disappointing, or traumatic birth experiences (and moving on from them) tribe - Page 9

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Romana9+2

And anyway, when it gets *that bad* I honestly do not believe anything would really help. I think I was amazing and good with the pain. I know I can do it again.

I just don't want to.

And to everyone else on this thread.

I know how you feel...not wanting to give birth again. I also know how you feel when you said when it gets that bad, nothing helps.

I too feel I was amazing and good with dealing with the pain. I also think I was pretty well prepared. I read many of the natural child birth books, including Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, I knew all the stats, I was in pretty good shape physically, I took natural child birth classes, I hired a doula, and I had a midwife.

I put up with back labor and a stuck, inverted baby for many, many long hours of labor before finally becoming exhausted and overwhelmed by the pain and giving in to the interventions I had hoped to avoid...and they were a life saver. I could not continue the way things were going. My opinions changed very drastically about these interventions, and I see now that sometimes, even when they are unwanted, they are necessary.

I pushed for over three hours, with the help of the doula and midwife, only to have the baby become even more stuck, and ultimately had to have a C-section.

It was devastating. I feel like I did everything every Mothering magazine articles says to do to have a natural birth, and I held out as long as I could, and it just didn't happen.

The pain was just absolutely overwhelming and the contractions were hard, intense, long, and one on top of the other, throughout the entire labor.

To say the least it was a disappointing and very traumatic birth. I wish back labor on no woman.

I still feel like crying when I think about it.

[ericswifey27]

I'm not sure how I missed this thread but my first birth was traumatic. It was the exact opposite of what I had hoped for and dreamed of for so long. I was flat out lied to by the hospital staff so they could get what they wanted, which was for me to have a csection so they could all get on with their holiday plans, I'm sure. I have never felt more betrayed in my life as that day. At first I made excuses for them, then blamed myself, and now that I've read my records and done the research, I know that my csection was iatrogenic, 100%.

The last time I had to enter a hospital I actually had a physical reaction. I was shaky, sweaty, pale, lightheaded. Tell me why a hospital serving normal, every day birthing women, has a desk set up immediately at the front entrance with a huge sign "surgical liason" . How ironic is that? I just wanted to leave.

I've just finished reading each story in this thread. Each story is different and yet it is the same.

It saddens me so much that women are being treated this way. We (and our babies) deserve so much more.

[holyhelianthus]

i just want to let you all know i'm still here. i have read every post. s to all of you. to all of us. i am trying to get up the courage to post my birthstory public here. i am so afraid of the MW stumbling across it and picking a fight over it. i wouldn't put it past here. but i need to stand up for ME. i just don't feel like i can and i know no one else will. the birth was proof of that.

[Stephenie]

Originally Posted by ericswifey27

It saddens me so much that women are being treated this way. We (and our babies) deserve so much more.

So true.

to everyone

[simple life]

Wow, I was just wondering where to post about how I am still not over my sons birth. I'm so glad to find this tribe!

I haven't even yet been able to bring myself to write a birth story. I don't even talk about it with people, it's so upsetting to me.

We picked a midwife that worked well with the both of us, but because of where I live (MO), she was limited. Her doc wouldn't let me go more than 2 weeks and Paul was a stubborn baby! So I ended up with an induction, which I DID NOT want. I wanted a home birth, not all that hospital stuff. I just totally gave up and couldn't fight off all the interventions. I knew the second her doctor showed up that she was going to want a c-section. It was awful, the whole thing. Never, never ever again. I will not set foot in a hospital for another birth, ever! I feel like something was stolen from me. Then when you add in the post partum depression, I ended up losing much more than just the birth of my son, I lost the first several months of his life, the simple joy of a new son. There was no peacefulness at all.

I now feel guilty because I have absolutely NO joy in his birth. I feel that it makes me somehow a bad mom because I hate how he came. I hate that I let myself be forced into something that I KNEW I could not handle (induction - pitocin is evil). I feel bad because he's almost 9 months I should be over this by now, but I'm totally not.

Okay, that's my story. I very much look forward to reading through all the other posts and seeing what you all have done to help.

Julie

[Romana]

Originally Posted by Spring Flower

I put up with back labor and a stuck, inverted baby for many, many long hours of labor before finally becoming exhausted and overwhelmed by the pain and giving in to the interventions I had hoped to avoid...and they were a life saver. I could not continue the way things were going. My opinions changed very drastically about these interventions, and I see now that sometimes, even when they are unwanted, they are necessary.

I completely agree with this. Although I didn't have any interventions, experiencing that level and duration of unbearable pain in a natural birth helped me understand how necessary and useful interventions can be, and to have more respect for women who choose epidurals for pain relief (including not even planning to try for a natural birth). My focus switched from being very pro-NCB to being completely pro-informed choice.

It was devastating. I feel like I did everything every Mothering magazine articles says to do to have a natural birth, and I held out as long as I could, and it just didn't happen.

I felt the same way - I couldn't understand why my body didn't work when I had done everything right. I was low-risk, in good shape, had read a zillion NCB books, and still I never had a pushing urge and I had an excruciating labor/birth. It took a long time to accept my feelings about the birth and then be able to observe the experience more analytically, and come to terms with the fact that while I can have theories, I will never have "answers" to exactly what happened or why it was so hard. Which is part of why I just have to try to be prepared for it again, not knowing and not able to know why it was so difficult or how to prevent that again.

I still feel like crying when I think about it.

Originally Posted by ericswifey27

I'm not sure how I missed this thread but my first birth was traumatic. It was the exact opposite of what I had hoped for and dreamed of for so long. I was flat out lied to by the hospital staff so they could get what they wanted, which was for me to have a csection so they could all get on with their holiday plans, I'm sure. I have never felt more betrayed in my life as that day. At first I made excuses for them, then blamed myself, and now that I've read my records and done the research, I know that my csection was iatrogenic, 100%.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're able to have a different birth next time - at least in how you feel in terms of being respected by your birth attendants and having genuine choices available to you.

Originally Posted by magstphil

i just want to let you all know i'm still here. i have read every post. s to all of you. to all of us. i am trying to get up the courage to post my birthstory public here. i am so afraid of the MW stumbling across it and picking a fight over it. i wouldn't put it past here. but i need to stand up for ME. i just don't feel like i can and i know no one else will. the birth was proof of that.

If you really need to share/talk to someone but don't feel you can post it here, you can always PM someone. I volunteer if you want to get it out but are anxious about doing it on this thread. I understand about being concerned about privacy on a public board. Also, you can post it and later take it back down. You don't owe it to anyone to leave it up. I removed my birthstory after I received some harassing PMs, and I don't regret it. I needed the support and then later, I needed my privacy back. It's up to you, whenever you are ready, if ever.

Julie/simple life - s and welcome.

~~~~
I'm feeling right now like I have nothing to complain about. Like there is some huge inherent weakness in me for struggling to tolerate 8 hours of transition/pushing. That other women only struggle with their births when they have major interventions or are treated cruelly/disrespectfully by hospital staff. My hospital experience wasn't that bad - it was irksome but not traumatic. There are things I'd like different, but it wasn't the hospital part that was traumatizing . . . it was the agony. I just feel weak. Not a good way to be feeling when preparing to go through it again. So many women describe their NCBs as uplifting, exhilarating - that they had a birth high, bounced back quickly . . . I had none of those feelings. I felt exhausted, and I felt relieved. I felt overwhelmed. I had a lot of pain post-partum, and healing seemed to take forever. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days and didn't feel even remotely human for 4 weeks. It just didn't seem like what NCB was supposed to be like. I felt a lot of disappointment and weakness, I guess, instead of feeling empowered or strong.

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by hibana

Hi mamas. Dd's birth was dissapointing and traumatic, but nothing compared to what some of you ladies have been through. (I had a natural, unmedicated birth, but was literally forced onto my back and treated like an insane child the whole time, among other things...) Anybody else have experience dealing with symptoms of PTSD following a traumatic and violating birth? How can you make the people close to you understand what you are dealing with long after the fact?

to all mamas in this tribe.

My birth wasn't traumatic, but I was disappointed, can I join?

I had an easy birth, good nurses, good support with my husband during labour, but when DD's heartrate was slightly low they put me on oxygen, no explanation, then made me wait to push for ten minutes until the dr. was there, then I held her for only a couple minutes, and they whisked her off to the nursery for FOUR hours. The pediatrician who checked on her (Meconuim in amni fluid) never talked to me about her. I typed it all up fairly soon and asked some questions here. I know I had it good, but if I'm in a hospital, I know I can't and he can't guarantee it will be so non-interventive next time. A few months ago, we were talking about it, and he asked if I just wanted sympathy or to know what he thought. At this point, I feel like saying, "It's not your body that the doctors will mess with," but I do understand a little maybe he's afraid I would die, and he'd have two babies to raise alone. . .

I've been reading birth stories one here and love the idea of homebirth. He'd asked me last fall when I was first pg if I wanted to do it at home, then before reading Baby Catcher and other fun "Childbirth is natural" books, I said no. Then I started saying after I read them while still pregnant, "If this one is easy, the next one is at home." My dr. said at the last well baby visit that she would/has done transfers for homebirths. I've wanted to change drs, but she would be there no matter, if I change to the dr. I've heard good stuff about, then I'd get whoever was on call on weekends.

Anyway, more about my trying to decide for net time than talking about my birth, but this is where I am. I'm feeling like since things were pretty easy, next time will be easier, why fuss with a hospital unless it's absolutely needed?

[KestrelDream]

I can't believe I never seen this tribe here!

Subbing, & will be back later to read through & post.

[chemer]

I haven't read everything, but I'm going to. I posted over in the Birth and Beyond board the other day and just found this tribe. There's some stuff about my birth over there, but I'll write more here. (apparently I decided to write a novel)

I was supposed to have a homebirth. When I was around 7cm the midwives noticed that my baby's heart rate was dropping during contractions. They wouldn't let me labor in peace and kept moving me for every contraction, trying to bring the heart rate back up. It turns out that I was in transition during all of this, in a lot of pain, wanting to quit (as if that's an option), and now I was worried about the baby. They started talking about transferring me to the hospital.

I started pushing...I just couldn't help it, it was an overwhelming urge. They were yelling at me not to push, still worried about the heart rate. I was panicking that I was killing my baby, but I absolutely could not not push. I was in so much pain and, in my head by my wrong stupid calculations, I had a good 3-4 hours left before I was supposed to be pushing. I was apologising to the baby between contractions and the contractions were on top of each other. I told them to just transfer us if they were going to end up transferring us and at least I could get some pain relief and would be able to stop pushing. And the downward spiral began.

Between that point and the point we got in the ambulance, I think I had 3 internals, one without any warning. I had specifically requested that internals be kept to an absolute minimum. The third internal, at the bottom of the stairs while waiting for the ambulance, revealed that I was fully dilated. But since the ambulance had been called no one cared and I just had to wait. They tried to take my husband away in the ambulance. I wouldn't let go, he had to stay with me. The midwife and the emt sat next to me, I was staring at them. They were talking about me like I wasn't there.

We got to the hospital. I had to move to the delivery table. The NHS delivery suite is nothing like the ones you see on the tv shows in the US. Bare bones, built in the 70s and not updated since. I crawled onto the table and got on my hands and knees. They told me I had to lay on my back. I started crying because I knew that *my* birth was all over and that we were at the start of a baby extraction. They strapped on the monitors, the room was full of people. I was told I had to the baby out ASAP. I was told how to push. It wasn't working so they had me tip my hips UP so that they could see better (WTF). Obviously that wasn't working any better. Everyone was talking about the baby's heart rate and my heart rate and how we NEEDED to get the baby out (I don't think that her heart rate ever dropped below 90, which I learned later isn't really that low). I was so scared. My husband was so scared.

I told them to just get her out, I thought my baby was going to die. I agreed to a vacuum extraction. Anesthetic shot, catheter, vacuum. We tried a few pushes, it wasn't working. The midwife, who had decided to ignore my wishes while we were finishing up at home, was actually doing a good job as my advocate at this point. She was telling me when to pant, instead of just having me push (the doctor's instructions). She told the doctor that she was not to cut me unless it was absolutely necessary. Eventually the doctor told me I'd taken too long and she needed to cut. I said fine..."too long" must mean that my baby was about to die, right?

I so did not want an episiotomy. So I powered that baby out on the next push, before the doctor had a chance. I'll never know if that was a mistake or not. No one was ready for it. She popped out and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear.

A lot of that is pieced together from discussions with my husband after the birth. I don't remember much. I've ordered my hospital file so that I can try to get some answers. But I hate not remembering.

I have hardly any memories of what happened after they handed her to me. I remember she was very warm. We did get to do skin to skin for about 10 minutes, which is better than nothing. And when they took me away she did skin to skin with my husband. She never once sat in a box all alone in nursery, which I am grateful for. I don't know if she was crying...she scored a 9 on her APGAR, so she must have been making noise. I just feel like I should remember everything about those first minute with her and I can't. It's awful.

It took them ages to stitch me up. It was done in an OR. I had to have a spinal block. I couldn't go home (my back up plan on the homebirth was to leave the hospital the day of the birth). No one would talk to me in the OR. No one would tell me how long things would take. No one would tell me how long I had to stay in the hospital. The ECG monitor was flashing arrhythmia warnings the whole time. I just wanted to hold my baby. We hadn't managed to breastfeed before they took her away. I wanted to see my husband.

I was in so much pain when the spinal wore off. E roomed in (the nursery is reserved for babies with seriously ill moms). I couldn't get out of bed to help her. She was vomiting bloody mucus all night. I was sure it was something I did wrong...like pushing when I wasn't supposed to be. I couldn't sleep. I pulled her out and held her skin to skin on my chest for hours that night. And wept.

I was discharged 24 hours after she was born. I could barely walk and needed help to sit down and get up. Even though everyone had been nice to me on the ward, I was so glad to get out of there.

I didn't know that birth would be so hard, mentally. I was prepared (as prepared as you can be) for the physical pain. I wasn't prepared to still be haunted by things 4 months after the birth.

[khaoskat]

I belong here as well. I have had 4 births and will say that 3 of them have been traumatic.

My first birth was traumatic and empowered me further into natural birth.
My second birth was so healing.
My third birth was tragic because of the results that lead to all the interventions. We found in labor that our baby did not have a hb.
I was so looking forward to another healing birth this time, and it wasn't and it has been emotional.

I will type brief synopsis of each birth later....nak right now, and doing this one handed.

Melissa S.

[corwinegall]

My first birth was a little traumatic and very disapointing. I went into it with confidence, I'd taken bradley classes and had a whole long list of things I did and didn't want. I did have a drug free birth, but I was in labor for 3 days. I had a lot of back labor. I was put on the magnesium sulfate towards the end of the labor for high blood pressure, that slowed the labor and they gave me some pitossin. After he was born my son was taken to the NICU because he was breathing fast and kept there for 3 days. I couldn't nurse him right away because they kept me on the mag., which also kept me from getting out of bed to go see him for 2 days. I was discharged before he was and they insisted I go home and take a bath and a long nap. It was surreal leaving the hospital without my baby. But once we started nursing and we took him home, everything was smooth.

I held onto the hurt and guilt for a long time. For years I wanted to have another baby just so I could do it right. It's been 11 years and while I'm still a little upset at the hospital and a little guilty knowing that I could have done something to prevent it all, there's so much more to that child and our relationship than our birth experience. And after having the ideal birth with my daughter, I don't see her as having had any better entrance to the world than her brother, just different. Although a little more special because her brother was there

[Romana]

s all around, mamas.

[StrongSingleMama]

Can I join?!

My name is Liz and I am 24. I have had a really time getting over my birth experiences. I am very thankful that my girls are healthy, I truly feel blessed but still it is really hard for me to not feel bitter or sad that I never got to experience a normal pregnancy or birth. Both of my daughters were born extremely premature (27 and 28 weeks) due to me having severe pre-e and I had to have emergency c-sections both times. It was so hard having to go through it the second time. I just felt like why me...I had to stay in the hospital for over a week after I had my DD because I was so sick and I could hear mama's with their healthy babies in rooms all around me and there I was sick and having to pump every 2 hours and then sending my milk up to the NICU. Both of my girls were in the NICU for 3 months. I just really wish that I could have made it to the third tri, felt what it was like to go into labor, experience a vaginal birth, or even just to have been able to hold them right after they were born. I feel like I missed out on a lot. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know I should just be happy that they are healthy but it is really hard for me to move on and get over this. I just wish I could have experienced one full term pregnancy.

[jennica]

, , and healing : all around!

Originally Posted by Romana9+2

~~~~
I'm feeling right now like I have nothing to complain about. Like there is some huge inherent weakness in me for struggling to tolerate 8 hours of transition/pushing. That other women only struggle with their births when they have major interventions or are treated cruelly/disrespectfully by hospital staff. My hospital experience wasn't that bad - it was irksome but not traumatic. There are things I'd like different, but it wasn't the hospital part that was traumatizing . . . it was the agony. I just feel weak. Not a good way to be feeling when preparing to go through it again. So many women describe their NCBs as uplifting, exhilarating - that they had a birth high, bounced back quickly . . . I had none of those feelings. I felt exhausted, and I felt relieved. I felt overwhelmed. I had a lot of pain post-partum, and healing seemed to take forever. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days and didn't feel even remotely human for 4 weeks. It just didn't seem like what NCB was supposed to be like. I felt a lot of disappointment and weakness, I guess, instead of feeling empowered or strong.

You know, I think there are just so many variations of how humans experience childbirth that this natural birthing prototype that we all read about isn't how it always goes, but it is what we expect. When your expectations are not met, that is what can be so disappointing. I had similar feelings as you after ds's birth, aside from the initial birth high that lasted a few hours. And not to be down on UC at all, because I totally support that for women and I devour information on the subject because I think we all have a lot to learn about birth from the UC community, but perhaps having a midwife there this time will benefit you in some way that was lacking last time. I would think if you are loosing confidence in your body, a natural home birth with a midwife and doula by your side might help you to restore that faith and confidence in yourself.

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

My birth wasn't traumatic, but I was disappointed, can I join?

Of course!

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

Anyway, more about my trying to decide for net time than talking about my birth, but this is where I am. I'm feeling like since things were pretty easy, next time will be easier, why fuss with a hospital unless it's absolutely needed?

I can understand your disappointment. I'll throw in my two cents and say that you should go for a home birth. The reason why I think so, is that, the things you describe are fairly common hospital procedure, yet you left very dissatisfied with it. If you give birth in a hospital again, you can expect more of the same. If you want to avoid this, the logical thing to do is to avoid the hospital all together. Also, from reading many experiences on this thread, you can probably see that going into the hospital is also risking a more sever disappointment or trauma. That's my opinion anyway, but then again I still can't even drive by the hospital I gave birth in without panicking, so maybe I'm not the one to take advice from.

Chemer,

I read your story. I'm sorry things happened like that. Your right, a heart rate that drops to 90 is not that low. In fact, my sons dropped to the 60's and only bounced back up to the 90's. I did get an episiotomy because of this though and I also had a third degree tear. And yes, it took forever for them to stitch me up (I'm thinking about an hour to an hour and a half) and my Ds was laying in a plastic container crying the whole time : How are things going for you now?

Originally Posted by khaoskat

I belong here as well. I have had 4 births and will say that 3 of them have been traumatic.

My first birth was traumatic and empowered me further into natural birth.
My second birth was so healing.
My third birth was tragic because of the results that lead to all the interventions. We found in labor that our baby did not have a hb.
I was so looking forward to another healing birth this time, and it wasn't and it has been emotional.

I will type brief synopsis of each birth later....nak right now, and doing this one handed.

Melissa S.

I'm sorry about your births. I'll be looking for your stories.

Originally Posted by corwinegall

I held onto the hurt and guilt for a long time. For years I wanted to have another baby just so I could do it right. It's been 11 years and while I'm still a little upset at the hospital and a little guilty knowing that I could have done something to prevent it all, there's so much more to that child and our relationship than our birth experience. And after having the ideal birth with my daughter, I don't see her as having had any better entrance to the world than her brother, just different. Although a little more special because her brother was there

Thank you for saying this. I always feel so guilty when I think that my next birth may be much better than my last. And right now, so much of mine and Ds's relationship is tangled up in the birth. It's good to know that it wont always be that way, and if I have a better birth next time, I don't want to have to feel guilty about it because Ds got a bad birth.

Originally Posted by paxton25

Can I join?!

My name is Liz and I am 24. I have had a really time getting over my birth experiences. I am very thankful that my girls are healthy, I truly feel blessed but still it is really hard for me to not feel bitter or sad that I never got to experience a normal pregnancy or birth. Both of my daughters were born extremely premature (27 and 28 weeks) due to me having severe pre-e and I had to have emergency c-sections both times. It was so hard having to go through it the second time. I just felt like why me...I had to stay in the hospital for over a week after I had my DD because I was so sick and I could hear mama's with their healthy babies in rooms all around me and there I was sick and having to pump every 2 hours and then sending my milk up to the NICU. Both of my girls were in the NICU for 3 months. I just really wish that I could have made it to the third tri, felt what it was like to go into labor, experience a vaginal birth, or even just to have been able to hold them right after they were born. I feel like I missed out on a lot. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know I should just be happy that they are healthy but it is really hard for me to move on and get over this. I just wish I could have experienced one full term pregnancy.

Of course you can join!

I'm sorry about your birth experiences and NICU experiences as well, that must have been very difficult.


Everyone,

[barefootpoetry]

What, I haven't joined this tribe yet???

I had every intention of having a natural hospital birth. (What an oxymoron, eh? ) Instead, I got a 46-hour thrill ride down the lovely intervention cascade, complete with the mother-of-them-all, C-section. The midwife and hospital staff took turns between ignoring and mistreating me, either bullying me into interventions that I didn't want, or feeding me lies. Finally, after 4 hours of pushing where my DS was bouncing off my protruding tailbone because I was flat on my back thanks to the epi, the midwife concocted a story about my pelvis being shaped like an unclosed figure eight, and it was off to the OR for me. I had adverse reactions to the medication while on the operating table, and the docs chided me as if I were being a naughty child. Four hours after the surgery, I finally got to see and hold my DS for the first time, but he was too lethargic to breastfeed, so the joke of a LC threw a nipple shield at me instead of showing me how to latch him on properly. Oh, and then a week later I suffered a massive PPH that put me at death's door due to a tear in my cervix caused by the 4 wonderful hours of forced unsuccessful pushing. WHAT FUN!

That's my traumatic birth in a nutshell. I am currently pregnant with #2 and planning a HBAC, which I am really looking forward to. Part of me blames myself for being so naive and trusting the first time around, but I know this time that won't be a problem. I could write a birth encyclopedia with all I've learned in the past 3 years!

[ericswifey27]

Originally Posted by cj'smommy

I haven't read this thread yet, but this caught my eye. I'm about 8 weeks pregnant and I'm having birth trauma symptoms too.

That was me too, when I was pregnant with my second. I couldn't set foot in to a hospital without breaking into a sweat.

I did see a birth trauma therapist, and it helped a lot.

Edited to say, it's a sad relief to see a little bit of my story in each one of yours. Like somebody else understands, ykwim? My son just turned 4 a couple of days ago, and it is getting better but I will never forget.

[JenInO]

Originally Posted by ericswifey27

I did see a birth trauma therapist, and it helped a lot.

There is such a thing as a birth therapist? I wonder how I might find one...I have been thinking that maybe I should talk with someone, but who would really understand? (unless it is you guys because you've been through some of it before.) I'm thinking of attending an ICAN meeting this week. My doula, on the day of my C, told me about them, but said they seem like a bunch of angry women, looking back rather than forward. I was determined for that to not be me - I was just happy my DD was finally here in the world with us. But now, 6 months later, I know that her statement was ignorant. She had 2 home births, (one of them unassisted), each about 2 hours long from start to finish. A little bit on the other side of the spectrum from what I experienced.

Thanks for this thread - it helps me to read that other people have had similar experiences, or different experiences, but that you are handling them similarly to the way I am.



Happy New Year.

[KestrelDream]

My doula, on the day of my C, told me about them, but said they seem like a bunch of angry women, looking back rather than forward.

That is just all kinds of wrong! How judgemental of her. Damn right I'm angry.

I wonder if she had a c-section? Even if she did, just because she is not angry about her birth or births, doesn't give her the right to poo-poo other Mom's feelings. And not all women are on ICAN are angry. Sorry to vent, but a comment like that is so dang narrow-minded & hurtful.

I'm not trying to bash your doula, but, she is in the wrong field if she takes the feelings of a hurting Mom & throws them in the toilet.

[chemer]

Oh mamas! Who knew there were so many of us! Reading so many of your stories makes me realise how lucky I was with my birth, although it doesn't make me feel any less disappointed. I got the paperwork today for the release of our hospital records. They should be here in a couple of weeks. I'm interested to see how my memory (and dh's) jives what's written down.

[Vancouver Mommy]

delete

x