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Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE - Page 29

post #561 of 832

That one day a week

will include the summer reading program. But around here it is a pretty "small" program, they read a book they get a sticker or something, I think, then at the end of summer a big ice cream party... we just moved so I hope I am wrong but this is a small town. But still i can't imagione it taking more than (maybe an hour) one day a week....
post #562 of 832
I read an excellent book may years ago written by a SAHM (sorry I can't remember title or details but it was in the 1970s & from thel library) with 4 children. She did a structured at home program duing the summer. One day a week they went to the park & swimming, one day they baked, one day they had friends over to play or went to visit friends, one day they went to museums, zoos, & other local attractions, one day they stayed home & cleaned + went to the grocery store. She said it helped a lot because they knew what to expect, it cut down on fussing in general & having the general outline in place made her get her ducks in a row, so she'd have ingredients on baking day, knew when the pool opened to make sure they left the house at the right time, called friends to double check they could come over & had some simple ideas for play when they did, that sort of thing. It was an excellent book.
post #563 of 832
bumping above the spam!
post #564 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
I wasn't clear in my post. How do you FEEL when you get an unexpected check? Good thing, bad thing. I'm just sending them as an "I love you and want to help some" thing. I'm glad to help, but I'm not on the receiving end, so I don't know how it is.
I've never gotten checks, but I have gotten PayPal from other MDC memberes, and once a $200 gift card to a local supermarket from an anonymous MDC mama. Every time I've received something like that I just felt so overwhelmed and grateful and loved. I hate having to rely on charity but when I get a gift like that it just makes me feel really good.

I remember when I first started getting DS into cloth dipes, a bunch of people online (I was someplace other than MDC at the time) sent me their hand-me-down diapers and covers. One of the mamas included a $20 bill with the box of diapers. I felt grateful and happy and appreciative, but when my Mom saw that she had something negative to say about it- it had never even occurred to me to be offended by a gift of cash until she made that comment. Since then, I have NOT shared my joy with her when I get a gift of cash or a GC for food.

"Borrowing" from my parents isn't the same feeling. Grateful that the help is available, yes, but there seem to be invisible strings attached, mostly of my own making.
post #565 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I've never gotten checks, but I have gotten PayPal from other MDC memberes, and once a $200 gift card to a local supermarket from an anonymous MDC mama. Every time I've received something like that I just felt so overwhelmed and grateful and loved. I hate having to rely on charity but when I get a gift like that it just makes me feel really good.

I remember when I first started getting DS into cloth dipes, a bunch of people online (I was someplace other than MDC at the time) sent me their hand-me-down diapers and covers. One of the mamas included a $20 bill with the box of diapers. I felt grateful and happy and appreciative, but when my Mom saw that she had something negative to say about it- it had never even occurred to me to be offended by a gift of cash until she made that comment. Since then, I have NOT shared my joy with her when I get a gift of cash or a GC for food.

"Borrowing" from my parents isn't the same feeling. Grateful that the help is available, yes, but there seem to be invisible strings attached, mostly of my own making.

Exactly what she said.
post #566 of 832
I'm so bummed again. Remember the bounced check to the debtors, that I thought maybe went through but with an overdraft fee from the bank, since the debt UA violations hadn't called me about it? Well, they called me today to tell me that the check dated May 2nd bounced. I really don't know what to do.

Well, at least my cordless phone is set to "talk" and is at the bottom of the bathroom hamper. I can make calls from my cell phone, and anybody important can call me on there as well. I can't deal with any more calls from him today.
post #567 of 832
Ugh debt calls suck. Bill collectors calling at 11pm stink too. : I know if anyone calls and asks for my full first name, they're bill collectors. I just take a message for her. Funny.. she never seems to be home.
post #568 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
I wasn't clear in my post. How do you FEEL when you get an unexpected check? Good thing, bad thing. I'm just sending them as an "I love you and want to help some" thing. I'm glad to help, but I'm not on the receiving end, so I don't know how it is.
After much talk about cultures, I think I've determined that this is something very based in my culture, but it's a combination of feeling grateful and horrible about myself if I can't give back. (My Swedish aunt has taught me well about what cultural neuances go with gift-giving and what a delicate task it is. My other aunt is African American and she just doesn't get us, she thinks we're crazy. )

Holidays and birthdays it doesn't matter so much as long as I'm giving a gift back, even if they aren't of equal value. We used to celebrate Yule with a couple who were older, kid grown, who gave fairly expensive gifts or gift cards. That felt fine because "the kids" (us 20-somethings) would give handmade crafts, or baked goods. But it went both ways.
Hand-me-downs and de-cluttering are okay too because by taking it you're doing them a favor, and the assumption is that when you're done with it, you can give it away to someone else... unlike a gift.
post #569 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by LankyLizards View Post
Oh yeah, I agree. That was Oprah's conclusion, not mine. Though, being a college student, I am really hoping that my education will not be in jest.
...another college student hoping the same thing!!

My life:
: : :
post #570 of 832
I thought I'd say hi as I have been one of those who has been reading the thread and following along but not posting. Its nice to know we are not alone. We barely don't qualify for Foodstamps (by like $100) It would actually be easier if we made a little less. We moved back to where we are right before Christmas. Our family is 14 hours away but we are living where we are so DH can hopefuly start his masters degree in the Fall. We have debt some medical some cc from when DH was only working part time. Not being able to keep money in savings combined with the condition of our cars is our biggest problem. DH has an interview for a 2nd part time job today to hopefully help in the short term. We need the money but it will be very stressful for everyone too. This suport thread/tribe was a great idea.

-Pam
post #571 of 832
Pam - Many hugs to you. DH and I have said the same thing - if he made just a few pennies less, it'd be easier. That sounds wrong, but it's true.

We're having to move out of our current place due to neglegent landlord who harasses me (while DH is at work, but while my kids are with me.. ugh). It's terrible. He won't fix things (furnace for one.. he suggested we get space heaters.. with toddlers? RIGHT!). He has cussed me out in front of the kids. We've never done a thing wrong here. We've always paid on time. Now we're doing everything we can to scrape our pennies together. But finding a place to move into is virtually impossible. I'm watching ads all day everday.. emailing and/or calling on everything we see. But man, it's a hard market. So come June 17th, we may be out on our behinds for awhile. If we could afford $1200 a month for rent, we could find a place. But alas, $1200 would break us in the matter of two months.

Sorry to vent. It's incredibly frustrating to be in this position. We're taking the LL to court later this year, once we have time and money to do so. It'll just be small claims. But we have enough evidence to do this and most likely win the case. It's more about making him realize what he** he's put us through over the past few months more than the money.. though we'll be suing for our deposit, which we know he won't give us back. :/

I feel like DH and I are doing everything we possibly can and we just can't get ahead of the game (of life? I guess..). DH is working massive overtime to help us, which is in turn causing the kids to go into panic everyday that Daddy leaves.. but we need the $! I've been doing small jobs for neighbors here and there.. babysitting, yard work, etc. We've sold many things off that we don't really absolutely need. I've sold some on eBay, but those funds stay in the Paypal acct - I bought myself a pair of shoes I absolutely needed from an MDC Mama for super cheap (cheaper than Payless Shoe Source!) for instance. Thank goodness for cheap buys when you need 'em.

As DH says, we're the working poor. It's almost funny in a sense, but we're trying to view this as positively as we can. Things will work out, I'm just nervous about where we'll be in a little less than four weeks time!

Anyway, isn't it illegal for debt collectors to call at 11pm? I thought the hours were 9am - 9pm or something like that.. we've never had them call after 9pm or so, thankfully. I can't wait to get them off our backs eventually..

PS Any suggestions? We're thinking of going on WIC. I hate to do it.. but it'd really help us for the next couple of months until we could get off of it. But here's the problem.. DH is working so much OT, that if they look at his paychecks for the last month, we'll be above the income guidelines. But his normal 40 hour week (which he'll be back to working at the end of this month, since his employer only allows so much voluntary OT), is much less than the income guideliness. It seems, from calling WIC, they don't look at the hourly wage, but the weekly income gross for the past month. Grr!
post #572 of 832
Thread Starter 
I've had a few offers of money from MDC members but I have always declined. I woud be grateful for the help, but I feel bad taking money from strangers, ya know?

Accepting money from family I'm ok with. I think that is the role of family to help each other out. We have been able to help family out as well. It's just what you do.

Just like if MIL left Texas and had no place to come home to she would stay here even though it would be gruesome. I cringe at the thought, but you help family no matter what (with some exceptions I realise).
post #573 of 832
PD - I wish my MIL felt that way. She kept saying we could stay with her and FIL if we didn't find a place. Now? Nope. She suggested a hotel. Right. Cause we can afford $40 a night!

I agree, you help family almost no matter what. I've lent money left and right to family members.. and friends. I've helped many friends out in the past, not with money specifically but actual items (goods). That's what we're all here for, I think anyway.
post #574 of 832
UberMama ~ I saw your post in the moving thread. I feel for ya about the whole landlord and moving situation. WIC here only gives you milk, cereal, eggs, frozen juice, cheese and dried beans. I don't buy run-of-the-mill store brand milk or eggs, and we would never touch that cereal or juice, so WIC wouldn't help me one bit. I buy non-homogenized milk to the tune of $6.50/gal but it's SO much better. Enough better that if we can't afford it we just drink iced tea instead. On WIC you generally get 2 gal of the cheapest crappiest stuff avaliable. :Puke At least water and tea don't make me feel sick. :Puke
Cheese is expensive, but dried beans aren't. So I guess it's just whatever would help you out. I wish WIC was more into veggies, bread, and real food instead of processed, sugary junk. IMO juice + cereal = cavities; which cost more in the long run.

I have only received money gifts from family, and generally only for a special occasion like a birthday. Since we usually scrape by on the necessities I am always tempted to use the extra $$ for something like DrPepper or a day trip.
post #575 of 832
UberMama. {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Have you thought of filing a complaint about your landlord now? I know there are alot of different housing and legal things you can do if your landlord is pulling that kind of BS... to get your money back, get him in trouble, etc...

Not exactly sure where you are but maybe you can get ahold of one of those?????


WIC is different everywhere. Some do give veggies vouchers, most don't yet. They are also going to be changing the entire thing soon and will have alot more foods included.
post #576 of 832
See, the WIC here gives vouchers for veggies and such from your local farmers market. That's what I'd really want, though they only give you a one time voucher of like $20 or something. But even that would be esp helpful, you know? And I do buy store brand cheese (Tillamook!), which is $6+ for what we prefer to buy (but don't buy lately, lol).

We buy 100% juice, though we water it down.. about 1/10 juice, 9/10 water. But it's just enough of a taste of the juice that my kids enjoy it. They like water as well, though they like the itty bitty bit of juice they get occasionally.

Thystle - Yes, we've filed complaints. But sadly, we're limited on our rights until we move out. Strange, right? I thought so. The main thing that is suggested is small claims court though. Which we'll be doing, once we can.. but housing authorities and such basically suggested we move, as the furnace situation, while illegal, is something they can't get him to fix soon enough.. and we're in a lease, which is up, and he's pushing to evict us (though he has no grounds to do so, which is the reason he's only threatening and not doing..).
post #577 of 832
Crud.

Well you make sure you stick it to him. He deserves to be taken to court! And make sure to ask if they have any assistance with filing claims for lower income. And see if you can talk to a lawyer and see if he can be sued for any other amount besides your deposit. At least also ask for court fees!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
post #578 of 832
I think the WIC may be worth it then. They do look at your last months income so you may have to wait.


Have you looked on Craigslist for places to move?
post #579 of 832
He's being sued for the full amount ($2500). A lawyer, bless her heart, has been giving us free advice. This isn't the only thing he's done.. I have a now four page Word document detailing the problems we've had with the house and him.

Yep, I am checking CraigsList every 2 hours. I also check a couple of other web sites (local) and then the newspaper has their listings online, which I check. I have friends and family looking (if they are out and see a for rent sign) as well.

Even though this is all very stressing, it'll be worth it in the long run. Getting away from this person will be a God send.. it's physically affected me almost daily for the past few weeks now. Just being afraid he'll come over and try something. :/ We're very near filing a stalking protection order on him, but that means DH would have to lose a day of work in order for me to file it (and be heard in front of a judge).
post #580 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by oneKnight View Post
UberMama ~ I saw your post in the moving thread. I feel for ya about the whole landlord and moving situation. WIC here only gives you milk, cereal, eggs, frozen juice, cheese and dried beans. I don't buy run-of-the-mill store brand milk or eggs, and we would never touch that cereal or juice, so WIC wouldn't help me one bit. I buy non-homogenized milk to the tune of $6.50/gal but it's SO much better. Enough better that if we can't afford it we just drink iced tea instead. On WIC you generally get 2 gal of the cheapest crappiest stuff avaliable. :Puke At least water and tea don't make me feel sick. :Puke
Cheese is expensive, but dried beans aren't. So I guess it's just whatever would help you out. I wish WIC was more into veggies, bread, and real food instead of processed, sugary junk. IMO juice + cereal = cavities; which cost more in the long run.

I have only received money gifts from family, and generally only for a special occasion like a birthday. Since we usually scrape by on the necessities I am always tempted to use the extra $$ for something like DrPepper or a day trip.

Wic foods really depends on where you live. Here in WA state I get cheese, eggs(the regular ones, but I can not afford free range organic eggs anyway), dried beans or peanut butter(I lways get teh PB because it is way more expensive, and I can afford beans in bulk. I can't get organic, but CAN get natural, like Adam's), juice(don't use it usually), carrots and tuna(while breastfeeding the 1st year), cereal(I get multi-grain cheerios, not the best, but not the worst either, better than going hungry for sure), and ORGANIC milk!! Yup, we get it, it is allowed, and I am SO GRATEFUL. There is no way I could pay 6.50 a gallon for milk. When we run out of wic milk(we do every month), then we just drink water, but I am so happy to get the milk. We also get vouchers for fresh fruits/veggies in teh summer time for the farmer's market. It depends on your family size, but I think we get $40 for a family of 6, and it goes a long way there.
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