Tell me how you phased out lying down with DC

[chinaKat]

DD 2.5yo has been in her "big girl bed" for two months now. She likes it a great deal, but the only way I could find to get her to go to sleep in it was to lie down with her.

For almost a year before this she was putting herself to sleep in a crib quite happily (we'd kiss her goodnight, she'd read books or play for a bit and then just go to sleep on her own when ready) so I felt like lying down with her was sort a backwards step, but it's the only thing that worked.

So, now I'm spending up to an hour at naptime, another hour at bedtime, and often an hour in the middle of the night with her in her bed, waiting for her to fall asleep. I'm hugely pregnant and can't get comfortable there myself, so I'm basically staring at the ceiling for three hours a day.

This is doable for NOW but in eight weeks I'll have a newborn and I can't see how I'm going to spend three hours a day parenting my older child to sleep.

How do I phase this out gently? She obviously *can* put herself to sleep, since she did it happily for a long time before moving to the bed.

[chel]

While my family still co-sleeps, and we all usually go to bed at the same time, I've found, and heard from others, that telling the child, "Mommy needs to go... (to the bathroom, check on laundry, etc) but I'll be right back" works.

Personally, I mostly do this on nights when I have to pack for a trip. The thing is you HAVE to come back. At first make it quick trips, eventually your dc will fall asleep while you are gone.

[Shakti A.]

The bad news is, we still snuggle with our six year old.

The good news is, not until he's asleep. We now have a time limit of three songs on his lullaby CD. On nights when he's having a hard time, sometimes I'll stay for a fourth. Sometimes he's asleep before the first one's over, but not not often.

I imagine that from an hour, you may have to work the limit downward in a few stages. Maybe 45, 30 and 15 minutes?

Also, in the middle of the night, we usually limit it to tuck/hug/kiss, no snuggling. I think it might be easier to make that change after she's used to falling asleep the last bit herself.

[rzberrymom]

What about bringing her little mattress into your room and putting it next to your bed? That way, she could get snuggles from you in the night but you wouldn't have to wake all the way up and go to her room. It sounds like she might not like being alone in her room when she wakes up. The fact that she could do it before but can't now could be due to her growing awareness/intelligence.

[klg47]

I'm interested in the replies! I'm still laying down with my 5 and 3 year old. I've heard that some mamas have something called "personal time". It's a totally foreign concept to me, but apparently it exists, lol. If I could get the kids in bed BY 8, I could have at least an hour to myself!

[Shakti A.]

Thinking about it longer, you say she put herself to sleep in her crib, but isn't now. What does she do now? Get up and play? Where was her crib (own room or yours)? Can you tell whether she's feeling insecure, or whether it's the temptation of the new freedom?

[chinaKat]

Originally Posted by Shakti A.

Thinking about it longer, you say she put herself to sleep in her crib, but isn't now. What does she do now? Get up and play? Where was her crib (own room or yours)? Can you tell whether she's feeling insecure, or whether it's the temptation of the new freedom?

I actually think that what's taking her so long to go to sleep when I'm in there with her is... me being in there with her. She loves to climb on me, put her finger up my nose, etc. -- I'm sort of a distraction.

She is also very good at entwining herself with me so that it's damn near impossible to extricate myself without waking her up. So it often takes me multiple attempts to get out of the bed.

Which would probably be pretty entertaining for anybody that could see me -- this giant preggo chick trying to oh so quietly clamber out of a bed with bed rails on it...

[Jenlaana]

Is there something you can give her that she sees as a comfort other than you? My DD has a bottle and 2 or 3 stuffed animals that give her great comfort, and can usually cuddle and drink and fall asleep that way.

That being said, my DD still wakes up at night crying till I hand her the bottle so its still not a perfect solution for us, but I think if we could phase out the bottle and just leave the stuffed animals we'd be golden.

[Shakti A.]

Oh! I sometimes tell my son, "If you can't settle down with me here, I need to leave for awhile," or something like that. You might try combining setting a progressively reduced snuggle time with explaining that you're there to help her fall asleep, so if she seems to be playing with you too much, snuggle time will end early. If she cries when you leave and you don't want that, you could try sitting elsewhere in the room,either 'til the end of snuggle time or until she's asleep. Though the latter doesn't help your thumb-twiddling for an hour dilemma. At least not in the short-term. In the long term it will if it helps her remember how to fall asleep on her own.