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My mother says cosleeping is dangerous - Page 2  

post #21 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
"Mom, I really appreciate how concerned you are for the baby, and I see you spent some time on this issue. I want to assure you that I of course have also spent a great deal of time on this question, and my research shows that the statistics about suffocation and cosleeping are flawed in a number of ways. Sadly, there are indeed cases of infant suffocation, and I wish there were none. However, it appears that the risk factors go beyond merely cosleeping/not cosleeping (and the biggest incidence of accidents actually occur with those who are NOT cosleeping - that is, those who have fallen asleep or passed out without intending to sleep with their baby, which logically increases the risk of injuries drastically). I also have seen statistics on the injuries and deaths associated with cribs, and therefore have come to an informed decision to practice safe cosleeping. Here are some links that may interest you. While I do appreciate your concern very much, I would like to ask you to not bring this up anymore. I feel there is a big difference between expressing a concern about something I may not be aware of, and a campaign to change the decision I have consciously made as a parent after research. Love, Daughter."
:

What an awesome letter!!!
Sometimes it is so hard for parents & ILs to understand that you may do things differently than they did and that it is your decision. Good luck with your mom, especially on the vax issue - my mom does not know we don't vax for these reasons!

SJ
post #22 of 36
Just a quick note: check out James McKEnna's stuff at the Mother-Baby sleep lab...http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/longterm.html

an excerpt
While advocates of solitary infant sleeping arrangements have claimed any number of benefits of infant sleeping alone, the truth o the matter is, none of these supposed benefits have been shown to be true through scientific studies. The great irony is that, not only have benefits of solitary infant sleep NOT be demonstrated - simply assumed to be true, but recent studies are beginning to show the opposite that is, it is not, for example, solitary sleeping arrangements that produce strong independence, social competence, feeling of high self esteem,good comportment by children in school, ability to handle stress, strong gender or sex identities - but it is social or cosleeping patterns that might, indeed, contribute to the emergence of these characteristics. Consider, for example:

* Heron's (1) recent cross-sectional study of middle class English children shows that amongst the children who "never" slept in their parents bed there was a trend to be harder to control, less happy, exhibit a greater number of tantrums. Moreover, he found that those children who never were permitted to bed-share were actually more fearful than children who always slept in their parents bed, for all of the night (1).

* In a survey of adult college age subjects, Lewis and Janda (2) report that males who coslept with their parents between birth and five years of age had significantly higher self-esteem, experienced less guilt and anxiety, and reported greater frequency of sex. Boys who coslept between 6 and 11 years of age also had higher self-esteem. For women, cosleeping during childhood was associated with less discomfort about physical contact and affection as adults. (While these traits may be confounded by parental attitudes, such findings are clearly inconsistent with the folk belief that cosleeping has detrimental long-term effects on psycho-social development.

* Crawford (3) found that women who coslept as children had higher self esteem than those who did not. Indeed, cosleeping appears to promote confidence, self-esteem, and intimacy, possibly by reflecting an attitude of parental acceptance (Lewis and Janda 1988).

* A study of parents of 86 children in clinics of pediatrics and child psychiatry (ages 2-13 years) on military bases (offspring of military personnel) revealed that cosleeping children received higher evaluations of their comportment from their teachers than did solitary sleeping children, and they were underrepresented in psychiatric populations compared with children who did not cosleep. The authors state: "Contrary to expectations, those children who had not had previous professional attention for emotional or behavioral problems coslept more frequently than did children who were known to have had psychiatric intervention, and lower parental ratings of adaptive functioning. The same finding occurred in a sample of boys one might consider "Oedipal victors" (e.g. 3 year old and older boys who sleep with their mothers in the absence of their fathers)--a finding which directly opposes traditional analytic thought" (4).

* Again, in England Heron (1) found that it was the solitary sleeping children who were harder to handle (as reported by their parents) and who dealt less well with stress, and who were rated as being more (not less) dependent on their parents than were the cosleepers!

* And in the largest and possible most systematic study to date, conducted on five different ethnic groups from both Chicago and New York involving over 1,400 subjects Mosenkis (5) found far more positive adult outcomes for individuals who coslept as a child, among almost all ethnic groups (African Americans and Puerto Ricans in New York, Puerto Ricans,, Dominicans, and Mexicans in Chicago ) than there were negative findings. An especially robust finding which cut across all the ethnic groups included in the study was that cosleepers exhibited a feeling of satisfaction with life,.

But Mosenkis's main finding went beyond trying to determine easy causal links between sleeping arrangements and adult characteristics or experiences. Perhaps his most important finding was that the interpretation of "outcome" of cosleeping had to be understood within the context specific to each cultural milieu, and within the context of the nature of social relationships the child has with its family members! For the most part,s, therefore, it is probably true that neither social sleep (cosleeping) or solitary sleep as a child correlates with anything in any simple or direct way. Rather, sleeping arrangements can enhance or exacerbate the kind of relationships that characterize the child's daytime relationships and that, therefore, no one "function' can be associated with sleeping arrangements. Rather than assuming that sleeping arrangement produces a particular "type" person it is probably more accurate to think of sleeping arrangements as part of a larger system of affection and that it is altogether this larger system of attachment relationships, interacting with the child's own special characteristics that produces adult characteristics.

Hope this helps!
post #23 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2bja View Post
I blatantly ignore my mother when she gives me parenting "advice".

And I tell her I'm ignoring her.

Fantastic!
post #24 of 36
Cosleeping is not 'very' dangerous at all. It's slightly dangerous, as is nearly every other activity in life.

There are about 50 deaths per year attributed to "bedsharing", which is about half the incidence of death by lightening strike in this country. This number includes every case of a drunken blotto father who rolls on top of his sleeping babe, every bed full of multiple aged children all piled into one adult bed along with a newborn, every non-childproofed bed in which babies hang by their necks from the slats in the headboard, or smother in deep down comforters when left unattended face down.

Responsible, sober parents sleeping next to their baby in a childproofed environment never seem to get looked at as a separate group in these studies. But rest assured that this group records an exceedingly low incidence of child injury or death while sleeping, and that some studies have even shown a reduced incidence of SIDS for cosleeping children.
post #25 of 36
1
post #26 of 36
Thread Starter 
Juliebird- thanks for the info!
post #27 of 36
My Mother is not the one who has a problem with us co-sleeping. Its other people. And for these people I have started asking them "Do I ask you what you do in your bedroom?" To me, it a privacy matter.

along with the stupid A$$ question of "does your baby sleep through the night?" I respond with, "he sleeps like a baby" and babies need to eat every 2-3 hours!

laural
post #28 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happily Blessed View Post
My Mother is not the one who has a problem with us co-sleeping. Its other people. And for these people I have started asking them "Do I ask you what you do in your bedroom?" To me, it a privacy matter.

along with the stupid A$$ question of "does your baby sleep through the night?" I respond with, "he sleeps like a baby" and babies need to eat every 2-3 hours!

laural
Ohhh...those are BOTH good comebacks!
post #29 of 36
I overheard a friend of mine telling this to her father, who was lecturing about who knows what aspect of her parenting:

"Dad, I love you very much. You raised me as best you could. When you and Mom were raising my sisters and I, you had your opportunity to parent us the way you chose to parent us. It is now my opportunity to parent my children to the best of my ability. You had your turn, and now I have mine."
post #30 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by foehnjye View Post
I overheard a friend of mine telling this to her father, who was lecturing about who knows what aspect of her parenting:

"Dad, I love you very much. You raised me as best you could. When you and Mom were raising my sisters and I, you had your opportunity to parent us the way you chose to parent us. It is now my opportunity to parent my children to the best of my ability. You had your turn, and now I have mine."
This makes a lot of sense to ME, and I've shared it with my mom.

It doesn't seem to make as much sense to her -- maybe because her generation accepted a lot more interference from "elders," and also she didn't diverge as much as I am from the norm.
post #31 of 36
My mother also informed me that it was very dangerous to co-sleep. I let it go in one ear and out the other -- less conflict that way.
I'm not going to change her opinions with any amount of information. So I have freed myself from the obligation to do so. I don't have time anyway.
post #32 of 36
when someone gives me sh*t about co-sleeping i just mention that it's called "crib death" not "co-sleeping death". and then i tell them to mind their own business.
post #33 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellymama View Post
when someone gives me sh*t about co-sleeping i just mention that it's called "crib death" not "co-sleeping death". and then i tell them to mind their own business.
Good point!
post #34 of 36
I am sorry to hear your mom thinks its dangerous. I have co-sleep with all my girls..still trying to get our 3 yr to slowly convert to a big gurl bed.Since I have some medical issues and need more rest now. But I do love her to be in my bed still. My mom co-sleep me..not by choice lol..but did it. It was a different time back then cause she didnt BF cause it was frowned apon.Weirdos..even though she wanted to. Anyhow. I have had no probs with the cosleeping at all. Your natural insticts kick in when they are in your bed. I know when she comes in to my bed and we accomadate her. Even when I am sooo tired..lol..anyhow I hope mom grows to understand the issue of why and its your choice.If not then tell her that is what your doing and leave it at that not gulit needed.
post #35 of 36
My grandpa brought this up on sunday when they were down, said the newspaper had an article about how bad/dangerous it was... 5 babies were suffocated or something this past year. My reply? About how SIDs is *far* less common in co-sleeping babies, and how some peple think its cause' babies *need* to be able to hear other people breathing, etc. I had to repeat it a couple times, but he did drop it, thankfully!
post #36 of 36
I have the same problem w/ the MIL thanks this helped me also
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