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So, what if I don't have a parenting style? - Page 2

post #21 of 26


Originally posted by HannahSims
I feel the term implies that parents with other styles are not attached to their children and I know this is not true. Any thoughts?

The term "attachment" in Attachment Parenting comes from the fields of psychiatry and psychology and has a very specific meaning. It does not, therefore, mean that to not AP is to not be attached to your child in the way most people think of the term.
post #22 of 26
I understand that the term attachment parenting has a very specific meaning – to people who are familiar with it. However, what the phrase “means” to the user is not the only thing that matters. We have become careful of our language by phasing out things like, “Working mother”, “dad is babysitting”, and etc. Many of the principals of AP and, especially, Mothering Magazine include all families; I just wish the phrase AP did as well. I I have successfully maintained friendships with families having many different parenting styles. I think this is in part because I’m very careful of how my words and actions include, support and encourage all families.

It’s like when I would buy “conventional” veggies…jeze, what a marketing technique, ridicule! Kidding…

post #23 of 26
I feel that as long as a parent treats his/her child with respect, and treats him/her like a fully conscious, fully aware human being with his/her own sets of needs, fears, and desires, they are doing a good job.
post #24 of 26
The best thing is to find your own unique style.

The reason I like AP is that it encourages the parents to find out what works and do it.

Sadly AP has become a cookbook which isn't right.

You can have the baby in a crib and be a responsive mother.

You can bottlefeed and be a responsive mother.

You don't need the baby in a sling all day to be a responsive mother...etc. etc. etc.

You doing what works well for your family is the essence of AP parenting.

post #25 of 26
I think I like the term mindful parenting. Because it IS about what works for you and your child at that moment. Attachment parenting implies that if you don't do all these things all the time you won't be attached and your child will turn out terrible. But you could probably do all these things and your child still will turn out unlike what you want. You have to accept what you get. You can do it all right and I may find that DD gets pregnant at 13, gets in trouble or whatever. (My sister was a big teenage trouble maker! I was goody twoshoes. Sh drinking carousing sneaking out and crashed my dads car without a drivers licence. Same parents, same general parenting philosophy except she got the more mature and experienced parents. Go figure)
I really relate to the feeling that I couldn't take it anymore, put screaming DD down and she stopped! And she used to scream when I put her down for a nap. Would not nurse down, or lay down with me in the room. When I walked out with her wailing she would be quiet almost the instant I closed the door and take a long (well an hour) nap. I hated it every time but letting her get tired was so much worse and not addressing her need for sleep and I had tried everything else. I guess she needed a little peace and quiet to go to sleep. I guess I could have driven her to sleep everyday, but she would often screamin the car before falling asleep too.
And I think the labels make it easy to judge other people and the way they do things but they are really doing their best. Very few mothers don't want the best for their kids, but not everyone can handle cosleeping and everyone has different backgrounds and limits and personalities. Eve psychology can't comepletely define human interactions and behavior. I think some behaviors are misguided such as spanking or Ezzo like treatment, but that is just my opinion. Generally I think the people doing these things have just read the wrong thing and have the wrong information. It is not that they are bad people at all. They are trying to do what is right and their best for their children.
Besides, if you judge other people, that leaves them open to judge you. Well, my mom is very judgmental. Very very. I feel very judged b her but for the grace of her love for me because I am her daughter. I do things she judges inother people and it is OK that I do them. Well, what can you do!
There are definately different parenting styles but what is mainstream anyway? I think my friends who don't BF long, don't cosleep or wear babies and don't hold them all the time and are more distanced than I am are still attached to their kids. THing is I used to have HUGE insecurity that I was not attached! DUH! I was responsive, but mother guilt is just so easy to have. Now I am more confident in my unique style. And I am attached.
post #26 of 26
Thread Starter 
I like the term mindful parenting too, nuggetsmom!
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