Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 14

[katheek77]

Ahem...

Having just read the whole Duggar family saga and accompanying threads, I am ever so grateful to have my one and ONLY daughter.

I figure we wont' offend too many people since we're all only parents...but, does anyone fine having 17 children just a bit...gohs, I guess the nice way is to say "unusual" and the snarky way to say "attention whorish"?

I'm just very sad for those kids...how much one on one quality time (or any time, really) do you think they get with mom or dad? Especially when you figure that EVERY 18 mos or so there's a brand new baby occupying mom....I understand that some people have 3 or 4 kids rather close together, but, that's sort of temporary...the baby eventually becomes a pre-schooler and mom's time is less commanded by the youngest...but, in this family, there's ALWAYS a baby...how do the kids deal with that? Poor tings.

[Juliacat]

I did everything right the first time. Seriously, I had a fantastic birth, and etc. I don't feel the need to have another kid for those reasons at all.

I don't know, when I think of having another kid I feel excited, but when I think of not having one, I feel relieved.

I thought infancy was tiring but okay. Toddlerhood is kind of kicking my a$$, though. She's actually a really easygoing, well-behaved child, but--perhaps because I'm an only child myself!--I just have a really hard time putting her needs ahead of mine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. There isn't much peace around here, and I like peace.

I'm told that this problem gets somewhat better at age 3 and lots better at age 5. Anyone concur?

When my grandniece and grandnephew were toddlers, before I got pregnant, I used to babysit them a lot, even overnight. I SWORE at that time that I would take a 3-year vow of celibacy beginning on the day of my first child's birth. I knew even then that two toddlers would drive me mental, and I certainly know it now.

[devster4fun]

Originally Posted by Juliacat

She's actually a really easygoing, well-behaved child, but--perhaps because I'm an only child myself!--I just have a really hard time putting her needs ahead of mine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. There isn't much peace around here, and I like peace.

I'm told that this problem gets somewhat better at age 3 and lots better at age 5. Anyone concur?

That was such a powerful post for me....it rings very true. I was just thinking about this today, in fact. I realized I was very thirsty and starving for dinner, but DD was hungry and I had to help her first. I enjoy caring for her immensely, but it can be draining.

I too, was an only and sometimes miss the *me* time.

She's 15 months and so amazing. Each day brings a new word, some new ability...it's incredible to watch. I wonder if it's this cool the 2nd or 3rd time around? It's like I want to shout from the rooftop, "Hey everyone, she said the word 'keys'!!!!"

[msjd123]

I've heard that 3 is worse than 2 (from my own mom, and my dd is quite the little mini-me) but we'll see. 2.5 sure isn't a walk in the park.

As for the Duggars, it always boggles my mind how calm that woman is. And how darn freaking lucky that she must have gotten 17 pretty easygoing kids!

[psychmama]

Glad to find this thread. We are perfectly content being just the three of us, although I do sometimes get baby cravings when holding an infant. Then I remind myself of what having another one would actually mean, and those cravings go away really quickly. I am not someone who does well with chaos, and I really need some times to myself. My only regret is that she won't have siblings as an adult--I have a pretty close relationship with my sisters, and I know they will always be there for me.

[Kayaking Mama]

Originally Posted by psychmama

I am not someone who does well with chaos, and I really need some times to myself. My only regret is that she won't have siblings as an adult--I have a pretty close relationship with my sisters, and I know they will always be there for me.

ITA with needing some time to myself. I sometimes feel so guilty when I hear DS waking up from his nap and thinking, "Already?" even when it's been his usual 1.5-2 hours...

As far as the sibling thing goes, you're really lucky to have a close relationship with yours--but I certainly know lots of people with siblings who aren't close to them, or worse, have contentious relationships with them (DH included). Just because your kiddo has siblings doesn't mean they'll get along, or even like or tolerate each other--as kids, or as adults.

I do feel badly sometimes that DS will have the whole burden of dealing with DH and I as elderly parents--but I really can't justify having another child for that reason, KWIM?

[Jeanne D'Arc]

Another only child here! My DD is almost 3 (on the 14th!)
Only child because mamma has a chronic condition. I have
Fibro/CFS which is probably really Lyme ( so i hear )

So my health prevents me from seeing through another pregnancy.
However if i were to fully recover i might consider ( emphasis
on CONSIDER ) having another. It really would depend since
i have had so many problems and hardships.

Its interesting to see all the different *reasons* for not having
another. It doesnt matter to me though, i am kinda pissed that
i dont truely have a choice in the matter. I know if i attempted
another pregnancy i would probably die or something close to it
( esp with how sick i was with my first ).

Anyways just dont let people get to you, and me...being a mormon
being a baby machine is like, your ultimate calling in life! So
if you arent popping out tons of kids you are kinda seen as " less than ".

Aghh, well thats my schpeel. Love you all!!


-Roman

[caspian's mama]

mamas, it does get better as the kids get older. i won't necessarily say "easier" because there are new challenges with every age, but showering (or pooping!) alone, eating alone, and maybe even (gasp!) going for a solo walk now and then WILL be in your near future. i love that my family always makes comments like "he plays so well independently!" he really gets to stretch the limits of his imagination when hanging out by himself and it's so cool to see the results.

[njbeachgirl]

Well I just wanted to introduce myself, since I started out lurking during DD's nap and ended up reading the whole very interesting thread... I'm Denise I am an only child married to DH, who is one of four BOYS....

First I just wanted to say that as an only I turned out pretty good although I am a cranky artist type I had two other girlfriends in HS who were onlies and they are also smart, happy and successful. At times in my childhood I wanted a sibling so I could have someone else to play with all the time but guess what.... looking back, all my friends with sibs constantly fought with them!!!

I think the benefits of being an only outweigh the drawbacks. I always had a lot of friends and did tons of activities with other kids. I had a lot of attention from my parents and we had great vacations and lived comfortably. When it came time for college I was able to attend one of the best art schools in the country, and there are no student loans to pay off now.

Despite all this I do really want dd to have a sibling, and we do want one more child so I am not joining this tribe. Just wanted to share my experiences with you all. I think you are all making a great decision.... and you should ignore what stupid people say.... I think it's extremely rude to comment on someone's family's size!!! A mom to 1, is just as much of a mother as a mom to 7.

Also a couple of things that resonated with me:

wanting to do it all over the right way: I totally admit to this. Of course it's not our only reason for having one more kid but when I think about it I do think about what I'd do differently.... homebirth, more of a babymoon, hopefully an easier time with BF....

and the "selfish" reasons for having only one: (in quotes because I don't really think they are selfish-they make sense): such as having time to yourself, wanting to pursue a career, not wanting to go through babyhood again, financial issues (it's hard enough with 1!), travel, portability, stronger marriage. Those things all make sense.

I'm glad to see some people on MDC deciding on onlies!!! Like anything else it has pros and cons but all in all it's a great way to grow up.

[caspian's mama]

wow, mama! thanks a bunch for sharing your growing-up experience. it's SO fortifying to hear real-life success tales.

[lisalou]

Nice to find this thread and read it as I'm about to be invaded for 2 1/2 weeks by my mother and then ILs. MIL keeps dropping hints about how another would be nice. Also wondering how dd is going to deal with the fact that everyone in her new preschool appears to have a sibling. I think she likes being an only but wouldn't mind being prepared for any requests for siblings. Has anyone had to deal with that?

[Sonnenwende]

My husband just had his sperm count control today and he is sperm free! : We will still need the yearly controls to make sure the vas deferens haven't reconnected, but right now, looks great.

It was a little rocky for the first two weeks after the vasectomy, but he is doing very well now.

I feel more relieved than anything. I like our family just the way it is.

[caspian's mama]

congratulations. glad your husband has recovered well.

[Sonnenwende]

Thanks! Now he just needs to get across that darn ocean.

I do feel badly sometimes that DS will have the whole burden of dealing with DH and I as elderly parents--but I really can't justify having another child for that reason, KWIM?

Well, there is no guarantee of being an old aged burden on your son. My paternal grandparents lived to be in their 80s, completely independent. They both died never seeing a nursing home or assisted living facility.

My plan is just for us to be as well prepared financially for that for our daughter if it comes down to it. I hope not though.

[devster4fun]

Originally Posted by lisalou

Nice to find this thread and read it as I'm about to be invaded for 2 1/2 weeks by my mother and then ILs. MIL keeps dropping hints about how another would be nice. Also wondering how dd is going to deal with the fact that everyone in her new preschool appears to have a sibling. I think she likes being an only but wouldn't mind being prepared for any requests for siblings. Has anyone had to deal with that?

How's the visit going?? Another child would be nice for who?? I love when in-laws who see us every few months say this. Um...you're not the one up every hour for 6 months.:

How's DD doing at pre-school? I went to pre-school from 2.5-5 and this was never an issue. (I'm an only) Do you mean because there are lots of kids there who have siblings in the same school?

Originally Posted by Sonnenwende

My husband just had his sperm count control today and he is sperm free! : We will still need the yearly controls to make sure the vas deferens haven't reconnected, but right now, looks great.

It was a little rocky for the first two weeks after the vasectomy, but he is doing very well now.

I feel more relieved than anything. I like our family just the way it is.

Thanks for this update. DH is still "thinking" about this one. I know he's scared of any medical stuff...like really scared. He faints at the thought of needles etc... (He passed out cold during my emergency c-section)

BUT, he also hates condoms. (as do I) So, I think that will win out over the scare. I think him reading things like this will help.

[Sonnenwende]

We decided to go with a vasectomy because:

1) Neither of us wanted hormonal birth control.

2) Neither of us trusted that we would 100% use condoms, spermicide, diaphrams, etc. NFP? Hahahaha!

3) Tried the copper IUD and it didn't work out, unfortunately.

4) We read about a tubal and how it was major expensive surgery vs. the outpatient cheaper vasectomy procedure.

5) My husband decided that since I had had to our kid and he saw what a barrel of laughs that was physically for me, he decided he would take one for the team in this arena and do it.

6) On the bizarre, off chance that we would want to do a reversal, vasectomies are easier to reverse. Of course, not 100%, but the odds are better than with a tubal.

My husband said it was kinda like going to the dentist. Not fun, but no big deal either. The ends are worth the means.

[ItsAllGood]

VOTE FOR ONLY CHILD FORUM
Hey everybody...go to the Questions and Suggestions Forum and click on the Thread - Only child forum - share your opinion and suggestion for this forum to come to fruition on the Parenting board. Hopefully the administrators of the website will make it so. Lots of parents who post here have been requesting it for a long time.
This is the first time I saw it featured in the weekly motheringdotcommune email.

[lisalou]

Originally Posted by devster4fun

How's the visit going?? Another child would be nice for who?? I love when in-laws who see us every few months say this. Um...you're not the one up every hour for 6 months.:

How's DD doing at pre-school? I went to pre-school from 2.5-5 and this was never an issue. (I'm an only) Do you mean because there are lots of kids there who have siblings in the same school?

The visit is going as well as can be expected. sigh. Most of my comments on the visit though just belong in a "passive agressive inappropriate comment making MIL's tribe" is there one of those?

She starts preschool after labor day. They had a camp in July to get kids ready for the idea of school and figure out small groups. I swear every parent at pick up and drop off had at least one additional kid with them and/or was also pregnant. She doesn't seem interested in siblings and I would think seeing examples of siblings would only make someone her age not want one. I guess I"m borrowing trouble and just wondering if anyone has had to deal with their child asking for a sibling and if so how they dealt with it.

[Juliacat]

I dragged myself to toddler playgroup last week and I was almost the only mom there who wasn't pregnant. I have a copper IUD and the side effects were bad the first month but I'm fine with it now. I just hope the darned thing works!

[Juliacat]

Dd is 22 months. I calculate that we have 5 more months before people start being rude. How old was your child when people started to notice that (s)he was an only?