have you switched from mama putting to sleep to dada (or other adult)

[momster]

I'd like to help ds get to sleep with dad and go back to sleep with dad so I can work at night sometimes. Ds is 27 months old and has been going to sleep nursing since he was born. He has a few times gone to sleep while being worn by dad, but not in a long long time.

Should we start by trying to have dad wear him to sleep? His dad already does his bedtime routine, ending with bookreading. Then I come in and nurse him to sleep in bed without dad there.

Has anyone successfully made this transition without lots of crying and trauma? Most of the people I know who've done it have done it as a nightweaning thing and have stayed out of the room a few nights in a row and let dad deal with crying babe wanting to nurse until the kid just gave up and slept through. I really don't want it to be traumatic like that. Am I dreaming that we can make this transition somewhat gently?

Also, if you did this successfully, how long did it take? BTW, we're not trying to stop cosleeping, just trying to get ds to accept dad at bedtime and at night some of the time.

Thanks.

[leerypolyp]

Hey! We do a dada bedtime! My daughter is 19 months, and now I nurse her early on in the routine, about 7, and then he does everything else -- she sleeps in a crib next to our bed (was sidecarred until two nights ago) and nurses when we go in to bed between 10 and 11.

My husband has been doing a large part of bedtime for a few months now. At first we'd nurse, then he'd rock her and read stories, then I'd nurse her to sleep. Around 14 months she wouldn't fall asleep from nursing as consistently, and I was getting a little fried, so after we'd nurse for a while he would bounce her (on a yoga ball) until she'd fall asleep. I'd hang close in case she needed one more nursing session, but she usually wouldn't. Gradually we decreased my role in the bedtime so that now I nurse her once at the beginning and he does everything else. In fact, if I linger, she starts calling for him!

It sounds like our routines aren't all that different -- maybe if you nursed and then before your ds was all the way asleep, transferred him to dada, but stayed near in case you needed to nurse again? So that instead of removing something from the routine, you added something, if that makes sense?

As for during the night -- well, you're asking the wrong person...I'll be watching for ideas. Heh.

[2mama]

Since dd#2 was born in feb we have been working on this. DS will be 27 months on the 18th and it's going okay. In the begining dh would have to "do the stairmaster" to get him to sleep (aka wake up and down the stairs while carrying ds until he fell asleep) in the last week dh has been able to snuggle with him to go to sleep which took anywhere from20-60 mins per night, but with minimal "I want my mommy". In the middle of the night ds still sleeps in my arm pit, so I am usually the one who gets him back to sleep. But dh has had to a few times when dd was fussing and ds was fussing for me as well. I would say he fussed in dh's arm for a minute then went back to sleep. Tonight ds wanted nothing other than mama at bedtime so it takes time. DD will be 2 months on the 20th. Just don't go cold turkey. DD#2 was hospitalized for 1 week @ 3 weeks old for rsv and breathing problems and that was he** for dh and ds since I stayed there with her.

Good luck!

[momma4fun]

I'd say just try it first to see if it happens all by itself -- it would be a wonderful, not too unattainable miracle, I think, because of your ds's age.

Slyly nurse him before bedtime routine, give him big hugs and kisses and go outside, without mentioning that you are leaving. DH will proceed with book and then tuck dd in and kiss him goodnight.

It might just work! If not, you'll only be a short holler away.

We tried all sorts of things to get dd1 to fall asleep for DP. What finally worked was me leaving the house and just having him do it. She could somehow sense that I wasn't there and it was fine to let dada do it.

[summerbabe]

:

[LoveBaby]

we did that. mostly because i was exhausted and had really started resenting where we were at w/ the whole nighttime thing.

DH would go in w/ DS (and the other kids) and read a story, sit w/ him, pat his back etc. The first few nights weren't great and there was some fussing, etc. but it didn't take him long to forget about "nursy" and be happy w/ Daddy there. I was like a new woman, too, and really enjoyed our nursing sessions during the day and in the early morning. It was good for all of us!

[marnie]

we did it, but the only way it worked without tears was if i left the apartment. i would go out and my husband would help maya sleep. she never complained even a little if i was gone, but if he tried and i was home, she would cry and scream for me right away.

after a few months of my going out 2 nights a week to get her used to it, i could then stay home and have it be "papà's turn" and it was fine.

[alegna]

Dd will sometimes happily go to sleep next to just Daddy in bed. Probably started once in awhile around 18 months or so. Of course there are days it just won't fly like anything else.

-Angela

[momster]

thanks

Thanks everyone for your replies and support. Maybe I just need to get over my guilt of stepping out of the house and having him cry for mama.

We started tonight with dh being in bed with us while ds goes to sleep. (He usually leaves the room when it's time to nurse). It took 1 1/2 hrs to get him to sleep. He asked to go potty twice and for food from downstairs (these are old bedtime habits that he had given up). I sang a lot and he talked to daddy and finally fell asleep.

I guess I'm debating with trying this for a few more days or just leaving the house like some of you recommended.

[CarenSwan]

When my dd was 20 mo old we moved toward night-weaning, and stopped nursing to sleep. I nurse at the beginning of the routine, and then dh proceeds with 2 books, prayers and singing her to sleep in the dark. In one week's time she went from 5 night-wakings to 1. I slept in the guest room until she accepted Papa, but even in that first week she never cried for very long. It really worked well for us, and I'm so glad we tried it when we did. If she had reacted more strongly, we wouldn't have pushed the issue, but I think she was ready, and I know that I was! It has also revolutionized her relationship with my dh, which makes my heart so happy!!!

[BonMaman]

subbing...

[ktmama]

My dh puts the baby to bed two nights a week while I work downstairs in the office. The key has been a few months prior of me moving nursing up in the bedtime routine and laying dd2 down awake. I started doing this at 17 months because nursing to sleep stopped working. Good luck!

[quinbearzmama]

Hi there-
We also do a daddy/DS bedtime. We made the switch when I found out I was pregnant with our DD- I guess that was right around 18months for my son. He loves it now- it's definitely a special time of day for both of them. Good luck, mama!

[dawn1221]

We trade off. We both work full time plus so it is nice to be able to share. Sometimes DD will only go to sleep with both of us there. She just says to me "daddy too". It's really cute!

Often one of us will fall asleep if we lay down with her so nothing gets done. DH likes to be woken up if he falls asleep so if I don't hear from him for about 40 minutes, I go in and get him. I on the other hand prefer to stay asleep and have DH pick up all the chore type things I have left to do for the night (but of course he never picks up the slack so I get screwed in the am).

[momster]

possible first night success

Thanks all of you for your encouragement. Hearing how it has worked for so many of you helps me believe we can have a dada, dc bedtime too!

We tried about a week ago to have dada in bed with us at bedtime. There was a lot of chattering and it definitely took longer, but he did eventually go to sleep. Then we got burned out (yes after only 2 nights) and stopped. Tonight I went to a meeting and got back after ds is usually asleep. It was dark in the bedroom and quiet at first. Then I think ds heard my footsteps. I heard dada say, "Do you want another story...", but quiet again pretty soon after. So I don't know if he's asleep yet, but he's not crying out for mama! He'd usually be jumping on dada in bed at this point, so lights off and quiet is a huge improvement.

We're on our way.

[FreeThinkinMama]

we did, at first I stayed with him the entire time he was putting her down for bed. then for a couple days I would go in but leave after a hug and kiss goodnight. finally i let him put her to bed and only came in if needed. When I had my ds in the hospital he had no problems getting her to go to sleep and we didnt have to let her CIO, it was just a gradual process instead of a sudden change that would have been more upsetting im sure.

[woobysma]

we started this when DS2 was about 1.5yo. It was hard at first, mainly because DP had to find his won groove with DS2. Now, a year later, it works out fine. We trade off and each do night-time routines about half the time.

It's wonderful on those days when I'm busy cleaning or just want to lay on the couch and relax to have DP be able to get the boys in bed with no fuss.

[momster]

success!

We had 2 nights in a row of dada helping ds to sleep! He didn't cry either time, although it took a lot longer than usual.

Thanks everyone for your stories. I feel this amazing sense of freedom now that I know I don't have to be around at bedtime every night. Now we need to work on accepting dada when waking at night (or sleeping through the night).

[reezley]

Congrats!
I was about to add my success story but apparently you're all set! (Just for the record, we made the switch when I was pregnant with ds2. It was a months-long process of making the nursing shorter and shorter until he was going to sleep without nursing, with me, and then we had dh try bedtime. DS (now 2.5yrs) was pretty fine with it, and now it's their very special night routine. )