Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 82

[pickle18]

I think a social group is an awesome idea! 

Our DS is 11 months old and sooo many people have assumed we were having another - they started asking us when we would have another when he was just 6 months old!  We are quite happy with our lil dude and he rounds out our family quite nicely.  I love being able to give him my time and attention, while still being able to spend time doing things around the house, with DH, our friends, and engaging in hobbies, travel, etc.  We can take DS anywhere we go - music festivals, art galleries - strapped to me or his papa.  We are able to have more couple time (with DS along for the ride) as well as expose DS to so many more things than we could if we had two or more, just by bringing him with us.  Also, as an extra bonus, it has also given me the opportunity to re-evaluate where my career is headed, and what I want to use this time at home for to set me up to be happier down the road (if I go back to work/school - or, alternatively, stay home and homeschool).

I do think sometimes siblings can be great friends, but they can also be great enemies, so it's a toss up - not necessarily a strong reason to have more, though in certain situations like yours, mayaandx, I can totally understand why you might wish he had siblings.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - you are in a tough spot.   I can't speak personally, but I certainly think that your love and attention will make all the difference in how your DC navigates this time in his life.  I haven't really explored the geographic tribes on here yet - is it possible to find moms on MDC who might live near you?  Some of the homeschooler threads on here have addressed this - finding social opportunities for onlies.  If you search there you may find something helpful.  Wishing you the best!

[vydalea]

Love the idea of a social group.  Can you please post a link when it happens?    And thanks to the mamas who are volunteering to be co-leaders!!

pickle: I agree with your take on siblings.  My sister and I are BFFs and my DH and his brother don't speak.  Total toss up.  I think my Z will find her own "siblings" KWIM??

[cat13]

I have two older brothers and none of us have ever been close, but I have plenty of "sisters" that I've met through the years who are my family, even if not by blood.

[carfreemama]

I think there's lots to talk about! In one way, I don't want to get into thinking that our family is so different, with different issues, just because dd is an only. We're just who we are! OTOH, there are issues I would like to explore. Several posters have mentioned their concern about lack of extended family and that is a reality for us, too. We are lucky to have dh's parents close by and very involved with dd's life. However, I am sometimes envious of other friends with onlies, who have cousins close in age and nearby; lots of aunts/uncles, etc. I sometimes feel even their experience is different from ours. Dd is the only child in the extended family within 1000 miles (oh, except for one teenage cousin she sees once a year). My mother was 46 when I was born. I have a sister 4 years older who lives on the other coast and has children older than dd that I have never met. We don't get along, although there has been no official falling out. The sister I was close to died a few years ago. My father died many years ago and my mother is 89. We are close, but now she has Alzheimer's. So what is the future for dd's sense of family? I also have a good social circle and a friend I refer to as my sister, so I am lucky that way. Dd does not lack for close friends. I finally figured out that it's the difference between "roots" and "family." I want dd to understand her roots and friends cannot replace that. This does NOT involve reconnecting with blood relatives I consider toxic, thankfully! So I think I've finally found a way to explore that so she does have a sense of who her ancestors are, at least. But I feel it's going to be very important to teach dd excellent social skills, since she doesn't have a lot of built-in family relationships. So far, so good. I wouldn't push that on her if she was more introverted, but she's very social. I want her to understand that she doesn't need to be lonely because she's an only. In fact, I don't think that's ever crossed her mind. But all of this is a big deal to me!

[sk8boarder15]

Really glad to find this. I have an 18 mo/old (tomorrow!!) and I don't want to ever get preganant again. We are considering adopting in the future, but for now we are really happy the way we are. If we never adopted I'd be just find with that! I love being able to have so much time to focus on Mark. I know that kid inside and out and I'm happy that way. I like that I have enough time and money to do lots of things with him, like the aquarium and children's museums. They wouldn't be impossible with more kids... but I'd have to split my attention. 

We are just content with our family the way it is, 5 dogs take a lot of work anyway! 0.0  Glad to find others who are happy with just one and to see the issues people have with just one. 

What is a social group? Did someone start one?

[vydalea]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

We are just content with our family the way it is, 5 dogs take a lot of work anyway! 0.0  Glad to find others who are happy with just one and to see the issues people have with just one. 

That's what we tell people... We feel complete the way we are.  
 

[onebookheart]

Just saw this and even though I don't really know how a social group works, I am very interested.  My only is really due to circumstance, (after losses, we decided not to tempt fate again, too heartbreaking) and trying to find the balance of being okay with our family as is, and letting myself mourn not having more kids is still a struggle almost 2 years after the decision was made not to try again.

[MindlessChrissy]

We have been wrapping our minds around ds being an only. We may not have a choice on if he is or isn't. I would love to give him a sibling so that when we're gone he'll have someone. I have 2 older brothers that drive me nuts but we do get along when need be. There aren't no relatives close to his age as he's 3 and his youngest cousin in 12/13. I don't have any friends so there's no kids around for him to play with. My Mom is an only as her mom was in her 40's when Mom was born. She says it was very lonely and she always wanted a brother or sister.

[mayaandx]

Please update when group starts. Thanks.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'd like to be in on a social group as well. Has one been started?

[Chantelle691]

Yes, this.

[sk8boarder15]

Huh? 

[Cynthia Mosher]

Hi everyone! To start a social group for your interest I need:

• The name of your group
• Two (or more) group leaders who will take the responsibility of making sure discussions stay respectful and comfortable, adhering to MDCs standard rules and guidelines
• Whether you want the group open or closed. Open means anyone can join without application and approval. Just click the Join button and you can post. Closed means a group leader will receive your join request and approve or decline your membership before you can post. 

Once you have these three elements one of the group leaders should send me a PM with the group name, group leaders names, and the Open or Closed decision. 

Thanks! 

[iris777888]

Thank you! I sent you a PM with this info, Cynthia.

All, we should have it taken care of soon. :) Will let you know when it's availalbe.
 

[CI Mama]

Yay, the group is open!

Here's a link: http://www.mothering.com/community/groups/show/30/parents-of-an-only-child

Come join, all ye mothers of one!

[CrazyCatLady]

I just joined the group!  I hope more people join so we can all get to chatting. :)

[glassesgirlnj]

I just joined it as well!

[pickle18]

I'm in - thanks! 

[kfillmore]

Anyone still interested in this group???

[trinity6232000]

I got an alert that a new post was posted.  I'm still interested in this thread.  :)