Anyone know how many posts or commentors we need before they will give us a forum?
We've almost all said something about wanting to "get over" or "move on" from our birth experiences (that just saddens me to think that so many women feel that way about an experience that is supposed to be wonderful) but very few have said how they are moving on.
I would really like to hear how other women are coping.
(insert my usual disclaimer here: healing is different for everyone, what works for one may make another's hurt worse, etc etc etc.):
~shutting out all the noise. in my case, everyone wanted to tell me how to heal. they wanted me to join ican, to share on mdc, to talk with other new mommas, etc. but all of that made it worse for me... like, A LOT WORSE. until i'd let myself stop trying to heal the ways they all thought i should.... and focused on how I heal--
~getting "back" to me. so, it turns out, i heal best on my own. no one could help me, because no one "got" it... at least, no one "really" got, kwim? so, i started pulling out my old tricks-- silly things, like things you did in HS when your bf dumped you... pampering my body, treating myself well, doing things i loved, re-reading my fave books, watching my fave movies, listening to my fave music.... for me, having lost my vaginal birth, i felt like i lost "me"... and felt like i was never going to "get" to be me again, so reminding myself of who i am, and that i was still me... was so so important.
~finding my goddess self. this was huge for me.... because for me, birthing was going to be my ticket to Really Being A Woman... i read a ton of stuff on finding/healing the goddess within... i did a lot of yoga (slowly, as i could manage), did some chakra work, explored loads of new agey stuff... i felt that if i could imagine someone worthy of being a goddess who hadnt birthed vaginally (or, in the case of a non-c-s, hadnt birthed ideally/etc)... then surely, i could reclaim that goddess sense....
~forgiving the awful comments. i think i might have finally given up the anger towards those around me who said awful things to me. i realized that as long as i still held on to being mad at MIL for saying that "it's probably better this way"... that i was keeping myself from really healing.
~surrounding myself and my baby with beauty. the world can be an ugly place. ugly experiences in hospitals are, to me, some of the worst. surrounding myself with beauty, as much as i can, has helped me so much. we spend a lot of time in the garden. gardens and gardening is, for me at least, so theraputic. green growing things... paying attention to the cycle of life... sometimes just letting the water wash over us, literally... we play naked in the garden a lot.
~affirmations... the power of thought! sometimes, when i just couldnt bare anything, i could make myself write in my journal, over and over, some affirmation... "I am healed. I am whole. I am complete. I am at peace with ds's birth." .... over and over and over. while breathing deeply and intentionally. (this was especially powerful after i saw "what the bleep do we know"... they talk about how if you think something over and over, you can actually physically alter the pathways of your brain.... i think i got that switch... the path that had been saying: "I failed, I am horrible, my life is over...." i got it to say "I am whole, I am vibrant, I am wonderful..." or-- it's just another form of LOA, for you LOA mommas-- actually, i made healing and being whole a major part of my Treasure Map this year, for those who do TMs. i credit that A LOT, to be honest.)
ok, the babe is stirring... better wrap up. HUGS mommas, and let's keep this thread active!!!