HELP! It's 3:35 a.m. and dd just nursed for 5th time this night!

[MamaAidan]

Any tired, irritable, and brain-dead mamas out there? What do you do when your co-sleeping babe wants to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG??? My 7m daughter does better when she's a bit apart from me, so I actually wait anxiously for my son to wake up and my husband to go in to his room so I can move across the bed and get a little bit (2-3 hours) of sleep! That's SAD!

We're in the process of trying to get her into a crib in her brother's room, but that only works for the first couple of hours that she sleeps on about half of the nights. Otherwise she cries, even if we stand there to comfort her. I don't like to let her cry. I've tried Pantley's book, and it just hasn't worked for me. Dd is a bloodhound. If I'm there, she wants it, and just keeps at it. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Is she not getting enough to eat during the day? She goes several hours between feedings then, but seems satisfied after every nurse. Her solids are a bit irregular with her eating more when we're apart, just because I hate to pump when I'm with her (if she eats cereal, I have to pump), and it seems silly to not nurse when I'm there at mealtimes.

What am I to do??? I'm exhausted and irritable with my whole family for lack of sleep. I feel relief when my husband sleeps in the other room just because I know I'll get a bit of sleep myself. My dissertation has been shelved for 8 months (that's another thread right there) because my brain is dead. I'm out of shape and have no energy to get out there to work out. I'm too tired to cook good meals, which leads to even lower energy. It's just a downward spiral, it's affecting all of my life's corners, and I am SO ready to get out of it. But I am not willing to let her cry... I just need a way to coax her out of it!

HELP!!!

[MamaAidan]

I should add that I once did call my dd a GREAT SLEEPER. At the start, from about 3 weeks, she slept at least one 4-5 hour chunk. I was feeling good. But I also know that everything is a phase, even the good things. She had to have surgery for a cleft lip when she was 4.5m, then 3 weeks after that was hospitalized for 2 weeks with severe RSV. Her sleep has never been the same. She's finally back to her happy, smiling, trusting self (it was so sad to see her any other way). BUT. I have not had a good night's sleep since her foray into Children's Hospital on January 23.

I am SO happy that my daughter is healthy and happy, and that she and her brother seem to love each other so much. But if I'm going to be the mama I want to be, I really need to find a way to sleep.

[BeagleMommy]

Well, I can understand how that is. My dd is 3 months old and she nursed just about hourly all night. She was on an every two hours all night long schedule until a couple of nights ago. So no real help here, except can you sleep while she nurses? If I couldn't, I would have been dead two months ago. My only real problem with her nursing all night long is the 4-7 diaper changes a night. If I didn't have to wake up for those, I think I'd be okay. She WILL NOT TOLERATE TO BE WET. I figure PL will be easier because of this, but how would I know, she's my first.
So perhaps there is some comfort to know you are not alone.

[bananababies]

I'm so sorry that I have no solution for you, but I just wanted to say: ME TOO!
I'm so tired. I'm irritable and it's affecting my relationship with my so, and my ability to be a good "housewife" (in quotes cause we're not married yet!) and mother. My 8 mo DD nurses wakes at least 4 or 5 times a night and needs to nurse back to sleep. She won't go down in her co-sleeper most nights, so she's in bed with us (which is fine for part of the night, but if she sleeps with us all night i wake up with a back and neck ache). Last night she woke up for an hour stretch TWICE in addition to nursing back to sleep maybe two other times. I'm tired. I don't want to be resentful, but some days I really am!

I read Pantley's book too, and for a while it seemed to work, but it's almost like she "caught onto me," cause she won't go to sleep easily anymore!

I don't get it. I'm brain dead. I wish I could work or go to school in addition to being a mommy, but I don't know how it would be possible.

Sorry I'm no help!!!

[Mom4tot]

Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your dd's medical problems. I'm glad she is better and home again. I am wondering if her hospital stay was just traumatic for her and she just really needs t be close to you now? You say you are trying to get her into a crib, many times when baby senses a seperation like that, they do whatever they can to remain close. How do you feel about just letting her sleep with you? I am wondering if you will all get more sleep that way eventually?

[BathrobeGoddess]

Honestly, sounds normal...all three of my dc have gone through all night nursing times when they were babies...my dd is also in one now. It will get better...then worse...then better...then worse...etc...

ETA: Sounds like you dd is telling you what she wants...she wants you at night...I have always waited until well over a year to try to move a child out since, particularly one that really wants to sleep with you. Honestly, why punish yourself...I would just give her what she wants and I bet things will mellow out pretty fast at night!

[alegna]

It does sound normal combined with needing mama even more. I agree- plan to sleep with her. I would not try to move her out of your room any time soon.

-Angela

[CameronsMama]

Have you tried nursing more frequently during the day to see if that cuts down the night feedings? Don't know if it would work, but it might be worth a try. Also, I agree that it sounds like she needs you for comfort as much as or more than for food! I'm glad your daughter is happy and healthy now. Good luck. I wish I had more to offer.

[kaspar]

hopefully it is just a phase!! i for one can doze off while nursing, but i don't sleep well or for long. my babe will just keep nursing in his sleep, and if he wants to eat, he will *not* let go and just sleep - he will wake up and fuss. one night i nursed for *7* hours out of 12. i was utterly useless the next day.

i am trying (again - haha) to get us on some kind of schedule - watching what he tends to do, working with that, and following some of the advice from dr sears - clusterfeed in the evenings so he is well fed & less likely to get hungry, put him in the sling a lot during the day. they say "restful days lead to restful nights" - seems counterintuitive to me (i would have thought that being active in the day would make him need to sleep more) but who knows??

if she is nursing for comfort, is there anyway you can keep her in the bed by you but give her something else to suck on, so you don't feel drained?

[i<3baby]

Ha, ha, ha. I too am having the same problem *sigh*
DH will wake up between 9pm-11pm and will fuss at my breast non-stop until she falls asleep. The past few nights have been 3am, then 4am, and last night it was 7am!!!
Worse, she will act as if there is no more milk left in my breast, by screaming, kicking, fussing, and spitting my mipple out but when I squeeze my nipple, milk will come out.
She also refuses formula, preferring to choke on it rather than drink it. It's not that she isn't sleepy, if I cradle feed her (vs lying down) she will fall asleep pretty quick, but once you put her down she wakes instantly and has screaming fits until she is purple. Losing her voice and choking from a dry throat doesn't deter her either.
Know that you're not alone! And that like you I don't know how to "fix" the problem, all I can do is keep my sanity and be as patient as possible.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Is it possible to side car a crib so that she would be in there with you but far enough away that you could both have space? Even putting a pallet on the floor beside the bed were you could lay down with her to nurse her to sleep them move back up in the bed after.

I know what it is like to be sleep deprived

[MamaAidan]

Thank you all!!!

I think I have a plan... Our bedroom is too small to bring in a crib/co-sleeper/mattress, sowe can't do that. But last night I was able to get more sleep by having my husband sleep the whole night with our son, and keeping some distance from dd while sharing the same bed. So we didn't wake each other up. When she'd finish nursing the 3 times she did wake up I'd walk around to the other side of the bed so I had space and was behind her. It was musical bed-sides. Hopefully she'll adjust to this. We have some travel coming up soon, so I won't make any other changes until May, but at that point I may try having my husband cover a few nights with a sippy of breastmilk (no bottles for this babe!).

I also think that CameronsMama and others had an idea in trying to feed more during the evenings to tank her up. Tonight I'll try some cereal for her. The problem is that she won't take cereal from me and my husband will be away for a week. Maybe if I keep at it...

I won't torture my baby to get some sleep, but I do need to try something different!

Thank you all for all of your advice. I'll post any successes for those of you in the same sleep-deprived delerium! Thank you thank you thank you!

[alegna]

Skip the cereal. Cereal is pretty much empty filler. Skip all spoon feeding in fact- just let her self feed. That way she can follow her own cues.



hang in there!

-Angela

[ipfree]

Thank you Mamas. I feel so much better. You are not alone. I am tired of waking up all night long to nurse ... and am confident that this too shall pass ... soon I will be my rosy self ... the self that gets enough sleep.

[CalBearMama]

The one thing I would add - especially for those mamas whose babies won't tolerate being wet or who pop off the breast screaming even though there's milk - is to think about EC (Elimination Communication). My DS was a thrashy, waking up every hour "to nurse" sleeper until someone suggested EC to me when he was about 10 months old. It takes a little effort to determine whether they're waking up because they need to pee rather than because they need to nurse, but if you're up dealing with the baby anyway, the potty is one more option to try. Here's what happened for us:

Prior pattern: DS would fall asleep nursing. A few hours later, he would start thrashing around and kicking DH and me, so we couldn't get any sleep. Finally, DS would wake up and want to nurse. I would nurse him back to sleep. Almost immediately, he would start thrashing around again, and within an hour, he would be awake again wanting to nurse. Repeat, repeat, repeat until morning.

EC pattern: DS fell asleep nursing. If he started thrashing around, I pulled him into my lap in a sitting position, held him over a big bowl, took off his diaper, and he would pee. I would lay him back down, replace his diaper, and he would either go right back to sleep (if he woke up at all in the first place) or would nurse briefly and fall back asleep. Since he was already an older baby when we started this, he never seemed to need to pee more than once a night, so he would sleep peacefully until morning. Sometimes, he would wake to nurse once or even twice more during that time, but at least I could be confident that he was really wanting to nurse, and not just pacify at the breast because he was uncomfortable from having a full bladder. Or if he started waking up a lot, I knew something else was bothering him, like teething or starting to get sick.

EC might sound disruptive and difficult when you first hear about it, but I credit it with the return of peaceful sleep in our house. My theory is that frequent wakings are sometimes caused by the fact that the baby instinctively doesn't want to soil himself, so he is holding his pee as long as possible, which makes him more and more uncomfortable and more and more likely to wake up and want to nurse for comfort.

For more EC info, check out www.diaperfreebaby.org, the EC sub-forum of the Diapering forum here at MDC, www.tribalbaby.org, and the Yahoo group "Elimination Communication."

[KAHMama]

I don't really have any ideas for you...I'm in the same boat. My dd wakes often...I consider it a good stretch if she goes 1 hour without waking...some nights, she's up every 30 minutes. I am pretty sure it's because of teething. Things also got worse once she started crawling, she now wakes up and almost immediately rolls to her belly.

Sigh. I also did call her a great sleeper, which she was until she was 3 months old.

[yogagal]

Oh my gosh! I am so happy to hear I'm not the only one!! Our 5.5 month old was an awesome sleeper until about a month ago. Now he wakes every hour until we come to bed, and a couple of days ago, nursed pretty much all night long. I felt like tearing my hair out (also won't sleep in the co-sleeper!). Ugh. Thank you for the ideas!!

[Avena]

Yep, I remember that all too well! I'm praying our new one will pas on that
Sounds like a growth spurt or teething?~Promise it won't last forever, even though it seems like it

If you can, drink some Chamomile tea so your little one will get it through your mamas milk

[formerluddite]

check out the Parents of crappy sleepers tribe.... it's a little stale (maybe all our babes are sleeping now?), but lots of good info/and company for misery.

my stories are in there somewhere, the short version is dd1: tons of food allergies/gut issues caused the problems, exacerbated by vaxing until 15mos. woke 4-17 times/night for years.

dd2: the usual: starting solids (hard on a little immature gut), and teething. woke ~3x/night usually, and up to 7 when cutting canines/starting solids (the first 2 mos or so). now sleeps pretty well, wakes 1-3x (now she's getting the 2yo nightmare thing...)

since your babe is 7mos, i'll bet he's teething (which hurts loooong before they poke through), or not tolerating solids well. especially grains, since they don't have the digestive enzymes to process grain until they're older (?a year).

and i agree with the pp, he may also be reacting to the separation of the transition to another room.