just read sleepless in america- should i reintro naps

[nichole]

I have a 3yo ds and a 7 month old ds. I have had a lot of problems with bedtime and it is tons better. Probably only spend an hour on bedtime at night and usually it is enjoyable. The baby will nap well if ds1 is quietly doing something and we can all rest together but that is another issue. So...

this book makes it seem like all 3 yo need naps. Usually he goes to bed at 7ish and gets up at 7ish. We were in the car today at 2pm and he didn't fall asleep. Should i wake him up earlier to ensure a nap. I'm afraid if I wake him up in the a.m. he will sleep less overall and still refuse to nap. Around 5pm todayhe he almost fell asleep on the couch when the baby was napping. So I hurried and started the routine. He had a hard time falling asleep so maybe he was overtired? He didn't go to sleep til 8pm. And since it was so early and he didn't have a real dinner, just snacks, i let him have a bedtime snack which just delayed things.

And then there is the whole issue of the two kids on the same sleeping schedule. I kinda want them to wake at the same time so that they will both go down at one pm for a nap. That way he will be pleasant in the afternoons and awake to see his dad at night. But the idea of waking him up for a *possible* nap seems sooo : We are moving in a couple of weeks so maybe I should just continue with the sleep journal and decide when we get there.

What would you do? i would really like for them to go to bed and get up about the same time, but no day is perfect. naps get ruined sometimes and well life has to go on.

[AarenLisbeth]

My 3 1/2yo DS still is doing the nap thing. There was definitely a time when DH and I had to struggle w/ DS for this routine to continue. . . I am glad we did. There are days when DS misses ofcourse, and there is no real set time for them, they float. But I am a firm beliver in the importance of the mid day rejuvinating/ growth rest period. I haven't read the book. . . DH comes from the siesta culture and oh, it makes so much sense. It fits our family's lifestyle and really gives me a much needed break. Our "new" arrival is always on!

[Maggieinnh]

Hi,
I have not read that book as well, but had it in my hands today at the bookstore.
A small nap around midday is maybe a good idea if he gets tiered around 5pm.
If he sleeps from 7pm to 7am , that is great! Lots of kids do not manage that, but as I said if he falls asleep in the late afternoon he might still need a bit more sleep than the 12 hours at night.
Maybe put him down for an hour or so, that should probably be enough as you want him still to sleep during the night. It might take a few days for him to get used to it but it will improve his mood and activity level for the rest of the day. It took us also a few days to get our boy napping after lunch, but once he got used to it, it made him much more relaxed and happy.
I guess it is a trial and error thing to know how much nap time they need so they still sleep well at night.

[shaykismama]

He usually sleeps from 7pm to 7am? I say don't mess with perfection.

[MamaMamaMama!]

My kids are similar ages and I've had issues with the naps, too. We actually cut them out for a few months because my ds was resisting them too much (peace was more important at that stage--he was just 3, my dd was 9 mo) but recently we got back into the habit (he's 3 1/2). 12 hours a night is AWESOME I would be so happy for that!! but every kid is different and if yours is tired at 5 it seems a nap would be useful if you can get him to agree. I actually reintroduced naps at a time when my ds was sick and needed them more and since then he's been much more agreeable to them because he got used to it.

Good luck!

[polka hop]

*

[LauraLoo]

I have not read the book, but I am a firm believer in naps....for ME! I would take a nap every single day if I had the opportunity!

As far as my children go, my ds was a routine kind of guy and never resisted bedtime or naps until he started resisting bedtime at a little over 5 (different thread but we had issues with nightmares and school anxiety.) I let him kind of set his own sleep schedule from the time he was an infant and we never had any real issues with being overly tired. He officially gave up his naps shortly after he turned 3. He will take rests if encouraged to do so, but can also function very well without them now. He has always been a child that will seek out quiet play when he needs a break.

DD who will be 3 soon, on the other hand, would stay up all night if allowed and she is NOT a pleasant person if she doesn't get a decent nap. This is a switch from about a year ago when she would willing take naps. She HATES to be alone in general and acts like nap and bed times are major downers. :

One of the ideas that I'm entertaining is not insisting on sleep for naps, but quiet play in the bed and/or reading books. I think that even if dd doesn't necessarily sleep, having quiet time would be soothing and rejuevenating and keep the rest of the day from spiraling downward.

I'll be interested in hearing any other ideas.......

[CarrieMF]

Tirza(now 8) gave up naps at 15months.

Asha(now 6) gave up naps at 18months.

Nadia(now 5) gave u naps at 15months.

There was a couple of weeks where they fell asleep earlier so I put them to bed. There was a year or so where if they were really tired, we were travelling, or doing more driving in the car than usual they would fall asleep. They don't do any of that now and haven't since they were 2-3.

They go to bed at 8 and wake up around 6:30-7.

At 7months it's probably a bit early to expect the baby to be on the same schedule as a 3year old.

You could wake the 3yo up earlier, but chances are it is not going to make him nap in the day. Even if you did wake him up earlier and he did nap, he most likely will not be going to bed until at least 8pm or even later depending on the nap and could end up having less sleep than he does now. If you did wake him up earlier and it didn't work, he may stay waking up earlier.

If bedtime is a problem what is your routine?

[Mom2Joseph]

Originally Posted by polka hop

We don't have a set midday rest time, but we also don't generally have a busy schedule for the rest of the day. If she seems overtired or too riled up, I put her in a warm bath with some toys and bath markers, which calms her down. As much as I miss having a couple hours of time to myself in the middle of each day, cutting out the nap is so much better than fighting about the nap for longer than the nap itself lasts.

:

I can barely get my DD 10 mos. down and my DS will only scream (and then wake up DD) so it isn't worth it to fight it for us anymore. Around 4pm we hit the baby pool on the patio and I wash them up and let them play. The water takes the edge off and relaxes them. Then we eat dinner. When daddy comes home he takes the kids for a long walk and when they come home they are ready to read books, brush teeth etc. DS will sleep 12 hours at night too. If he gets a nap, then he's up till 12am! Honestly, the kid isn't being sassy, he literally can't fall asleep and I can't stay up that late...not with DD still getting up 2 - 3 times a night.

So, if something is working for your family - keep it going! I am still hoping to get DS to "rest"/nap when DD is older and our home is more peaceful.

[LynnS6]

He's sleeping 12 hours a day, which is what a child his age 'should' sleep.

If he's cranky in the afternoons, I would introduce a 'quiet time' just after lunch, where he has to stay on his bed and read/draw or do quiet activities until the kitchen timer goes off or the CD player has come to an end or whatever you want to do. If he's sleepy at that time, he might drift off. Our ds gave up naps at 2 1/2, our dd is closing in on 3 and still needs them. But then, she sleeps from 10 pm to 8 am, and DEFINITELY needs more sleep than that.

But I would NOT wake him up earlier to maybe get him a nap!!!

[hottmama]

My son quit napping around his 3rd birthday, although he will take a nap if he's really tired (so will I, given the chance!) So he naps maybe once every week or two. He sleeps about 9 hours at night-- 12 would be AWESOME! My 16 mo. old still takes 2, sometimes 3 naps a day and sleeps horribly at night, up every 2 hours out of 10. I don't think every 3 yr. old needs a nap and I think naps can damage nighttime sleep.

[nichole]

Originally Posted by polka hop

I haven't read the book - does it give an age when a child is generally ready to give up a midday nap?

She says that all 3yo need naps and most 4 yo and 5 yo do too. She actually believes everyone needs naps. The usual recommendation is 3yo need naps and 4 or 5 yo may need one. I guess it is hard to fit one in when they start school anyway.

Well there is just no solution to this so we are going to have naps on some days and there are just going to be days he won't take one. I'm not going to wake him up super early but I'm not going to tip toe around in the morning when I wake up either. Today both kids woke up at 6:30am. Great! Then the baby took a long nap in his crib in the morning. I don't mind holding him but ds1 always wakes him up which makes me : : so I've been encouraging the baby with little success to sleep in his crib where it is dark and quiet. Finally today he did it. I put him down earlier and put my night shirt in there for my smell yay!

Then we were outside all morning and they both slept in the car for 30 min after lunch. Then the baby took another nap in his crib (yay) during "dinner" which was just go eat whatever. Then the baby went down at 8pm and ds1 went down at 8:30pm. That was late for him but he fell asleep peacefully instead of that overtired crashing temper tantrum way he did last night which is why I like naps. So darned if you do, darned if you don't. I did have to let him come back out and get some milk and a banana b/c we ate dinner sooo early but I brushed his teeth after. So i'm not sure maybe we should come back out for a snack after bathtime?

This has been a huge issue for us and i'm sorry if i seem obsessive but things have been improving since i started posting here and reading about sleep. His behavior is better, bedtime goes by faster, and we are more peaceful.

[nichole]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

Tirza(now 8) gave up naps at 15months.

Asha(now 6) gave up naps at 18months.

Nadia(now 5) gave u naps at 15months.

There was a couple of weeks where they fell asleep earlier so I put them to bed. There was a year or so where if they were really tired, we were travelling, or doing more driving in the car than usual they would fall asleep. They don't do any of that now and haven't since they were 2-3.

They go to bed at 8 and wake up around 6:30-7.

At 7months it's probably a bit early to expect the baby to be on the same schedule as a 3year old.



You could wake the 3yo up earlier, but chances are it is not going to make him nap in the day. Even if you did wake him up earlier and he did nap, he most likely will not be going to bed until at least 8pm or even later depending on the nap and could end up having less sleep than he does now. If you did wake him up earlier and it didn't work, he may stay waking up earlier.

If bedtime is a problem what is your routine?

maybe i'm misunderstanding you? i don't want them to be on the same schedule exactly. just that i want them to take their afternoon naps together if they do take on. they almost always wake up between 6:30am and 7:30am. i would say their "clock" is set to wake up at 7am and that is not my doing, just the way they are. after lunch, they seem tired, but if one happens to sleep in the next day, it does get off. hmmm.

well we do have a problem with our routine. we have had lots of upsets in our routine lately and it isn't over yet! ugh! we do dinner, bath, diaper, teeth, books, music cd. sometimes i throw a snack in there and i'm always unsure when to do it. maybe after the bath? but then it just seems to delay things. tonight i had to let him get up and get some milk and a banana but then he was out like a light.

[zansmama]

Ds has been 7 to 7 for about 6 months now, and I LOVE it. Granted, I've completely sacrificed any evening activities outside of the house, but I don't mind.
Dp thinks I'm kind of a nazi about bedtime, but it's so worth it.

Anyway, as far as naps go, I find that ds is much crankier if he does take a nap: . And he definitely goes to bed much later and doesn't sleep as well. So for us, no nap is better.

[CarrieMF]

well we do have a problem with our routine. we have had lots of upsets in our routine lately and it isn't over yet! ugh! we do dinner, bath, diaper, teeth, books, music cd. sometimes i throw a snack in there and i'm always unsure when to do it. maybe after the bath? but then it just seems to delay things. tonight i had to let him get up and get some milk and a banana but then he was out like a light.

How long does this typically take? Baths can wind some kids down, others they wake them up so they're ready to go again. Do they NEED a bath every night? Can you cut it down to 1 book each? I am presuming the music cd is playing while books are being read or as you're tucking them in and that it's soothing music not dancing/singing music.lol If there is a long time between dinner & bedtime giving a snack before bed could help. just watch that he doesn't catch on and start to not want to eat supper & holds out for the snack.lol

[Zach'smom]

Ds gave up naps at 3.5 yrs. It was a month after we moved into our new house and I really could have used a couple hours in the afternoon. But if he slept even an hour in the afternoons he would be up until 11PM or midnight which was not working for our family!!! He was a much happier person (me too!!) when he went to bed around 7:30PM and slept about 12 hours. We had some issues some days when he wanted to fall asleep when I was making dinner. Usually after a particularly busy day. We found it to work better to feed him earlier and put him to bed earlier at night if needed.

Every persons sleep needs are different. You have to do what works best for your kids no matter what a book says.

[nichole]

today was a no nap day. dh thinks we should put a tv in his room so i cant get the baby to nap but that is not what i want to do at all. i think we will do a rocking chair instead. i hope with consistency he will cooperate with quiet time. dealing with their crankiness was exhausting so i put them to bed at 6pm. i even tried the sling but jason still did something to wake the baby up.

[Dechen]

My dd has been done with naps since she was 2.5. She's not a big sleeper, and never has been. Even at 2.5, if she had a 30 minute nap she'd then be up until midnight.

I am sooooooooo glad those days are over.

Sleep is like any other issue: individual differences apply. Not all kids, nor all adults, need the same amount of sleep.

[Jules411]

I have read the book and try so hard to adhere to what she suggests with bed time, outside time, etc.

My 2 dds stopped napping around 2-2.5 and we TRIED to have quiet time, but it just turned into a battle that wasn't worth it. Now my 3rd is almost 2, she naps great, but who knows when that will end. Our quiet time turned into video time for the older 2 so that the baby would sleep (and I admit, so I can have a small amount of peace during the day). They sleep about 10-11 hours at night. So, 12 hours is great. I got frustrated reading that part in the book about naps because it really didn't work for us to maintain them without a huge power struggle. She made it seem like it was so easy to reinstate naps, but all kids are different. Some can nap until they are 5 or older and others stop when toddlers. Transition from nap to no nap is such a nightmare until they get used to being awake all day. Do what works for your family.