16mo fighting sleep--HELP!

[lizajane30]

DS has never been a great sleeper, but lately he physically fights us when we try to put him down. At each nap (2x day) and at night, we try these things:

1. I nurse him lying down, while he does acrobatics that result in sore nipples all the time.
2. I nurse sitting up in bed, holding DS across my lap.
3. I/DH hold DS straddled across my lap, rubbing his back (or trying to!) and singing.

When we hold him without nursing, he screams, arches his back and tries to get away. When I nurse him he just gets more and more active (and hurts me more and more!). If we don't hold him, but lie in bed with him, he just gets up and lets himself off the bed. He literally will not go to sleep until he cries himself out, or he is just too tired to stay awake any longer. Both options leave me feeling like a bad mama, and the crying makes me want to die. When your child is pushing away from you as you try your best to gently help him fall asleep, where can you go from there?

Add to this the fact that when he does finally sleep, he's waking every hour or so to nurse. I'm spending a large portion of my day trying to get him to sleep, and not sleeping well at night either. We're getting desperate but will not consider CIO (we've no crib anyway). Any ideas or support so we can get through this difficult phase?

[rzberrymom]

My DD did this at one point, and in hindsight I realized it was because she was ready to drop a nap. Could he be telling you that he's not tired enough for 2 naps a day now? And if so, maybe he's not tired enough at bedtime too, which would lead to the fighting sleep stuff then too.

[lizajane30]

Yes, I do think he's ready for only one nap, sort of... but I think that he he has such a sleep deficit that he can't do it yet. He wakes up around 7-7:30 in the morning, but falls asleep in the car driving back from Papa's work around 9-9:30. How can we transition him to one nap if he can't stay awake long enough in the morning?

I tried to transition him to one nap a few months ago and came to the same conclusion; he just can't stay up long enough to make the one nap late enough in the day that he can make it through dinnertime without a total meltdown.

[rzberrymom]

Hmm, if you can't change the situation in the morning (where he's falling asleep in the car on the way home), what about giving him some flexibility in the evening? Instead of continuing with the routine when he's fighting sleep, maybe try letting him join you for a bit longer? When we go through our nighttime routine and my DD still isn't ready to sleep, we usually head downstairs, keep the lights low or off, speak quietly, play calmly or read books. And then I take her upstairs again when she starts showing sleepy signs.

[lizajane30]

You have great ideas, rzberrymom. It's just, we've tried them already! DS has been staying up with us until 10:30, 11 or so (and we normally go to bed soon after him, around 9:30!) but when he goes to bed that late his sleep quality is even worse than usual, waking up to nurse every half-hour to fifteen minutes. Then he wakes up earlier (around 6 or 6:30) and thus begins the cycle again, with him falling asleep on the way to Papa's work, instead of on the way back!

I have a feeling that this "worse-than-normal" phase is developmental--he's learning as many as three new words a day now, so I know there's a lot going on for him. Unfortunately, knowing this doesn't get me any more sleep! (I know, I should be napping now while he is, but I needed advice!!)

[Slaydensmom]

:
I can see my son heading in this direction for nighttime. I have been getting him down at naptime by putting him in the stroller and going for a walk recently as he's been resisting sleep so much in the day that he pushes it( if I let him) until he breaks down--then he'll actually nurse to sleep. Usually he's out within 3-5 mins. I've resorted to this at nighttime a few times lately as well. He's been teething and we've been sick. Probably not much help to you...I'll be watching this thread.

[bornbythesea]

My 15 month old son fights sleep like crazy. He doesn't sit still for sleepy time activities, or even nursing at first. I put him in the ergo after a bath and either wear him on my back for awhile, or wear him in the front and nurse in the ergo while singing. After he is either asleep or very sleepy, I put him to bed and nurse him to sleep. It works for me very well getting him down, it's the staying down that we have issues with. Good luck with your active guy!

[beachcomber]

Hi Lizajane,

This is a long post, sorry.

You are describing my exact situation with my 16 month old daughter. I feel your pain, both figuratively and literally. Like you, we've tried everything. We found out, believe it or not, that her struggling and crying herself down to sleep (even in our arms!) was because she was chronically OVER-tired and not getting enough sleep. She ended up being wired all the time and very easily over-stimulated because of it. Babies up to 2 years need between 12 and 14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. On average.

What we've started doing is paying very close attention to her early "tired" signs. As soon as she yawns in the evening, we start bedtime. If we miss the window by even 20 minutes, it's a struggle the whole way. We used to start putting her to bed at 7:30 or so but lately started doing the night time routine earlier in the evening. Now she has dinner at 5 and we're heading up the stairs by 6pm to do a bath and massage before reading books and nursing in very low light (or no light). She still struggles to get into sleep at first and it can take us an hour or more. But she is sleeping better. I only started working in the bath and massage session this week and it's helped a lot. The massage physically calms her down. She usually starts out pretty wriggly but by the end she's happy to lie there chewing on her bear's ear while I rub her down gently.

The other thing we're doing is making sure not to give her any simple carbs or sugary veggies at dinner. If she gets a carb it's whole grains or brown rice. Veggies include peas, broccoli, green beans, spinach or cauliflower. No semolina pasta, white rice, sweet potatoes, potatoes, corn or carrots as they are all very high in natural sugar. Those are better for lunch time in our house. This has helped too. We also make absolutely sure that her bed time is less than 2 hours after she's eaten. Otherwise she starts processing the food and getting energy from it.

edited to add:

That said, we still struggle with naps a lot of the time. She still needs both the morning and afternoon naps right now mainly because she hasn't signaled which one she wants to drop. Lately she's shifting more towards a long morning nap and no afternoon nap. I'm figuring she'll totally drop her afternoon nap by June or so.

She usually gets up by 6:30am so by 8:30 she's ready for the nap process to start. If we leave it any longer, she gets over-tired and then it's a struggle. I've started noticing her morning sleepy signs and if I get right on it, take her up and settle her IN THE DARK to nurse to sleep, she naps fine. But it has to be very dark or it won't work well.

Good luck, Mama.

[kkfum]

I am also struggling with my 18 mo DD's sleep (have been since 2 months old!). i've concluded, after trying to figure out what was wrong, that she, too, is horribly sleep-deprived. i've actually started her bedtime routine between 4:30 and 5:00 which includes quiet music and reading and nursing in her room on her bed (mattress on the floor). she is usually asleep by 6:30 and will sleep until about 5:30 or 6 (the first night, though, she slept until 7 straight through!!!!). the early wakeup sucks, but if we put her to bed later, it doesn't help her sleep later and only causes more frequent nightwakings.

my DD has always cried (more like has a tantrum) to sleep--we never CIO--but whatever we did she would yell. now, i can get her to fall asleep without nursing some of the time without crying--the nursing just doesn't work to put her to sleep anymore.

now, though, she still wakes up between 1 and 3 times a night and we think she is not really awake, but she yells out. most of the time she will just fall back to sleep by the time we've gotten to her. it's driving me crazy. but, on the whole, she is sleeping more. her naps are almost nonexistent though---even if her eyes are closing, she will fight a nap. when she does finally fall asleep, she will wake up 1/2 an hour later and will not go back to sleep. i've even tried holding her nursing but it's still waking up after 1/2 hour. about once a week she'll sleep for an hour. (sorry, having a bad day and needed to vent....)

anyway, try the really early bedtime. it may just work. if he is sleep deprived, he needs to catch up on sleep, so he simply needs more hours to get that sleep, even if it seems too early to put him to bed.

good luck and so sorry for rambling...

[beachcomber]

kkfum said:

but she yells out. most of the time she will just fall back to sleep by the time we've gotten to her.

Heh. My daughter did this last night. I kept waiting for her to nurse but she just fell back to sleep after a yell and a wiggle. Kept me up but she slept great!