Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 2

[mom2myprincess]

Originally Posted by devster4fun

Well, not any more since I started Weight Watchers 8 weeks ago.

Gotta lose this baby weight.

Hey, at least I only have to lose it ONCE!!!! Yet another benefit of an only child.

:

[devster4fun]

I was just thinking about the comment from people about how we will change our mind about just wanting one.

What if I turned it around? Like, well....you'll probably change your mind about having 3 and put 2 up for adoption. It's ludacris.

One of the things I've had to get used to, is all the comments and suggestions we get from friends, family and complete strangers. :

[EnviroBecca]

One of the things I've had to get used to, is all the comments and suggestions we get from friends, family and complete strangers.

A woman in my church came up to me at someone's FUNERAL and demanded to know whether I was pregnant again yet because, "You CAN'T make him an only child! He'll be a brat! He'll never learn consideration for others!" I think my son has more consideration for others than this woman, who is the 4th of 5 kids. :

[tarheelbaby]

I just stumbled upon this, but I wanted to join in. DS is almost 4 and we're about 85-90% sure he's going to be an only. DS has cerebral palsy, so there's a lot of issues at play. We do occupational, speech, and physical therapies, and see many specialists including a neurologist, orthopedist, and endocrinologist. I'm on the road a lot! To us, there's the financial aspect of having another child (can we afford it?) and then there's the questions that I really have no answer for. How would a new baby affect DS's life? Would a new baby grow up and resent how much attention DS has to get from us? Some of our family (okay, really DH's family ) pester me all the time about having more children. They really have no idea what it's like for me. And above all, it pisses me off that everyone seems to think they can stick their noses in MY family planning. I've heard it all...he'll be spoiled, he won't be able to interact with other children, he'll be all alone if something happens to us, etc.

What I do know is that DS is a bright, loving, funny, beautiful boy and he's the absolute delight in my life.

[thriftyqueen]

Just found this forum and wanted to join in. My DS is 5 and we are happy being a family of 3. My DH and I decided when Luke was only a few months old that we were happy with one. Some people talk about feeling a void and just know that someone is missing from their family. I have never felt that void and am very content to have only one child.

People ask us all the time (especially now that Luke is going to kindergarten) when we will have another or say that it is time to have another, but I am not going to have another child just to make other people happy. I don't really understand why others feel the need to butt in all the time and give their two cents. They just don't understand that we are happy with our decision. I guess they think it is weird, but I don't.

I love the comment about only having to lose the baby weight once. I feel like I need to get my act together and lose the weight that I have been hanging onto for 5 years. Can't imagine if I had more kids!!

I am glad there is a forum here for only children. Makes me feel like I am not the only one that feels this way.

[cupofjojo]

Welcome & Role Call

Welcome Tarheelbaby & Hopeelise

Also thought now that we've got a few folks on this thread we could introduce ourselves a bit more: where we live, interests & hobbies, etc.

I'm a SAHM, a wellness consultant, and love to cook, travel, read, and would like to get back into quiltling and also learn to knit.

We'll be camping a lot this summer since we live in Colorado - we're East of Boulder and North of Denver with a great view of the mountains. We've lived here nearly 4 years and prior to that I lived in Philadelphia or its surrounding areas.

[ReadingMama]

Wanted to let you know that there is a big Moms of Onlies tribe here. It hasn't been active lately though, so maybe we should combine forces!

We've got a wonderful, hilarious, musical, animal-loving, nature boy who turned 7 a couple months ago. The older our son gets, the more comfortable we are being a family of three. We're all happy with our family size!

[msjd123]

Hello

I'm new to this thread, but so glad I found it. DH and I aren't entirely sure what we want yet, but the idea of sticking to just one is becoming more and more appealing. We originally thought we wanted two, so I'm constantly surprised that I tend to think only of negatives rather than positives when I contemplate having another. I finally realized that I think a large part of that is due to the fact that I will always work full-time. It wouldn't matter if we won the lottery tomorrow -- I would still work. I teach 7th and 8th grade, and teaching fulfills me in a way that other things don't -- the same way that being a mom fulfills me in a way that other things don't -- so I just don't see myself giving that up. Of course, the thing about teaching full-time is that it's draining and I'm with kids all day long, so sometimes I (and DH too since he is also a teacher) feel like DD gets the short end of the stick because I'm just DONE with kids by 4 or 5 in the afternoon. If we had another, there would be even less of us to go around -- DD and #2 would each get less attention -- DH and I would both be even more tired and drained, and quite frankly, I think it would make me a pretty unhappy person. I always thought I wanted two, but now I just don't know, and when I look around at school and see how many teachers only have one child of their own, I totally get it. DH and I both thrive on calm, and since it is never, ever calm at school, we try to reclaim that at home and during vacations. We're both such introverts that having quiet alone time is what rejuvenates us, and again, I foresee a lot less of that if we had two. We're not making any decisions yet and biologically speaking, I have a good 5-7 years to decide, but when I think of having just one, it seems appealing. When I think of having another, I think of chaos. I don't think I have it in me to sacrifice my personal happiness for another child just so that DD would have a sibling, especially since there are no guarantees they'll love each other and get along well when they're older. And, man, what if we had another baby just like my spirited DD? Another high-needs-milk-allergy-non-sleeping-sick-all-the-time-high-energy kid? I mean, I love her to pieces and wouldn't change anything about her (OK, not true -- I'd make her a better sleeper) but I just don't think I could bring myself to do that all over again. There isn't enough of a desire for another to balance out the difficulties of it all. Plus, we don't have any local family to fall back on, so it's hard to get a break.

DH is thinking pretty much along the same lines about this stuff, and we just figure we'll coast along as we are and see if the desire to have another strikes us sometimes, but I don't know if it will. I am completely surprised by that, but that's what it seems to be. If we never have another, I do think I'd be sorry that I never get to be pregnant and give birth again, but those are fleeting things, whereas raising a child is a lifelong committment.

Anyways, that's my story! I'm so glad I found this thread!

[msjd123]

Forgot to sub.

[EnviroBecca]

Some people talk about feeling a void and just know that someone is missing from their family.

I felt that way until I had my child. Now I feel our family is complete.

I WOH as data manager of a social science research study. I enjoy my work and feel I'm a better mama because I have regular intervals of time when I can focus on something other than motherhood and utilize other aspects of myself.

I'm also a Girl Scout leader, environmentalist, amateur photographer, and game enthusiast--I don't play computer games or the really involved stuff like D&D, but I like many card and board and pyramid games.

[NaturalMamma]

We have only one. We would have loved to have more children, but our DD was already a miracle as we had tried for a long time and surprisingly got pg at 38. So we're thrilled to have her, though I know there are people who "feel sad" for us. I had a wonderful pg and birth experience so I don't feel a loss for anything. I just cherish my DD.

Our DD is very strong willed and was a very high needs baby. Perhaps she is all we could ever handle anyway b/c she's like 3 children in one.

Originally Posted by cupofjojo

What they don't see is that we are often the sole entertainers for our children; with siblings they often play together and entertain themselves.

Oh, I so understand what you mean! :

Originally Posted by cupofjojo

I also feel bad because I tend to lack empathy with some of my friends who have chosen to have more children and then complain about how hard or difficult it is.

I really understand this one too. A couple who had their 2nd child made this statement to DH and I: "one is none". Can you imagine?

People just don't get it. A neighborhood child (who has 3 siblings) said to my DD "Only children get whatever they want." I know she got that from the mom. Stuff like that hurts.

cindi

[onlyzombiecat]

Hi everyone!
Mom to 7 year old only dd.
We knew when dd was 1 that we did not want to have more children. We made our decision official when dd was 3 and dh gat a vasectomy.
We've been very happy with our family size.

Recently we've been facing the possibility of raising dh's little brother (3 months younger than our dd). MIL is sick and facing a somewhat risky treatment. She asked us if we would take him if she dies. It is hard thinking of going from raising 1 to 2 children. We have been so positive about our decision for 7 years. We decided that we would regret saying no but would not likely regret saying yes even though it will not be easy. So we are telling MIL that we are willing.

Has anyone else agreed to raise someone else's child if they die? Did it factor into your thoughts about your family size? Have you told your child about it? How did they react?

[chanibell]

Nice to see this thread! My dh and I adopted our son recently and we are still wondering if we will adopt another. I was an only and I was lonely. Hmm a lonely only I had lots of pets though and hung out with my cousins so I was really only lonely when I came home (since my cousins didnt live that far away). My dh is fine with one. We are able to devote a lot of time to him. I think there is even a magazine for only children. I'll have to investigate.
cheers

[mom2myprincess]

Originally Posted by cupofjojo

Also thought now that we've got a few folks on this thread we could introduce ourselves a bit more: where we live, interests & hobbies, etc.

My DD is 7mos, I am a SAHM and enjoy every minute of it. We live in NY, I like to do crafts, hopefully will be getting a sewing machine soon and if this weather ever warms up we will be spending lots of time outside. We just got dumped with snow

[karlin]

It's nice to see so many moms on onlies out there.

DH had his vasectomy on Thursday. He did great and didn't even have much pain or any swelling. I know it was the right decision, because I didn't mourn or anything...in fact, I really didn't even think about it much. We didn't tell our families, as the reaction would have not been great from the in-laws (they want tons of grandkids).

I'll say a few words about me and my family. I'm Karlin, and I'm 32 years old. My family and I live in Rapid City, SD. It's pretty nice here....we grew up here too, so it's all we really know. My DH is 33 and works as a mental health consultant for the USAF (he's civilian). I'm a SAHM and love it most of the time. Our son is 3.5. He's a really sensitive kid, and I think he'll actually do better as an only. We're all pretty sensitive actually, so less people and less chaos is essential for our mental well-being. DS is really into rockets right now. He's always going on about outer space and mars and the moon...which I think is just adorable to hear coming out of a 3 year old. I'm hoping he keeps up his interest, as I have lots to teach him in that area. (I got my BS and MS in physics. I never plan on working in physics again, so maybe I'll get to teach him).

My interests right now are parenting, sewing, home improvement, gardening, computers, and much more I can't remember right now. My head is foggy since I have a cold.

[katheek77]

Hi there!

DH and I knew from before our daughter was conceived that we only wanted one. Long story short, there is a blatant history of birth defects in his family (he has four dead siblings, three right at/after birth, one at 19 of congenital heart defect, and his only living sibling has a bunch of problems). He has done two combat tours to Iraq, and has so many chemicals coursing through his blood that he should be glowing (seriously). We decided we'd shoot for one, not even knowing if we'd get pregnant (the prior three maternal generations in my family have all had medically necessary hysterectomies between 28 and 38, and I was 28 when we got married). We figured if the baby had problems, well, so be it. But if she was healthy, we didn't want to have her "suffer" (not the right choice of words, but I don't know how to explain it) if we tried for a second, and the second baby had problems that took up most of our time.

Well, we got pregnant our first time trying. DD was born perfectly healthy (after a misdiagnosed miscarriage...craziness all around), and is our wonder girl. Which has only reinforced our decision. She's a very easy baby most of the time, ahead on milestones, hardly ever cries, slept through the night at six weeks, blah blah blah.

And we both *still* can't wait for her to be "not a baby". Neither of us are "baby" people; I WORK with children, but, to be honest, I can't wait for the turn of the first year. I LOVE toddlers, pre-schoolers, elementary, etc. But babies are NOT my cup of tea. I never want to do this again. I'm being blunt, but it's true. I love her to death, but, just can't imagine doing it again. I guess part of it is because my husband and I have always been very independent people, especially me, and now, I, who used to go cross-country (or even overseas) on whims, now can't take a shower in my own home with out planning it around the baby. And, like I said, she's an EASY baby...we can't imagine what we'd do if we had a high-needs kid.

On top of all that, there are things we want to do when he retires (he's in the military, so 11+ years to go), and we realize that we want to be able to spoil (within reason) our daughter, and still spoil ourselves when the time comes. The idea of paying for two sets of piano lessons, and two bikes, and two college educations, and so on and so forth just doesn't work for us.

We're very happy with our decision to have only one. We think it's the best decision for EVERYONE involved.

[kavitha]

we have one, she'l be 1 next month....we felt so happy and complete as a family with just her....we both feel she will be the only one....grew up in a family of 6, so my family thinks i can't be serious and keep talking about dd's bro and sis to come....but i feel confident that an only child can grow up beautifully to be wonderful adults (they don't have to be spoiled, lonely, etc that i keep getting warned about)

[msjd123]

Originally Posted by katheek77

And we both *still* can't wait for her to be "not a baby". Neither of us are "baby" people; I WORK with children, but, to be honest, I can't wait for the turn of the first year. I LOVE toddlers, pre-schoolers, elementary, etc. But babies are NOT my cup of tea. I never want to do this again. I'm being blunt, but it's true. I love her to death, but, just can't imagine doing it again. I guess part of it is because my husband and I have always been very independent people, especially me, and now, I, who used to go cross-country (or even overseas) on whims, now can't take a shower in my own home with out planning it around the baby. And, like I said, she's an EASY baby...we can't imagine what we'd do if we had a high-needs kid.

On top of all that, there are things we want to do when he retires (he's in the military, so 11+ years to go), and we realize that we want to be able to spoil (within reason) our daughter, and still spoil ourselves when the time comes. The idea of paying for two sets of piano lessons, and two bikes, and two college educations, and so on and so forth just doesn't work for us.

We're very happy with our decision to have only one. We think it's the best decision for EVERYONE involved.

I can sooooooo relate to this, except that my DD *is* pretty high-needs and I question how much of our sanity DH and I still have intact. We're both teachers -- I teach 7th & 8th grade English; DH teaches 6th-8th grade Special Ed -- so we're just "kidded out" by the end of the day. And, like you, we're independent folks who thrive on peace, quiet, and calm, so when I think of having two kids and all that that entails, I just think of chaos. Plus, there's so much more to life than just working to support the family. Part of what we love about teaching is the time off and the freedom we have to enjoy quality family time and to pursue our passions and our interests. I look forward to being able to do that with DD, and when she's old enough, she can even bring a friend along if she wants to. I have an older teacher friend who had an only child, and that's what they did; i.e. once her daughter hit 13 or 14, they told her she could bring a friend along on family vacations. That way, the parents got time to themselves, and their dd and the friend were able to entertain each other and have some of their own fun.

You have no idea how much better it makes me feel to know that there are other people out there who are thinking along the same lines! Now if onl I could find some like-minded people locally!

[EnviroBecca]

My partner got to bring a friend on vacation when he was a kid (sometimes the friend's parents would come too) and it was a very positive experience for him.

Katheek, I know just what you mean about being eager for babyhood to end! While I enjoyed many aspects of mothering an infant, a lot of my enjoyment came out of (1) the fact that it was temporary, building the foundation for mothering an older child, and (2) being able to throw myself into it pretty fully, which I wouldn't be able to do with a second child. I've always been much more interested in kids 3 and up than in babies or toddlers. It's been fascinating to watch my son develop from nothing into a talking, walking, planning, opinionated little person...but I'm still eager for him to get just a little older!

Financial considerations are big for us too. Social science does not pay all that well. My partner is a computer programmer, which does pay well, but he got a late start on his career (after wandering lazily through many years of college, supported by his parents--who certainly were more able to do this with an only child than they would've been with multiple children, but jeez, they COULD have put their foot down!) so doesn't have retirement savings built up as much as he should. We strongly prefer to live within our means and don't carry debt other than a mortgage. We are very aware of the advantage we had in starting our adult lives without student loans, and we want to give our child that advantage. It would be a lot harder with multiple kids.

Karlin wrote:

We're all pretty sensitive actually, so less people and less chaos is essential for our mental well-being.

I like to be around plenty of PEOPLE, but only when they're reasonably well behaved! Chaos really grates on me! And my partner needs a lot of alone time. So far, EnviroKid seems more like me: He loves to get out and watch people doing their things, but a chaotic crowd is no fun for him. When we arrive at his childcare in the morning, if more than one kid is crying or yelling, he is very distraught and needs to cling to me until things calm down.

[cupofjojo]

Karlin, what you said about less chaos being essential for well being, is something I often have to remember. That is critical for my DH and lately he has had a lot of stress at work so I need to remember to try to keep a fairly low key week night schedule.

We just got a play set put up in our yard to I'm really excited DS has a place he can go out and occupy himself for a while. We've tried other things but DS is very social and wants to always play with others so usually thats me. The play set keeps him very occupied for a good 45 minutes to an hour. We're very excited - we knew he needed to learn to do more independently so this has been great. Any other ideas would be great as well.