Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE - Page 39

[mamamoo]

Originally Posted by kytheria

Maybe you'd think it was horrible if you had MY mother. The last thing I want to do, after her verbal and physical abuse and lies, is take care of her in her old age. However, that's EXACTLY what I'm going to have to do- assuming she MAKES it to old age- because she's spent every last penny of money she's ever had on drugs and there's no one else who can do it. The thought of taking care of her makes me feel even worse than my own prospects for retirement. I let her stay with me once, and it was a disaster which ended with her trying to seduce my boyfriend so *she* could stay while he'd kick *me* out. So yes, I do view her as a burden, and imo, rightly so. :

If my daughter chooses to take care of me when I'm older, that's one thing, but I think leaving her with no choice is unfair.

I'm so sorry mama. I didn't really think of that, which is weird because I have a dad the same way that I would never take care of. LOL I guess because I haven't seen him in 8 years, I sort of forget he's still around anyway.

I agree, not having a choice is not really fair in this day and age, I was just trying to make a point that it used to be the way it is does(and was expected and not such a big deal, and is still done that way in many countries), but we did not used to have the major social issues we have today(high drug abuse rates, etc).

I should have put more thought into my response.

Originally Posted by aolinsmama

nice! i love Ariel Gore.

I think that was a great idea.

[JesseMomme]

Originally Posted by BelovedBird

No, someone we know. Sorry, that wasn't clear. A family friend type person.

Ooohhhh!

[JesseMomme]

aaaand I'm kind of bumming again.

Dh needs $85 to get a conditional license to get back and forth to work. And because appearantly his grandfather's car needs an updated registration (it has ins. and everything else, but I guess that is what happens when you don't drive a vehicle at all). We're down to about $20 now. The upside to this is...well we're not spending anything on gas!

I nearly mentioned what I suspected last week but was afraid of jinxing myself but now I'm getting to be pretty sure...my babysitting gig is not going to pan out or even happen at all. The first week started off fine and frankly I put in a lot of effort for only $35. Then last week I had them all on Tuesday and am still owed $20 for that night. Thurs. the mom said some girlfriends were visiting and they were going to watch the kids (it was only 2 hrs anyways) and I said that was cool. Then Fri. was a no call no show and when I called Sat. (I had a whole schedule written out for me so I knew when to expect them) and the dad said he canceled his shift, so no need for me on Sat. No more mention of paperwork to fill out, etc, either.

Then it seems that the mom's UAV of a brother is living with them again and he was the "free babysitter" when he lived there before. Only he did such a wonderful job that he one time the dad came home to find the UAV sleeping with then 18 mo screaming in crib in a full diaper - in the middle of the day. :

On top of that, the mom and dad are breaking up (again) so I'm sure that helped throw things out of whack. All I could get out of the dad yesterday was that he was saving up to move to his own place. I'm starting to get the feeling I'm being avoided, and no one wants to come out and say I'm not needed anymore, because they are embarrassed. Just come out and say I'm not needed anymore - oh and pay me the $20 first

If any good came out of this it's well...now I know I'd be happy to babysit for extra income, and I definately have to charge a lot more than 2.50/hr - however. I was just trying to help them out, b/c I was already aquainted with them, but for someone I don't know, well I just can't do peanuts. Wish I could use the above people for references, but I don't trust them to be very reliable now kwim?

And I think there was maybe ten other things I had to whine about but I forgot them and it's probably best

[kytheria]

Originally Posted by mamamoo

I'm so sorry mama. I didn't really think of that, which is weird because I have a dad the same way that I would never take care of. LOL I guess because I haven't seen him in 8 years, I sort of forget he's still around anyway.

I agree, not having a choice is not really fair in this day and age, I was just trying to make a point that it used to be the way it is does(and was expected and not such a big deal, and is still done that way in many countries), but we did not used to have the major social issues we have today(high drug abuse rates, etc).

I should have put more thought into my response.

Mamamoo, I feel like I owe you an apology. I re-read my post and it came across way harsher than I intended. I didn't mean to dump on you. I am saddened by the way our society wants to hide away the elderly and in many cases I do feel that family taking care of them is ideal. I just wanted to point out that it's not always for the best and I let my anger at my mother's behavior color my response to you. I'm sorry.


Jesse, that sucks about the babysitting gig. Do you think you'll ever get the $20?

[JesseMomme]

Originally Posted by kytheria

Mamamoo, I feel like I owe you an apology. I re-read my post and it came across way harsher than I intended. I didn't mean to dump on you. I am saddened by the way our society wants to hide away the elderly and in many cases I do feel that family taking care of them is ideal. I just wanted to point out that it's not always for the best and I let my anger at my mother's behavior color my response to you. I'm sorry.


Jesse, that sucks about the babysitting gig. Do you think you'll ever get the $20?

This makes my heart glad, mamamoo and kytheria :

And I'm going to ask. I know their paydays are Mondays and the mom is a waitress so she usually has cash on hand so...come to think of it I was told I'd be paid last week - and then never saw them again! I still have canisters of formula and bottles and baby blankets sitting here..its kind of weird now.

And on a totally different subject, I am now in a panic, because Ds1 and ds2's birth certs are totally missing. I'd assumed I had them with the other three bc's (me, Dh, ds3 - dd does't have one yet ) I have - sure enough were where I knew they'd be. I was getting ready to pop them in the mail - because now with it taking forever for Dh to be able to drive his grandfather's car there is no way for us to drive the bc's to DSS 20 minutes away and they have to be in on Friday at the latest. Then I had this awful thought of "what if the missing bc's are in our car???" They just can't be...it doesn't make sense! I've already torn my desk apart and went through the "junk boxes" upstairs. What would I have had those two bc's out for and how did they not get put back? I treat the bc's like gold b/c they are harder to get copies of now (and cost money on top of that) and I appreciate having them even more since it was work to get ds3's and dd doens't have one at all (not from lack of effort!)



Off to keep looking, wish me luck. :

oh...no bc by friday means a delay in our food stamps and that would kind of be a disaster right now! Damn the gov't and their ever changing rules and regulations! If it weren't for this new rule we'd be totally fine right now!

[kytheria]

Originally Posted by JesseMomme

oh...no bc by friday means a delay in our food stamps and that would kind of be a disaster right now! Damn the gov't and their ever changing rules and regulations! If it weren't for this new rule we'd be totally fine right now!

ACK! We have to do this too, for our Medicaid. I just got Aravine's BC two weeks ago. : Here's hoping you can find them ASAP!

[UberMama]

A couple of people wanted to help us find housing. The problem is, most state funded programs are for low income housing. Also, a lot of rural development, HUD, etc. housing is for a certain income as well. I've went over every web site I could find (and believe me, I love me some Google.. I only wish more people realized it's full potential!). We don't qualify for squat. So I'm either finding homes for $500+ a month what we can afford, or housing that we make just too much for. The housing in between, that we CAN afford, is being swiped up fast it seems. And believe me, I'm checking web sites, making calls, etc. about every 2 hours. I have ads posted most everywhere possible with our need for housing. We're not being picky at all either. At first I didn't want to live in certain areas due to terrible crime. Now? I don't care.

Sorry, I just wanted to make that sort of general statement. I do appreciate the help, but I've hit up most every resource there is. I'm just praying we get the place we applied for last week. Otherwise, I'll be hitting the streets this weekend, going to every apartment I can - hoping that if I go IN PERSON, vs. phone call, they'll have more availability or something?

ModestNeeds is still asking for a new lease. So since we don't have that, we'll be trying to find a way to pay the gas bill. :/ We don't qualify for assistance from them, not even emergency assistance (since it's going into summer..?). And by the time we have to be out of this house (the 17th), the bill will be beyond pastdue.. so we can't wait until we find a house or a hotel and then submit that to ModestNeeds, and then wait until they decide to approve us or not.. so I'll begin sending the gas company some money here and there. We're selling something of DH's tomorrow for $60, so that will be one payment I can send in.. not to mention the other bills.. which I can't even think about right now.

JesseMomme - What is "bc"? Sorry, I keep trying to figure it out and it's going right over my head. I know it's something I should know but.. LOL.

[Kelly1216]

Birth Certificates... at least in this instance!

[sonrisaa29]

Originally Posted by UberMama

A couple of people wanted to help us find housing. The problem is, most state funded programs are for low income housing. Also, a lot of rural development, HUD, etc. housing is for a certain income as well. I've went over every web site I could find (and believe me, I love me some Google.. I only wish more people realized it's full potential!). We don't qualify for squat. So I'm either finding homes for $500+ a month what we can afford, or housing that we make just too much for. The housing in between, that we CAN afford, is being swiped up fast it seems. And believe me, I'm checking web sites, making calls, etc. about every 2 hours. I have ads posted most everywhere possible with our need for housing. We're not being picky at all either. At first I didn't want to live in certain areas due to terrible crime. Now? I don't care.

Sorry, I just wanted to make that sort of general statement. I do appreciate the help, but I've hit up most every resource there is. I'm just praying we get the place we applied for last week. Otherwise, I'll be hitting the streets this weekend, going to every apartment I can - hoping that if I go IN PERSON, vs. phone call, they'll have more availability or something?

ModestNeeds is still asking for a new lease. So since we don't have that, we'll be trying to find a way to pay the gas bill. :/ We don't qualify for assistance from them, not even emergency assistance (since it's going into summer..?). And by the time we have to be out of this house (the 17th), the bill will be beyond pastdue.. so we can't wait until we find a house or a hotel and then submit that to ModestNeeds, and then wait until they decide to approve us or not.. so I'll begin sending the gas company some money here and there. We're selling something of DH's tomorrow for $60, so that will be one payment I can send in.. not to mention the other bills.. which I can't even think about right now.

JesseMomme - What is "bc"? Sorry, I keep trying to figure it out and it's going right over my head. I know it's something I should know but.. LOL.

If your husband is getting a salary of $40,000-$48,000 a year you can still qualify for the rural rent vouchers. (This is for a family of 3 to 4) Is there any way he could ask his employer for advance on his paycheck, ( he doesn't necessarily even need to say its for overdue bills)just to help with moving expenses?

Again, I am so sorry you're having to deal with all these stresses right now....I hope you get that apartment.

[UberMama]

We wouldn't qualify for the vouchers then. And COL here is so incredibly high, but moving out of state is a no go - because finding a job like DH's is difficult, and we need to stick it out here until he finishes his degree. The rural rent vouchers are only for certain places as well, and I looked - all places are 20+ miles from his employer (it's not just the mileage, it's the time in which it takes to drive it.. at least an hour each way - we can't afford that).

They don't give advances at his work. And his next bonus isn't until July. His last bonus was invested into our bills.

We've decided to start turning off utilities early - things we don't NEED. Phone, gas, internet, TV, etc.. even though all are the cheapest options (except gas..), we're going to cut them all off very soon. We're also going to sell our TV's, entertainment center and laptop.

Problem is, this isn't so much about $, but finding a place.. if that makes sense. :/ Gotta go do baths for the kids. Been a HOT day here, which I love, but it makes for super sticky kiddos.

[Thystle]

UberMama... {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sending good vibes that it will all work out!


Kytheria... You are under ZERO obligation to take care of an abusive person, no matter who they are. PERIOD. I have zero contact with my mom and winning Powerball would not make me take care of her. I highly reccomend to everyone to read "Toxic Parent's", if they have been in a dysfunctional childhood.


Josybear... I hope I did not offend you! I was just worried about ya! {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Quinoa can be subbed for rice. Try making rice pudding with it!

[Thystle]

Ruthla... you sound like you are trying REALLY hard to give your "friend" the benefit of doubt when you seem to already know what's going on.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}



JesseMomme Good luck finding the certs!




BelovedBird.... if that friend is not normally condescending I would just let it go too. Unless they start doing it alot and then I might say something.



aolinsmama {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Maybe Fair Housing or Small Claims Court?
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}




I hope I did not leave anyone off... if so I am sorry! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[mamamoo]

Originally Posted by kytheria

Mamamoo, I feel like I owe you an apology. I re-read my post and it came across way harsher than I intended. I didn't mean to dump on you. I am saddened by the way our society wants to hide away the elderly and in many cases I do feel that family taking care of them is ideal. I just wanted to point out that it's not always for the best and I let my anger at my mother's behavior color my response to you. I'm sorry.


Jesse, that sucks about the babysitting gig. Do you think you'll ever get the $20?

No!! I am so sorry for not thinking about those kinds of situations. Your post was really not that harsh, I have indured much worse here. LOL

I do feel your pain because like the above poster if I won the lottery I would never take care of my dad, not one single penny! It is so weird to me that I didn't think of that because of himt hough. I think when I am thinking of recipricating the care I got as a kid, I only pictured my mom, because she was the only one there. Kwim?

So anyway...it is ok, totally no hard feelings, and I'm sorry I didn't think before posting that.

[Ruthla]

Well, yesterday when we went to pick up my car I told my mom that I'd lent money to my "friend." She was pretty horrified by it but of course they'll help bail me out. She basically wanted to warn me that Dad wanted to take her to small claims court for being so slow to repay money she borrowed from my parents 9 years ago, and Mom basically thinks Dad is being stupid, 90% has been repayed already, and they should just let the rest go. So I told her I may have something to add to the lawsuit.

So I spoke to the debt collection guy today. I told him I would probably be borrowing money to pay this off and that, up until now, I'd been waiting for my "friend" to cover this. He was a lot nicer to me today. Anyway, the full amount due is $7,704.90 That would have taken over a year to pay off at the $300 bimonthly rate we'd set up (and that "friend" effed up.)

As a very last ditch effort to keep from borrowing from my parents, what would happen if "friend" put the full amount on her american express card, then couldn't pay it off at the end of the month? Would the debt be essentially transferred to her name, or would the payment not go through?

[kytheria]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

As a very last ditch effort to keep from borrowing from my parents, what would happen if "friend" put the full amount on her american express card, then couldn't pay it off at the end of the month? Would the debt be essentially transferred to her name, or would the payment not go through?

My understanding of the AmEx charge cards is that when you charge something, you're agreeing to be responsible for the debt. If AmEx won't allow her to do that, the card will be declined right away. If it does go through, she is bound by the agreement to pay it off at the end of the month, unless she has an AmEx credit card that allows her to carry a balance. That being said, I don't have an AmEx to be 100% sure; I only have retail experience with them.

This whole situation sounds horrible. I'm sorry your friendship is being destroyed like this.

[UberMama]

Ruth - Are you saying friend would transfer the bill from your card to her card? If so, then it's now her debt.. and no longer yours.

[sonrisaa29]

Originally Posted by UberMama

We wouldn't qualify for the vouchers then. And COL here is so incredibly high, but moving out of state is a no go - because finding a job like DH's is difficult, and we need to stick it out here until he finishes his degree. The rural rent vouchers are only for certain places as well, and I looked - all places are 20+ miles from his employer (it's not just the mileage, it's the time in which it takes to drive it.. at least an hour each way - we can't afford that).

They don't give advances at his work. And his next bonus isn't until July. His last bonus was invested into our bills.

We've decided to start turning off utilities early - things we don't NEED. Phone, gas, internet, TV, etc.. even though all are the cheapest options (except gas..), we're going to cut them all off very soon. We're also going to sell our TV's, entertainment center and laptop.

Problem is, this isn't so much about $, but finding a place.. if that makes sense. :/ Gotta go do baths for the kids. Been a HOT day here, which I love, but it makes for super sticky kiddos.

I wanted to tell you I am wishing you lots of good luck in finding a place to live

[kathirynne]

Glad to know I'm not alone in this boat...

I joined this thread a little while ago, but am just now taking the time to post the "why" for my joining. (I'm hoping that seeing it in black and white won't depress me!)

I am a single, WOHM mumma to 4 children, ages 6-14. I have a college education (and accompanying Student Loan debt...) and a decent job. (Actually, I don't know. Is $9.25/hour plus bennies considered "decent".) I also receive $324/month in Child Support. My rent is the cheapest I could find ($750 for a two bedroom flat - heat included), and I am careful to conserve electricity so that the power bill doesn't get too high. I do all the obvious things to be frugal with my money. (IOW, I don't learn anything new by reading the Tightwad Gazette books except recipes. ) I have applied for all the assistance programs I can think of, and have accepted all the help I qualify for.

We were doing fine, until my (fully paid-for) car started having problems, and I had to use most of my savings and all of my tax refund (or what was left of it, anyway, after I bought new coats for my children for next winter. They were on clearance, so I couldn't pass that up) to get it fixed.

So now, despite all of my frugal efforts, we are going to be late on rent for the month of June. Add to that the fact that my daughter is supposed to be the flower girl for my sister's wedding in July, and I have no earthly idea how I'm going to pay for the trip.

I thought I would be able to find a little temporary part-time job during the summer, while my children are visiting their father, but (long story short) they are only going to be with him for 2 weeks, instead of 8 weeks, so instead of socking a little extra money away, I have to pay for summer daycare for the younger two.

I could just cry. It just feels like too much. I know there are other families who are worse off than we are, really I do. It just gets to me sometimes, ya know?

Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening, mummas.

[Ruthla]

Transfering everything to "friend"'s amex card was my idea, not hers. I don't even know if she has a high enough credit limit. Anyway, I spoke to her today. First I left her a message stating that they want the full amount NOW and if my parents have to bail me out, they WILL be taking her to Small Claims Court.

Then she called back, telling me that she spoke to the bank and found out what happened: she was putting the money into the bank under my maiden name (the one I use on a daily basis) rather than my married name (that's still my legal name and the name I have to use for the bank.) The money was lost in the bank system until she called and straightened them out- apparently now the money's been credited to my account and the bounced check fees were removed. I still need to call the bank to verify this.

So what now? Do you think the creditor will still accept the bimonthly payments if he finds out that the last two bounced checks were due to bank errors? Or would this not be considered a bank error?

[Ruthla]

Kathiryn- could any of your family help with the costs of attending the wedding? Any way to borrow money from somebody to cover rent?