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Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE - Page 27

post #521 of 832
Amanda, I understand exactly how you feel.

Temp agencies have given nothing but misery to us. My husband has worked countless contracts over the past 7 years through those agencies--always with unfairly low pay and no benefits. (Sadly those jobs are the only ones available in our city any more). And EVERY SINGLE TIME he started a new job, the employer told him if he worked hard he would be hired on permamently. And EVERY SINGLE TIME it ended up that they were lying to his face.

He just found out yesterday that the job he is at right now, is going to be only temporary even though he was told a week into it that they really liked him and would probably hire him on.

We are so SICK of companies treating him like crap. Companies think that because the people are coming through an agency, they're just like rental bodies, not actual people with hopes and dreams and families to feed.

We are in a similar situation to you regarding rent as well. When we moved into this townhouse, DH had been virtually promised that he would be getting hired on with the company he was working with at the time. It was going to be an awesome job with amazing pay. So we rented a nice place...of course they not only laid him off at 89 days (over the Christmas holidays too), they had the nerve to ask him to train the new worker they got to replace him.

Now we have been struggling for the past year and a half to pay rent that we really can't afford because we don't want to uproot the kids again.

It sickens me that every job DH ever gets, every single job, he is lied to. Doesn't ANYONE have any integrity these days? Do all the employers really care so little about ethics that they will lie to every person that comes through just so they can get good work out of them and lay them off, to avoid ever paying anyone decent pay or benefits!

The whole thing just makes me sick! :

I will be crossing my fingers for Mark to get that job though. At least he's being given the chance to get it, so there's hope!
post #522 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
The crazy this is that I have always daydreamed about writing for a newspaper- weird huh. I could easily change my major from english ed to english or evcen journalism.

I'm thinking to far ahead now for sure, but don't we have to make our own future?
I wrote as a stringer for a few newspapers in my early, early post college days and it wasn't for me. I think it's one of those jobs that *sounds* a heck of a lot better / more interesting than it actually is.

I'd take a teaching job over a news job any day. A magazine job might beat teaching, that's a closer call.

You'll have an interesting opportunity to be around newspaper folks, but I wouldn't change your major yet. Especially since it sounds like you are so close to your goal!
post #523 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
Sorry, was talking to my mommy.

Anyway, I start Monday and the only glitch is that the hours are from 10-2 instead of 8-12.

I just need to drop two classes (electives, well my last to english courses) and find one online course.

But, I can take kailey to school and pick her up every day and have time to do errands, household stuff and class work while Kailey is at school 8-10 am.

And who knows where this job will lead. it may be a urn in my future.

The crazy this is that I have always daydreamed about writing for a newspaper- weird huh. I could easily change my major from english ed to english or evcen journalism.

I'm thinking to far ahead now for sure, but don't we have to make our own future?

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just call me Teresa Kent, or Teresa Parker
COngratualtions!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kytheria View Post
I'm very scared right now. My partner Mark has been working at a company for 7 years, via a temp agency. He's stayed there this long in hopes of his position being made permanent, because the company offers great benefits like tuition assistance and a pension on top of insurance, 401K, etc. Finally this year, they've created the position they've been promising him. And instead of just giving it to him like they always said, they advertised the position and are interviewing other people for it. Mark has his interview on Wednesday. There are 6 other people (that we know of) who are interviewing as well. If one of them gets hired, Mark's out of a job.

At first, we figured he would be hired no matter what, because his boss and his boss's boss are part of the interviewing process, and because he was told this position was being made FOR him. But as luck would have it, the boss's boss is leaving the company and a new person is stepping in. This new person told Mark's boss to "have an open mind and don't assume anything". Ugh. Mark's worked for them for chump change for SEVEN years, with NO benefits, because they've been dangling this permanent position in front of him, and now they're hinting that they're going to hire someone else. It makes me nauseous.

I'm terrified he's going to lose his job. When we were told his position was going permanent and paying $40,000 to start (almost double what they've been paying him), we made plans to try for another baby because we could finally afford it, and we really started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We renewed the lease on our apartment at a higher rent because we were told this job was "in the bag". Now we just feel sick.

I'm trembling as I write this. I hate being so scared.
I'm sorry. I know how hard the temp stuff is, but for 7 years?! as a temp at teh same place?! That is crazy. They had better hire him on!
:
post #524 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamoo View Post
COngratualtions!!



I'm sorry. I know how hard the temp stuff is, but for 7 years?! as a temp at teh same place?! That is crazy. They had better hire him on!
:
I have never heard of a temp agency going 7 years! I know out here pretty much everything is temp to hire and the trial is only 90 days. Sometimes a couple months but there upfront in those cases with everyone I know. I couldn't imagine 7 years
post #525 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gendenwitha View Post
For example, what really got me was calling for a dentist appt. for my son and realizing how long overdue they were for an exam. I felt like such a bad person that they hadn't been sooner, (and yeah, I suppose I could have prioritized better, and my dentistry phobia played a big part too). But just my association with a "good" parent wouldn't let this happen and how I feel so much better about myself as a parent that I'm now able to take care of this sort of thing now.
: FOUR cavities, including one abcessed tooth.

and that's just one of the two boys. The other one hasn't had his appt yet.

kytheria I know Microsoft got sued for way less than seven years.
http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/98...idg/index.html
and wound up settling out of court for millions.
post #526 of 832
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBecks View Post
I wrote as a stringer for a few newspapers in my early, early post college days and it wasn't for me. I think it's one of those jobs that *sounds* a heck of a lot better / more interesting than it actually is.

I'd take a teaching job over a news job any day. A magazine job might beat teaching, that's a closer call.

You'll have an interesting opportunity to be around newspaper folks, but I wouldn't change your major yet. Especially since it sounds like you are so close to your goal!

This is a small local newspaper, with not a lot of action. The only excitement will come through my co-workers.

My husband who is a teacher would choose anything over teaching

Oh I wouldn't change my major, I do really want to teach but I can have daydreams.
post #527 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
I am sure it is just for training. There is a woman who is meticulous about data entry and will be training me. Now that I think about it I am completely petrified!

But excited.
PD yayayayayay! I'm always terrified when I have to do something new, but it always ends up ok.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbecks
Jesse, hope my post about the rent late charges wasn't a big downer for you. I started reading this whole thread two nights ago and have been thinking about you and PD and others and the money struggles some are experiencing. These situations sound extremely tough, and I'm hoping and praying for the posters and their concerns that have been shared here.
Oh no don't think anything like that, it wasn't a downer. It actually helped remind me that even though I feel really beaten down (by this landlord and other, most, landlords we've had) I cannot just bend over and take it just because they feel they are in the authority position to punish us for having a hard time with money.

We did move in with Dh's brothers and overall, that has not worked out. We initially did it because we HAD to get the kids out of the place a friend of ours was letting us stay - as nice as that was of her, it was literally a dangerous poor excuse for a dwelling. I didn't even have the kids enrolled in school until we got to this house, which was one of the quickest we could find. Oh yeah and social services woudln't help us either, we were totally on our own and didn't see any alternative other than to try to live with Dh's brothers. The landlord let us pay the first months rent and make payments on the security dep. Then Dh was out of work and it took him a month to find the job he has now...and thus began our "fantastic" rent paying record. As for Dh's brothers...long story

Thank you for your thoughts though, I really, really do appreciate it It makes me feel a little less crazy, more hopeful and less "victimized".

Quote:
may be an optimistic fool, but I wonder if your current apartment manager would provide a reference for you if you let her know you are looking for a place that is more affordable.
The landlord himself, who lives in another state, didn't seem like a bad guy at first, and I really don't think he's a "bad guy" in general, and the several times we talked face to face it was really friendly. But now he's making us deal with the contractor/rent collector lady and has been for the past few months. I'm hoping, that when we come to a decision, I or Dh can at least get him on the phone, tell him we're sorry for having been a PITA to deal with, we didn't mean to move in and then be so darned broke, we will look for a cheaper place to live but we could really use you as a reference as there are hardly any landlords that will approve you with out at least one or two good ones. You (landlord) can even say your place was too much money for us but we did the best we could and we left the place intact, etc.

Quote:
ITA with you that it makes no sense to call your apt. mgr. with an I don't know... I didn't originally understand that it's taking the whole month to make the payment.
Yeah, Dh has been making about $200/wk average since his hours were regularly under 40 hrs. That's four weeks to make $800 - our rent is $750/mo. : one BIL has been working for two months and helping regularly, it helps - but never seems to be enough.


Quote:
Originally Posted by kytheria
I'm trembling as I write this. I hate being so scared.
I couldn't help but nearly cry reading your post, I so know how you are feeling. I've been continually blown away at what I've seen Dh's past employers get away with, starting right with the first job he had when I had met him right up till his current one (and then my mom blames dh but that is a whole 'nother post)...but your situation surely takes the cake. Seven years and then they can just feel free to toss somebody who is valuable aside...in the name of saving money on more pay and benefits I imagine. It's always about their bottom line, to heck with the little people and the families they are trying to feed. : I'll be thinking of you mama and hope you and your family find the strength to pull through this, no matter what. I really do hope it works out and your Dp is made permanent (7 years! : )

Quote:
Originally Posted by dillpicklechip
Temp agencies have given nothing but misery to us.
I actually told my Dh this morning before he left for work "hun, if you never want to try a temp agency, I will never blame you" My limited experiences with them is that you work a day or two for min wage, and then wait around for weeks for more work. blech.

ETA: Oh yeah...I called the lady yesterday and said I had the rest of the money. (Oh that sucked. I was holding $350 in my hands and I know we need to keep the roof over our heads, but with the bills piling up again it is so hard to just hand over $350) She said ok and she'd be over after work which I assumed to be around 5 or 6. Af of right now she's no called/no showed. Even still I am trying to be a little compassionate, as I know she is a mom too, and trying to not feel like there is a double standard operating here.
post #528 of 832
I need some advice. My sister asked me to come and stay at her house. She lives on the edge of CA in the desert. Pros: Help with the kids (ds's sn are getting hard to deal with on my own), we could save money for my surgery, the homeschooling laws their are good, my kids would be with cousins (dd has no other little girls around), I could possibly finish school through University of phoenix, my mom and my grandparents are close by her
Cons: My sisters family is very mainstream with all kinds of tv's and loads of junk processed food, it's harder to get fresh foods in the middle of the mohave, dp would have to stay behind for at least a few months for work, we would have to leave behind almost all our stuff including our van, and we would have to start the early intervention stuff all over with ds and find new therapists and doctors.
If we could make this work it might just get us back on our feet but the thought of starting over with ds's evaluations, doctors, finding specialists all over again scares the crap out of me. I think that most of the con's are worth it in order to get on our feet but dp has left this up to me and I'm scared of making such a huge decision all by myself. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

edited to add: My ex husband is the scum of the earth and it has been our plan to get out of the area before he gets out of prison in a few years. I am also struggling w/ depression and living with my sis is either going to help alot, or hurt alot but there really is no way to tell until I'm there iykwim.
post #529 of 832
faerierose... follow your gut. If you do move give yourself a CLEAR move out date and stick to it... it will help in your mind if things are not as smooth out there as you would have wished. Restarting all the doctors is a pain... but not an end of the world pain. I have done it too! {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}








Wow guys... over 17, 000 views on this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess more people feel the same way and just do not want to admit it!








.
post #530 of 832
Amanda, I'll pray for you and Mark that the job comes through. Maybe it will all work out and there's nothing to worry about yet. I tend to think that it's unproductive to get freaked out too much when things might be just fine, but I understand feeling anxious that things seem uncertain right now.

In the meantime, can Mark look for a job w/o the temp agency? It seems that would be a better way for him to go, and you never know, he might find something even better than what's on the table.

I also live in Milwaukee. PM me if you want to chit chat.
post #531 of 832
Pros: Help with the kids (ds's sn are getting hard to deal with on my own), we could save money for my surgery, the homeschooling laws their are good, my kids would be with cousins (dd has no other little girls around), I could possibly finish school through University of phoenix, my mom and my grandparents are close by her

I have a lot of questions, hope this isn't too nosy, but this is a big decision and you're wise to consider it carefully.

Why is your sister inviting you to move in? What are the general expectations of your living together? Did she give any terms, like how long you are welcome, or how she feels about sharing her space?

Family living arrangements can be great, but there are also a lot of potential pitfalls. Will you be staying free or will she expect rent? What will be expected for sharing household expenses? And what will be expected in terms of household responsiblities? Know what I mean?

Having family close can be really awesome though. It really depends on your family, how close you are, and how well you work with one another.

Has your sister described that she would help with your son? I think it's best to try and get a very, very clear picture of what your day-to-day life would be like living there.

Cons: My sisters family is very mainstream with all kinds of tv's and loads of junk processed food, it's harder to get fresh foods in the middle of the mohave, dp would have to stay behind for at least a few months for work, we would have to leave behind almost all our stuff including our van, and we would have to start the early intervention stuff all over with ds and find new
therapists and doctors.


I don't think TV and junk food are huge problems, but we have TV and junk food around here. At least in terms of the size of the problems, they're not huge. I can't imagine that you can't get fruit/veggies, although if you are particular about organics or whatever, it could be annoying, and you might have to compromise. If you and your sister can respect each other's parenting, and just do your own things, you should be fine.

I'm concerned about you leaving everything behind. What's that all about? That sounds like a potentially major setback. Is it permanent? Would you sell your stuff and get cash? Would your DP bring your stuff when he/she joins you later?

If the van gets left behind, does that mean you have no transportation? How would that affect things?

This may sound awful, but.... it's something to consider, do you know for sure your DP will come if you leave? How does your DP feel about living with one of your family members? Likewise, how does your sister feel about your DP living in her house?

edited to add: My ex husband is the scum of the earth and it has been our plan to get out of the area before he gets out of prison in a few years. I am also struggling w/ depression and living with my sis is either going to help alot, or hurt alot but there really is no way to tell until I'm there iykwim.

There will be other options to leave the area if you find this opportunity unsatisfactory, and you have a few years. Family living arrangements can be very stressful, so put some serious thought to whether you will be able to stay strong, keep a positive attitude and cope with minor (or major) conflicts.

Good luck!!!
post #532 of 832
Congratulations on the Newspaper job! Its such a relief when you can start to see the light, eh?

As far as the "society hating poor people thread", we just don't tell anyone (I think a few people know) that we have assistance and what kind it is. I just don't wanna hear it or get pity
post #533 of 832
Hi guys! I am one of those anonymous viewers ( well, until now...). I guess I would consider myself "poor", though now that I'm living with my father and he is paying all of the bills until I finish school, I don't feel like it. Of course, from time to time I have no gas money, but things have been working out really well. However, before dd was born I was living with her father in a really tiny little rental house (1 small bedroom, 1 bathroom) and we, often, had to live by candlelight or without a phone or only eating ramen noodles and never paid our rent on time. We even had to take in very undesirable roommates (to live on our couch and in the tiny back room) just to make rent. (By undesirable, I mean they were really into drugs, had crazy ex-boyfriends coming to the house all hours of the night) I definitely felt and was poor then. I'm curious if anyone has seen the special on Poverty in America that Oprah did about a year ago. I'm not a big Oprah fan, but this special was fascinating. Basically the conclusion she came to was that education is key to overcoming poverty. Definitely worth checking out if it's available on You Tube or something like that.

Anyway, much love to all of the financially-lacking mamas on here! I send happy, find-money-you-forgot-was-there, vibes to all of you!
post #534 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by LankyLizards View Post
Basically the conclusion she came to was that education is key to overcoming poverty.
Maybe on an individual level, but we need changes in our economic system for broad changes.
post #535 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by faerierose View Post
I need some advice. My sister asked me to come and stay at her house.
We have done this twice and are doing it now. Do you have enough money to actually make the move if you decide to do it? We had to borrow money to pay for the moving truck and that was about $300 not including gas.
The 1st time we did it we moved in with my brother and it only lasted about 3 weeks. We had lived with my brother pre marriage and kids in college and it was great. It was post-marriage and kids that made the difference. He makes choices I can't stand and vice versa. Plus I don't like his wife and he doesn't like my dh. Would your sister be able to deal with your ds's sn? What would you have to do in return for staying with her?

We live with my mom now and it's not great but it's tolerable. The financial help it brings is a huge relief, but there are some bad parts too. 1st my dh and mom can't stand each other and second my mom is a junk food addict and she is always sneaking some to the boys. This is a huge deal to me. My boys react very, very badly when they eat junk so, we don't buy any at all. I believe, from just general observation and experience, that typically what you get used to eating as a child you tend to return to eating as an adult. I want my kids to eat healthfuly to get off to a good start, and I spend everyday fighting with my mom about giving the junk to the kids(can you tell this is my sore spot??) and then they cry and beg everyday for the junk. Oh and the tv!! She never turns her tv off ever...and I try to limit what they watch. So they want to spend all day with g-ma eating junk and watching tv. I'm glad I didn't grow up with her .
post #536 of 832
Quote:
Maybe on an individual level, but we need changes in our economic system for broad changes.
Oh yeah, I agree. That was Oprah's conclusion, not mine. Though, being a college student, I am really hoping that my education will not be in jest.
post #537 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaWindmill View Post
The Tightwad Gazette! I implore you to buy a used copy immediately!

I agree, some of the responses you've gotten have been less than helpful - would you care to clarify what you were looking for when you started the thread? Suggestions? Sympathy? A space to vent and a sense of community with other people in tight financial situations? It might help if folks knew what you were looking for, and were able to tailor their responses accordingly.

I think one problem is that people view the term "poverty" in different ways - with two cars, a home, pets, insurance, cell phones, food to eat, et cetera, there are definitely people who would say that you are not living in poverty, because to them, poverty is being destitute, which I'm sure you agree, you are not (thank God). Broke? yes. Strapped? Yes, but poverty, well - it depends. But that begs the question - what is poverty? Who is living in poverty? What are the criteria for being in poverty? Who decides?

Every time I think of how "poor" we are, I realize how rich we really are - while we have little and live on little, and receive food stamps, we are many, many levels above the kind of grinding, abject poverty many people in this country and in the world are experiencing.

But that doesn't make struggling to get by any less terrifying or disheartening.

You said what I would have said, but more eloquently.
I think in our country poverty is just as much a state of mind as it is a financial state. I think the fear and the shame that goes along with it is the real crisis.
post #538 of 832
Ok I just saw the FCM thread in the FYT area.


That's weird. Maybe it was the difference in names or someone on it was a friend of a mod? Did anyone aks the mods why that thread was allowed and PottyDiva's was moved?????


Not knocking the other thread... did anyone post in it that this one was alive over here????? Both can be helpful to each other I think.


The more the merrier.
post #539 of 832
One thing I can say. I have gone into FYT maybe 3 times.

I come into this area every day.




Those who need "this" help are more likely to see this thread in here... the ones that are really in need or truly interested in frugality.




Because if you are hurting or trying to save money... the first place I would look for is a frugality thread, not a tribe.




Just my two cents... I think this group being here is a great place to be!




.
post #540 of 832
I found the one in the tribe section because it was in someone's siggie. I'm not sure about why thus one was moved or whatever though. I know someone posted over there about this one because that's how I found this one. LOL
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