Yips123, sounds like you are taking a reasonable approach for the time being. Keep an open mind though. You've said "I've decided to do this, so now I have to do this for the rest of my life." There's no need to exagerrate your situation and make it even worse than it is, right? Try "I've decided to do this for now."
Sometimes when I have a mental habit that is causing me trouble--as it sounds like your self-punishing approach is--I ask myself each time it comes up, "Has this EVER helped me? Has this EVER done ANY good?" Has it EVER done you any good to say "I have to do X forever now"?
It sounds reasonable to wait and see while life is in flux right now. In the meantime, why not look for a good counselor for yourself? Whatever you decide to do later will be easier if you have cleared up some of your underlying issues. You'll be more able to understand other people, and to act in a pure way, with less self-obstruction. As great as a thread on mdc can be, believe me, a good counselor is better.
One thing you can do now is to make subtle changes in the way that you think. As long as you view yourself as the victim of your wife and in-laws, you'll experience life as if you are
the victim of your wife and in-laws. Who do you want
to be? This isn't about external things that you want to happen in your life. Who do you
want to be
Something I've learned is that sometimes when we refuse to learn a certain lesson in life, the lesson keeps getting bigger and bigger until finally it's so intense that we can't stand it anymore, make the stretch to learn the lesson, and then life gets better again. So often when I find myself saying "This sucks and I just don't want to deal with it" I remember that it will probably slowly get worse until I can't stand it anymore and deal with it. I can skip all that if I open up and learn from my experience now. A lot of times that means taking action, learning a new approach, seeking out support of whatever kind is most appropriate at the time, changing my mindset, taking responsibility for myself... etc.
And even though other people are responsible for their own screwups, they aren't responsible for the basic fact that I was refusing or simply not ready to learn an important lesson in life. Plus then I get the credit when I do finally learn it.