Add me to the crappy mood club.
The first two years I did this - I rocketed through them...found awesome images, loved looking at them.
Last year, we went out, bought all our stuff, and never made the map. We looked through magazines, never cut anything out. And for whatever reason, that felt really right last year. We felt most secure in enjoying what we had. And given that it was a new house and a new baby, that seemed pretty okay. And as I am a big believer in following your gut, I was okay with that.
As the year went on, I started to feel like there was no movement, stagnant, unplanned, slightly chaotic. Neither DH or I really knew where we were going. I probably should have pushed through the map last year. Or done one later, after the baby was born.
I have been looking forward to today. I have been trying to declutter, clean, clear and organize. And failing. Everything is feeling like an uphill battle...everything take longer with a baby, and seems like a giant fight to get anything done. And I am sick of fighting.
Today, DD was a huge challenge while we were at work (she comes to work with me) and a GIANT challenge while DH and I were getting mags. It left me feeling tired, angry, uninspired and just generally worn the hell out. I just wanted to look at *one* magazine without her ripping itout of my hands, or trying to eat it. Just one.
I think that some of the challenge here for me is that this map is about what I want. And for the first time in a long time, I can't focus solely on what I want. I have to also focus on DD, and DH and the house and...and...and. That is new for me, and it makes me cranky. Balance will be something going on my map, for sure.
It is hard to focus on what you want for yourself when the folks around you are needing you to tend to them. And it makes for a cranky, pouty day.
I do sort of feel like stomping my feet and crying.
Juniper - honey, don't worry that you haven't thought about it, just focus on it tonight when you have people over. What you want will come to you - you will find things you want to put on there. These things dont' take a lot of premeditation.
Thank the gods. I am so sorry you are super busy.
Soon, soon it will be better.
I miss you!
(Jennifer and I have been friends since we were 15..
She is my bestest friend.
I wrote some in my blog, and am feeling better. I put away the mags when I got home and won't look at them again until tonight when DD goes to bed. Hopefully that will recharge my batteries, and my inspiration. I found a couple good mags that really called to me.
I think perhaps I have rambled enough...off to knit endless miles of stockinette stitch in hopes of meditating and clearing my head a bit.