Originally Posted by Petersmamma
My personal philosophy is that the ONLY way you can make change is to NOT try to change anyone other than yourself. By changing yourself, others may model those changes, or not. But you can't change anyone else. And if I am happy and others model that, we are well on our way to a more peaceful world!!
This is a topic my mom and I go around on a lot. Sure, I do my part in politics, spend my money greenly (is that a word? lol), do my parts to change the world. But I refuse to spend a lot of time and energy bi*$%ing and complaining about who caused it, why it's bad, and how we 'all have to . . .' to fix it. And she gets very upset with me, she thinks my way is going along with the mainstream or whatever. But I think I make a more positive change in the world by living my beliefs, making personal changes, and showing them to others, who then can do the same. I'd rather do that and spread good/improvement from me, like a ripple, then focus on the probs. And I really think the biggest change is our kids, how we raise our kids, that will creat a whole new future, by their choices as well.
Originally Posted by mamadege5
thank you for all your
and encouraging words last night. The situation got worse. After I thought we were making progress again, (we bought her steak because she didnt want the chicken we were having)....she insisted on leaving and driving MY van to her friends. short of physically restraining her ,she wouldn't stay here...whether she walked or rode her bike. after not answering the cell phone, we called the friends house....her dad said they went to the diner....but when dd called back she lied and said the phone was in the other room and didn't hear it.....she got home on time (1am curfew) and went to bed, around 4am the BF came over. she got up for work, he drove her.....when dh went to the passenger side of the van its all smashed up the mirror is broken, yellow paint across the doors.
I'm wondering if she needs to GO to an inpatient facility.
we can't do this to the rest of the family. Our 14 yo knows whats going on, and the younger kids are picking up on it. (esp since the smashed van is hard to miss!) Her bf said she called him panicking and had hit a sign.......
I'm sorry to bring this lovely thread down in flames. i have to clear my head.
Your not bring anything down. That's what we're here for
And for the record, I did a lot of things during that time, and really honestly didn't like my mom at all. Still don't like who she was then, but as an adult can truely see she was the best she could be. As a bunch of others have said, this is a common thing for girls it seems, and though in my case, she really wasn't a good mom at that point, and you are not the same, but over all a few years distance makes a huge difference.
And personally, I would consider the inpatient. If it is a place you feel safe about and that they offer truely good services (no idea of quality around here, there were two where we used to live, one great, the other just gave rx's and sent kids home, I'm sure you know more about the local choices tho), then I'd seriously look at it. She sounds like she is intentionally pushing you to that point, which might just be the only way she can ask for help. If in her mind she has put you as the bad guy, she can't ask
you to help her, but knows that you love her and will help. Kinda like when their little, we all know toddlers feel safer knowing that we make rules for safety, sometimes adults need the same thing. It's scary when all those huge emotions take over and for some teens ( I was sure one) they really are huge and out of control.
Feel free to pm me if you want. If you need to get a break, I'd gladly meet you at a park or something with the little kids and get a break from the stress.