Going back to work

[ChristaN]

Just wanted an opinion here ...

I have primarily been a SAHM for nearly 5 yrs since my older daughter was born. During that time I went to grad school, got my Masters degree, did an unpaid internship, have done some volunteering &, starting a yr ago, have been working "relief" at our local hospital which amounts to about 2 days/month of work.

My older daughter starts kindergarten in the fall & the younger one pt preschool. I have been looking for a 20hr/wk job b/c we are struggling financially & I would like to make use of my education before it is so far in the past that I seem out of touch with the work world.

As fate would have it, nothing half time has come along, but a full time position has come along that is literally my ideal job & a really good match for my background. I have not been offered the position yet - I am just hopeful - but have been feeling terribly guilty w/ the idea of leaving the girls that much, especially the younger one.

When I talk to working moms who went back right after having their babies they imply that I have been 'wasting my time & education' staying home as long as I have & that they didn't have a second thought about going back to work. I basically get the - you sit around eating bon bons all day spiel.

My SAHM friends, on the other hand, for the most part are making me feel like an awful human being for considering putting the kids in day care & "having someone else raise them." One has even told me that my kids don't mind it when I leave b/c I am basically not raising them right now anyway b/c I work at all (currently I am working no more than 15 hrs per month!) Guilt, guilt, guilt!

The point is, that I do not know if I am going to be overwhelmed w/ guilt if I go back full time at this point, or not. I know that it is going to be a lot of work as far as juggling home & work life, but want insight into how my emotional health & the kids emotional health might stand up. Any insight would be appreciated!

Thanks.

[kimmysue2]

You know what? Its you life and everyone is different in the choices they pick whether to work or stay home and it doesn't make either one bad. Its what you think is good or bad for you.


You may feel guilty or more happy to be around adults after 5 years I don't know you so I can't say. If this is an Ideal job and you do get it try it. Worst case you miss you babies to much so quite. Or you and your girls could be just fine with the change.

Never know until you try it.

Good Luck

[Lucky Charm]

When I talk to working moms who went back right after having their babies they imply that I have been 'wasting my time & education'

Of course we know thats not true :

My SAHM friends, on the other hand, for the most part are making me feel like an awful human being for considering putting the kids in day care & "having someone else raise them." One has even told me that my kids don't mind it when I leave b/c I am basically not raising them right now anyway b/c I work at all (currently I am working no more than 15 hrs per month!)

:Puke
We know that staying home with our children is *never* a waste of our time, energy and educations. We also know that a sahm doesnt make one better. No one can make you feel quilty unless you let them. and the moms who are critical chances are are unhappy with their decisions (this goes both ways....sahm's and wohm's).

[Second_in_January]

Both of those points of view seem a little extreme to me. I was sad to leave my tiny daughter four days a week right away, but at the same time I was happy to get back to work where i am a vital part of the success of our business. In this age, I think women will always be torn.

Similar to you, it was partly finances that pushed me back to work right away. I feel good that I am providing for my family.

I also think you are right about your education. I would think it would be important to use it soon.

Probably one of the important things is how your family is going to pitch in with household stuff if they don't already. My six-year-old ds and I do laundry together, dh and I both work and take turns cooking and cleaning. You could get overwhelmed if you end up working full time outside and inside the home.

[ChristaN]

My husband is pretty good about helping around the house, but not with the kids. I have pretty much accepted this & do not have any expectations that he will help at all with the kids if I am working ft. He has zero patience with them & would just lock them in their rooms forever. Since I couldn't stand this, I'm sure that I will still have to attend to 99-100% of their physical & emotional needs. I think what I would likely ask would be for him to pick up a lot of the cleaning, laundry, pet care, etc so that I don't feel outrageously resentful of all that I am doing for the kids & allthat he isn't doing.

I'm inclined toward accepting the position if it is offered b/c I think that I would truly enjoy it, but I guess that I am having a hard time with the guilt. It also pays about $12,000/yr more than my husband makes, so, technically we could "trade places" & have him be the at home parent, were he not so awful with the kids. He loves them, but has outrageous expectations for their ages & no patience whatsoever!