Question about sleep

[Dancing Shiva Baby]

Hello All,

I have a question about sleep and sleeping arrangements. My son is 9 months now, and we've coslept at night since birth (and most naps in the early months, but not anymore). He wakes up when he enters the light stage of sleep at night, and there's nothing I can pinpoint as being the cause, except that he knows I'm there. He's not always hungry, he just wakes up, and I can tell that he's not rested and still needs more sleep.

We've given him his own futon on the floor of our room, and spends 2/3 of the night there, and the last 1/3 with me in bed. But no matter where he is, whether I am in the room or not, he seems to wake so frequently. I am finding trouble balancing his true needs, and his wants in the nighttime realm. We've been keeping him up more during the day to help him sleep better at night. (He used to take 3 or 4 30-40 min cat naps a day.) I think it's helping him take a better, longer nap during the day, but there doesn't seem to be a big improvement in the nighttime waking when he enters a light sleep. And again, he's not always hungry. My husband and I love cosleeping with him, but are wondering if he wouldn't sleep better in a crib?

I wanted to know how "damaging" it would be (or even if we should consider) trying to move him into his crib, and how would we even start? The hard part about that is neither my husband nor I can lay him down in it or on his own futon without him waking up. That's how he ended up in our bed! I would walk or bounce him to sleep (he doesn't like to nurse to sleep), and try to set him down gently and slowly, and POP went the eyes (no matter how short or long we waited) and I would give him the breast, he'd suck for a few minutes, and I roll away swiftly and quietly like spiderwoman, and stay up for a bit longer reading, etc. I suppose the "damaging" part I'm worried about is if we do move him to his crib, there will be tears involved, and I question what mental and emotional effect that has on such a small child. And I am sure most mothers feel this way about their child and I'll say it too, Gavin is very sensitive and smart. Very aware for his young age.

If we do keep co-sleeping with him, when does he learn how to fall asleep without my assistance? I love putting him to sleep, but I don't want to bounce and walk him to sleep when he's 2... he's 9 months and 23 lbs right now.

My husband and I follow the AP style of parenting and are very responsive to our son. I feel so torn, because I want to do what's best for my son in the long run. Honestly though, I don't mind becoming semi-conscious one or twice a night, but waking up 4 or more times a night is getting old. I think I'm doing well for the type of sleep I'm getting, but I could be even more for my son and my husband if I didn't have so many noctural interruptions. Am I selfish? Should I just settle and realize that this is such a brief period in his life, and as soon as I am done fretting over it, the stage will be gone anyway? And if it is, how and when will he learn to sleep by himself? HELP!?!

Thanks for your insights and suggestions!

[Jenlaana]

I don't think that putting him in his crib is going to be a good solution, if he needs to cry himself to sleep for it to work. I just read a really great article from Dr Jay Gordon about how to get your child to sleep better, but he doesnt even reccomend that until over a year old. I don't know how to get your babe to sleep better other than what you're doing though. Have you tried maybe having him sleep on the other side of DH if he's up for it? Maybe its being close to your milk that does it. I know my DD wakes up just as much but goes back to sleep more often than not pretty quickly and independently (other than a light back rub) I'm not right next to her when she wakes.

[jocmtl]

I have to agree with the pp, in that I don't think your son's sleep issues are necessarily tied to cosleeping. I think what I would do first is read a couple of sleep books, if you haven't already, because there might be some information that could shed some light on his particularly needs. For example, my first thought was that he could be over-tired--it may seem like he is napping a lot, but cat naps don't really add up to quality sleep. And over-tired toddlers and babies, have difficulty sleeping well, weird as it sounds. I know this from reading tons of sleep books.

Let me know if you'd like some recommendations.

That said, I know that our ds is and has always been a part-time cosleeper. He easily gets uncomfortable in our bed, grunting and tossing and turning, getting too hot. So we have put him to sleep in his own crib for a long time now, and that really works for him. He usually finishes the night off with us. So who knows, it could be the case for your son, too. But I would try to figure out his sleep issues before I try to tackle the sleeping arrangement.

Hope this helps!

[alegna]

I agree. Sounds like the crib wouldn't solve anything.

What you describe is very normal.

-Angela

[Dancing Shiva Baby]

Thank you three for your replies. I've checked out Dr. Jay Gordon's article, and decided not to worry until he's older. We LOVE co-sleeping; I just wish I knew how to help him sleep better. Perhaps his nervous system is still maturing...

I have read a ton of sleep books, and I've tried a few suggestions (one at a time for awhile each--his sleep patterns are not new, this has been going on for several months now), and nothing seems to fit us. Like I said, he's taking a better quality nap during the day, but it hasn't seemed to make an impression in the nighttime realm (and we've been at the new naps for over a month now).

Thanks again for your insights!

[pishajane]

:
I feel your pain mama! My dd is 9mo, and has been waking 4-8 times a night since she was 3mo. So, i can't really offer any advice, just let you know you're not the only walking zombie!! Hope it gets better for you soon

[AlbertaJes]

My daughter was doing exactly as you described, so I moved her to a crib about the same age your DS is now. There are no tears involved on her part (I had a rough time with the transition), because we don't let her cry in there. She really does sleep better, except when she's teething or something, when she comes to bed with me all night. I found that my stirring at night was waking her. Now without me in the same room, she wakes about 3-4 times per night as opposed to the 8-9 times she'd wake before.

Worked for us, and the transition was fairly easy. We didn't change the bedtime routine at that point, just the end point. I still nursed her to sleep in our bed, then I moved her to her crib instead of the pack & play in our room.