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Can someone please explain this to me?

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
Why does a SAHM need a full-time nanny? I was at a beautiful park today with a friend, and there were a few moms there and one of them had a nanny. I just don't get that. I mean, if someone has toddler triplets or something...I don't know, maybe then it would make sense, but come on...this woman had a nine-month-old and a two-year-old. And she was with friends, too. She wasn't totally ignoring her children either, so again, why did she need the nanny? My friend was finding it so amusing, as she has really rambunctious twins and no help.

I guess it's the neighborhood - the park was in a pretty wealthy area and the whole mentality is different...but it sort of made me sick. Some people can barely afford to feed their kids and these women pay people to babysit when they are there. :
post #2 of 30
I'm not sure i understand what your saying.....what does that womans nanny have to do with other people not being able to afford food? I just spent a alot of money getting my front yard fixed, hedges trimmed and my fence fixed...other than the fence, i didnt *need* anything else....should i not have done that because some folks dont have two nickels to rub together?

That said, I sometimes wonder why a fulltime mom would have a nanny (i'm not talking about a mothers helper either). maybe she has a home business? Maybe the nanny is part time, and brings her along so she can chat with the other moms? who knows. I'll tell you what, i would love to have a housekeeper! someone to cook and clean! Think of all the time i could spend with my kids if i didnt doo all that stuff!
post #3 of 30
Maybe she has a job that requires her to get to work on short notice. Like a midwife, or an obstetrician, or something like that.
Diana
post #4 of 30
Maybe she's a WOHM who had a day off unexpectedly.

Maybe she's a WAHM who had a break. Or is an emergency worker.

Maybe she has an illness or other disability that isn't obvious.

Maybe she can just afford the extra help and needs it, having two kids and all.

I don't see the problem. Are we going to judge everybody by what they have?
post #5 of 30
I have nannyed for a WAHM who had me there so she could get some work done, but I was never with her to go to the park. I would take her kids so she could work. That said when I was working at a inhome daycare we had one mom there who had her 2 year old son with mental disabilities in care with us, she was a SAHM to her 4 year old and new baby. She had a full time nanny as well. This woman though was one who was germ a phobic, I mean to a serious extreme so I think she needed a nanny so that she could keep her house to the germ free level she expected. There were other issues as well, she had never really bonded to her 2 year old with disabilities and he was failure to thrive, so he really was best with us because at least with us he started eating and thriving, he did alot better in our care I am sorry to say. She was just a high anxiety person with serious issues over "cleanliness", so required a nanny and daycare to achieve that. I mean when her son was sick one parent was designated to care for him(the Dad) and could only go from the kitchen to his room and then had to strip and shower before being allowed in the bedroom. Sorry to rant but it was a bizarre situation, and I always felt so bad for the little boy because he was such an angel.
post #6 of 30
When our one friend's children were younger, they had a woman who came to the US to escape civil war in Serbia. She took care of the kids and did light housework when she wasn't studying to be certified as a nurse in this country. She didn't have to pay anything to live there in exchange for these duties. It was a wonderful relationship all around. The kids learned a lot from her and their mom was able to continue with her activities in the synagogue.

I don't see really what the problem is. If someone can afford to hire someone to help in the house, I think it is a great idea. There may have been circumstances as others have pointed out that aren't readily apparent. Maybe the woman was studying child development and thought this would be a great way to learn firsthand about the topic and earn a little money.

I work full time, consult on occcassion, and have to attend conferences and meetings that take me out of town at least 3 or 4 times a year. This year alone I will be out of town for on average 4 days at a time 5 times. DH has gone back to school full time. If I could afford a little help on a daily basis, darn tootin I would do it. As it stands now, we have someone who comes once in a while, usually when one or both of us isn't able to be here because of the above mentioned and takes care of Sam. When I was working on my last paper for presentation, I so needed someone just so I could get some work done.

I guess what I am saying is that getting annoyed or bothered by something as giving someone a job is a little odd to me. There are tons of people out of work.
post #7 of 30
If I could afford some household help, even a part-time nanny so that I could go to the park and have two sets of eyes on my kids so that I could talk to my friends in a lower stress situation, I certainly would do it. Not only would it relieve some of my potential anxiety and/or burden (like housework) so that I could spend time with my kids and have adult social time, I would also be passing the money around and employing someone who probably needs the work. Everyone wins in my mind. Don't see the purpose in critisizing someone else's parenting desicions...
post #8 of 30
When I lived in London, I nannied for a SAHM while the regular nanny was on holiday. She had one little boy but all day every day she was out shopping and visiting friends. That happens a lot there among the upper classes and nobody thinks anything of it, though most mothers do work at least a bit. They all have nannies, and the children get very attached to the nannies and have often have quite a distant relationship with their parents.

If you've read "The Nanny Diaries" about the New York nanny, it really is like that with some people.
post #9 of 30
Well, Lunamom, I see where you are coming from. Reminds me of Naomi Wolff when she was describing in "Misconceptions" how she and the nanny would bathe her daughter together, dress her in pj's together, and put her to bed together. I was thinking, "why the heck does it take two grown-ups to dress a baby?"
post #10 of 30
Read "The Nanny Diaries". My wonderful sitter used to be a nanny. It's sadly all true and then some.

Denny
post #11 of 30
of course, we don't know the lady's personal situation, so we are curious, but not judging.

currently, we have a "nanny" (our niece) since I had to return to full-time work for 3 months. let me tell you how awesome it is!

to have a house helper to deal with the dishes, sweeping, laundry, etc, while dh and I can play with dd...we know that it's heavenly and will soon end! I think it's got to be every mom's dream to have the magic elves tidying up the house while you're upstairs helping baby fall asleep!
post #12 of 30
Maybe the mother has some underlying problem that wasn't evident as you watched her at the park. Perhaps she suffers from seizures or something and doesn't want to pass out when she's caring for her children.

What I don't understand is SAHMs who hire maids and such. Do they and their kids trash their house so badly that they're just too oh-so-tired to clean? Or is the purpose of having a cleaning lady simply so the mother can avoid doing anything other than making sure her children's lives are filled with her constant presence? Educate me.
post #13 of 30
I understand why some SAHMs hire cleaning help! If I could afford it, I would definitely consider it. Just because I stay at home, doesn't mean that I'm a good household manager. My house could use a maid.
post #14 of 30
I don't see anything wrong with having extra help if you can afford it. I'd be rather envious of her. Why does a woman have to have a medical condition to hire a helper? Who says the SAHM has to clean the house herself? I assume grandmothers and sisters are allowed to help out? so if these aren't available or willing, what's wrong with hiring someone?

And a 9 mo old and 2 year old have different play needs. I want to have another baby but this is the one thing that worries me most. That I won't be able to spend as much one-on-one time with the older child. I think the reason first borns often walk, talk, do everything earlier than later borns is due to extra attention they get.

If I could keep dh home 24/7, I'd be really happy - it's so much easier having two sets of hands. Besides if you had someone to do the boring stuff like cleaning then you'd have more quality time with the children. I love cooking everything from scratch, hate processed foods but have had to really cut down on my cooking after having dd. I feel guilty if I try to cook something time consuming now.
post #15 of 30
Quote:
Originally posted by luvmyboys
What I don't understand is SAHMs who hire maids and such. Do they and their kids trash their house so badly that they're just too oh-so-tired to clean? Or is the purpose of having a cleaning lady simply so the mother can avoid doing anything other than making sure her children's lives are filled with her constant presence? Educate me.
If I had the money I would definitely hire someone to clean. It would give me more time to cook, deal with the never-ending mountain of laundry, make and get to doctor's, etc. appointments, go grocery shopping and, yes, hang out with my son.

My job as a SAHM (although I also go to school, so am not solely a SAHM) is to take care of my son, not to be a house servant. That said, there are some things (like making the appointments and such) that only a family member can do. For the rest of the stuff, I would be only too happy to delegate responsibility.
post #16 of 30
AS a SAHM who has eight children and has never hired a soul to do squat my initial reaction is to chuckle at the wuss but, seriously, if I had the money I'd likely have a woman come in 2X/week to do the heavy cleaning and I *might* have an aupair to help me with the kiddos (although not at this point in time )

My children are out of school starting next week and, believe me, a couple of hours out/childless a couple of times/week sure saves my sanity and preserves my attitude!!

DB
post #17 of 30
Quote:
My job as a SAHM (although I also go to school, so am not solely a SAHM) is to take care of my son, not to be a house servant.
excellent point, and ITA.
post #18 of 30
Quote:
What I don't understand is SAHMs who hire maids and such
Why is it the mom's responsibility to do all the housework? We hired a cleaning woman because DH doesn't want to do the heavy cleaning anymore than I do. Maybe I don't qualify as a SAHM because I have my own business but I sure think SAHM's are just as deserving of help as a WOHM.

And DebraBaker - congrats on 8 kids. I'm humbled just imagining what your day is like.
post #19 of 30
Quote:
Originally posted by luvmyboys
What I don't understand is SAHMs who hire maids and such. Do they and their kids trash their house so badly that they're just too oh-so-tired to clean? Or is the purpose of having a cleaning lady simply so the mother can avoid doing anything other than making sure her children's lives are filled with her constant presence? Educate me.
I can tell you. If we could afford a maid to come weekly, it would be a great help. Dh comes home from work each week (he works out of town M-F) and doesn't see any difference in the house. It takes all of my energy to take care of the two girls, help ds with his homework, take ds to extracurricular activities, grocery shop, do laundry, cook, do dishes, etc. Now I do work out, but that is my only stress relief so I won't apologize for that. I don't have time to really "clean" the house, because I am too busy "maintaining." Sure I could clean but not without neglecting something. Since I am trying to ap the girls, that means they spend as much time in arms as possible which is hard enough to do while cooking and doing laundry. It would be close to impossible while scrubbing tubs and toilets, kwim?

Fortunately I have a dh would doesn't mind vaccuuming, mopping or scrubbing a toilet on his days off. He also cooks for me all three nights he is home.
post #20 of 30
Wow! Well, I guess that if it's perfectly acceptable to hire cleaning help, then it should be just as acceptable to hire a nanny.

Some women can't or don't like to deal with the household chores and hire cleaning help. Some women like things done their way and would rather hire someone to keep an eye on the kids while she cleans and organizes her home the way she likes it done.

I'll add that I AP'ed both of my children. I'd never consider hiring a nanny because it's just not something that I'd feel comfortable with. I'd also never hire cleaning help simply because no one does things the way that I like them to be done. I'm a perfectionist, what can I say? As far as scrubbing toilets, I wait until the kids are in bed. In fact, that's when I do most of my cleaning.
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