post #181 of 832
4/25/07 at 10:07pm
Isn't it awful to have to sit there and realize that your entire day is only there thanks to others?
I mean it is wonderful to have them there.
I am so thankful for my family helping us as much as they have
but just once.
one day, I'd like to look back at all the good stuff and say it was my own doing, not someone else being nice to us.
All this is wonderful and we're so thankful...but sometimes I REALLY wish that I could be the one giving to others. I HATE always being on the receiving end of others' kindness and not being able to reciprocate. I also hate not being able to take credit for the things we have. Looking around our house, the only furniture we have that we actually bought is our bed and computer desk--every single other thing was given to us or bought for us. It's kind of embarassing.
I'm here. Hugs to everyone else in the same boat....
I wasnt going to post but I need a hug, feeling very down lately.
Digging through the couch and loveseat and van to scrape up enough money for lunch for the kids this week. Have no idea how the electric bill that scheduled for cut off will be paid by Thursday, have no idea where 800.00 for rent will come from.....selling everything we own that has any value at all this weekend at a yard sale to pay the rent.
Oldest dd has prom this weekend and I had to return her shoes yesterday to buy dinner and breakfast stuff for today. Have no money to replace the shoes, no money for her other prom needs/wants, feeling crappy because this was supposed to be a special night, her first prom and her first date and shes a girl who is overweight and generally feels terrible about herself.
I so wanted it to be a special night for her even though I'm not really a fan of prom night......its a big deal to her and her friends.
Youngest dd had to have almost $700.00 worth of emergency dental work last month (no dental insurance) and an electric (heat) bill that tripled (even though it was still cold in here with the heat set LOW) last bill cycle did us in.
Stuck in that place where you dont make enough to really survive well and are always scrapping and praying to get by with just the neccesities yet make just a bit too much to get help. Been this way for years and its really draining on our marriage and family. Very stressful for everyone.
I have one more semester of nursing school, but not even sure I'll be able to afford the gas money to be able to go. I'm almost ready to say the heck with it and just go get a job as a cashier or something but I've been working towards this fulltime for over three years now and it would be a shame to not complete it with only having to get through til December.
Things will be better when I'm able to work as a nurse but it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is sooooooooooooooo far away and out of reach even though it seems so close if we can just hang on a little longer.
Dh works 6 and 7 days a week every week, he's really wearing out physically and mentally, no matter how hard he works, still cant properly provide and he's at the top of his pay scale for the work he does.
The kids all need and want simple things that kids do and it kills me to always have to be telling them "no." To make matters worse, most of their friends are from wealthy families (lots of them in our area) and its hard on the kids. They are ashamed to have any friends over because our home and things are no where as nice as the friends. They get invited to do things all the time but cant....it just goes on and on. Money isnt everything but quality of life means a lot when you really dont have much of it.
My kids are good kids but are really growing resentful of being poor and broke, having to do without all the time, ya know? Its not about being materialistic, its about not having basic needs met. For instance all the kids birthdays are coming up and I'm dreading it.....how to break it to a child gently that there is no money for a party or presents, no matter how small?
Son has been hospitalized since Sept with several operations with more coming, very expensive driving back and forth all the time (40 mins each way) let alone trying to afford to bring him little treats every now and again. Everytime the gas price goes up again I have a meltdown.
Sometimes situations are just impossible and all you can do is hang on as tightly as you can to get through the day and pray that somehow tomorrow will be better......(except it sucks when you realize it isnt.) And when every door closes that you turn to over and over again, it gets very discouraging.
Especially when you are being as careful as you can and trying to do everyting right.
Sorry, just stressing out about a lot of things and trying to figure out how to feed the family for the rest of the week, just needed to vent.
And yet, I feel like we have so much more than so many families in the US, not to mention the world. I should feel grateful that I scraped up the change to get the kids lunches for another day.
Its just a sucky way to live.
|Ok, I've written a BOOK, but just one last point. When I look back on my childhood, it's not how much or how little money my parents spent on me that I remember. It's how TIME they spent with me. Just thinking about things in the long run.|
|I prefer being poor in the country but that's just because I love the country. What I really hate is being in the country and having all this 'progress' coming towards us. For me it's easier to be poor when everyone else around me is poor too , but we have a bunch of subdivisions popping up everywhere with 200k and up houses.|