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Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE - Page 6

post #101 of 832
HUGS Teresa... hang in there mama, things will get better. I promise.. I know its hard to do, but TRY to remember that dh is probably feeling pretty crappy because he feels like he is supposed to be the breadwinner... the man who holds the family together and pays for you and Kailey to survive... but isnt able to afford everything... my dh has reminded me of this pretty frequently lately.. Its a depressing state so just try to hold him up as much as possible and let him know he isnt a failure. He is embarrased. I think you 2 need a good heart to heart and get all of your feelings out. It really does help. Im sure after he has cooled off he will see that he just cant quit his job. Hes just depressed and feeling hopeless. HUGS.. I know its hard and we are here for you..
post #102 of 832
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
It's not the fan belt, it's some plate that you have to take the entire engine out to replace.

Do you have an emergency credit card? Can you apply for one if you don't? My boyfriend makes the same as your Husband and we have a card solely for emergencies. (We don't ever charge anything unless it's something so important, like the car repair.) When we were approved we got the card within a week.

Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
He won't call his mom to ask for a loan either. I'm married to a selfish jerk right now.
Can *you* call his mom? Not sure what your relationship is like with her, but it might be an option.

to you. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
post #103 of 832
Okay about me, Im Tiffany (20), married to Donald (25) and we have Raymond (4), Arianna (turning 2 soon), and Alexander (11m). We also have a Lab/English Setter mix, Smokey (3.5). We live in Jacksonville, FL with my parents and my grandma. Grandma has Alzheimers and its HELL! Seriously, I know its not her fault but it is soooooo stressful and my kids see things they really shouldnt have to but what can you do? Im hoping it will make them better in the long run. We are trying to save enough by living here in order to buy our own home or trailer, but our credit is gone to sh*t. My husband works for his grandfathers A/C company as a foreman and makes decent money, although we are still considered in poverty. Im a SAHM because well, even if I worked, we would end up losing more money because daycare expenses would be astronomical for my 3 kids lol.. My husband does not have a HS diploma. We have tons of debt due to us being stupid when we first married. I was 16, he was 21, and we were pregnant with #1 and did some pretty dumb things with credit cards and car loans.. we are paying for it now. We pay my mom $400 per month which is not even making a dent in her checkbook lol.. basically, we are barely paying for our food here lol.. Seriously, $400 is less than what food would cost us.. and for that we are getting shelter, food, electric, water, phone, internet, cable, alarm system... My husbands car is $382 per month and it only holds 3 people (its a pickup truck) so when we go somewhere, we use moms van. DH's work pays the insurance, thank God!!!!! DH's cell is $110 per month and is necessary for work.. My cell is $55 per month on the lowest plan I can get and we are stuck with it until the contract is up in February 2008. We are in Jacksonville, FL and because its the biggest city land mass wise, we spend tons in gas... seriously $500 per month, which is crazy IMO.. but that includes dh's cigarettes and occasional sodas at work. We get JuicePlus for Raymond because he doesnt eat many veggies. Thats about $23 per month. My school loan is $40 per month (I went to school so that if something happens to DH, I can work and make enough to get us by). We are about to be paying $140 per month for DS's preschool and only for 1 year, and then public school or homeschool. Anyways, even though dh makes okay money, we are in poverty because of debts, the cost of living here (crazy), and our poor credit makes it hard to get a decent rate... all of which can be fixed and we are beginning to work on it.. sooo thats me!
post #104 of 832
Please MODS- put this thread back in FYT where it belongs. :

This is the tribe for me. Both dh and I are disabled, so we live on a very fixed income. We get TANF, WIC, food stamps, and state insurance for all of us. The food stamps is less than 100 a month however, for a family of 5. Its better than nothing, but it doesn't last the month thats for sure. Luckily we have a housing subsidy so we pay only half the rent. Unfortunately that means we live in a rat infested, tropical rat mite infested building. And ya, the landlord refuses to do anything about it. I've posted my "what the hell is biting me" threads in TAO before. Bedbugs were officially ruled out. It is indeed rat mites.

We have one car that isn't very reliable, and though we don't have to get to work.. we do have to pick up my oldest daughter every weekend, and get out to buy food. Cabs around here are highway robbery. In fact, we were so strapped this past month because I had to get our car inspected and re registered. I came up short with money to fix my brakes. A few MDC mamas loaned me enough money to cover the repairs. Another crisis averted. I am thankful for that. There is literally no one I can lean on for help. No family and no RL friends. The what ifs? can really be scary to think about.

I do have internet access because it is my only link with other people. I have Agoraphobia and Panic disorder which makes socializing difficult. Hell, it makes taking my girls to the playground difficult.. If I wasn't able to have this forum.. I'm not sure what I'd do, but I know my mental health would suffer.

We have a cell phone, but only because we're on a family plan with a relative. I only pay 20 a month, and its my only long distance.

Heaven forbid that two events occur in one month.. this month it was car repairs and Easter. Can you guess which event my family didn't get to do? Yep. No baskets this year. We simply didn't have the money. We are rarely able to get family and friends presents for birthdays, and can never do christmas without taking away from my daughters. Others expect us to come with nothing now, and its a pretty crappy feeling...

Our situation isn't likely to change. In fact, since dh and I got married... it changed for the worse since there is a cap on the amount of disability money 2 disabled couples can have. Its called the "marriage penalty".. fitting name huh?. We lived together for 2 years and it was fine. Get a piece of paper signed and we lost half dh's check. That really hurt us. Enough that I contemplated an annulment.

So anyway.... this tribe is for me. By definition we are well below the poverty line. Our monthly income doesn't even make it on that chart. Yes, there are other that are worse than we are. In fact, 5 years ago when we were homeless we were much worse.. so we consider ourselves lucky that we are were we are now. Once a month government check that isn't enough for everything stinks. It really does. Especially when you aren't getting extras. When you already shop at Goodwill, and never go out to eat. Haven't seen a movie in 6 years. Haven't been on a date with dh in over 5 years. Don't have your children enrolled in any extra classes that they'd like, rarely buy meat or organics because its simply too expensive..... etc... the list goes on.
post #105 of 832
Where/what is FYT? :
post #106 of 832
We are here, although I am not finding this thread terribly friendly
Family of five, we homeschool, dh is a server, I am in school.
For the first time ever, we were actually able to save our tax return, and open a cd. Unfortunately, we had a bought a house and then sold it a year later and (on paper) made money on it. Well, we didn't qualify for EIC because of that. So, the tax return was less than half the usual amount. The thing that gets me is that, after figuring in down payment, mortgage, extra gas (because our new town was a lot further from dh's work than our old town) we actually spent more living there than the money they think we made.
So, anyway, I am here
post #107 of 832
Originally Posted by Azuralea View Post
Where/what is FYT? :
finding your tribe
post #108 of 832
Well ladies here I am. Living beyond poverty LOL. I laugh because that's all I have these days.
My DF and I are just weeks away from graduating from College, and just a few months away from the working world. Hard to believe but it may not happen. ITs very possible that we both end up dead end jobs until next spring just to make ends meet.

For 5 years my DF and I have lived by the skin of our teeth to get through school. We'ev done without, time and time again. At the end of each semester my DF gets a job to carry us through to the next Financial aid dispersment. Its not easy and we are usually a month behind on bills by the first pay check. This year is drastically different. My DF must work an unpaid internship for 3 weeks. The hard part is we dont' have the money to get him to work, which will cost us about $40 a week. Second, I cannot work because I will be attending classes, or taking care of my DS. We don't have money for childcare so that I can work. We are already behind on bills, at this point it will be nearly 2 months before my DF can secure a painting job (his skill for when times get rough).
Aside from bills, he needs his tuition paid for, its only for three credit hours. In teh past I have used my finacial aid to cover any immediate expenses, such as back bills, books, ect. This summer however I want be getting enough finacial aid to pay for my tuition, let alone back bills or books.
The hardest part in all of this is that my father died this March. He left behind only a car, $300, and 1/5 of his mother's estate to my sister and I. We were offer $25,000 to sell out our interst by the other four share holders. This was the greatest deal ever for myself and my family. We would have had enough money to get ourselves started in our careers, my dads funeral could have been paid for. Before my father's passing my DF and I had come up with a few senario's as to how we'd get through this summer. Our plan was to hope for a miracle,because that's what it would have taken. Then my father passed away and we were offered 12,500 dollars. That was a miracle enough for me RIGHT!!.
My little sister decided to turn down the offer leaving me in the dark. Instead she wants to sell the land in an auction with 3 of the other shareholders. The prospect of "more" money drew her in. Sadly it doesn't benefit me any at all if we sell in this land auction. It will almost be september before we will see a dime of that money...and that's only if I agree. I am not okay with selling the family farm to highest bidder..esspeically in the name of development which I am against.
So for now, my DF and I are back to where we were March 5th of this year. How in the hell are we gong to finish ur degrees with no money. We are so close ...yet someone has moved the finish line and I am considering going into the work first program in hopes I can atleast get some rent paid for...and maye the electricity.

As for living in Poverty, I do. My DF and do not believe in financing vehicles for any reason. We MUST have internet acess for school. We trade child care duties with another family so that he and I can go to class. My DF hasn't seen his other two kids in a month because we don't have the money. We will be down to one vehicle in the next week. We are going to sell one of them because we cannot afford to drive it. It hasn't had insurance and tags on it since Janunary, which is when we started driving our van. I am searching for a bike and toddler seat for myself so I can get around town and NOT DRIVE. I will be content with walking if I have to. People think I am playing when I say I cannot afford to leave the drive way. I currently live in a section 8 home...however we pay full rent because I have been turned down for most gov't programs because I refuse to quit school and go work for minimum wage for "job skills" training.

YOu don't know poor until you'ev cut every expense possible, and you still need help. You are still hoping that the land lord gives you an extra week...or that the electric company can give you an extension.
post #109 of 832
Originally Posted by kijip View Post
That sucks! I am sorry. One of the reasons people teach around here is that state employees have awesome insurance coverage.
I'm happy to be moving back to CA where the most districts pay full family benefits

My dh is a teacher and after health insurance, rent (we live in teacher housing and it's deducted from his check), and taxes we get a bit over 800 every two weeks. DH has a masters and 9 years experience. Did I mention that we are moving to CA where he'll make a living wage and have benefits?
post #110 of 832
I couldn't read along and not post.

I am not where ya'll are right now, but this is how I grew up. I know that it's hard to have to pray that no one gets holes in their shoes this month, to stretch the money to meet the month, to pray that the electricity will go just one more day. And, so, for all you mamas,

And, if it is any consolation, I grew up in that awful place between poverty and doing well. We had insurance, but we didn't use it, because my family couldn't afford the (state insurance, very good coverage, low deductible) deductible and 20% that was our part. I didn't go to the doctor (any doctor) from age 6-18. We didn't own a house. If the car broke down in the second half of the month, we waited until the first (payday) to buy the parts to fix it.

But, you know what? My childhood memories are sweet. My parents were loving, my home was a safe place to be, and we had all the "wealth" in the world, right there in the 4 of us. Being on the brink of financial disaster certainly clouded my money judgement, but I still grew up a pretty great person. So, just be encouraged that your kids have rose colored glasses, and they'll remember the nights of chicken and rice soup (my mom's fallback) fondly.
post #111 of 832
Originally Posted by BetsyS View Post

But, you know what? My childhood memories are sweet. My parents were loving, my home was a safe place to be, and we had all the "wealth" in the world, right there in the 4 of us. Being on the brink of financial disaster certainly clouded my money judgement, but I still grew up a pretty great person. So, just be encouraged that your kids have rose colored glasses, and they'll remember the nights of chicken and rice soup (my mom's fallback) fondly.
My childhood was very much in poverty, yet I didn't even know it then. For 15 years we had no running water at all, no indoor plumming, no telephone and no electricity. I grew up on a farm and we were self sufficient for the most part. We lived in a partially built house with no walls inside, or sheet rock. Just insulation hanging. We did everything by candle light. We had buckets all over the house when it rained because there were so many holes in the roof. From my bed I could see the stars in the sky. We had a wood stove for heat and always had to sleep in our clothes during the winter with hats and gloves on, because the temperature in the house was below zero.

I had no idea we were in poverty. My grandmother raised me and the conditions around me didn't matter very much at all. I literally had no idea that how we lived was considered poor, or "bad."

I am thankful every single day that for whatever reason, CPS was never involved. Because by todays standards (and I'm only 28 so it wasn't that long ago) that was not only dangerous, unsafe, and inhabitable... but they would have put me in foster care in a heartbeat. And they couldn't have been more wrong.

I was so very loved there. My grandmother was everything to me, and is the person that I strive to be like today. She cooked everything from scratch, listened to all my stories, watched my pretend plays I put on, read to me at night, rubbed my back and sang to me.. even when I was far too old to need it anymore.. I snugged up in bed with her all the way up until age 15 when she died. We were so close, and connected.

It was only after I moved away, and saw how other people lived that I realized we had been poverty. The first time I saw a toilet that flushed I was scared to death. And for years I would ask people, "Does your toilet flush?" and they'd look at me like I was crazy. I also saw just how much others took for granted in life, and it literally made me sick.

We were rich in love and thats all that mattered to me as a child. So I know that our days we are having it tough with money won't cause this lasting horrible life for my kids because they have love and safety. They will remember the good times for sure.
post #112 of 832
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
Ok, now that last thought has me depressed.

I know its probably too late now, but are you friends with any of the other parents of kids in her class?
Can one of them take her in to school for you?
I know you said you live in another district....but maybe there is someone close enough?

cars are such pains in the butt :

I hope the day is sunny and beautiful there and you and your dd have an absolutely wonderful day together
post #113 of 832
PottyDiva - please pm a mod and request that this be moved back to fyt. I can see how your op in the context of fyt is totally different that it is here in frugality and finances.
post #114 of 832
Melanie I love the saying in your sig! That saying is in the front of a book I have, "Stories and Recipies from the Great Depression," I just read it a little while ago and I thought it was such a cool saying. I should stick it up somewhere where I can see it every day.
post #115 of 832
I'm here. Hugs to everyone else in the same boat....

I wasnt going to post but I need a hug, feeling very down lately.

Digging through the couch and loveseat and van to scrape up enough money for lunch for the kids this week. Have no idea how the electric bill that scheduled for cut off will be paid by Thursday, have no idea where 800.00 for rent will come from.....selling everything we own that has any value at all this weekend at a yard sale to pay the rent.

Oldest dd has prom this weekend and I had to return her shoes yesterday to buy dinner and breakfast stuff for today. Have no money to replace the shoes, no money for her other prom needs/wants, feeling crappy because this was supposed to be a special night, her first prom and her first date and shes a girl who is overweight and generally feels terrible about herself.
I so wanted it to be a special night for her even though I'm not really a fan of prom night......its a big deal to her and her friends.

Youngest dd had to have almost $700.00 worth of emergency dental work last month (no dental insurance) and an electric (heat) bill that tripled (even though it was still cold in here with the heat set LOW) last bill cycle did us in.

Stuck in that place where you dont make enough to really survive well and are always scrapping and praying to get by with just the neccesities yet make just a bit too much to get help. Been this way for years and its really draining on our marriage and family. Very stressful for everyone.
I have one more semester of nursing school, but not even sure I'll be able to afford the gas money to be able to go. I'm almost ready to say the heck with it and just go get a job as a cashier or something but I've been working towards this fulltime for over three years now and it would be a shame to not complete it with only having to get through til December.

Things will be better when I'm able to work as a nurse but it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is sooooooooooooooo far away and out of reach even though it seems so close if we can just hang on a little longer.
Dh works 6 and 7 days a week every week, he's really wearing out physically and mentally, no matter how hard he works, still cant properly provide and he's at the top of his pay scale for the work he does.

The kids all need and want simple things that kids do and it kills me to always have to be telling them "no." To make matters worse, most of their friends are from wealthy families (lots of them in our area) and its hard on the kids. They are ashamed to have any friends over because our home and things are no where as nice as the friends. They get invited to do things all the time but cant....it just goes on and on. Money isnt everything but quality of life means a lot when you really dont have much of it.
My kids are good kids but are really growing resentful of being poor and broke, having to do without all the time, ya know? Its not about being materialistic, its about not having basic needs met. For instance all the kids birthdays are coming up and I'm dreading it.....how to break it to a child gently that there is no money for a party or presents, no matter how small?

Son has been hospitalized since Sept with several operations with more coming, very expensive driving back and forth all the time (40 mins each way) let alone trying to afford to bring him little treats every now and again. Everytime the gas price goes up again I have a meltdown.

Sometimes situations are just impossible and all you can do is hang on as tightly as you can to get through the day and pray that somehow tomorrow will be better......(except it sucks when you realize it isnt.) And when every door closes that you turn to over and over again, it gets very discouraging.
Especially when you are being as careful as you can and trying to do everyting right.

Sorry, just stressing out about a lot of things and trying to figure out how to feed the family for the rest of the week, just needed to vent.

And yet, I feel like we have so much more than so many families in the US, not to mention the world. I should feel grateful that I scraped up the change to get the kids lunches for another day.

Its just a sucky way to live.
post #116 of 832

Can you find some prom shoes at a resale shop or real cheap at payless? What color is her dress and shoe size? I have a pair of white nice kitten heel/lower heel dress shoes with a sandaly front. Hard to explain. I think size 8. I will have to get them out.
post #117 of 832
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
The check engine light has been on a week in my car. Lovely. I have 40 dollars. he has 27
Potty Diva-- what kind of car do you drive? We drive Fords. My experience is the check engine light comes on only when there is an emissions problem. Mine's been on for 2 years. I won't get it fixed until I have to go do my emissions test again. This happens often to other ford owners, too. So it may not really matter. You could call your mechanic and say "my light is on, what COULD it be." Hopefully they would give you a brief rundown.
Hope that helps.
Ducking out again...
post #118 of 832
Originally Posted by dnw826 View Post

Can you find some prom shoes at a resale shop or real cheap at payless? What color is her dress and shoe size? I have a pair of white nice kitten heel/lower heel dress shoes with a sandaly front. Hard to explain. I think size 8. I will have to get them out.

dnw: Awww thanks. But her foot is anywhere from a 9-10 and usually a wide width, hard to fit her for shoes.

Sheesh. Our acct is now -8.64
I cant find change to take up to school for the little girls lunches like I was supposed to do at noon. No money at all now until Friday. Dh just really yelled at me on the phone.
Looks like I won't be finishing nursing school and will be getting a job, any job asap.
I have a babysitting job lined up for 6 weeks staring in two weeks but dh says its not enough.
Dh's boss owes him commission on $83,000.00 worth of jobs dh has sold in the past couple of months but keeps dragging his feet about getting the check to him and gets on dh's case about it when dh does mention it (can we say control freak boss here?) and dh is tired of begging for it so dh wont ask anymore for it, even if it means we wont be eating tonight. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR......

In order to eat for the rest of the week, I'm going to have to call my mom and grovel and beg for her to wire me some money asap, to which she wil yell and cuss at me and generally make me feel like even more of a piece of crap, her outlook on life has always been "you made your bed, now lie in it" which I generally always do and have done but sometimes a little help is needed by just about everyone.
(I certainly dont expect anything from my mom or anyone, just makes me a little bitter that she is always helping out my brother and his little family with no problem)

I have a return I did yesterday for $52.24 thats getting credited back to our acct but they neglected to tell me it takes 10 days which is now why our acct is in the hole. Any other return I've ever done has been almost immediately credited back to the acct. Sheesh....it takes 2 seconds for them to take it out of the acct when you buy something yet it takes 10 days to give it back?!?!

post #119 of 832
Originally Posted by KentuckyDoulaMama View Post
Awww thanks. But her foot is anywhere from a 9-10 and usually a wide width, hard to fit her for shoes.
What color is the dress?
post #120 of 832
Originally Posted by Selesai View Post
What color is the dress?
Its like a coral/hot pink kind of color with silver accents. Kind of hard to describe.
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