My mother says cosleeping is dangerous

[Genesis]

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[momuveight2B]

Then tell her not to do it. I would thank her politely for her input and change the subject.

[Momtwice]

I've got some!

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/cosleepindex.shtml
(James McKenna's are especially good)

http://www.drjaygordon.com/developme...cosleeping.asp

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Natural Mommy*J

She then told me that I need to do my research, because there are many families like us that have killed their babies from rolling onto them and suffocating them.

I'd say that rather than YOU feeling you need to present her with research showing co-sleeping is safe -- SHE should be the one providing the proof that "many families" have killed their babies by rolling onto them. She needs to prove that NONE of these cases are in any way related to drug or alcohol use, also that they were ALL cases where MOTHERS rolled over onto their babies -- NOT where babies were placed in beds with siblings.

Once she presents you with all this documentation -- she needs to prove that babies who sleep with mothers have a higher death-rate than babies who sleep in cribs.

Any time she brings up her concerns -- you could say, "As soon as you introduce me to these 'many families' -- THEN I'll evaluate what you have to say." If she gives you an article, read it -- but if it's just more "speculation" by "experts" about "risks" -- let her know it didn't provide any kind of proof.

And I'd explain that since mother-child co-sleeping is the ancient, tried-and-true practice, whereas crib-sleeping is fairly new in human history -- that's why the burden of proof is on HER, not YOU. Well, also the burden of proof's on HER because she's not the mother, you are, and she's trying to change what you, the mother, are doing.

[MissSJ]

My ILs did something a little similar but instead of outright saying it my MIL included the pamphlet from her new bed that cited the cosleeping study done by the JPMA and the CPSC that "proved" cosleeping is dangerous in a stack of papers (junk) she thought we would find interesting. We countered by giving her this article that counters the "facts" in her pamphlet and shows the stats from the original study: http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...ep/kimmel.html. Good luck with your mother. There are always going to be people that don't disagree with how you parent and it is tough learning how to deal with people.

SJ

[miguelsmom]

Wasn't there just an article about this in Mothering.... let me check... yeah in the last issue Peggy O'maras "a quiet place" is about sleeping with your baby.

We live with my parents and my mother has said on many occasions how knowing I co-sleep with both my kids keeps her up at night. I reassured her that I was very aware of my children at night and its what works best for us and that she shouldn't loose sleep over it. I actually left the magazine laying around open to the page. Although I don't know if she read it- I do know she hasn't said much lately. But to her credit she is very repectful of our parenting choices and when she voices her concerns I listen and then only take what I want from it.

I don't know if that helps but I know how you feel-

Good Luck

[NotTheOnlyOne]

My ds is almost 9 months now and we have been co-sleeping since he was 4 months (prior to that he was in a co-sleeper) My mother says her favorite thought about me being a mother is picturing us lying in bed with Simon crawling from me to dh until he wears himself out and falls asleep and then we all snuggle together all night long. SHe she never got to have her babies in bed with her (it wasnt something she knew she could do) so she is jealous that I get to. Maybe my mom could call yours?

[SandraS]

I blatantly ignore my mother when she gives me parenting "advice".

And I tell her I'm ignoring her.

[kaspirant]

Originally Posted by mom2bja

I blatantly ignore my mother when she gives me parenting "advice".

And I tell her I'm ignoring her.

That I love!!!

Oohhh and I'm more afraid of getting on the highway's here with my son safely strapped in his rear-facing Britax than I am of our sleeping arrangements. Want me to get those statistics for her?

[Genesis]

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[Genesis]

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[summerbabe]

You can tell her that almost all SIDS deaths occur in cribs, and there are a lot more SIDS deaths than accidental suffocation deaths, so actually it must be crib sleeping that is inherently dangerous! She would not want to risk SIDS for her grandchild, now, would she? It pays to be cautious

Of course, telling her that assumes that you have to defend yourself. You could just thank her for her input and let her know that you have done your research and feel very comfortable with YOUR decision.

[Momtwice]

For that data to be meaningful, they have to say
was the bedding soft or firm
was either parent a smoker (and did the mother smoke during pregnancy)
was the child exclusively breastfed or not
was a parent obese
was a parent doing drugs or drinking alcohol

And probably other things.

and if they don't have detailed records about these things, then looking backwards over several years will not be accurate.

[Momtwice]

Originally Posted by summerbabe

You can tell her that almost all SIDS deaths occur in cribs, and there are a lot more SIDS deaths than accidental suffocation deaths, so actually it must be crib sleeping that is inherently dangerous!

Of course, telling her that assumes that you have to defend yourself. You could just thank her for her input and let her know that you have done your research and feel very comfortable with YOUR decision.

: and :

depending on which way you go, you could also send her links about crib injuries and how you want to prevent them by cosleeping. But maybe standing up for yourself as the authority here is the better strategy.

[laohaire]

"Mom, I really appreciate how concerned you are for the baby, and I see you spent some time on this issue. I want to assure you that I of course have also spent a great deal of time on this question, and my research shows that the statistics about suffocation and cosleeping are flawed in a number of ways. Sadly, there are indeed cases of infant suffocation, and I wish there were none. However, it appears that the risk factors go beyond merely cosleeping/not cosleeping (and the biggest incidence of accidents actually occur with those who are NOT cosleeping - that is, those who have fallen asleep or passed out without intending to sleep with their baby, which logically increases the risk of injuries drastically). I also have seen statistics on the injuries and deaths associated with cribs, and therefore have come to an informed decision to practice safe cosleeping. Here are some links that may interest you. While I do appreciate your concern very much, I would like to ask you to not bring this up anymore. I feel there is a big difference between expressing a concern about something I may not be aware of, and a campaign to change the decision I have consciously made as a parent after research. Love, Daughter."

[MadysonMom]

My DD is also 5 months old and my mom made some comments at the beginning. She watches my dd three days a week and I told her that I had a good mag. for her to read and left the new copy of Mothering on the table. When I got home she said "wow I never knew how great it was to sleep with your children". The point really hit home when they said it was twice as safe to sleep with your baby than not to. Maybe you could try having her read that article. PS now my mom just says "good luck ever getting her out of your bed" and DH and I say "I hope she never leaves".

[summerbabe]

Originally Posted by laohaire

"Mom, I really appreciate how concerned you are for the baby, and I see you spent some time on this issue. I want to assure you that I of course have also spent a great deal of time on this question, and my research shows that the statistics about suffocation and cosleeping are flawed in a number of ways. Sadly, there are indeed cases of infant suffocation, and I wish there were none. However, it appears that the risk factors go beyond merely cosleeping/not cosleeping (and the biggest incidence of accidents actually occur with those who are NOT cosleeping - that is, those who have fallen asleep or passed out without intending to sleep with their baby, which logically increases the risk of injuries drastically). I also have seen statistics on the injuries and deaths associated with cribs, and therefore have come to an informed decision to practice safe cosleeping. Here are some links that may interest you. While I do appreciate your concern very much, I would like to ask you to not bring this up anymore. I feel there is a big difference between expressing a concern about something I may not be aware of, and a campaign to change the decision I have consciously made as a parent after research. Love, Daughter."

[Genesis]

Ok, I just had a long, very civil converstion (well, debate kind of ) about cosleeping and vaccinations and we just agreed to disagree. Everything is fine between us, so I'm happy. And she decided to drop the subject when I asked her to, so that's a good thing. I told her I understand that she loves my DS very much, but that DH and I make informed decisions that we are comfortable with. Thanks again for the responses and links.

Michele

[calidarling]

Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
"Mom, I really appreciate how concerned you are for the baby, and I see you spent some time on this issue. I want to assure you that I of course have also spent a great deal of time on this question, and my research shows that the statistics about suffocation and cosleeping are flawed in a number of ways. Sadly, there are indeed cases of infant suffocation, and I wish there were none. However, it appears that the risk factors go beyond merely cosleeping/not cosleeping (and the biggest incidence of accidents actually occur with those who are NOT cosleeping - that is, those who have fallen asleep or passed out without intending to sleep with their baby, which logically increases the risk of injuries drastically). I also have seen statistics on the injuries and deaths associated with cribs, and therefore have come to an informed decision to practice safe cosleeping. Here are some links that may interest you. While I do appreciate your concern very much, I would like to ask you to not bring this up anymore. I feel there is a big difference between expressing a concern about something I may not be aware of, and a campaign to change the decision I have consciously made as a parent after research. Love, Daughter."

Can I just say that this letter ALMOST makes me wish that I had someone to send it to, just so that I could bash their well meaning advice into the ground.

[SandraS]

Originally Posted by calidarling

Can I just say that this letter ALMOST makes me wish that I had someone to send it to, just so that I could bash their well meaning advice into the ground.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!