Unfortunately, I have found no website which supports men the way this website supports women. So, even though I am a man, I hope to have some feedback on my situation. Thirteen years ago I met a girl via a blind date. Throughout our relationship I never really felt love, but just felt comfortable. I just thought things were meant to be between this woman and I even though I never truly believed she was my true love. In June 2000, we got married. About 3 months before we got married, I cheated on her. It was a very rough time. She was devastated at what I had done. I expressed at the time how I did not want to get married, but I gave in to the pressure. I was getting pressured by her, her family, and my family to get married. She forgave me for what I did and we moved on. While living with my parents for the first few months, she expressed to me that we needed privacy and needed to get our own place. I wanted us to to save mor emoney, but she really was pushing for the house. So I gave in again. We bought a house and about 2 months later she tells me that her parents are coming to stay with us for a few months. I said ok even though the whole purpose for us getting the house was for our privacy. The first year it was 2 months, the next year, it was 4 months, the next year it was 8 months. After the second year, i knew the reason why she rushed me to get a house and I think you do as well. It did not bother too much, but I kinda felt used. Anyway, in 2003, we had a baby boy. I never felt so alive. My son now is my world. In 2004, while her parents were staying with us, her father had a stroke. They are now staying with us permanently. I don't totally mind they are staying with us, but everyday I don't feel like going home to see these people. Sometimes I feel God put me on this earth to be the key they needed. My money goes to pay mortgage, utlities, car, food, and everything else. Now, don't get me wrong, my wife does everything for me. She cooks, cleans, washes my clothes, and is a great mother, but for some reason none of it appeals to me much. Earlier this year, I met women at my job. She is great. I feel so good around her. I wish wasn't married so I could be with her. I have not cheated on my wife. As long as I wear my wedding ring, I respect that i am married. To be honest, I do not feel that i have the ability to love a woman. I love my wife for being the mother to my son, but that's it. I go home everyday pretending I am in love with her. I don't know if I can continue to do this. I know it would be devasting to her to get a divorce. It would kill her. Plus, she would make my life a living hell. I want so much to be happy, but to the to extent where it would crush her. I sit at my desk everyday wishing i wasn't married. I feel dead. My life is dead. It hurts me so much that i'm married. I don't want to hear about getting marriage counselling. I hate when people think that getting counselling will help. I know i will never be happy again. I don't want this life anymore. I just don't know what to do.
post #1 of 90
4/19/07 at 2:55pm