not our situation.

IKWYM. My only wasn't planned to be one. I do get sad seeing pictures of kids with their siblings and I do find that bigger families don't want to get together because they have a full plate whereas we are knocking around starving for interaction. Similarly, we don't live in a neighborhood with kids playing outside. We homeschool and it's always been a struggle finding people to get together with. Fortunately, some of ds's cousins are only a couple hours drive away so we see them a few times a year. Since it can't be helped, I just keep plugging away at finding social situations.

I don't really worry about ds in the long run. He's good at attachment, given the opportunity. But he'd be happier with some real friends and more frequent kid contact rather than playing multiplayer online games.

[iris777888]

Would others be OK with making this tribe into a social group? http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1327212/social-groups-are-here Would make things a lot easier to follow since we could then have separate threads for various discussions.

[cat13]

I would love to have this be a social group.

AFM: DH and I are about 90% sure that DS is going to be an only, but not ready to make it final since DS is still so young. I'd love to connect with other parents of onlies more often.

[carfreemama]

I think it's a fine idea. Just had my tubes removed, so it's official; DD will be an only permanently. She just turned 8!

[iris777888]

It looks like we'll have to submit a group name (Moms of Onlies or Mom of an Only Child perhaps?) and designate at least two people to be co-leaders. I'm OK with being one of them if needed. There's not much responsibility if we have an open group, other than making sure posts are not inappropriate.

We also need to specify if we want an open or closed group. Either way the posts are visible to everyone (including search engines). It looks like closed makes people request membership and be approved by a leader in order to post, where open membership anyone can request membership and then post. Personally, I don't see any real reason for it to be closed.

[CI Mama]

I would join an open group for parents of an only. Sounds like a great idea!

[iris777888]

Great! So I just need someone to volunteer to be a co-leader so I can put in the request. Little obligation other than making sure posts aren't inappropriate.

[CatsCradle]

Social group sounds like a great idea.  I often don't see this thread because if I don't comment for a while, it is buried deep down out of sight on my subscription page. 

[MindlessChrissy]

Is the social group up yet? I just found this Tribe and we have an only.

[cat13]

iris777888, if you haven't found another co-leader, I'll help out. PM me.