Help me understand how to handle these situations....

[Still_Learning]

So I'm just learning GD and having a hard time honestly. (DS is 2.5 yo and my first. I've never believed in yelling or spanking, but do need to learn the GD tools)

So a few examples to get my brain working....

1----->DS is playing with sand/water table. He starts putting his face in water which I don't want him to do because a) water is dirty b) I just don't want him to get all wet. I say "The water is dirty, you can play with yor boats in it, but don't put your face in it". DS does it anyway.

What do you do?

2----->DS hits dog. I tell him "Hitting hurts Emmit, you can pet him softly" DS hits dog anyway.

What do you do?

[mamaduck]

1 -- close the water table and gently coach him to move on to another activity. Before you open it the next time, remind him of the limits and ask if he agrees to cooperate. The time after that, ask *him* to recite the limits to you. When they articulate the "rules" verbally themselves, they are more likely to follow them. Even its just simply, "No face."

Also, after you have moved away, perhaps provide a wet washcloth if he wants to feel water on his face.

OR -- take his clothes off and resign yourself to letting him get wet. (This is probably what I would do -- but I certainly respect your boundaries on the matter!)

2 -- Separate dog and child for a while, until he is feeling calmer.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by Still_Learning

2----->DS hits dog. I tell him "Hitting hurts Emmit, you can pet him softly" DS hits dog anyway.

We had two dogs. I always said "Brooke doesn't like to be hit." then tried to figure out WHY he was hitting her. If he was trying to interact with her, I'd say "pet her gently." If he was trying to make her move, I'd say "If you want her to move, hold your hand up like this and say 'move!'" If he was experimenting with hitting, I'd tell him "You can't hit Brooke with that stick. You can hit the couch, or the floor. What does it sound like when you hit the floor with the stick?" Or, if he's just feeling really excited, I might tell him that he can go jump on the bed, or run in circles, or something else that would get the energy out. lol
So, really it depends on WHY he's hitting, and I give him an alternative way of expressing that impulse.

[Still_Learning]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

1 -- close the water table and gently coach him to move on to another activity. Before you open it the next time, remind him of the limits and ask if he agrees to cooperate. The time after that, ask *him* to recite the limits to you. When they articulate the "rules" verbally themselves, they are more likely to follow them. Even its just simply, "No face."

Also, after you have moved away, perhaps provide a wet washcloth if he wants to feel water on his face.

OR -- take his clothes off and resign yourself to letting him get wet. (This is probably what I would do -- but I certainly respect your boundaries on the matter!)

2 -- Separate dog and child for a while, until he is feeling calmer.

DH closed the water table and DS freaked. It felt like punichment, taking away something because his disobeyed. I don't know. I mean, on one hand it seems like the logical consiquence, but on the other it seemed like punishment. We ended up letting him play the way he wanted, he wasn't hurting anything. We rethought our "no" and decided it was really pointless.


We keep dog and DS seperate 95% of the time because it seems like any time DS is near the dog he's pinching, hitting, grabbing....


Thanks for your reply It's nice to know I wasn't too far off track!

[Still_Learning]

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

We had two dogs. I always said "Brooke doesn't like to be hit." then tried to figure out WHY he was hitting her. If he was trying to interact with her, I'd say "pet her gently." If he was trying to make her move, I'd say "If you want her to move, hold your hand up like this and say 'move!'" If he was experimenting with hitting, I'd tell him "You can't hit Brooke with that stick. You can hit the couch, or the floor. What does it sound like when you hit the floor with the stick?" Or, if he's just feeling really excited, I might tell him that he can go jump on the bed, or run in circles, or something else that would get the energy out. lol
So, really it depends on WHY he's hitting, and I give him an alternative way of expressing that impulse.

I think simply being around the dog at all gets DS into this excited mode that he ends up pinching, hitting, squeezing.... We've resorted to just keeping them seperate most of the time and hoping this will pass.

He sort of does the same thing with me in a way. It's like he wants something so much that he has a hard time controling himself. He'll grit his teeth, gets a crazy smile on his face, dive down my shirt and pinch my nipples. (He still nurses) It's the same with the dog (and cats), well no nipple pinching on the animals, but the same gritting his teeth over excitedness leading to aggression.

[EnviroBecca]

I generally respond to things like this by saying, "I see you are not able to play safely with the X right now." and taking it away and offering an alternate activity. He almost always protests, sometimes getting very upset. I explain, "When you play with X, you need to do Y and Z. You were not doing Y and Z, so I took away X to keep it safe."

Sometimes he is very persistent in asking for X and does so in a plaintive, relatively calm way, rather than having a tantrum. In that case, I say, "Would you like a second chance to do Y and Z?" About half the time, he behaves appropriately when given the second chance. But it does seem to be necessary to take away X completely to get him to "reset" his behavior.

[artgoddess]

we don't put sand in our sand/water table. Just water. And that way it's easy for us to dump it out everyday and refill with clean water. I know that solution didn't teach DS to not drink the water, but at such a young age, he wasn't ready to learn that yet. As he got older, he's 3 now, he learned not to drink the water. I also made sure I always had a cup of water for him to drink instead available to him when outside with the table.

[hippymomma69]

Well you asked what I would do....
1) let him play in the water - make sure there is clean water in it - little sand won't hurt him - my 3.5 year old still loves water play - good clean fun!

2) keep child away from dog until older - at 2.5 my DD could not help herself but now that she is older she is much better with the animals -

the other thing we did which helped (and someone online suggested this - works with siblings too) was to ignore the child's hitting and lavish LOTS of attention on the dog (poor doggy, are you okay? did that hurt? etc) If you focus your negative attention on the child, then they will repeat the behavior to get the attention. But if you just quickly say "no hitting" then put ALL your attention on the hurt party, then your kid doesn't have to do this for attention/your reaction. They get it that the injured party will get the attention (so now my daughter likes to fake getting hurt - argh LOL)

hth
peace,
robyn

[Fuamami]

[QUOTE=hippymomma69;7928855the other thing we did which helped (and someone online suggested this - works with siblings too) was to ignore the child's hitting and lavish LOTS of attention on the dog (poor doggy, are you okay? did that hurt? etc) If you focus your negative attention on the child, then they will repeat the behavior to get the attention. But if you just quickly say "no hitting" then put ALL your attention on the hurt party, then your kid doesn't have to do this for attention/your reaction. They get it that the injured party will get the attention (so now my daughter likes to fake getting hurt - argh LOL)[/QUOTE]

Gotta disagree strongly with this and a dog. I think it can create a dangerous situation where the dog thinks it is in a position in the pack above the child, and thus more likely to bite the child.

We send our dogs away, not the kid, if the kids is being too rough. We put the dog behind the gate or outside and keep the child with us, I think this is helps the dog remember its place in our family.

[CTMOMOF2]

Regarding the dog thing... if it is a really young child, 2 or so, i don't think that even if he is "hitting" the dog, the dog isn't being hurt. (unless the dog is tiny). But, for the dog's benefit, the dog is feeling like the kid(s) is just a pack-mate and will deal w/the situation as so. Usually, no reaction from the parent or "pack leader" the dog will just move if he doesn't like it. if it is an aggressive dog, teach the dog that the kids is above him in the pack. The older the kids get, the more they need to learn about how to treat animals/other humans as far as hitting, etc... but the dog will always have to know he is last in the pack and cannot play back as rough... Tell the kid, "gentle to dog" and correct the dog if he is reacting negatively. Show the kid that the dog isn't happy, etc... the dog will be happier if he knows his position in the pack, regardless of how the kids "play".

[hippymomma69]

Hmm Sarah didn't even think about that! Someone suggested it to us and our big dog is like not even close to an alpha dog - a real wuss - so it wasn't an issue for us. But it never occurred to me that this would be wrong with a different kind of dog! Good point....
peace,
robyn