Any Moms of An Only Child Tribe - Page 34

[EnviroBecca]

I have a sibling only 2.5 years younger, but I often was lonely as a child. We didn't always want to play together, either because our interests were different or because we weren't getting along. I sometimes wished I had more siblings for that reason, but having more-available friends would've worked. We lived in a suburban area where life was very scheduled, you had to call people for playdates and often arrange them in advance, and kids were very booked-up. I would have been MORE lonely without my brother, but he wasn't a whole lot of compensation...usually if I was playing with him, I'd wish I had a friend over as well/instead.

EnviroKid has been asking for a baby sister this week. I tell him we'll just have to wait and see if another baby comes to our family. I mean, even if we were to decide we definitely want another child, both his dad and I are sub-fertile so there's no guarantee we could produce one.

[AfricanQueen99]

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

I just got my first truly negative comment about dd being an only. I was at my parents' house w/ dd and my dad said, "All only children regret it when they grow up. She needs a sibling."

I'm an only by choice and had a FANTASTIC childhood! My husband is an only by circumstance and his wasn't so pleasant - there was a lot of guilt growing up being the only. So, basically, your dad is sending the wrong message to your kid. Or maybe she'll be bright as a whip and say "Grandpa I don't want to live with regret...I need a new doll." Ha!

We just have the one kid right now due to health stuff. We're not sure if I'll get well enough to carry another child - we might, we might not. Either way, I don't want my kid to have to carry the weight of this on her shoulders. I do love having only one right now.

I was at a playdate the other day and one of the ladies was talking about wanting another because she loves the nursing, the baby smell, the tiny toes, etc...then she said she isn't having another because "those sweet babies grow up!" I thought that was a riot.

[RoundAbout]

Hi. I posted on this thread way back but just wanted to jump in again since we are getting closer to making our decision permanent with DH getting info on vasectomy. Also I just had a playdate with another family which reminded me of why only having one is so great

Anyway we have an 18 month old son and our desire to have an only comes from a lot of reasons but a big one is DH's career. He is military (11 years in) and we currently live overseas. A lot of people who keep telling us we should have another child have no idea what it is like to be a military family. I gave birth alone while DH was deployed and was on my own for the first few months with no help. We have another deployment coming up next year and I have no desire to do that again.

Even when DH is here he works long/unreliable hours, is gone for weeks and months at a time with training, and we have no family nearby to help out. My civilian friends who have DH's with 9-to-5 jobs and live right nextdoor to grandma have no clue.

And yes, many military families have more than one kid, but a lot of them are really stressed because of it or they give up a lot to make it work. For example I was so happy last year when my husband's ship had a port call in Hong Kong and I was able able to fly down there with my 10 month old to spend a long weekend together in the middle of his deployment. My friend with 3 kids had to stay at home because of the expense and hassle. We have another friend - a military dad- who has basically given up his triathlon racing because the expense of taking his family of 5 out of town for a race is too great, and yet taking off for a weekend alone is not fair to his wife because he's already gone so much. So he just doesn't do that anymore and its too bad.

With one child we just feel so in balance as a family.

Anyway, I have a lot to say (especially since I was an only child myself and loved it) and will be posting more but just wanted to jump in and re-introduce myself. Looking forward to reading this thread again.

[Sonnenwende]

Originally Posted by Nora'sMama

So, I worry about this a lot. What are some of your thoughts on this? Do you think some children are better suited to being onlies than others? Perhaps some kids really do *need* a sibling, and others don't?

It also might be different if dd had cousins, or if we lived on a block where she could just play freely with the other kids her age so that she'd always have a playmate...but she has no cousins so far, none on the horizon, and that type of living situation does not seem to be likely in the future either.

My daughter also has no cousins and none likely for several more years. By then there will be such an age gap (5+ years), it is unlikely to make any substantial difference.

My problem is that I don't like raising my daughter in that situation where she has no family her own age. On the other hand, I just can't see having another kid. I have no interest, can't afford it in any capacity, don't want to deal with it. I also can't force my siblings and siblings-in-law to breed, so I am not sure what the real solution is.

Right now, the best I can do is put her in daycare and progress her to other social activities as she gets older like Girl Scouts and sports.

Originally Posted by Juliacat

I was just thinking today, Even if it were true that only children somehow grow up damaged by it, it's still better than bringing an unwanted child into the world just because society tells you to...

Absolutely.

[cutekid]

I am back. I wasn't an only. I was the "middle child" of four kids. I am a text book middle child. I don't want that for my DS ....even though he is an only 85% of the year, he's the baby the rest of the time.
I recently came to the conclusion that I am going to do something more permanent as far as birth control. I told my DP that I truly do not want another child and do not want to risk it any more. So I am considering Essure. It seems to be the best option and there's no surgery.
I haven't fully evaluated this, on the surface it appears to be the best option.
My DP has no interest in having getting the Big V although its cheaper, less invasive.
That's my piece for now.

[mean_jeannie]

Originally Posted by cutekid

So I am considering Essure. It seems to be the best option and there's no surgery.
I haven't fully evaluated this, on the surface it appears to be the best option.
My DP has no interest in having getting the Big V although its cheaper, less invasive.

What is Essure? Is it an IUD? I have the Mirena IUD and I have been very happy with it. I have had it in for 2 years with zero issues. And with maybe a total of 5 tiny periods which is a total bonus.

I was just thinking I was going to ask dh to get the "Big V" but it just doesn't seem worth it.

I never thought I would be sterilizing myself or my hubby, lol! My little only demands it though - I just can't do what I do for him along with another. Especially not since I WOHM full-time.

[rupiezum]

Originally Posted by mean_jeannie

What is Essure? Is it an IUD? I have the Mirena IUD and I have been very happy with it. I have had it in for 2 years with zero issues. And with maybe a total of 5 tiny periods which is a total bonus.

I was just thinking I was going to ask dh to get the "Big V" but it just doesn't seem worth it.

I never thought I would be sterilizing myself or my hubby, lol! My little only demands it though - I just can't do what I do for him along with another. Especially not since I WOHM full-time.

Basically it's little coils which are inserted into your fallopian tubes; scar tissue grows over the coils, resulting in blocked fallopian tubes. There's no surgery, and it has a quick recovery. I don't know anyone who has used this method, just read a bunch about it.

[mean_jeannie]

Originally Posted by rupiezum

Basically it's little coils which are inserted into your fallopian tubes; scar tissue grows over the coils, resulting in blocked fallopian tubes. There's no surgery, and it has a quick recovery. I don't know anyone who has used this method, just read a bunch about it.

Ah, I see. And no hormones either. Interesting.

Thanks for the enlightenment!

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi! I'm so glad to have found this tribe. My story is likely a bit different than some of you on here (sorry, I don't have the time to read all 34 pages!) but my DS is an only child. He is 2.5 years old and DP and I will not have any more children. I am very much not okay with this.
I have always wanted more than one child, but because of circumstances beyond anyone's control it just won't happen. I hope to be able to read along and perhaps gain some acceptance of the fact that I will not have more children.

[mean_jeannie]

Hi, Susannah! I hope you are able to make peace with having an only, if that is in fact how it turns out. Some people are delighted to have an only, and others are not. I am on the fence. Sometimes I think I will try to have another, but it is very unlikely. I am also trying to find peace with it too.

Lots of people on this thread struggle with family and friends who try to pressure them to have more children when they very much do not - so we all have our own stuff to work through.

Welcome!

[jaidymama]

Hi I'm Heidi and I have a little boy, who has been an only. Not necessarily by choice. We were still focusing on raising ds, he turned 2 we built a house, my dh and I separated, then 8 months later we reconciled... And now, my ds is getting older and older... he'll be 4 shortly. So I'm thinking even if we have another child at this point it won't be the same affect as having siblings more closely spaced.

Anyways, I thought about having only one child for the rest of my life. I love my son and our relationship. I see my SIL with her 4 kids and wonder what kind of relationships she has with each of them. I'm not saying one is better or worse... But I do love the 1 kid situation. We have so much flexibility with schedule and travel!

But giving up the idea of having at least one more is really sad for me, and it's like my body really wants to do it all again. Although there's parts of me that think everything went really well the first time maybe I should not attempt it again for fear of failure I guess. Anyways, for now we're a ONE kid house, and I know it's such a different experience. I am looking forward to skimming a lot of these pages to see what others experiences are like.

Anyways, that's me.. a little nut in a cracked up shell.

[jaidymama]

I have a few questions about raising onlies...

Do any of you homeschool?

Do your children have a difficult time separating the idea of being a child from being an adult? Do they want to have the same level privileges, etc?

[bu's mama]

Originally Posted by rupiezum

Basically it's little coils which are inserted into your fallopian tubes; scar tissue grows over the coils, resulting in blocked fallopian tubes. There's no surgery, and it has a quick recovery. I don't know anyone who has used this method, just read a bunch about it.

Originally Posted by mean_jeannie

Ah, I see. And no hormones either. Interesting.

Thanks for the enlightenment!

Just wanted to say a friend of mine had this procedure done about a year & a half ago. I believe it's still considered surgery - just not the fully open your abdomen kind. I think it's still a bit more than invasive than a vasectomy (she did this procedure because her husband wouldn't get one). She's very happy with the results and has had no major side effects, just typical recovery things.

[earthgirl]

Originally Posted by jaidymama

I have a few questions about raising onlies...

Do any of you homeschool?

Do your children have a difficult time separating the idea of being a child from being an adult? Do they want to have the same level privileges, etc?

DD is only 19 mos, but we will most likely end up homeschooling. There is someone on this thread who has an older only that was homeschooled. I can't remember who, but maybe she'll pipe up.

And can you elaborate a bit on your last 2 questions? Are you asking if our onlies expect to be treated like adults in a sense? I'm an only so I'm thinking of this in terms of my own childhood, but I just want to be certain I understand what you are asking.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Originally Posted by mean_jeannie

Hi, Susannah! I hope you are able to make peace with having an only, if that is in fact how it turns out. Some people are delighted to have an only, and others are not. I am on the fence. Sometimes I think I will try to have another, but it is very unlikely. I am also trying to find peace with it too.

Lots of people on this thread struggle with family and friends who try to pressure them to have more children when they very much do not - so we all have our own stuff to work through.

Welcome!

Thanks for the welcome

[kangamitroo]

Originally Posted by mean_jeannie

I am on the fence. Sometimes I think I will try to have another, but it is very unlikely. I am also trying to find peace with it too.

this is me lately. i also join in the "wanting but waiting" thread, to sort out my feelings. i am trusting that however it works out, it will be fine. i love my daughter and she is thriving--this is the most important.

[boatbaby]

I hope this is a safe place to say this...
...lately I am so grateful for my decision to have an only! Between reading posts right here on MDC and hearing/ seeing my real life friends with 2+ kids it seems like everyone I know is miserable coping with the day to day of juggling more than one kid. And I find as DS gets older and easier I am just loving life more and more. The hard part is relating. I am looking forward to going on spontaneous outings and trips with DS, I love taking walks with him, we have lovely little lunches together... but I am surrounded by people who are really struggling or constantly yelling at their kids.
Of course I have my ups and downs with DS, but overall he is a joy and we have struck a lovely balance. I want to be able to reach out and say something comforting to help my friends, but all I can think it "well, you made this decision now you have to deal with it."

:

[msjd123]

Originally Posted by boatbaby

I hope this is a safe place to say this...
...lately I am so grateful for my decision to have an only! Between reading posts right here on MDC and hearing/ seeing my real life friends with 2+ kids it seems like everyone I know is miserable coping with the day to day of juggling more than one kid. And I find as DS gets older and easier I am just loving life more and more. The hard part is relating. I am looking forward to going on spontaneous outings and trips with DS, I love taking walks with him, we have lovely little lunches together... but I am surrounded by people who are really struggling or constantly yelling at their kids.
Of course I have my ups and downs with DS, but overall he is a joy and we have struck a lovely balance. I want to be able to reach out and say something comforting to help my friends, but all I can think it "well, you made this decision now you have to deal with it."

:

That is EXACTLY how DH and I feel. EXACTLY!

[MichaelsSahm]

Originally Posted by boatbaby

I hope this is a safe place to say this...
...lately I am so grateful for my decision to have an only! Between reading posts right here on MDC and hearing/ seeing my real life friends with 2+ kids it seems like everyone I know is miserable coping with the day to day of juggling more than one kid. And I find as DS gets older and easier I am just loving life more and more. The hard part is relating. I am looking forward to going on spontaneous outings and trips with DS, I love taking walks with him, we have lovely little lunches together... but I am surrounded by people who are really struggling or constantly yelling at their kids.
Of course I have my ups and downs with DS, but overall he is a joy and we have struck a lovely balance. I want to be able to reach out and say something comforting to help my friends, but all I can think it "well, you made this decision now you have to deal with it."

:

I feel like this as well. I just love our life just us three. And if that is a crime, I am happily to commit that crime.

[Kayaking Mama]

Right there with ya, boatbaby!