Any Mommy's have Aspergers? - Page 3

[feebeeglee]

I've been watching this thread for a while. Reckon I should sub.

I'm not diagnosed, but I'm sure I would be. Somewhere there are results from a a huge battery of psych and educational evals I was given when I was 9 or 10 that resulted in me being pulled from the highly traditional Episcopal day (prep) school I had always attended to be sent to a school for 2e kids - high intelligence with learning differences. When I was a child/teen, the ADD diagnosis was gaining ground, but I never fit that profile. There were lots of kids at the school who were very very smart and very very weird. I felt right at home with them for the first time in my life. I'm absolutely on the spectrum.

(FTR, it didn't work though, I still hated school! )

I homeschool (unschool) all my kiddos and they play with each other pretty much constantly. I guess that's my solution.

[wytchywoman]

Originally Posted by nataliachick7

this is me exactly! i dont know why i do it....i just cant help it!!

You have no idea how happy I am that someone else knows what this feels like!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry you have to go through this too, but believe me I am relieved that I am not alone in this.

[wendy1221]

I haven't read all of the replies. I was away this week w/ my kids w/out my dh, so I'm hiding out in the computer room for a while. Just wanted to wave and say hi. I'm a self-diagnosed Asperger's mommy here. Since my oldest was diagnosed, I've been talking to my family a lot and most of my family has a lot of the traits. My brother and dead sister could have easily been diagnosed. My brother WAS diagnosed as having ADHD among other things, and my dead sister was diagnosed as having ADD, ODD, bipolar, OCD, and I think schizophrenia, but I'm not sure about that one. She also had an odd way of talking, talked really late, and couldn't always talk (but she wrote beautifully.) So I think she was actually HFA/PDD-NOS, but never diagnosed. We were poor and only had insurance half the time, so most of her stuff was done through the school, and we all know how that goes.

Anyway, my dh's family is almost as quirky as mine. My MIL bought several books and lent me one by Tony Attwood, which is excellent so far. Talking to my other sister a lot this weekend, we realized that we'd both had miserable childhoods in school and never even knew the other was having the same experience. She's pretty sure she has AS now as well. I guess out of the 5 of us, our other brother, who I haven't even seen for YEARS, is the only one who could be considered NT. Maybe that's why he doesn't visit us anymore? Our parents are just as weird as we are. lol. My older sister and I didn't talk much at all as kids, and were "well-behaved" at school, so I think that's how we got away w/ no dignosis of anything. I tried to get an ADHD diagnosis when I was in college and having major problems, but the shrink told me my only problem was that I was lazy. He said I had a "superior IQ", and while I had many of the symptoms of ADHD, it wasn't enough for a diagnosis. ANd when I said, well, if I"m so smart, why don't I get all A's, he said I was lazy. Whatever.

[sparklemama]

I'm sort of self-diagnosed, I guess...I was always a weird kid, very quirky, OCD, socially awkward and didn't ever identify with other kids. Since we suspected ds being on the spectrum and then doing a lot of reading I realized a lot of it sort of "explained" things with me and I related to so much. I would also "latch" onto people somewhat obsessively or otherwise be a loner, enjoyed lots of time by myself and would do "odd" things like recite lines from a movie out loud at odd/inappropriate times. And now, as an adult, I just can't/won't do playdates and you won't ever find me striking up a conversation with a stranger somewhere like another mom in a park. I just can't do it. I'm thankful for the internet though, otherwise I'd be completely cut off from other adults besides family I think. I also definitely have some sensory issues and certain sounds are painful (ones that aren't to the average person drive me up the wall). I don't know if it's exactly aspergers or not, but there's "something". I also had some pretty serious phobias as a child.

My uncle is most definitely, in my non-expert opinion, on the spectrum somewhere. If I really talked to him in depth about it, I'm pretty certain he would agree. He's very aware that he is "different". He's always been the weird, but funny, uncle. He didn't talk until he was 3 either. I don't have any brothers or sisters or cousins, and I don't know my biological father's family at all so I don't know much else about my family history unfortunately.

[mengmommy]

Oh wow! I LOVE reading all this stuff too! It makes me feel like less of a freak. I was always "hey smart girl" in school and painfully shy. Dh says that people think I am stuck up, but I'm honestly scared to death! I *try* to make conversation, especially at dh's work or with other mom's for ds's sake, but I usually end up offending people (case in point, at dh's work I met his coworkers wife for the first time. He asked me if I went by Jenny, to which I replied "Jen or Jennifer is fine, Jenny is worthy of getting fingers cut off" Everyone laughed, but apparently his wife was quite offended. I felt so uncomfortable and put on the spot though...I wasn't introduced as Jenny...I was introduced as Jennifer...it wouldn't have been appropriate for me to call him ScottY or her Ter instead of Teri. I guess it wouldn't bother most people, but it bothers me.

I have some crazy irrational fears myself. I wrote a 50page paper on them when I was 19.

Are there things you just don't understand, no matter how hard you try? Politics is one thing I can't fully grasp (despite having taken college politics in high school and passing). Like I know the things I believe in, but the rest is just totally out of my realm of comprehension. Dh and my dad try and try and try to explain it to me, but I just : . I know that dh and I are pretty much identical on the stuff I understand, so I just vote what he votes and let him take care of the rest.

[Individuation]

Originally Posted by mengmommy

Are there things you just don't understand, no matter how hard you try? Politics is one thing I can't fully grasp (despite having taken college politics in high school and passing). Like I know the things I believe in, but the rest is just totally out of my realm of comprehension. Dh and my dad try and try and try to explain it to me, but I just : . I know that dh and I are pretty much identical on the stuff I understand, so I just vote what he votes and let him take care of the rest.

American race issues. Boy does that get me in trouble.

[Brigianna]

Originally Posted by mengmommy

Are there things you just don't understand, no matter how hard you try? Politics is one thing I can't fully grasp (despite having taken college politics in high school and passing). Like I know the things I believe in, but the rest is just totally out of my realm of comprehension. Dh and my dad try and try and try to explain it to me, but I just : . I know that dh and I are pretty much identical on the stuff I understand, so I just vote what he votes and let him take care of the rest.

Code words, or buzzwords, or whatever you want to call them. I've gotten into so much trouble for using the wrong buzzwords, misunderstanding other people's buzzwords, not intuitively knowing that certain terms are, in fact, buzzwords... I can understand almost all politics except for the buzzwords part.

[meowee]

Originally Posted by sparklemama

And now, as an adult, I just can't/won't do playdates and you won't ever find me striking up a conversation with a stranger somewhere like another mom in a park.

Same here-- I tried twice, and gave up. Zero playdates and I can't even do homeschool get togethers because it makes me feel sick to be near the other moms, it's like my brain is being attacked.

[Megamama]

Reading along..add me to the list of suspected asperger's as well.

I usually jsut say I'm really introverted and highly sensitive.. But even as a kid I was unusually sensitive to my clothing and smells and so forth..very literal, extremely clutzy and to this day I really don't make eye contact unless I make a very very concerted effort. At 41 I've resolved a lot of the social issues and do pretty well, but don't like social contact too often.

I can certainly see myself in Eli

[mengmommy]

Do any of you have confrontation problems? Like I will seriously avoid confrontation at basically all costs...including making myself sick with worry and excuses, etc.

Do any of you know about codependency? I've been told I was codependent...but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe its more As related than codependency.

[meowee]

I don't do confrontation, except occasionally online I can voice (type) my opinion. I am extremely dependent on my husband because he does stuff like answer the phone/ talk to other people for me. I never answer the phone, I never answer the door, I never make lefthand turns... the other day my husband tried going to the bank for me but they said I had to come in myself. He requested that I not have to wait in line, they agreed... HAHA like I could ever cut in front of anyone. I put my name on the list and waited. Sometimes even the smallest confrontation will leave me shaken for weeks or more. Interacting with people is just too much for me...it's gotten much worse over the years. I feel attacked just bythe presence of other people near me-- it's like my body and mind hurt all over just from having to interact with people.

[Megamama]

I also dislike confrontation and will avoid it. I also dislike making phone calls and will put it off forever. I do not look people in the eye, but I am working on that. My husband has been very understanding about the phone thing and he's teaching me gently to handle some confrontation (with him).

I had a lot of codepency problems in my 20s to early 30s. I am the child of an alcoholic, so it was easy to fall into that trap. Therapy helped me break the cycle, though I still have to fight it.

[sparklemama]

I very much dislike making phone calls, and my dh is finally beginning to understand it's just not me being stubborn or lazy! Not like we fought about it or anything, but it's nice that he understands better now. And I have actually lost a couple of potential clients because we were supposed to chat on the phone about the project and I completely and totally avoided it.

But for me, personally, for some reason I don't have a real problem with confrontation IRL or online. I actually probably say what's on my mind out loud more than I should, which I suppose is still due to lacking social skills - instead of being shy I just go the other way and say the stuff I shouldn't. Like if someone cuts in front of me in line somewhere, I will say something and it sometimes comes out more rude than it should. But it's only for "familiar" situations like that, if that makes any sense. People have cut in front of me in line lots of times so I have the same response each time, but if it's a totally new situation I usually clam up. And if I foresee a confrontation happening, I will have scripted what to say in my mind a hundred times before I actually say it.

I remember when I had to leave my outgoing message for my voice mail when I used to work outside of the home. I would have to re-do it like half a dozen times and no one else could be around while I was doing it, and I had to write down exactly what I wanted to say and read from it or I would mess it up.

[mengmommy]

What a day...jeez.

First, we walked out of our apartment and the guys fixing up the apartment above and over from us (we live in quad-plexes) were smoking right outside my bedroom window. Thank goodness it wasn't open with a sweet sleeping baby inside! I would have been livid. As it is I'm just peeved. I'm going to talk to the landlord tomorrow and ask him if the workers have a designated smoking area. It says in our apartment papers that if smoking in the outside public areas becomes a health concern for anyone that it will be banned. So I'm hoping he is reasonable and will have them smoke elsewhere while they are working on the apartment.

Then, on the way to the store someone honked repeatedly at me for going 25 in a 30mph zone as we were approaching a red light. Ok, let zoom up to the stoplight and slam on my breaks. Goodness. Then after he zoomed around me there was a cop behind him. Now, I drive the speed limit, use my signals, etc, but I'm always so scared I'll get pulled over!

Then I bought dh some flowers at ds's insistence and we took them to his work. Dh said thanks and quickly hid them and told me its not cool to bring flowers to a mechanic shop. Doh. So now I feel bad. I thought it was sweet that ds wanted to bring his daddy flowers, and dh did appreciate it, I think he would have just preferred them at home.

Then on my usual friend board that I go to I severely peeved off more than a few members. Yay. :

And tonight I go to my codependent group (Celebrate Recovery)...but I missed last week so I'm sure I'll get talked to for that.

I feel like I'm on the verge of crying...but everything is still mostly ok. Mostly. I hate freaking out about this stuff, I just want to crawl in a hole.

[bluets]

bumping

i happened on this self-assessment quiz: http://www.piepalace.ca/blog/asperger-test-aq-test/ a few weeks ago and was somewhat stunned when i scored quite highly. though it puts things into perspective (like, i would rather jump in front of a bus than have to approach a stranger and talk).

the funnier thing is that my mom (who is remarkably outgoing for the most part but somewhat obsessive, perhaps passive aggressive in certain situations) scored as highly as i did; my sister scored in the aspie realm too, though lower than mom and i. my father scored really low-normal ("dad, did you even write your name on the test?").

i am high functioning - have a PhD in the sciences and run the day-to-day operations of a small but growing genome center. 2 of 3 of my administrative staff score in the aspie realm; our customer support/accounts receivable staffer was quite "normal". a few of our programmers scored high-normal. my officemate from grad school is in the aspie range with me (perhaps it explains why we get along so well?).

i went back to the original paper from whence this online test arose. it was a paper written in 2001 and was the first self-assessment for aspergers developed. there have been a few others since - friendship quotient or emotional quotient or some such thing. obsessing on this as i am, those tests reflect my standing on the AQ test.

[MyTwoAs]

Interesting quiz - I scored a 38. I'm one of those weird social people - I get real anxious when it comes to social situations or meeting new people but when I get in the situation I don't shutup, I'm hypersocial. I've always considered myself shy but outgoing - a bit of a conundrum.

[williamsmommy2002]

I scored a 36 but am also hypersocial. I used to be very nonsocial but conditioned myself the other way. I do have a hard time sustaining most relationships. I really just have no energy or desire to do so.

[MyTwoAs]

Originally Posted by williamsmommy2002

I do have a hard time sustaining most relationships. I really just have no energy or desire to do so.

This is me. I love email and the internet - I can get 'grown-up' conversation on my time.

[Megamama]

Hrm..I scored 37, but I actually do not agree that I have asperger's now after having listened to Gutstein on the Core Deficits of Autism, I just don't fit that. Quirky, geeky, introverted, yes. Asperger's, No.

[wytchywoman]

I scored a 34. Interesting. I am still struggling between the social anxiety vs AS thing. Although as far as I know, most people who have social anxiety disorders probably DO have adequate social skills, which I definitely don't. Who knows???