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Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE - Page 32

post #621 of 832
{{HUGS}} oneKnight. I am surprised, they just look at the sq ft and not actually LOOK at the house? I mean, you could have a 600 sq ft house in superb shape with WONDERFUL features (newly upgraded appliances and such), yet have a 600 sq ft down the road that is falling apart with no new appliances at all.. there's a difference, obviously!

I am sorry. It aggravates me for you that they don't think about the condition!
post #622 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by UberMama View Post
Grr. We found an awesome 2 bedroom, great price. I emailed the landlord, and they just replied saying the house is much too small for a family of five. Excuse me? Grr. Grr. Grr. If they only saw our family and our posessions, they'd realize how easily we'd fit comfortably (thank you simplifying lifestyle!).

Aw well.. /vent over.

I dont know what your state housing laws are but in our state the max people allowed per bedroom is TWO... so if you have five people you technically need a 3 bedrom place, no matter your possessions or sleeping arrangements.
This is on rentals only, if you own the house you can have as many people as you like per bedroom.
post #623 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1growingsprout View Post
I dont know what your state housing laws are but in our state the max people allowed per bedroom is TWO... so if you have five people you technically need a 3 bedrom place, no matter your possessions or sleeping arrangements.
This is on rentals only, if you own the house you can have as many people as you like per bedroom.
In our state, it's up to the landlord. There are normal rules, that apply to age/sex of children in the same room (of course). But the law states landlords must allow at minimum two people per bedroom.

I understand he can turn me down. It just aggravated me because of how he put it. :
post #624 of 832
for us a co-sleeping babe doesn't count, so we *could* get a 2 br.

But...with ds1 being 11, and ds2 being 4...that would just be asking for WWIII to start.

We can barely have them in the same house, never mind sharing a bedroom!

We are moving into a 3br--Lisa you are welcome to come visit anytime!
We figure when ds3 is older, he'll bunk with ds2...

When we were filling out the lease, we asked if we could move into a bigger unit if one opens up (the boys bedrooms in this one are a little less than 7x11)
And they said they have a 4br that might open up soon...in my mind I couldn't imagine how we could get into a 4 br---we don't *need* one

then I realized...5 people...we do 'qualify' for a 4 br...good grief. Like I want to have to clean up ANOTHER bedroom???!!???


We called the temp agency...we're going to get 2 guys for 4 hours..and we moved the move date AGAIN...so we have help unloading the truck.

I feel better now..but still pretty mega stressed....
moving with 3 kids is not fun.

Jesse you deserve sainthood for moving so many times with the kids

sooooo now...I have a week to sort and pack everything...
then a day to get through stuff up there...
then a day to load the truck
and a day to unload

and we are DONE *whew*

Gawd I hope this works.

dh still hasn't found a job up there
not that he could find one here either

Well, I shouldn't say that.
There are jobs.
But they would mean me having all 3 kids at home alone while I'm working. And that isn't good.

Since I have more earning potential than him, I need to keep my job.

But my job it totally not reliable on paying. It's been okay this year, but last year there were about 3 months straight where we got partial pay, instead of a full paycheck

So, even with my going to school and taking out loans, we have to try to save as much as possible, just in case

DH is looking to go to school in the spring...that will help.
if he does that and works PT...and I do school and leave this job and work pt...we'll be okay.

I think.

I'm so sick of thinking about money.

This entire move is getting put on my Amex card. Which we will then transfer to our Discover card for a lower rate.

*sigh*
post #625 of 832

unreal, that post has a lot of stress in it. i'm sorry you're enduring so much stress.
post #626 of 832
thank you josybear

It is funny though.
This thread is the only place where I can comment on all this--irl everyone I know has money. I told one friend we were going to have to hire temp workers to help out and they said--oh that is a great idea even if you do have other help!
No. No it isn't! It is costing us $150!!! How is that a great idea????
UGH!

but you know--we are so flippin' lucky....we have that $150 free on credit cards.

And the job thing. UGH
I am so sick of my mainstream friends asking things like

"So...did DH find a job yet? Why not? How about just a fast food place?!?"

Ummm--look. Yes, we are always broke. We can't afford to go on vacation with you to DC for 5 days. We can't go to your location wedding in Vegas.

BUT...for crying out loud quick thinking we need you to FIX it for us!
We KNOW that we could have more $$ if the kids were in school/daycare and we both worked.
We made a decision that our family was more important.

I'm sorry that doesn't mesh with your worldview of success :

We made a choice about how we want to raise our family.
and we do our best financially within those boundaries.

Why is $$ more important than family for so many other people???
post #627 of 832
Unreal - {{HUGS}}

Part of me wishes we had a CC to use as backup. It'd be so helpful. Alas, we don't. And that is that!
post #628 of 832
unreal, i know what you mean. i was having a conversation like this with my friend yesterday. i'd rather be broke and have the time to kick a ball around with ds and sit and feelmy baby kick instead of being one of those people who's always on the go and has tons of work-related stress and pressures. if i can't leave a job at the job and go home without worries, i don't want that job. that's translated to crap jobs for low pay (for now) but i feel it's worth it, most days.
i have different priorites from a lot of people and that's abseloutley fine by me.
post #629 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unreal View Post

We made a choice about how we want to raise our family.
and we do our best financially within those boundaries.

Why is $$ more important than family for so many other people???
That sounded like a conversation I've had with my mom countless times that basically had the undertone of "why is your husband so worthless? If he really cared about his family he'd X, Y, Z". Even though it isn't stable and doesn't pay the best my dh likes working with food (and wine and spirits ). He busts his rear end every day and always has at every job he has had (so I don't know why my family feels like he's so "lazy". ugh....sorry own personal rant there)

I don't know about the people who've never had to worry about money growing up but I think most people feel like having enough money or more than enough equals caring about their family, in the sense that at least it's stable. Not having enough money to cover every basic is too scary a thought for them so they wonder why we would "want" to live like that. My pre coffee explaination
post #630 of 832
Are debt collectors allowed to verbally abuse you?

On Tuesday, when I was busy with holiday preparations, the UA violation from the debt collection company called to complain about a check that bounced 3 weeks ago! He wanted me to run and Western Union him some money I don't have when I barely have time to think this week. I told him it was a Jewish holiday and I wouldn't be able to answer the phone. Mind you, if the 3 week ago check bounced, then the one last week would certainly be good, even if my "friend" put the money in the account a couple days late, because the money from the 1st check would still be in the account. I don't understand why he's harrassing me about it.

He called me on Tuesday and Wednesday and left messages on my answering machine in a kind of threatening tone of voice telling me to call back that day (which of course I couldn't.) It frightened my children to have to listen to that. (We don't answer the phone on Jewish holidays and Shabbat but we listen to the machine when it picks up, in case it's their father telling us he's on his way or is delayed or something like that.)

Then he called this morning, and DD1 got the phone. It was about 9:45 AM and I had just woken up, and I didn't want to deal with him yet, esp not to simply explain to him why I can't do anything about the bills today. So he yelled at my 12yo!!! She asked me what to do with him yelling at her and I told her to hang up the phone.

Are debt collectors allowed to yell at you and belittle you on the phone? Are they allowed to yell at children if their parents aren't available? Is there some way to get the collection agency to have a different agent call me? The last time I tried to ask for his supervisor, I ended up routed back to him.
post #631 of 832
the last time i dealt with an obnoxious bill collector (aren't they all?) i tried something different and it really worked. it might have only worked because of that particular person being basically a good person in a crap job, but it's worth a shot.
she'd been calling for at least a month and i'd been using the usual tactics, claiming that no such person lives here when she mispronounced our last name, saying whoever was out, hanging up, etc. she finally called when i was feeling capable one time and i decided to deal with the issue. so i talked to her and tried to explain that we don't have the money right now and i'm not sure whe we'll have it. she got mean and angry almost instantly and things were really headed downhill.
i could feel myself getting upset and knew that nothing good would happen if we were both being offensive so i said 'just a sec', put the phone down, and took a few deep breaths. then i picked up the phoen and said 'i'm sorry, could we start this over? i'm not trying to make your life difficult or be a problem, but there is simply no way that we can pay that whole amount right away. what other options are there?' and things took off from there, in a good way. it turned into a positive interaction and we worked out the problem.
if this guy is being that offensive and you can't talk to hi supervisor, try civility and being the bigger person. the worst that can happen is he'll keep being a jerk, but maybe his attitude will change and you can talk like human beings about this issue, ya know?
post #632 of 832
is there a smilie for pulling my hair out?
ds has celiac disease so there are about ten million things he can't eat, and most of the things he can eat are bloody expensive. so far we've gotten by feeding him cheap things like carrots and eggs and cornmeal mash. but as of today he's a fussy eater and none of the things we have for him are to his liking. he won't touch any of the half dozen things i've prepared for him but is crying with hunger. i can't just go out and buy what he'd like to eat, since gluten free foods are crazy expensive, but i can't listen to him cry and whine for much longer, either. HELLLLLLLLLLLLLP! (emphasis on the hell part of help)
post #633 of 832
It's a fine line as to what debt collectors can and cannot do. See this: http://www.ftc.gov/os/statutes/fdcpa/fdcpact.htm#806

josybear - I am sorry, I have no idea what to suggest. I don't know too much about celiac disease, quite honestly. I wonder if there's other mama's on MDC who's babies have it and they could give you tips/hints on more cheap foods? {{HUGS}}
post #634 of 832
Just wondering if its too late to join...after spending 3 hours waiting to see a Family Services Case worker yesterday (it was worth it, it looks like we qualify for state health benefits) I officially feel like I belong here even though I have been denying it for months.

DH is a student and has one year left of school. When he graduates he will have to work his way up the food chain (ha! literally as he is training to be a chef).

I work full time. I earn what I would consider a "decent" living but my job offers no benefits (ouch!) and we choose to live in the city (which eats up a lot of money).

DH stays home with DS during the day and goes to school at nite. This is wonderful. However, the inevitable has happened and DH has to do an externship and take a day class. We have budgeted for some childcare for the externship but not childcare for the day class (which has me worried).

We both acquired a significant amount of debt in our previous life before marriage. We are actively working to pay this off which takes up any funds that we would consider "extra".

You ladies have great suggestions! Thanks for letting me tag along.
post #635 of 832
Dp just got a second job, he starts next week. This will be for a good 6 months so he can put some money away for my surgery/moving and such. I am very mixed up about this. We really need the money there is no ? of that but he is my only help at all even though he doesn't live here he is around alot. Now he will be working 80hours a week, his schedule will be a mess because this new job has 2 12 hour shifts on the weekend and 2 graveyard shifts during the week. I don't know how I'm going to even manage to take a shower with 4 small kids and absolutely no help. And of course I feel like an ass, he's going to be working his but off and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I hate this.
To make the whole thing feel even worse, even w/ 2 full time jobs we still couldn't afford/qualify for a decent place to live without assistance and what's the point trying to find a place to rent together if he will never be there? I am feeling so utterly hopeless: This area is way to expensive.
I'm trying to get back into school, Wa state university has a good speech/language pathology program I would love to do. Wish me luck.
post #636 of 832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Are debt collectors allowed to verbally abuse you?

On Tuesday, when I was busy with holiday preparations, the UA violation from the debt collection company called to complain about a check that bounced 3 weeks ago! He wanted me to run and Western Union him some money I don't have when I barely have time to think this week. I told him it was a Jewish holiday and I wouldn't be able to answer the phone. Mind you, if the 3 week ago check bounced, then the one last week would certainly be good, even if my "friend" put the money in the account a couple days late, because the money from the 1st check would still be in the account. I don't understand why he's harrassing me about it.

He called me on Tuesday and Wednesday and left messages on my answering machine in a kind of threatening tone of voice telling me to call back that day (which of course I couldn't.) It frightened my children to have to listen to that. (We don't answer the phone on Jewish holidays and Shabbat but we listen to the machine when it picks up, in case it's their father telling us he's on his way or is delayed or something like that.)

Then he called this morning, and DD1 got the phone. It was about 9:45 AM and I had just woken up, and I didn't want to deal with him yet, esp not to simply explain to him why I can't do anything about the bills today. So he yelled at my 12yo!!! She asked me what to do with him yelling at her and I told her to hang up the phone.

Are debt collectors allowed to yell at you and belittle you on the phone? Are they allowed to yell at children if their parents aren't available? Is there some way to get the collection agency to have a different agent call me? The last time I tried to ask for his supervisor, I ended up routed back to him.
Could my day get even worse?

I was out to pick up DS from his friend's house when my car stalled and wouldn't start again. My allergies are killing me from sitting in the "fresh" air by the side of the road waiting for my Mom to pick me up.

And I have another letter from the bank (the special account for this stupid debt that my "friend" is paying off since it's really her debt even though I stupidly let her use the credit card in my name) telling me that another check bounced. So that's two payments in a row that bounced. HTF did the second one bounce if she put the money in only a little bit late for the first one? This means she must not have put money in at all?

And she wants to come over on Tuesday and take me out to lunch as if none of this was happening??? I have absolutely no desire to spend any time with her right now.
post #637 of 832
Thread Starter 
Dang Ruth! I got pissed off just reading your post.

We got a notice that a check bounced and was returned to the place we wrote it. It doesn't say who it was too so I need to get the check book out and look.

We are down to our last 3 dollars. Mark gets paid wednesday thatnk goodness. But I don't get paid from my job until June 8.

Oy!
post #638 of 832
Ruth - Tell her what happened, and say she owes you X amount now (check bounce fees included). And say that instead of lunch, just give you the $ she would have spent on the lunches. Seriously, that is NOT right.

Amanda - I think even when DP is out working, you have every right to complain and be upset. He will be out of the home more often, leaving you to a pretty big job. Just because you stay home, doesn't mean your job is any easier than if you worked outside of the home! So feel free to vent and don't feel bad, okay? {{HUGS}}

Welcome Rachael!

We're selling our TV and a lot of other stuff. I have two people interested in the TV (we're asking $190), and a few others interested in most of the other stuff. Here's hoping it sells this weekend. We need to free up the room, and of course - we need the money!

We sold something this morning for $80. I gave that to DH (keeping $5 for the kids piggy bank). So $75.. it was almost gone in under an hour. DH HAD to go to the dr to find out what was wrong with his leg.. so there went $20, then $20 for the prescription.. then $25 for gas as he was almost on empty. He'd been pushing the dr thing off for two weeks. But last night, it got bad (he tore ligaments and tendons), so he went in to get a special knee brace.

And we desperately need boxes. So I posted on FreeCycle. One lady replied who is near me - YAY. Still need more boxes of course.. then another lady replied with a HUGE amount of boxes, but.. she lives 25 miles away. I calculated it out. It'd cost us $14 round trip. It just isn't worth it. Darn it!

No word on the rental. I e'd the guy asking when he'd make his decision. If no reply by tmo AM, I'll call. We need to know. I'm getting physically sick almost everyday, thinking about how little time we have left to find a place.. or else.. gah!
post #639 of 832

Bad news and good news...

First of all... Ruth, what does your "friend" have to say for herself?? Holy crap, that would infuriate me.

The bad... So I went and paid the landlord, $50 less than I owe, but that's all I have. I am down to three dollars cash and 11 dollars in food stamps. I am not getting my tax return, but I am thinking of asking my parents to lend me the money I would have gotten. This would pay my bills, next month's rent, and summer camp for the kids. Pray for me on this one.

The insanely good... My parents might buy me a house. Maybe = very likely. They're going to start looking when they get back from their vacation in Early June. In an awesome town (Brattleboro, VT). They would only ask me to pay the property taxes, which would end up being less than 500 a month. What's in it for them... I would be closer to family, my mom can stop worrying about me, I can go back to school, blahblahblah.
post #640 of 832
Thread Starter 
we just got $20 from the neighbor who bought our couches FIVE months ago! WooHoo!
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