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Please tell me this gets better... - Page 2

post #21 of 38
Appleseed, did you get the PM I sent you? I really don't know what to say that everyone else hasn't already mentioned, so I will just repeat it DOES get better! It really does. My ds was 2.5 when the twins were born and those first 6 months was the darkest time of my life. It seemed like everything should have been perfect. I had a successful homebirth, I was tandem nursing the babies and didn't need to supplement, we co-slept, wore them, etc. Anyway, it does get better and we are here for you!
post #22 of 38
The challenges change, but it does get better. As they get older, they self-entertain better and better and seeing their personalities bloom is just so fun - especially when there's two of them b/c you get to really see how different two little people of the exact same age and parents can be! My dh works 24 hour shifts so I'm frequently home alone for probably about 28-29 hours at a time with the kids (my 12 month old twins plus a 6 and 3 yo). It's rough but it becomes all about getting your groove and for me the most helpful thing has been keeping the babies out of the house as much as possible (particularly when they were a little younger). I'd just cruise the mall with them in the stroller and they were pretty happy like that. I think the change of scenery really helped. At home they'd just cry all the time and it was really stressful.
post #23 of 38
Appleseed,
I'm not there yet either--our twins are due in 6 weeks. But I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your post as well as those the PPs have shared.

Some of our family members have been unhappy about my requests for help before letting them have baby time. I know this sounds terrible, but I've taken to responding with jobs appropriate to the inappropriateness of the request--like requesting that they help pick up the dog doo-doo from the yard (we have six) when they want to visit from out of state within a week or two of the birth!!!

My DH is tremendously supportive but hearing about other women's experience has certainly given him more realistic expectations.

I also want to mention that I think those of you who are raising older kids and toddlers AND twins are especial saints.

post #24 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by appleseed View Post
I am sorry, and I do appreciate your attempt at giving advice, and I hope this isn't too harsh- but your post was extremely out of place here.

I don't care how many kids you have... unless you have dealt with two extremely needy newborns, no. You have NO idea. And when people with singletons tell MoMs that "they know how we feel," it really negates the whole thing.

Again, I appreciate your response, but posting here trying to sympathize would be like posting to the SN forum saying you know what it's like to have an SN/disabled kid because your DC broke their arm once.
I have to agree with this. Now that I have twins, I realize how easy moms of singletons have it. Even moms with a toddler and a baby have it easy. Newborn twins are the hardest thing i have ever handled. My girls are 4mos and although things are sooooooooooo much easier for me now, they still are hard. Between my girls and my son, there is always someone wanting my attention...its hard having two kids the exact same age....

appleseed- if you ever want to talk, just PM me...trust me, I am still doing this mostly on my own, I joke with my husband that I am a single mom because he is never here and I can never get anyone to come help me. I did break down and hire someone to come in and clean my house becuase it was disgustingly dirty...hopefully i will be able to keep it up now....but seriously, I am here if you need someone to talk to...

Dina
post #25 of 38
Don't know where you are Appleseed but if you're near Long Island, I'll come clean your house for you. Seriously. I'll also bring you dinner.
post #26 of 38
hey i hope i did not offend you when i asked if you though tt was ppd . i was just trying to point things out.

anyway i knwo things will get better for you in time they will. you will learn a better routine and learn about your kids more not that you dont know them already but better. you will figure out how to do things more efficently and life will get easier.
post #27 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by utopia760 View Post
hey i hope i did not offend you when i asked if you though tt was ppd . i was just trying to point things out.

anyway i knwo things will get better for you in time they will. you will learn a better routine and learn about your kids more not that you dont know them already but better. you will figure out how to do things more efficently and life will get easier.
No, you didn't offend me at all! I hope I didn't come off short. Tone is hard to convey on the internet. I am just projecting- my mom seems to think that the magic goddess of Prozac will come solve all my problems, and my house will be clean and the twins won't scream any more and my toddler will sit quietly in the corner and play with her toys and be sweet aaaall day long
post #28 of 38
Hmmm...She wants to feed them the prozac?

So sorry you aren't getting the support you truly need right now. As you know, I birthed only a few weeks before you and am in the thick of it too. But DH knew better than to try to bail on this. Two babies means everyone's in it fulltime. I told him your situation and the first thing he said was your DH needs to take a semester off. That was without me prompting him to say that!

Please try to find a way to ask for help. I know it can make a lump form in your throat and sometimes it's stressful to ask, but frankly it's a blessing for some people to be asked to help. It can make a person feel needed. So even if you don't belong to a church, never underestimate to the love people are willing to give. Hopefully you can get a few naps in and come up with some creative solutions.
And keep coming to your internet MOT's who truly understand. It helps to make it feel less hopeless.
post #29 of 38
That is about the point that I had my breakdown too! It really does get better.
post #30 of 38
Aw, sweetie, I am so sorry that you don't have more help. What you're trying to do is truly more than one person can do by herself. Everyone had good suggestions for you & I don't really have anything to add. I can only imagine how rough it must be to have twins plus a toddler. Your DH really needs to take next semester off, maybe the next year off. My 25-month olds would be destroying the house if I had to sit still for the 30 plus minutes it takes to nurse tiny twins. And I think you're right, those with singletons don't really understand, even if they think they do. You can nurse one baby walking around the house, either in your arms or in a sling/wrap, so no, not quite the same. You really are stuck in one place when nursing twins.

If you happen to be in the San Francisco area, I'd be happy to help anyway I can.

Also, you probably know this from having a toddler, but I found the 3-ish month age to be the hardest. This was a shock for me. Everyone said how much easier babies got as they got toward this age, how they started to become more regular in their habits & less fussy. Not mine. It was more like 4-ish months for me when the fussiness and crying calmed down. I remember we had a trip planned to Hawaii when the girls were 5-months old and I was freaking out about how I was going to take them on a plane because all they did was yell, cry, scream, but by 5-months, they were different babies entirely. People around us on the plane kept telling us how "good" our babies were, which is annoying in it's own was as if any baby is bad, but you know what I mean. They were pretty content.

I hope things get better for you soon & that you find some help.
post #31 of 38
I know it gets better eventually because my mom is a wonderful, sane, happy woman despite having my sisters in winter when I was 27 mo. My dad was a cop in a small town in Idaho. My grandma the alcoholic came to "help" but mom kept finding signs she'd been drinking and didn't want her anywhere near the babies so she sent her away.

Her church community was of great help to her, though, particularly one lady with teenaged daughters who before long was borrowing the twins for 4-H babysitting training classes.

Do whatever you can to get the help you need--tell your DH he needs to get with the program, too!
post #32 of 38
Hi appleseed: I admittedly haven't had a chance to read ALL these posts to you - but I did read all of your. I DID walk out. I put my 19month old in a pack and play. I fed, diapers and made sure th babies were in safe places and I slammed the door and walked to the end of the drive to get the paper. i sat and cried my eyes out at the edge of the driveway. I never wanted twins. There are no twins on my family, I didn't use any ART. i was pi$$'d when people exclaimed how "lucky" I was. Who the Hell are they to walk in my shoes and proclaim some sort of jubilee?? and I have NEVER said this but what the hell..... We had sex once and neither of us even "got off" that night. We were so tired from a long day we "called off the festivities". Imagine our shock when I was preggo again....then imagine the rage and anger when I found out at 20 weeks it was twins and my homebirth was hitting the toilet. (although in the end I did work that out ) My point is give yourself the "time out" if you need to. Allow yourself to feel the anger just structure it so everyone is safe. That day after crying and crying I took a deep breath, came up with a "plan" and opened the door again. The babies were still fussing - but nobody was dead. Not a very AP kind of moment - but I think it saved my toddlers life - or at elast it felt that way at the time. One of the best pieces of advice anyone gave me was "Allow yourself the time to become the mother of twins" I'm still not sure I can say that without a sinking feeling in my throat. i am still working through a lot of things - but it has gotten much better. The crying is less, the pooping is less, the nursing is less and my ability to problem solve the three children is better.

Big hugs to you! PM if you like..anytime,

Erika
post #33 of 38
Hey, appleseed, just checking in on you today. Hope it's a good one!
post #34 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyBunch View Post
Hey, appleseed, just checking in on you today. Hope it's a good one!
Whoo boy. : My older DD has rotavirus and she's at the doctor with her daddy now seeing if we need to take her to the hospital or not... enough said there. Poor kiddo. I feel like a horrible person because I have fleeting thoughts that A) she's MUCH less rowdy when she's sick B) I'm glad because DH is taking a vacation day just in case she needs to go to the hospital :
post #35 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by appleseed View Post
Whoo boy. : My older DD has rotavirus and she's at the doctor with her daddy now seeing if we need to take her to the hospital or not... enough said there. Poor kiddo. I feel like a horrible person because I have fleeting thoughts that A) she's MUCH less rowdy when she's sick B) I'm glad because DH is taking a vacation day just in case she needs to go to the hospital :
Hugs to you and your DD. And moms of multiples know how to be thankful for small blessings!
post #36 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by appleseed View Post
I seriously am at the point where I fantasize daily about just walking out and leaving the kids with my husband and not coming back. .
Just to chime in . . . .but I did this once . . .not the "not coming back" part -- I just went for the day . . . .but it was soooooo rejuvenating. I actually highly recommend. Here was the scenario. The triplets were about 4 months old - and my older son was about 2.5. I drug myself downstairs one Sat morning in April. The sun was shining and it was promising to be a beautiful day. And I started to sink into a funk that was getting lower and lower -- all I could think about was how beautiful the day outside was going to be -- and how I was going to be trapped in the house - yet again - doing feeding after feeding after feeding -- in endless rotation -- while I watched my DH and older DS jaunt off to the park and other outings here and there all day - carefree and free as a bird.

Anyway - DH came down and said something to me that probably wasn't all that bad - but I took immediate offense in my state of mind. In 30 seconds, I announced that I was taking my older DS to Disneyland for the day. In 30 min I packed up the whole house and my breast pump -- and piled him in the car not to return until 10 pm that night! DS and I had a GREAT DAY! I still think on that day with fondness. Meanwhile . . .DH also ended up having a great day with the babies. What started out as me depressed, etc and wanting to "teach DH what its like to deal with the babies all day" . . . turned out to be great bonding for dad too.

Not to hijack here . . . .but my point is: Find a way to take a break momma -- even if you have to "force it" on your DH. You likely severely need it. If you do something like what I did - your 2 year old likely needs a bit of your undivided attention as well. And never hurts a DH to get a healthy understanding of what a day in the life is actually like . . .
post #37 of 38
Hi-

I don't have time to read all the replies and maybe someone has already mentioned this but maybe your twins are fussy because of colic, which is directly affected by what you eat. My diet was so limited while I was nursing and they were still fussy, so I took them to a doctor that does muscle testing. It helped so much! The effects where instant! It was amazing! It turned out they had food intolerance that where making their tummies hurt and after their treatment they were sleeping so much better and just generally happier. I also gave them some homeopathic and a herbal tea that help a lot too! If you want more info please PM me! There are ways to make them and you feel better and yes it does get better! I am sorry you are having such a hard time! The beginning was so hard I can sympathize with you! Just remember that this is just a phase and it will pass!
post #38 of 38
I just skimmed the other posts, but wanted to echo that YES, it does get better. I felt much like you at that point. Getting out of the house helped. And accepting help wherever I could find it. Try really hard to make eating (you, not them!) a priority. Is there a friend or neighbor who could bring you a sandwich? Or is there a restaurant or grocery store that delivers? Maybe your dh could call in the morning & place an order, then some decent food would be delivered to you during the day. Or are there any kids groups/playgroups/etc that could offer some support, sanity, and maybe a coffee cake. As for your older dc, is there a teenager that might like to stop by after school to play with her for an hour a few times a week? Some outside playtime with individualized attention might help her cooperate more during the day (or not, but it will still give you an hour). Many, many hugs to you. Hang in there. It'll get better.
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