daytime vs nighttime parenting, I can't do both anymore

[snoopy5386]

I am so at my wit's end. It is 10:30 am and I am crying, I am so tired. Last night I put DD to bed at 8:30, she fell asleep at 9:30 after nursing, rocking, nursing, and finally being rocked in her stroller for 30 mins. She woke at 11:15 and was up until 2 am. She nursed, fussed, cried, rolled around, got a diaper change, played peek a boo, talked, flopped around, etc. She would fall asleep for 3 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins, but always woke up. She slept from 2-4 and then was up from four until five, doing the same as before minus the playing around and the diaper change. She slept from 5-7 and then was up for the day. I put her down for a nap at 9:30, she fell asleep at 10 and was up again at 10:30. I tried to take a nap with her, but I can't instantly fall asleep, so just as I am falling into a deep sleep, she is waking up. Saturday night, she was up every hour, Friday night I got a total of 3 hours of sleep. DH helps, but it is not enough. Yesterday morning he took her when she woke up and let me sleep for 4 hours. Today I feel back to square one again.
I am so tired my eyes burn all day and my brain is mush. I usually stay awake during her afternoon nap so I can have some "me" time and because I just hate sleeping all freaking day long. If I nap with her for both naps I just start to lose it because I have no time to myself all day until DH gets home. The house is falling apart, nothing ever gets done, I know everyone says housework is not important, and I get that, but I can't keep ignoring everything until she sleeps better it has been a year already.
I am so tired I have no patience to deal with DD during the day and no desire or energy to spend any time playing with her. When I get really tired like this I find myself being mean to her, calling her a stupid baby, telling her to shut up, and when she won't sleep like last night, under my breath I am singing a cursing mantra (go to sleep, go to sleep, go the F*** to sleep, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you). This is not the mom I want to be. I hate myself for feeling this way. Other people come over and play with her or DH comes home and plays with her and they have so much energy and she has so much fun and I wish I could be like that with her, but it is such an effort just to get through the basics of feeding, dressing, diaper changing etc. I just put her on the floor with some toys and hope she plays quietly by herself. She is getting to be the typical toddler getting into everything and I have no patience to deal with her and find myself just yelling. When she wakes up in the morning now I sit her up on the bed and turn on sesame street so I can just lie there for another 15 mins and she just watches it like a zombie.
So, I am being an AP mom at night, tending to my DD's needs, nursing her all night long, but it means I am barely functioning as a parent during the day. I am seriously considering doing some kind of sleep training with her, I just can't take this anymore. And yes I have read NCSS and NCSS for toddlers, I tried some of that stuff and it didn't really work. I am thinking of trying Dr Jay Gordon's method, but I don't know if I have the patience for it and it doesn't solve the problem of actually getting her to fall asleep in the first place which is one of our big problems.

[Ruthla]

[alegna]

Does she just need very little sleep? Can you put her between you and dh in bed and sleep while she plays in the middle of the night?

That sounds really tough.

good luck!

-Angela

[snoopy5386]

no she needs more sleep, she is cranky and tired too. In the past she has done 11 hours at night (with about 5 wakeups) and 3 hours of total naptime. She is teething now, but with her it lasts for weeks and weeks. DH abandoned us a long, long time ago. He sleeps in a different room.

[Jenlaana]

I don't know what I would do if my DH didnt stay in the bed with us I think I would go crazy if my DH had left me alone w/ the babe at night after being alone all day long.

I wish I had some suggestions Are you nursing/feeding to sleep? Are you slinging at all during the day? Do you have a routine for naps and nighttime? (like, eat, rock, sleep or eat, bath, sleep, etc?)

I'm sure there are others that know more than me. My DD still wakes at night at 18 months, but its not that often really. What got us over the hump was feeding DD in bed, and she'd just fall right back to sleep. She doesnt BF anymore, but we have a bottle next to the bed which helps her get back to sleep if she's having a restless night.

[iheartsofia]

I understand, it is so hard to be the person I want to be when I am tired. Lack of sleep has such an impact on how I feel and function. Something that helped me is to just remember that this is not forever. In fact I am sure that at some point in the future I will wish that my babe was this age again. Another thing that I try to maintain is a positive inner dialouge. I can make a tough situation so much worse by saying negative things to myself. I make a conscious effort to have a positive or at least neutral conversation with myself. It helps me to let go of assumptions that I have for how my night should be. I hear that it gets better, at the very least it is better to know that you are not alone.

[D_McG]

I can feel your pain in this post.

Have you tried the staples? Like an earlier bedtime and a longer wind down routine? Have you tried structuring her day more? Is it possible she is moving to one nap? What are you giving her for teething?

Just throwing things out there. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[snoopy5386]

we have a routine for bedtime and naps, the same for months now. I don't think she is moving to one nap yet, she is pretty pooped by 9:30 am. For teething I have tried hylands, oragel, tylenol and motrin. The only thing that seems to make a difference is the tylenol/motrin but even that doesn't do it sometimes, and I hate giving it to her. It makes me sick every time I have to buy a new bottle, the idea that I have given her so much already in her short life. we nurse in bed all the time. we have tried early and late bedtimes.

[CB73]

My DS1 is 3.5YO and still is a puzzle when it comes to sleeping, still waking 1-3x a night sometimes for only a minute, other times for HOURS...and last night, I was awake from 1:30 - 4:30 with our 19MO DS2 who is fighting a cold and just whining alot at night. I am right with you...so tired, and not wanting to play at all today.

Sometimes it is a phase, but IMHO some kids are going to grow up to be adults with sleep struggles. I personally have insomnia from time to time...it makes me wonder what kind of toddler sleeper I was!

You've gotten suggestions about routine, consistency and support....have you read about melatonin? I cannot suggest dose at all, but in our experience...the kids are ASLEEP in, umm...15 minutes flat. How about Kid Calm? There is another natural supplement but I forget the name....mushy brain for sure!

Have you considered allergy? Food sensitivity? A friend had a DS who suddenlt slept better when V-8 juice (red dye) was taken out of his diet. It was like having a different child, she told me.

When I am so tired, I really try to focus on playing for a short period, then take a break, then come back again....or do things that *need* to be done in the house, but let them help -so at least I can see where they are. (laundry loading/folding becomes hide & seek, or cooking dinner becomes measuring and pouring water in the sink, messy play)

I wish sleep for you, me and all the other sleep deprived mommas.
Not a good place to be.

HTH a little at least!

[gottaknit]

Originally Posted by snoopy5386

no she needs more sleep, she is cranky and tired too. In the past she has done 11 hours at night (with about 5 wakeups) and 3 hours of total naptime. She is teething now, but with her it lasts for weeks and weeks. DH abandoned us a long, long time ago. He sleeps in a different room.

This sounds very familiar to me. The only thing that got us more sleep was nightweaning. I didn't do it until DS was 27 months, and I wish I'd done it much sooner. It was a tough three nights, but life is so much better now. I know this isn't a popular suggestion around here, though. :

Unfortunately DH still sleeps in his own room. DS gets mad when he tries to sleep with us and tells him to go away. Yes, our two year old thinks he is the alpha male.

ETA: I do have one other suggestion. When DS was that age, I wore him on my back in an Ergo carrier while I cleaned house. I'd strap him on, put on some energetic music, and clean/sing/dance like mad for as long as he'd put up with it. Sometimes he'd even fall asleep!