Potty learning...will it ever really happen?

[maciascl]

I am starting to think I'll be changeing his diapers forever...not really, I am just frustrated. I just changed my 3yr 4mo old DS's soaking wet pants for the 3rd time today because he doesn't tell me when he's wet, or pooped for that matter.

We have a potty chair in the bathroom always available, but he just won't use it. Even when I know he's about to poop (& so does he...lots of grunting & face makeing) he refuses. I try not to push & I try not to get upset when his pants are wet. I do remind him often to tell me when he goes especially when we are away from home as I can only take so many extra pairs of pants with me. I'm not even asking him to tell me before, after is fine, just TELL ME!

Anyone else have a really late potty learner? Plese tell me it will happen :

[amydawnsmommy]

YES! It will!!!

Hope was almost 3 1/2 before she was potty trained.
We were really stressed out as she was to start JK in September and this was May!

We tried potty charts, rewards, stickers..... I thought it would motivate her but instead it got to the point that she expected a surprise every time she went potty! So that was too much. That plan went out.

We (in our stress) pressured her and told her she couldn't go to JK if she wasn't trained which was true. *sigh* Pressuring her wasn't the greatest choice and if I were to do it over I would not do that again. :

Eventually we just gave up in frustration and decided to let things be. At about the same time the teachers at nursery school offered to help with potty training if we always sent Hope in training pants or underwear instead of pull-ups which she used just like a diaper.

That worked! I was SO GLAD to have their help!

In hindsight, Hope was ready at around age 2. One evening when she was 19 months old she put her dolly on the potty and then went herself. The next day she went 3 times all by herself and on her own! I should have encouraged her by putting her on the potty each morning at least but I was trying to follow her lead (from my Montessori training). She would cry when we put her on the potty initially and I didn't like that either.

Now looking back I would have more actively encouraged her at age 2 and I think the success would have been greater.

It was frustrating and a big stress for all of us. We gave it more power than it deserved, I see that now. Not that changing wet/poopy kids is fun! I know.

People told us she would be trained by her wedding and not to worry. Well it was true, it's hard to see that though when you're in the midst of it.

She did come around (and I'm sure having the nursery school teachers working with her helped) and did go to JK with only the odd accident. It's been almost a year!!!

We are getting better but sometimes when we are busy we forget to ask her to go potty and sometimes because of that she'll have an accident.

Try not to stress out about it. I know it's frustrating. Believe me. I would get so mad!!! I had to realize that we were making it into a power struggle when we put so much emotion into it.

Good luck!

Oh yeah I would encourage Hope to see other kids use the potty, although looking back I think I talked too much about how big the other kids were because they used the potty. Again if I didn't give it so much energy, it wouldn't have been such a problem.

[Lovenest]

First off it will happen!! When.. well at least by college, I have never seen a college student wet his pants?!

My son has sensory issues so its alittle different, but he did not potty train until after his 4th bday and still now at 4.5 he has accidents.
I would just keep encouraging him and telling him what a great job he is doing.
Try not to get upset when he does have an accident as you dont want any bad energy going into potty training. Do you have a chart for when he does go potty to work towards like going to the the park, going to get ice cream or something fun and special for him when he does go potty? If not, I would try that.

I hope that helps!

[maciascl]

Originally Posted by doriansmummy

First off it will happen!! When.. well at least by college, I have never seen a college student wet his pants?!

My son has sensory issues so its alittle different, but he did not potty train until after his 4th bday and still now at 4.5 he has accidents.
I would just keep encouraging him and telling him what a great job he is doing.
Try not to get upset when he does have an accident as you dont want any bad energy going into potty training. Do you have a chart for when he does go potty to work towards like going to the the park, going to get ice cream or something fun and special for him when he does go potty? If not, I would try that.

I hope that helps!

I can't even get him ON the potty to be able to use a reward or chart. But that is a good idea for when that time comes.

I have wondered about sensory issues w/ DS as alot of his behavior is sensory seeking. I bought the book the Out of Sync Child after talking to a friend who son is sensory avoiding about it, but I've yet to read it :

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by maciascl

I can't even get him ON the potty to be able to use a reward or chart. But that is a good idea for when that time comes.

I have wondered about sensory issues w/ DS as alot of his behavior is sensory seeking. I bought the book the Out of Sync Child after talking to a friend who son is sensory avoiding about it, but I've yet to read it :

If your son is sensory seeking one of the things that means is that he doesn't get 'normal' feedback from his body. In other words, he may not be ABLE to feel that he needs to pee until it's just about to happen.

Definitely read the Out of Sync Child. You may find Sensational Kids helpful too. Put some of your potty training energy into reading

Until you know whether or not he's got sensory issues, I would put potty training on hold, then try again.

You can prepare the way by:
Changing him in the bathroom every single time.
Offer him the chance to sit on the potty when you change him (for starters, it doesn't matter if he's clothed or not!)
Make sure you have a potty where he feels stable and comfortable
Start having him take off his pants/diaper
Then after he's cleaned up, start having him get himself dressed. Help him to begin with, but then withdraw support gradually so that he's doing it himself. This is the step that made the most difference for our son. Suddenly the difficulty of going in the potty was much less than the difficulty of getting himself dressed.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that he will not go to college in diapers! My nephew was not trained until over 4. He's a very bright, very stubborn kid. It wasn't until his parents turned the whole routine over to him that he decided to use the potty. He was reading before he was potty trained!

[cupofjojo]

Originally Posted by doriansmummy

First off it will happen!! When.. well at least by college, I have never seen a college student wet his pants?!

Then you never went to the Rugby parties :

Anyway, it will happen for sure.

My DS was 3 and 2 months and when the right motivator came along he wanted to learn. His was finding out he couldn't go to ski school in diapers. We were already getting close but that sealed the deal.

We had tried 2 months before that and it was disastrous - accidents, no real desire on DS's part despite knowing the concepts. DS had been telling me for 5 months every time he went in his diaper; but transferring that to the potty came later.

Anyway for us I think the removing the stress from the first attempt and coming back to it 2 months later really helped. DS was more confident, we were less stressed about it and it worked much better.

[Kirsten]

All three of my girls were three. Dd3 just trained a few weeks ago - at 3 years and 9 months old. I am really mellow about it though; you really can't do anything except set it up for them. They get final decision. He will do it!

[greenmansions]

My DS is 3 yrs and almost 2 months, and still is not using the potty at all. He has slight interest, especially as he is learning that several of his playmates use the potty. I don't want to pressure him, but we have a deadline looming for preschool - he won't be accepted in if he's not potty trained. They are being flexible for now, but if he's not trained by July he will not be able to go in the fall.

Just the last few days, DH has been making of point of taking DS into the bathroom with him every time he goes and reviewing with him what to do. DS has been "behind" in many self-care areas - late to feed himself, still does not dress or undress himself at all. I think the potty learning will be similar. (He has been way "ahead" in most other areas, so no other issues at play for him.)

We, like amydawnsmommy, should have started this much earlier when DS showed serious interest. I didn't push it very hard because I was expecting DD and figured there would just be a big backslide once she arrived. Now the potty chair is seen as nothing but a toy, so we just ordered a Bjorn seat insert and stool for the toilet. I hope he will use that.

I will be putting DD on the potty chair soon too...

[medicmama]

My ds2 was almost 4. It was a slow process for us..but he will get there hang in!

[Lovenest]

Originally Posted by maciascl

I can't even get him ON the potty to be able to use a reward or chart. But that is a good idea for when that time comes.

I have wondered about sensory issues w/ DS as alot of his behavior is sensory seeking. I bought the book the Out of Sync Child after talking to a friend who son is sensory avoiding about it, but I've yet to read it :

Yes, my son was the same way about not even sitting on it.
We finally were able to switch him to underwear with NO elastic right after he was 4, before then he would only wear pull-ups and it was very hard for him to transition to underwear.. I thought it would never happen. Finally it happend. The sitting on the toliet was very hard until he was right around 4, I rewarded him for even sitting on it with pants on, anything that has to do with the potty is WONDERFUL! We also had it in the living room for a few months as he would not go in the bathroom on the regular potty. Now he will be 5 in August and goes on the regular potty, but he has alot of accidents still. We always pack 2 sets of extra clothes for him. I know one day he will have it down pat though!

Dont give up mama!
Also, if you have a feeling about sensory issues I would talk to his ped about it.

[Leersia]

It will happen, its hard to wait though, I know. My son was peeing in the pot by 3.25, but I had to use Pull-ups for the poop until 3.75. And if you've used Pull-Ups to contain poop, you know that they don't and you are dealing with poop. everywhere. After one particularly bad day, I threw all the Pull-Ups away and said that it was the toilet or help me deal with poopy underwear (I KNEW that he was ready for the toilet). He received a nifty potty insert, and after two poops in the pants that he had to help with, he started using the toilet and never looked back. I don't advocate this approach, necessarily, its really a fine line to walk between waiting until they are ready, and pushing the issue when and if appropriate. Good luck!

[UmmBnB]

My ds was 3 1/2. I didn't even attempt to potty train him earlier aside from talking to him about it. He made it clear that he wasn't interested. I never let him do training pants or pull-ups. He knew fully well when he needed to go, he demonstrated and told us that on many occassions, but he just didn't want to stop what he was doing to go to the bathroom.

So, one morning he said he didn't want a diaper and I told him that if he was truly done then he had to use the toilet consistently. That was that...he was done. Over the next 6m he had probably 3 or 4 accidents.

I'm just not interested in cleaning up wet or dirty pants nor am I interested in trying to coax an uninterested child that they need to potty train. I'm lazy I guess.

[DandeCobb]

just wanted to pop in and say my DH was 4yrs 4 months- he is now 28 and still potty-learned (although sometimes he pees all around the toilet and not IN it ) so like all the PP said, it will happen, one day

[maciascl]

Thanks to all for the replies. It is nice to know that I'm not alone. I guess really when I put the pieces together I shouldn't be surprised. DH & both of his nephews were just under or just over 4 when they did it. Plus my suspision of slight sensory issues, which was probably the issue for DH as well. It is just so frustrating sometimes.

[marybethorama]

I had three late potty learners

they are now all in school and they are all potty trained.

It will happen

[Fiddlemom]

yes, it will happen!!! it was like this for us!!! my boys are 6 & 4 and both are totally potty trained. The first one was a lot harder. Probably he was totally done by 4 or so, maybe even 4.5. he's completely independent that way since about 5. The younger one was almost totally done by 3 though I still help him wipe. never have to pester him about getting on the potty (the first one-- different story!).

hang in there! This too shall pass, as they say!

[greenmansions]

Originally Posted by UmmBnB

My ds was 3 1/2. I didn't even attempt to potty train him earlier aside from talking to him about it. He made it clear that he wasn't interested. I never let him do training pants or pull-ups. He knew fully well when he needed to go, he demonstrated and told us that on many occassions, but he just didn't want to stop what he was doing to go to the bathroom.

So, one morning he said he didn't want a diaper and I told him that if he was truly done then he had to use the toilet consistently. That was that...he was done. Over the next 6m he had probably 3 or 4 accidents.

I'm just not interested in cleaning up wet or dirty pants nor am I interested in trying to coax an uninterested child that they need to potty train. I'm lazy I guess.

I think this is how my DS is - busy, busy - and how I suspect it will be with him for PL'ing. He tends to just make up his mind that he's going do something and that's that.

Originally Posted by Fiddlemom

yes, it will happen!!! it was like this for us!!! my boys are 6 & 4 and both are totally potty trained. The first one was a lot harder. Probably he was totally done by 4 or so, maybe even 4.5. he's completely independent that way since about 5. The younger one was almost totally done by 3 though I still help him wipe. never have to pester him about getting on the potty (the first one-- different story!).

hang in there! This too shall pass, as they say!

Do you all think it's harder for the first kid anyway? No older sib to model after, and perhaps a younger sib making the older want to stay "babylike" longer? I think that is a bit of what's going on at our house.

[Lovenest]

Originally Posted by greenmansions

I think this is how my DS is - busy, busy - and how I suspect it will be with him for PL'ing. He tends to just make up his mind that he's going do something and that's that.



Do you all think it's harder for the first kid anyway? No older sib to model after, and perhaps a younger sib making the older want to stay "babylike" longer? I think that is a bit of what's going on at our house.

I really think it can do with alot of different factors.
But, that could be one of the MANY reasons.

[Bindweed]

I did NOT potty train my older boys. When they were on their way to three, they started showing an interest in the toilet, at which point I taught them the basics of "holding, aiming, and shaking" : (everyone told me that their dad would do this for me! ) and wiping. At this point they starting going by themselves here and there, and slowly more often. They were self-trained somewhere between three and four. So judging from my experience, don't worry!

I was told that girls will often train earlier, so I bought my daughter the really small Baby Bjorn chair, and showed her a few times to sit on it for pooping since I could catch that happening, and then just left it where she can get it. At one and a half, she uses it on her own about 20 percent of the time for both, so I must say I'm impressed! But then again I'm her biggest fan anyway.

[knitterma]

I did the hard sell with my 1st ds(now 8). He was oblivious and I gave up. He trained himself when he was 3 yrs, seven months. By trained himself, I mean he just started using his potty one day and never went back. With my second ds, I figured it would be the same so I just left the potty in the bathroon, talked about it a little, but didn't pressure and he trained himself at 3 yrs 5 months. They were both simultaneously trained at night. I think my experience would be the case with most kids, but not all. Hang in there.

Stephanie