Is this a phase?

[blumom2boyz]

Lately my 5 y/o has been constantly seeking reassurance/approval. After finishing a drawing, he asks me "am I a good artist, mommy", "did I draw a good picture mommy". He hands is brother a sippy and then looks at me and says "am I thoughtful mommy". It is these constant questions after everything and it is starting to get worse. I don't know where this is coming from or how to handle it. My dh thinks he may have a self-esteem issue, but I am not sure why he wouldn't even have one. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[OTMomma]

Sounds like a phase to me. It may just be your son is in need of a little extra positive attention, and this is how he's choosing to ask for it. He may also be subtelly trying to make distictions of things he can do that his younger siblings can't.

[Zubbles]

Like you said, it sounds to be more a need for approval and assurance than a self esteem issue. As you mentioned, they will seek approval for just about every little thing...

"Am I a good artist?
"Look, I finished all my vegetables."
"Do you like this Lego creature I built?"
"I picked up my toys."

One technique to try to reduce the frequency is to to increase what I call the SPF Factor - Specific Positive Feedback. It works a bit like this- if he hands his brother the sippy cup and asks, "Am I thoughtful?" you can respond, "Thoughtful people help others."

If he asks, "Do you like my drawing?" one response can be, "It's very colorful."

If he says, "Look I finished my vegetables." A response could be, "That is going to help keep you healthy."

This bypasses the quick "Yes," answer and focuses more on the specific action, while still giving him praise and positive feedback. Also, by praising and labeling the behavior specifically, they are more likely to repeat that positive behavior.

Over time, I think you'll see his need for more constant praise will subside. Try it out.

[Zach'smom]

It's a phase. And when you are sure that there is a real problem he will find a new and interesting phase for you to worry about.