"what's the big deal?"
Originally Posted by mama2jack
If she is wanting a cs because she is afraid of the pain I can tell you there is nothing more frightening or painful than a cs. I went into labor on my own and while my labor was painful there was no comparison to the pain I felt during my recovery. I ended up getting an infection in my uterus that landed me back in the hospital. I could not even breathe without pain let alone care for and enjoy my new son
. I would do my best to encorage her to avoid one without making her more afraid than she already is.
I agree. Before my C/S, I did 23 hours of Pitocin-augmented posterior back labor without drugs, puking my guts out with the urge to push for the last 5 hours of it, and I have to say I would rather do it over twice again than have another C/S. The C/S (while momentarily a relief at the time) and the terrifying recovery (hemmorage, blood transfusion, infection, not being able to bf for a week and a half bc of SUPER STRONG antibiotics, them not knowing what was wrong, being hooked to IVs and poked with needles repeatedly...) everything was much worse, more painful and harder to deal with than labor. I'm not even counting the inscision pain, the numbness surrounding the scar (still), and they cut my crooked...tell her she'll always have a flap of skin hanging over her scar, maybe that will change her mind.
Seriously, the emotional scars-being separated from the baby at the beginning and again when I had complications, not being able to take care of him, not being the first or second or even tenth person to hold him, the feelings of failure and guilt and anger and fear, linger for years. (of course that would only be an issue if she changed her mind after she had the C/S)
I talk about this is in more detail in my IM SO ANGRY thread that's floating around here somewhere....
I know how personally it can hit. I mentioned this in another post, but I've actually had people who claim to be natural-minded and pro-natural childbirth, people who had easy, quick labors, voice their confusion about why I would want to go through "that" kind of labor again. How they hope since I'm so crazy to TRY another vaginal birth, that I "give in" to the C/S a lot quicker this time.
People just don't understand. "you had a healthy pregnancy and you're safe and healthy and didn't have any long term
health problems and you have a healthy safe child, what's the big deal
?" They either haven't experienced it so they really can't comprehend it, or they are misinformed (it's kind of trendy to have an elective primary C/S these days--posh, progressive women are doing them, you see.)--they really think it's safe and a normal choice for birth--or in denial.
I will admit I didn't think it was a big deal when it first happened to me.
: I professed that I would have a ERC with my next child. I really just didn't want to deal with everything, I think. I told myself
that line "what's the big deal?" Fortunately I had a shift in thinking, which brought a lot of pain (having to face it) but will also bring empowerment when I have my vaginal birth in Sept or October.
I will also admit I honestly did NOT know all the risks that C/S presents until I started comparing stats while preparing for my VBAC. The general public is pretty uninformed about the actual, medical risks. I think the pain of labor is something else that people are uninformed about. It's made out to be this huge deal, which creates a lot of fear and apprehension.
So, all in all.... hugs, mama. She will either change her mind, and you will have to watch her willlingly do the thing to herself that has hurt you so much, or else she will change her mind and try for a vaginal, and there's about a 30% chance she'll end up with a C/S anyway. She will either be ok with that for the rest of her life, or else she will come round and have a lot of grief and sorrow at choosing an unnecisarry C/S. Any way it plays, if you're close enough to her, you could talk calmly about the risks, and leave it at that....otherwise, you could work on your own issues. That was the thing I dreaded the most about getting pregnant with my second child, even though we were TTC. I wanted to stay in my denial and put off that range of nasty emotions for as long as possible.
Pondering whether to actually post this, but I will since I just typed it out. Kinda just let my thoughts come pouring out, so there you have it....
There is also a growth and healing chat thread for c-sec mamas in the growth and healing forum. I've not read it all yet, but I'm working thru it.