Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE - Page 38

[JesseMomme]

Originally Posted by aolinsmama

i think i joined this thread once before...anyway i really need to rejoin now, and get some advice before i lose internet access...
we are very frugal, no extras (except internet which i needed for ds's school which is out now, thankfullly)
any advice for dealing w/homelessness with children?
long story short, dh self employed, worked for contractor who owes $4000-said contractor doesn't want to pay, basically said he just won't work in OR anymore when served w/lien on business(he is in WA state) anyway, dh finds work in another town, (finally, a great job, great benefits, etc.-we just don't have deposits etc. saved yet) has been working a week now, but our rent is way past due (because we were counting on the check) and now we are evicted, moving this wknd. (family can't or won't help, we tried) we have friends to stay with until the end of JUne, thankfully. my younger 2 are ok, a bit stressed as you can maybe imagine but my 14 year old is really taking this hard, and i am so lost as to what to say, this is so hard for all of us. we knew we were moving, we just didn't know it would be like this. it isn't like we are lazy, on drugs or drunk, etc... he worked so very hard, for so long, missing my brother's visit because he was working...i am just shocked at where i am in my life right now, i never thought this would happen to me. i have tried many avenues of help, we have plenty of food, clothes, are healthy just nothing else. i am not looking for help in that way, i am just really needing some advice from someone who has been there. i love my family so much, we are so strong and happy together. i am going back to work (dd is 3) as soon as i can, i am not sure how but i never, ever want to be in this situation again. please only reply if you have something to share advice wise, and support, at this point in my life i have beat myself up enough, i don't need anymore of that.

mama I was exactly where you are a year ago, but honestly I'm not sure what advice I can give out of it. Dh was working hard like he always had, finally things were looking up and wham we were evicted with 30 days notice, the landlords had no interest in renewing our lease, because we had struggled so much to pay rent in the past. (and there we were all caught up and ready to make a rent payment before the first, in full! ) We were in subb'ed housing to boot, so no matter where we went, our rent would be almost or over double what we were paying, and there we were after three hard years, back to square one again. It doesn't seem fair I know. We also don't drink (well, too heavily if ykwim) or do drugs or all around act irresponsible. Everything we do is to pour effort into our family, but it never seems to be enough when it comes to money. Here it is a year later, and we pretty much haven't recovered at all yet, just been struggling to stay afloat.

I guess the best advice I can give is to be gentle with yourself. You and your Dp are doing the best you can and you can't spend energy beating yourselves up...that's just a downward spiral. I know it's really hard to do because I'm not easy on myself a lot of the times and honestly last year I felt like I had flat out simply failed, with everything, including my responsibility to my children. I felt like, well I failed can I just give up now? How I found the strength to hang in there..I knew I had people rooting for me. I'm rooting for you mama.


sarah_bella1050 - yay! :

eta: Lisa - yay too!

[~Jenna~]

aolinsmama, have you called legal aid to see if they can help getting the 4K you are owed? My dad used to be self-employed and it is sooo easy to get screwed over and there is nothing you can do about it.

Also trying for section 8 housing is a good idea. My cousin always got it pretty quickly, but when we tried the wait was too long.

We have been where you are more times than I can count but I've always either had family to help out or was homeless -but just pregnant, not with kids.
It's such a terrible feeling.

[~Jenna~]

Originally Posted by kytheria

I really should know better than to think about the future. Even things like the Tightwad Gazette mentions retirement more than I can comfortably deal with. Thinking about retirement makes my stomach do a little flop. I'm 29, Mark is 32, and we have NO retirement savings. No mutual funds, no 401k, not even a savings account. I KNOW it's irresponsible, but there's no extra money so what can we do? We could put some money aside so we can eat when we're 65, but that means not eating NOW. I don't know how we're going to survive when we're seniors. :

I try my best not to think about it. Ignoring a problem has never made it go away but I don't know what more we can do.

I feel the same way. Honest to God the only hope we have I think is if our kids help us out. That is a terrible thought. We live with my mom, dh lived with his grandmother growing up, my mom lived with her mom growing up. I'm hoping we can keep the trend going, otherwise I think we'll be homeless. Even if Social Security is still around I won't get any because I haven't worked enough hours.

[Unreal]

Another plug for united way....

and Salvation Army

they often have emergency houses for families facing homelessness
it is a one month stay only, at least the ones I knew about--but at least it is something!

[Mom2Trinity]

Originally Posted by Unreal

Another plug for united way....

and Salvation Army

they often have emergency houses for families facing homelessness
it is a one month stay only, at least the ones I knew about--but at least it is something!

if you have a catholic worker house - they often left families stay there while getting back on their feet too.

[JesseMomme]

Oh yeah, Salvation Army - they may have funds available to help people make rent. It's a one time every so often thing (I forget how long one would have to wait again once they've used this resource). Ask the head of the local SA office.

[JesseMomme]

Originally Posted by ~Jenna~

I feel the same way. Honest to God the only hope we have I think is if our kids help us out. That is a terrible thought. We live with my mom, dh lived with his grandmother growing up, my mom lived with her mom growing up. I'm hoping we can keep the trend going, otherwise I think we'll be homeless. Even if Social Security is still around I won't get any because I haven't worked enough hours.

Oh yeah I get my SS statements every year and it's about laughable. I don't know why the bother to waste the paper printing it out (well, yeah I know, automated system and all that) to tell me I'd get next to nothing...if it's still around when I retire.

[sonrisaa29]

Originally Posted by aolinsmama

i think i joined this thread once before...anyway i really need to rejoin now, and get some advice before i lose internet access...
we are very frugal, no extras (except internet which i needed for ds's school which is out now, thankfullly)
any advice for dealing w/homelessness with children?
long story short, dh self employed, worked for contractor who owes $4000-said contractor doesn't want to pay, basically said he just won't work in OR anymore when served w/lien on business(he is in WA state) anyway, dh finds work in another town, (finally, a great job, great benefits, etc.-we just don't have deposits etc. saved yet) has been working a week now, but our rent is way past due (because we were counting on the check) and now we are evicted, moving this wknd. (family can't or won't help, we tried) we have friends to stay with until the end of JUne, thankfully. my younger 2 are ok, a bit stressed as you can maybe imagine but my 14 year old is really taking this hard, and i am so lost as to what to say, this is so hard for all of us. we knew we were moving, we just didn't know it would be like this. it isn't like we are lazy, on drugs or drunk, etc... he worked so very hard, for so long, missing my brother's visit because he was working...i am just shocked at where i am in my life right now, i never thought this would happen to me. i have tried many avenues of help, we have plenty of food, clothes, are healthy just nothing else. i am not looking for help in that way, i am just really needing some advice from someone who has been there. i love my family so much, we are so strong and happy together. i am going back to work (dd is 3) as soon as i can, i am not sure how but i never, ever want to be in this situation again. please only reply if you have something to share advice wise, and support, at this point in my life i have beat myself up enough, i don't need anymore of that.

Please check my thread about low income benefts and helps families in need. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=682593

I have listed quite a few nonprofit organizations that will help in many different types of situations. The medline link I think is especially helpful because it lists over 1000 different ones and you can search specific related to your issue.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I definitely would see about a lawyer as well.

[BelovedBird]

aolins- I'm sory to hear of your hardship.


So, I think I'm justifiably miffed and bothered by thi- what do you all think? Somone called to tell me they put money into my bank account, then goes on to say that he saw an ad for a job opening (in a very aggresive, demanding telemarketing firm) opening up in another city, and he will give me the # so I can apply. I was speechless and shocked, the first thing that came out was "well, I don't think that that is very practical..... companies don't usually look to hire women 2 months from their due date. " Which, of course is the way less than the problem here. I am taking care of 3 kids on my own, one who is home from 12:20, all who are dealing with issues related to the illness and absense of their father. And then when he comes home I will be caring for him. I am trying really hard just to keep my head above water and keep my home intact so my kids aren't neglected. I think the last thing I should be doing is applying for a job- in another city!

[JesseMomme]

Originally Posted by BelovedBird

So, I think I'm justifiably miffed and bothered by thi- what do you all think? Somone called to tell me they put money into my bank account, then goes on to say that he saw an ad for a job opening (in a very aggresive, demanding telemarketing firm) opening up in another city, and he will give me the # so I can apply. I was speechless and shocked, the first thing that came out was "well, I don't think that that is very practical..... companies don't usually look to hire women 2 months from their due date. " Which, of course is the way less than the problem here. I am taking care of 3 kids on my own, one who is home from 12:20, all who are dealing with issues related to the illness and absense of their father. And then when he comes home I will be caring for him. I am trying really hard just to keep my head above water and keep my home intact so my kids aren't neglected. I think the last thing I should be doing is applying for a job- in another city!

That is weird but I'm confused...some stranger put money into your account? How did they get your account #? And this was to goad you into applying for some job (telemarketing is hard and has a high turnover) in another city?

eta: and I'd tell him "well can I keep the money in my account anyways?" hehehehe

[mamamoo]

Originally Posted by ~Jenna~

I feel the same way. Honest to God the only hope we have I think is if our kids help us out. That is a terrible thought. We live with my mom, dh lived with his grandmother growing up, my mom lived with her mom growing up. I'm hoping we can keep the trend going, otherwise I think we'll be homeless. Even if Social Security is still around I won't get any because I haven't worked enough hours.

I really don't think that is such a horrible thought. People used to do this. People used to care for each other, and it wasn't a burden. We spend a good portion of our lives caring for our children, my mom busted her butt to care for us, I have no problem with being there for her in any way I can when she needs it. I hope my kids feel the same. It's sad that our society is so far away from family values now.



aolinsmama~Have you guys gone to court and everything about the eviction? it was my understanding that if you just don't vacate they have to take you to court(which could buy you some time), and then it takes 30 days from the ruling. I am not sur eif this is a state by state thing, and definitely not my first choice either, but if you had too....
GOod luck mama. I would be so scared too.

[aolinsmama]

to everyone, i appreciate your kindness so much. it means a lot to me right now. everything i knew or thought i knew is crashing down and it is my friends that are holding me up.
thanks for the link, sonrissa. dh checked into legal aid for something else business related and they can't help. lawyers cost money, really the only thing i can think of myself is representing ourselves, and this guy has tons of money. it is something we are discussing at the moment.
i went to SA yesterday and they are out of funds. waiting lists for housing are closed, one place i checked is a 4 year wait. just to get section 8 is a year. one place, that just opened up as "affordable housing" has a laundry list of payments, credit checks, and weird rules. if you fail at any, you don't get in, and there are already a couple we have broken. (eviciton, overdue credit cards) a guy i spoke to on the phone told me about them, and they are the only place around that is trying to find families to fill up their apartments. well i wonder why. ugh.
jessemomme, what you said
"I guess the best advice I can give is to be gentle with yourself. You and your Dp are doing the best you can and you can't spend energy beating yourselves up...that's just a downward spiral. I know it's really hard to do because I'm not easy on myself a lot of the times and honestly last year I felt like I had flat out simply failed, with everything, including my responsibility to my children. I felt like, well I failed can I just give up now? How I found the strength to hang in there..I knew I had people rooting for me. I'm rooting for you mama"
this really helps me right now. i keep thinking i can go through this, and it is ok but my children, it is them that i worry about the most. that really tears me up.
dh's grandmother just called me on the phone, (we asked previously, and she couldn't help) and may be able to help, and dh called this morning and said his work is giving him enough to get a storage unit. that relief is enough for me in this moment. we are still having to leave this weekend, but there seems to be a little light coming.
in all of this, i realize even more the blessing of family and friends, those here and online, just being able to let it out and have someone hear you. my dd 3 just gave me a giant hug and those moments are pure joy.
i can't really express how much your thoughts, wishes, and words mean right now. thank you.

[BelovedBird]

Originally Posted by JesseMomme

That is weird but I'm confused...some stranger put money into your account? How did they get your account #? And this was to goad you into applying for some job (telemarketing is hard and has a high turnover) in another city?

eta: and I'd tell him "well can I keep the money in my account anyways?" hehehehe

No, someone we know. Sorry, that wasn't clear. A family friend type person.

[kytheria]

aolinsmama, glad you've got some hope now. I don't have any personal advice, but Ariel Gore (editor of Hip Mama) recommends camping in the mayor's hallway when you're homeless with kids. She says s/he can pull strings and get you into places that are "full" otherwise.

[kytheria]

Originally Posted by mamamoo

I really don't think that is such a horrible thought. People used to do this. People used to care for each other, and it wasn't a burden. We spend a good portion of our lives caring for our children, my mom busted her butt to care for us, I have no problem with being there for her in any way I can when she needs it. I hope my kids feel the same. It's sad that our society is so far away from family values now.

Maybe you'd think it was horrible if you had MY mother. The last thing I want to do, after her verbal and physical abuse and lies, is take care of her in her old age. However, that's EXACTLY what I'm going to have to do- assuming she MAKES it to old age- because she's spent every last penny of money she's ever had on drugs and there's no one else who can do it. The thought of taking care of her makes me feel even worse than my own prospects for retirement. I let her stay with me once, and it was a disaster which ended with her trying to seduce my boyfriend so *she* could stay while he'd kick *me* out. So yes, I do view her as a burden, and imo, rightly so. :

If my daughter chooses to take care of me when I'm older, that's one thing, but I think leaving her with no choice is unfair.

[aolinsmama]

Originally Posted by kytheria

aolinsmama, glad you've got some hope now. I don't have any personal advice, but Ariel Gore (editor of Hip Mama) recommends camping in the mayor's hallway when you're homeless with kids. She says s/he can pull strings and get you into places that are "full" otherwise.

nice! i love Ariel Gore.

[kytheria]

Originally Posted by BelovedBird

So, I think I'm justifiably miffed and bothered by thi- what do you all think? Somone called to tell me they put money into my bank account, then goes on to say that he saw an ad for a job opening (in a very aggresive, demanding telemarketing firm) opening up in another city, and he will give me the # so I can apply.

Oh yeah, I'd be miffed.

Is the money contingent on your applying at this place, or was it just a nice gift followed by a bad suggestion?

[BelovedBird]

Originally Posted by kytheria

Oh yeah, I'd be miffed.

Is the money contingent on your applying at this place, or was it just a nice gift followed by a bad suggestion?

Definitely the latter. I think he was just clueless. I left out the more bothersome/ miffing part. After I said what I said he said "its always worth a try." I didn't say "how so? ", which I wanted to....

[josybear]

beloved bird, i'd dismiss it as someone who is clueless trying to be helpful. you have more than a full time job as it is.
i clicked thelink on your siggy - that's awesome! it makes me want to go downtown with a sign that says 'HUGS- 1$' and see how i do.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by josybear

beloved bird, i clicked thelink on your siggy - that's awesome! it makes me want to go downtown with a sign that says 'HUGS- 1$' and see how i do.

Sounds like a great small business idea!