Growing up uncut

[Jenny_Jen]

My DS is 12 months old & not circumsized. My DH is not either. The choice for us was a "no-brainer". Out of all my friends that had boys we are the only ones that didn't cut our son. They all know my son is uncut & no one cares either way.

My DH's big dilema is other boys that are cut since he had to deal with it growing up. We have already encountered this with my DH's bosses 2 boys that are cut. They are 8 yrs & 6 yrs & when we went there one day when my son was 4 months old we had to change our son's diaper & the 2 boys noticed our son looked different then they did & were full of questions as to why. No big deal when your son is 4 months old but I don't want my son to deal with what my DH had to deal with in High School. He was embarressed to shower with other boys or ever get changed in front of them. He avoided sports because of this & stuck to things that didn't involve showering etc.

So to the mommas of older uncut boys how do your boys deal with this? It is more common to circumsize here than it isn't.

[buckeyedoc]

I'm not sure where you live, but it's likely that there are more intact boys in your son's generation than there were in your husband's generation. Where I live, the circ rate is still in the 70+% range, but that still means DSs are not likely to be the only intact kids in school. I'm also not sure boys actually get naked and shower together in gym class much anymore. DH is circ'd but couldn't remember seeing other guys actually get naked when he was playing football.

My sons are still small, so we haven't run into the issue. I think it would be easier to explain to an intact boy why he was left that way than to explain to a circ'd one why he had surgery done. It's completely natural to not want your son to be teased, but I suspect it won't be a huge issue in this generation. Your son will also grow up knowing that he's the lucky one, which should help.

[Papai]

I grew up uncut and I did karate as a kid.

It was never a big deal. I never showed my penis to other kids growing up and in our gym class at school, we didn't shower. We didn't have enough time!

Even if kids try to make fun of him, I'd let him know that it's because they're ignorant and insecure. After all, if kids made fun of your son for having a big nose would you schedule him for a rhinoplasty?

But again, it was never ever an issue for me growing up.

[MommytoB]

I don't have an older uncut boy but I have had experience with my son peer who was getting his diaper change my son who is not cut actually was the one who questioned his peers that were cut and he considered that boy who was cut to have a big ouchie. When he gets older I will be in more detail of circumcision and how boys with foreskin will be taught to be grateful to have their foreskin than to had gone through a painful surgery for no reason as a lil baby boy.

I can say as a female even now when I'm nearly 30 I dislike my bbs the only thing I really like with the use of them is nursing my sweet son. I was made fun of, perveted stares, huge talk even among strangers and family strangers always stating boy your bbs are sure big for how short you are. Or talking from family members & strangers actually telling me I need a bra that would lift me up much more better or have one with more support . Even my ex suggested breast reduction to me. I still hide in the restrooms at the y gym & wear a swimsuit to shower after y time.

The only thing I'm grateful for is to still nurse my son even for such a long time but can't wear anything that exposes me to much or I get non stop drools on guys and I see all these gals the way how oh I am so jealous of how even they are & how I see myself as in not even portion.

So I learned that I'm going to teach my son to be comfortable with his body who knows if he might be way embrassed of having a mom looking like younger than him when he starts to grow taller quickly beyond me if he takes after josh he will be taller than me by the time he gets into 5 th grade.


I actually told my son's cut peer that I'm sorry he had to go through what he had to go through the pain when he was younger & he actually seemed to be comforted by it.

When my son gets older I will have him talk to others who are cut in appropiate way maybe he will down the road save future children by making comments like I feel bad for you ______ that you did not get to have a choice or to be able to learn what foreskin was but your parents took that right away from you through a surgery that caused you alot of pain and who knows as you get older you will start to feel more of the consequences of the choice your parents made.

[Daisyuk]

I was going to say, educate your son to let others know exactly what's happened to them, what their parents did to them, and how he's glad that no-one cut anything off his penis thank you very much!

With any luck there will be a lot of guilty parents having to answer some very awkward questions.

[glongley]

My iintact sons are 20 and 23.

The older one just told me that nothing ever came up about being intact, and it never bothered him one bit. As far as locker rooms, he says (laughing and pretending to crane his neck looking around), "I don't know about anybody else, but I don't go looking at other people's penises, and if they're looking at mine, well, I just ignore them." He's never been bothered much by ANYTHING.

My younger one is a different story, and in the interest of brevity... he was more concerned with "being cool" (dyeing his hair, baggy pants, etc.), and when he was 15 he came to me and told me he wanted to get circumcised [LONG STORY]. Being a RN, I always thought I had been pretty open about matters having to do with the body and sexuality, but I was surprised to find out he knew very little about the foreskin and what it's actually for, nor did he know anything about how a circumcision is actually done and what it takes away. Once I clarified all this to him, it became a non-issue. I also explained to him why we didn't circumcise him (pain, trauma, sexuality, not our body, his choice). When I asked him why he'd had wanted to get circumcised, he denied that anyone had ever made fun of him, but I think he was just going through some teenage angst about his body and potential future relationships with girls.

The basic point here is that, living in a circumcising culture, it does behoove us to preemptively and in an age-appropriate way educate our sons about their marvelous bodies, and how much we love them to have protected them from circumcision when they were babies, and how they are the lucky ones to have a whole body. Besides specific education re: circumcision and intactness, basic parenting for self-esteem should cover a wide variety of parenting scenarios that may come up down the road, that you haven't even thought to worry about yet!

BTW, my younger son is in a very devoted, long-term relationship, and he is still happily intact.

Every kid's different!

Gillian

[mamasophy]

I actually said to my intact sons that they were lucky to have their whole genitalia (I had just seen a video on the functions of the prepuce/foreskin - wow! Even I never knew what it did for sex!). I thought about the fact that I said they were LUCKY. Hmmm. should they be the one's considered lucky, or should they consider themselves NORMAL? And the cut ones violated and altered?

[trmpetplaya]

Just make sure that he knows that he is the normal one with unaltered genitalia. I would also make sure that he knows to be kind to the boys who were forced to undergo genital reduction surgery against their will : What your dh endured was likely because of the fact that those boys were insecure - and they have every reason to be insecure, considering that such an important part of them was taken away without their consent when they were at the most vulnerable time of their lives. As long as your son knows that it's THEIR issue due to the fact that they were violated and that it doesn't reflect on HIM in any way, he should be just fine

My dh is intact and never had anyone say anything to him about his penile status. Most of the boys were circumcised, but there was always at least one other intact boy in the class. I also don't believe that locker room teasing is a prevalent as pro-circumcision folks make out either - especially now that the trend is towards leaving boys the way they were intended to be. The fear of being labeled "gay" is very strong in middle and high school aged boys.

love and peace.

[Microsoap]

I feel doubly sorry for the boss' sons! It's bad enough being mutilated, but they also have to be told that the got a part of their penises cut off!

I'm intact 31 years, no problems. I never got made fun of. I know everyone's life experience is different, but I never had to take showers in gym class in public school (K-grade 8) or during high school. The only time I *did* have to change was public swimming pools and there, too, no problem. I see various types of boys today and they don't say anything... anything.

You and your husband know your son is better off and one day, so will he. I just fear the boss' son getting lied to by their parents on WHY they got a part of their penis cut off!

Best of luck to you.

[mntnmom]

My DH grew up in a culture where circ never entirely caught on and never had to deal with the issue. Even after YEARS in the Army and combat arms units where the teasing is corse and MERCILOUS, and his co workers are from all over the country it's never been an issue.
But it seems to me that open conversation with our uncut sons as they are growing up is the best policy. Let them know in an age appropriate way, what circ is and that it's usually done out of well intentioned ignorance. But that an intact penis is normal, it is only in the States that it appears otherwise.
And if he's ever picked on by other guys, mildly insulting humor is the best way to deflect locker room teasing. "Why are you looking anyway?" Or a comment about his being "all there" and "full size". It sounds inappropriate to women, but guys seem to use insults as "male bonding"

OH!! but he did get a lot of flac for having a big nose! He's now perfectly happy with it and is considered to be quite handsome(not just by me either :LOL: )

[Jenny_Jen]

We will always have an open relationship with our son regarding sexuality etc so here in the homefront it won't be an issue. Both my Dh & I grew up in homes where sex talk was taboo & I have always sworn that I would never raise my children that way.

My DH's family is from England where it's almost unheard of to circumsize & when they came to Canada in 1969 & had my DH in 1975 they didn't even know what it was. My SIL was shocked to find out that her brother wasn't circumsized because it's so common.

Hopefully it will be a non-issue when the time comes.

[GoodMomma]

My adopted brother is intact and he's almost 14. After becoming anti-circ, I asked him all about it, we're a very open family, lol. Anyway, we were also recently talking about it because 1 of my sisters is now anti-circ (not as passionate at me) and he says none of the boys in the locker room pay attention to one another. So I don't think it's a big deal like it was years ago.

[Genesis]

Originally Posted by buckeyedoc

I think it would be easier to explain to an intact boy why he was left that way than to explain to a circ'd one why he had surgery done.

I agree.